Tail Jokes
167 tail jokes and hilarious tail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with tail jokes from around the world. From dog tails to cat tails and from beaver tails to mermaid tails, the hilarity of these tails will have you doubled over with laughter. Learn about the "hind" of a dog, the curly tail of a rat, or the swishy tail of a pig. Whether you like a lobster tail or a classic "rear," these tail jokes are sure to delight!
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Funniest Tail Short Jokes
Short tail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tail humour may include short belt jokes also.
- So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile. - I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl… He sure wags his tail a lot…
- What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.
- Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2 I paid my $2 and he says "once upon a time, there was this lobster....."
- I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.
- Where do dogs go when they need a new tail? A re-tail store.
I think it's such a cute joke, it's one of my favs :) - Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales 'Sure' replied the butcher 'once upon a time an ox…'
Sorry messed up title should read 'ox tails' whoops - Did you know that dogs chase their tails clockwise in the southern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere? It's called the Corgi-olis Effect.
- Me: You know, since it doesn't have a tail, I'm pretty sure it is actually a hamster. IT: Okay sir. Please right-click your hamster, and save the file.
- I heard married women sometimes grow an appendage out of their back side as they age. Maybe it's just an old wives tail.
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Tail One Liners
Which tail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tail? I can suggest the ones about slug and ting.
- Where does a dog go when he loses his tail a retail store
- Why is the number '9' like a peacock? It's nothing without its tail.
- Where does a lizard go after it drops its tail? To the retail store
- What's the perfect line of work for a lizard? Re-tail.
- Where do lizards get their new tails? At the re-tail store
- What does a mermaid wash her tail with? Tide
- What do they call a cat that chases its tail? A purrrrricane
- My crush is like a coin Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
- Why do ducks have tail feathers? To hide their buttquacks.
- Lobster tail and beer. My 3 favorite things.
- I can't believe rattlesnake warnings are called rattles and not cautionary tails
- Why are geckos natural-born story tellers? Dropping a tail is in their nature.
- I just told my best friend I loved her. She wagged her tail and licked my face.
- I saw a lizard with two tails It was a case of reptile dysfunction
- Where does a werewolf get a new tail? At the re-tail store!
Dog Tail Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog tail jokes and even better dog tail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around - clever dog Bloke walks into a pub and sees a dog playing poker with 3 men. "He must be a clever dog" the bloke says, "not really" says the barman "whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail"
- What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed? Looks like we got a tail.
- You ever hear about the canine pilot from WWI? He got into a dog fight but thankfully he shook his tail.
- Dogs playing poker Why are dogs bad at poker?
Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand.
Why did John's dog win the poker tournament?
Because he's a Doberman. - Where do you take a dog when it loses its tail? The veterinarian
- My Dog's Pretty Good In Making Ends Meet By Chasing His Tail!
I'll show myself out.... - Every dog has his day... But when he has a broken tail, he has a weak-end
- Why don't dogs play poker? Because they have very obvious tails
- I went to the vet to get the tails of both my dogs chopped off… My mother in law is coming to town and I wanted her to know nobody was happy to see her.
Cat Tail Jokes
Here is a list of funny cat tail jokes and even better cat tail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail? Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.
Thank you. I'll be here all week. - I saw a tail-less cat in the street today It was looking for a retail store.
- I saw a book on obedience training for cats… It was in the fairy-tails section.
- My cat rolled up into a ball with just its tail hanging out and won't move it's a cat apostrophe
- What would a cat say if you stepped on its tail? Me-Ow!
- "Heads or tails?" Asked Shane Dawson to his cat
- I heard that the cat with the worlds longest tail is 7 feet... But I think that's just a tall tail.
- The cat without a tail... Goes to a retailer.
- After my cat lost his tail, I took him to Walmart.. They were the biggest retailer I could think of.
- When the dog saw the cat, why did he cross the street? He was chasing tail. ^I'll^show^myself^out...
Tail Wagging Jokes
Here is a list of funny tail wagging jokes and even better tail wagging puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she licked my face and wagged her tail!
- Why do dogs wag their tails? 'Cause nobody else will do it for them.
- Dog Problems My dog was having problems with his tail so I sent him to obedience school. A few weeks later there wasn't any improvement so I rang the school and found out he'd been wagging
- What do you call the condition where a dog uncontrollably wags its tail? Barkinson's Disease
- The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
- Sent my stool sample to the lab today... ...he just wagged his tail and asked for seconds.
- There were so many posts about being friend zoned, so I went and told my best friend I love her, and she licked my face and wagged her tail.😁
- When a male dog wags his tail he is excited. When a female dog wags her tail she is... A stripper
Lobster Tail Jokes
Here is a list of funny lobster tail jokes and even better lobster tail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Seafood for thought A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…
- A guest at a restaurant asks the waiter... "do you have lobster tails?"
The waiter replies: "Of course! Once upon a time, there was a little lobster....." - So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up " Happy hour special:
Lobster tail and beer!"
I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things! - A man walks by a bar, the sign says "lobster tail and beer $10" He goes, what a deal for my 3 favourite things!

Happy Tail Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about tail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tail pranks.
2 cats were talking and...
one says to the other, "Do you think its weird that humans have no tails?" In reply, the other cat said,"Actually, that's only true for half of them. The other half have a tail, but it's put on backwards."
What did the tailor say after a job well done?
There is nothing left too loose.
A haggard old woman walks into a bar.
She's holding a paper bag. She climbs up on the bar and holds up the bag.
"Any of you guys guess what's in this bag gets some tail!"
There's an uncomfortable silence until a smartass in the back yells "Yeah! Is it an elephant?"
"Close enough, let's go."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.
They've been sizing each other up for hours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
If a glow worm were to have its tail cut off …
… would it be de-lighted?
A farmer couldn't tell his two horses apart...
...so he tried cutting the tail off one horse. This was no good because the tail grew right back. Then he cut the mane off the other horse. This didn't work either, because the mane grew back. Finally he measured them and found that the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Polish assassin that blew up cars for a living?
He burns his lips on the tail pipes.
Go fly a kite
A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.
This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"
The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just can't understand women
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.
After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite!"
The ghost of a dog with no tail walks into a bar after closing time..
Barman: Sorry, we don't retail spirits after hours.
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
An elephant escaped from the circus...
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...
He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."
A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
what did the depressed monkey say when his tail went through the lawnmower?
It won't be long now...
Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human?
He was just chasing tail.
What did the monkey say when he got his tail caught in the lawn mower?
It won't be long now.
I was in a tailor.
I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.
A man was eaten when he attempted to tell a joke directly to a crocodile's mouth.
He didn't live to tell the tail.
A blind man walks into a shop...
...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."
What do you call a Russian snake that's eating its own tail?
An ouroboris
If you catch a Gecko by it's tail...
If you catch a gecko by it's tail, it will detach itself from it and grow a new one.
A lot like Hillary's political policies.
Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?
He was taking a look around
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
man bun? or d**... Knot?
neither, it's a fairy tail.
If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..
Would they..Hit it off?
What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?
Suit yourself.
What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?
All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.
A man took his dog to the vet...
A man took his dog to the vet. "Doctor" he said sadly "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail". The vet stepped back "Why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome".
LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously
Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.
I need a cocktail
hold the tail.
What do you call a monkey without a tail
a monkev
What did the Tailor do when the man was upset that his pants were too long?
He cut the guy some slacks
Why do some animals eat with their tail?
Because they can't take it off when they eat.
What's the difference between Steve Irwin and Will Smith?
A fish tail only ALMOST ended Will Smith's career.
A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.
Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.
What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?
That's a lot to take in.
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
When does a dog have wheels?
When its tail is a wagon.
Tailored for you
Why was the tailor fired?
Because he didn't make the cut.
Why do animals make boring storytellers?
They only have one tail.
How do you make a firefly happy?
You cut off its tail. It will be delighted
A tailor decides to leave his job...
It didn't suit him well.
how do you cheer up a dog that's lost its tail?
retail therapy
There was a lizard that lived in my back yard who lost his tail. After weeks of observation, the tail just wouldn't grow back.
I'm not sure what the science is behind this, but I'm sure it was just a reptile dysfunction.
You should never divorce a furry.
I don't remember why, but I think it's an old wife's tail.
The best tailor in town died.
He was given a fitting eulogy.
A weird man with a weird condition
The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?
My tailor became a lawyer.
Now he's sewing everyone.
My girlfriend told me to stop laughing at my dog.
She said, "As I recall, you spent plenty of hours chasing tail too."
Why did all the animals of the forest laugh at Mowgli when he entered it for the first time?
Because his tail is on the wrong side.
my gf asked me why I call her squirrel
me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.
Why did the tailor die?
He commited sewicide.
Why does a squirrel's tail grow from it's back?
Because there's a squirrel in the front.
What happened to the Pollack that tried to blow up a car?
He burnt his lips on the tail pipe
The Tailor
Tailor: problem?
Customer: Frayed sew
Tailor: Sew its seems!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What has three eyes, two noses, and a tail?
Antivax baby.
The FBI was following a furry.
They were on his tail.
My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long
I asked if he could cut me some slack
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know if a dog is male or female?
s**... its head.
If he wags his tail, it's male.
If she wags her tail, it's female.
Have you heard of the often repeated story of the monkey whose tail got kicked twice?
It is a twice toed tail

