The Best 65 Tail Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Tail jokes. There are some tail fin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tail dog tail puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Tail Jokes and Puns
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.
He then picks up the dog by it's tail and spins it around over his head. The bartender exclaims "What on earth are you doing?!" The blind man replies "Oh, I'm just looking around."
What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?
Looks like we got a tail.
What did the tailor say after a job well done?
There is nothing left too loose.
A haggard old woman walks into a bar.
She's holding a paper bag. She climbs up on the bar and holds up the bag.
"Any of you guys guess what's in this bag gets some tail!"
There's an uncomfortable silence until a smartass in the back yells "Yeah! Is it an elephant?"
"Close enough, let's go."
So you like limericks, huh?
On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile.
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously licking it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight....
I wish these two tailors would get on with their fight.
They've been sizing each other up for hours.
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
A farmer couldn't tell his two horses apart...
...so he tried cutting the tail off one horse. This was no good because the tail grew right back. Then he cut the mane off the other horse. This didn't work either, because the mane grew back. Finally he measured them and found that the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.
Go fly a kite
A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.
This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"
The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."
You can explore tail rear reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tail leash dad jokes. There are also tail puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Where does a dog go when he loses his tail
a retail store
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
Why is the number '9' like a peacock?
It's nothing without its tail.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself,
Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.
An elephant escaped from the circus...
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
A blind man and his guide dog go into a supermarket
He picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
The manager runs to him and asks what he's doing...?
"Just having a look around thanks" he replies.
A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...
He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."
A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
I was in a tailor.
I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.
A blind man walks into a shop...
...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."
Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?
Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.
Thank you. I'll be here all week.
A blind man and his guide dog walk into a shop
He grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
The shop assistant, baffled, approaches the man and asks if everything's ok.
"Fine", replies the blind man.
"I'm just looking around".
What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail?
Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world.
Where does a dog go when his tail falls off?
The retail store
What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?
Suit yourself.
What's the difference between a crow and a raven?
All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.
Where does a werewolf get a new tail?
At the re-tail store!
A man took his dog to the movie with him...
...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."
I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl…
He sure wags his tail a lot…
A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.
Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.
I heard married women sometimes grow an appendage out of their back side as they age.
Maybe it's just an old wives tail.
Last night I had a dream where I was a tail pipe on a car
I woke up exhausted.
My crush is like a coin
Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head
What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around
The best tailor in town died.
He was given a fitting eulogy.
A weird man with a weird condition
The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?
With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she
licked my face and wagged her tail!
Where does an animal that lost its tail go?
To the retail store.
What do they call a cat that chases its tail?
A purrrrricane
Where does a dog go when it loses it's tail and needs a new one?
A retail store.
My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long
I asked if he could cut me some slack
You ever hear about the canine pilot from WWI?
He got into a dog fight but thankfully he shook his tail.
How do you know if a dog is male or female?
Stroke its head.
If he wags his tail, it's male.
If she wags her tail, it's female.
A guy was outside trying to fly a kite, but it had no tail on it, so it kept crashing to the ground..
His wife shouted from the window, "you need some tail. "
He said in reply, "honey, you need to make up your mind, last night when I tried to get some tail you told me to go fly a kite".
Blind man walks into the grocery store with his seeing eye dog...
The man walks to the middle of the store, bends down, picks his dog up by the tail and begins swinging the dog around in a circle over his head.
The manager of the store approaches him and hesitantly asks, Sir, may I help you? . To which the blind man responds, No thanks. We're just looking around.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To hide their buttquacks.
Where do dogs go when their tail falls off?
The retail store
What is 8ft tall,lives in the woods and has a curly tail...
Pigfoot
My 7 year old told me this and thought I would share
An elephant escapes from the circus
It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police
"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator
"There is some sort of large animal ripping up all the carrots in my garden with its tail!"
"Okay...where is it putting these carrots?"
"If i told you, you wouldnt believe me!"
Why does a duck have tail feathers...
To cover it's butt quack.
A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.
A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.
The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.
The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"
The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you from behind?"
The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?"
Where does a lizard go after it drops its tail?
To the retail store
Me: You know, since it doesn't have a tail, I'm pretty sure it is actually a hamster.
IT: Okay sir. Please right-click your hamster, and save the file.
I used to have a dog that was only a head.
Very happy dog. One day I was drinking a beer and he wanted a sip. Who am I to deny him?
He had a sip and a body grew on his head! So I gave him a drink. A leg formed! Another drink, another leg, then another, and another. A final drink and he had a tail!
By now he was really drunk and I'm sure he had to pee, so I let him outside.
He staggered outside and into the road, where he was hit and killed.
I learned something that day.
It's better to quit while you're ahead.
The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh
The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the back. After the ceremony the headmaster thanked Charles and said, "I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing on your head ...?"
"Ah yes", said Charles, "That was Daddy's idea. He asked where I was going today, then he said 'Brixton? Wear the fox hat'".
What do you call it when a lizard loses its tail and it doesn't grow back?
A-reptile dysfunction
Nothing says, "I don't take you seriously"...
...like your dog wagging it's tail while you scold it.
Why do tailpipes get worn out quickly?
Because their job is exhausting!
[Long] A redneck was walking with its dog...
A redneck was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the redneck's dog, the redneck's dog with just one bite kills the other dog.
A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the redneck "What is your dog's breed?"
To wich the Redneck responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"
Lobster tail and beer.
My 3 favorite things.
I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book
It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.
I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.
I just told my best friend I loved her.
She wagged her tail and licked my face.
There is no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 50 in a 35
And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous!
A man is out in the yard flying a kite with his son
but the kite keeps nosing-over and crashing. After a while the upstairs window flies open and his wife yells out "You need more tail!"
,,,And he yells back "I told you that last night, and you told me to go fly a kite!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tail head jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working tail cat piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.