The Best 71 Tables Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tables jokes. There are some tables nightclub jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tables table tennis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tables Jokes and Puns

My children messed up the furniture...

when i got home from work i said "Oh how the tables have turned..."

An elderly man in Saskatchewan.

An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Fat girl on a table

I went to bar , and there was a fat girl dancing on the tables

" nice legs" I said
" you think so?" She replied
" Sure,most tables would have collapsed by now!"

Tables joke, Fat girl on a table

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

The old Man's Pond

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'


Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui

But oh how the tables have turned.

Tables joke, I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui

How to be insulting

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture.

I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.

Did you hear about that mathematician who only used furniture made out of clocks?

He loved his times tables.

3 DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar..

And they left because there were no "tables"..

You can explore tables table reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tables family table talk dad jokes. There are also tables puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

An SQL query walks into a bar ...

Walks up to two tables and says: "CAN I JOIN YOU?"

Why do Nazis love Vinyls?

Cause you can turn the tables from 45 to 33.

A joke most likely to get me banned by Ellen Pao

So, a man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

The flattered woman replies, "You really think so?"

The guy says, "Oh of course! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

What do you get when you turn a table upside down?

...just multiple, really small tables.

Tables joke, What do you get when you turn a table upside down?

A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..

He tells her, "Nice legs!"

"Wow, you really think so?"

"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."

A carpenter buys a lopsided piece of furniture...

Oh how the tables have turned

I lost my job painting casino game tables because I smoked some weed...

I just wanted to be a high roller!


Only people who paid attention in history class will remember...

What work of ancient law is the Roman Twelve Tables similar to?

The Code of Harambe

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts...

Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?

Boss perv

I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables.

Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?

Works, doesn't it?

So you southerners got ya a new president eh?

Seems like the tables have turned.

Teacher: Megan, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?

Megan: You said we had to do it without tables!

I phoned a local restaurant.

I said, "Hello, can I make a booking for tonight?"

They said, "I'm sorry, we haven't got any tables."

"That's ridiculous," I said. "How do you serve the food?"

Wife: Hello, where are you?

Husband: In office, & you?

Wife: In restaurant, 2 tables behind you!
The kids are asking who is that aunty with daddy?

I like my women like I like my pool tables...

Fast, loose, and three feet tall.

I went to a bar last night

and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Wow, great legs."

She giggled and said "Really?"

I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."

Why can't you take a Mormon speed dating?

He'll start pushing all the tables together.

Why don't tables like to get drunk?

Because when they get legless, they're just board.

After finally fixing my record players,

It's funny how the tables turn.

Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables...

W - I don't like black finish.
M - Do you prefer black Norwegian?

My daughter memorised multiplication tables up to 11, but refuses to do 12 , says it's unfair

It's two against one

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks what's with the long face, the horse doesn't say anything because it's a horse, it doesn't understand English and it looks confused. It walks out the bar knocking over a few tables.

A database professional walks into a bar

And joins two tables.

Girls are like math tables

I do them in my mind if they're under 12

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...

I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

What do blondes and bedside tables have in common?

They're both good for one night stands.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean...

against bars, tables, chairs, walls.

What do you call a T-Rex that waits tables

A DINERsaur.

Suck it, dad.

What do you call a day with a surprisingly low amount of tables?

A notable day!

When my friend got me into DJing, I thought they were amazing...

Now I'm better than them! Oh how the tables have turned.

Girls are like times tables

Below 13, just do them in your head

What day do all info tables fear?

Columnbine.

I'm not clumsy

It's just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way.

You used to be a better DJ than me...

But then the tables were turned...

What's the difference between a waiter and a tennis scorekeeper?

One sets the tables and one tables the sets

My parents said I could never rearrange furniture for a living

Oh how the tables have turned!

A group of DBAs walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "There's no room for you to sit together."
One of the DBAs replies, "That's okay. We can help you join some tables."

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

What's the similarity between girls and multiplication tables.

If they're under 10 you do them in your head.

I had a job as a waiter working at an upside down restaurant, the Management tried to fire me

but I turned the tables on them

A data analyst walks into a bar and sees two tables..

So he goes over to them and says; "Hey guys, can I join you?"

Why do fat people lose so much at casino tables?

Because whenever they are out of chips they always grab more.

As it is international women's day i told my gf ill do the dinner tonight

Tables booked for 7

What do you call an Irishman who makes outdoor tables and chairs?

Patty O'furniture.

Girls are like multiplication tables

If they're under 10 just do them in your head

Went to a restaurant last night

I was a little worried because of it being so soon after the reopening. Sure all the sat tables were pretty well spaced out, but I was still nervous.

The waitress came over and gave us the standard greeting and asked us we wanted anything to drink, but I was still thinking about my health

I asked her if she had Covid-19

She said, Is Hep-C ok?

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture, but when I got home...

...the tables were turned.

A theological one for the computer scientists

After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".

The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"

Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashion furniture. For adders can multiply with the aid of log tables"

Nice legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

A blind man walks into a bar

Three tables, two chairs and the wall

I walked in a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on the table

I said:nice legs
And she said:You really think so?
I said: Yes, other tables would have collapsed by now

Words from the mathematician's Bible

And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"

The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".

"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"

This big ol' grizzly bear walks up to the bar and orders s drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve wild animals."

Furious at this, the bear loses his cool, starts roaring and raging, knocking people and tables over. In his fury, he picks up an old woman and eats her down in one bite. Crunch.

Now, a bit sedated, he returns to the bar and says "Come on, man. I could use a beer to wash that down."

Shaking his head, the barman says "No wild animals and no drug addicts "

Confused, the bear says "Drug addicts? What drugs?"

The bartender shrugs. "What about that bar-bitch-you-ate?"

Tables turned

We got a new dog. We named him Jesus, and he gets loose often. Occasionally I'll knock on my Mormon neighbors door just to ask if _they've_ found Jesus.

For the geeks

An SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can i join you?'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tables periodic table love jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tables periodic table of elements piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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