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Table Manners Jokes

14 table manners jokes and hilarious table manners puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about table manners that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Table Manners Short Jokes

Short table manners jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The table manners humour may include short dinner table jokes also.

  1. What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners? Use the forks Luke.
  2. Why did the one-handed pirate have such good table manners? Because his mother was a h**..., too!
    Ye-har har har!

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Table Manners One Liners

Which table manners one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with table manners? I can suggest the ones about table and chairs and talking tables.

  1. Why did people hate Luke Skywalker's table manners? Because of his bad foe pa.
  2. What state has the best table manners? Con-etiquette!

Table Manners Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about table manners you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chairs tables jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make table manners pranks.

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 
The teacher fainted...

Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

A teacher asks some of her students about manners at the table.

A teacher asks some of her students about manners while on a date. She asked Billy how he would excuse himself from the table. Billy replied, "I'll be back. I have to go pee". The teacher said, "that would be rude and impolite. What about you, Jimmy? How would you say it?" Jimmy replied, "I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back". The teacher said, "that's better, but saying 'bathroom' at the table should be avoided. What about you, Timmy? Do you know the answer for once?" Timmy said, "Ma'am, may I be excused? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll meet after dinner."

While teaching a class,

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

Russian foodie joke

A guy sitting in a restaurant in Moscow orders quail. When it arrives, using two spoons he carefully opens and peers into the rear of bird and announces, "This is not a quail. It is a simple chicken: born in Saint Petersburg, age: 3 years. Please, waiter, bring me a quail!"
Each subsequent delivery of fowl by the waiter is settled by the mysterious diner in the same manner: two spoons, a quick inspection, followed by an indubitable declaration: Kiev, 2 years; Minsk, 4 years; Volgograd, 5 years!
Meanwhile, a local is seated in the corner table, drinking v**... freely, inscrutable, and privy to the entire quail affair. Slowly, he rises to his feet, acquires an unsteady but adequate balance, makes his way to the mysterious diner's table, turns, drops his pants, and plaintively asks, "My droog, please help me! I orphan! How many years I have? And where I am born???"

Proper Manners

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"

Gentleman's way

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom?" the teacher asked. "Just a minute, I have to go pee," he said. The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Paul, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table." "And you, Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment. I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.


Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.