T Mobile Jokes

96 t mobile jokes and hilarious t mobile puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about t mobile that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest T Mobile Short Jokes

Short t mobile jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The t mobile humour may include short mobile phone jokes also.

  1. I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
    I took out my mobile,
    Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
    Six couples ran away
  2. I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding, terrible reception.
  3. So I installed this new mobile game where you go around and try to catch everything... It's called Grindr
  4. What do a tornado and a tennessee divorce have in common? Someone's going to lose a mobile home
  5. I've ordered some German food through a mobile app. The sauerkraut has arrived but the wurst is yet to come.
  6. My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology. "They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.
  7. Billy! What have you done?! I spent 1,500 $ on a pc to only play PUBG Mobile.
    *Aim for Billy's head.
  8. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile. I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.
  9. Christmas time. Yesterday i saw a man giving money and mobile to person having only knife. People are so nice during christmas time.
  10. Husband : Please Call An Ambulance I Think Am Having A Heart Attack... Wife : (Took His Mobile Phone) Quickly, Give Me The Password... Husband : Ooh I Think Am Fine Now...

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T Mobile One Liners

Which t mobile one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with t mobile? I can suggest the ones about cell phone and cellphone.

  1. The price of oil has dropped so far that... Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
  2. What do you drive in the fall? An Autumn-mobile.
    I came up with this when I was six :)
  3. Size of matter in descending order. Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad
  4. What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
  5. Why is religion like mobile gaming? Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.
  6. What does the Jewish Bruce Wayne drive? The Shabbat-Mobile.
  7. I've deleted all my German friends from my mobile phone. It's now Hans-free.
  8. Did you hear about when Sting got a new mobile phone? He sent out an SMS to the world.
  9. What do you call a cellphone company that uses nuclear power? Cher-Mobile
  10. Nintendo is releasing a micro transaction mobile platformer Pay Per Mario
  11. Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile? In case Mr Onion Rings
  12. If the punchline was in the title. Mobile users would be much happier.
  13. I tried explaining to my son how his mobile works But it just went over his head
  14. They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar The "Eric Claptop"
  15. If I'm carrying around a USB stick Do I have mobile data?

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful T Mobile Jokes

What funny jokes about t mobile you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mobile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make t mobile pranks.

My collection of meta knock knock jokes (on mobile so bad formatting)

Knock knock|who's there|hallucinations| hallucinations who? | (Walk away)
|||knock knock|who's there|sudden anxiety attack|sudden anxiety attack who?|Sorry am I talking too much?
||| Knock knock|Who's there|Your inability to focus|your inability to focus who|(mouth the words your inability to focus making me quiet but don't actually say it)

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.

What do you call a nun on a bicycle?

v**... mobile

Wrong way

Anna was worried about her husband: he was not home yet from his trip to Birmingham. She phoned him on his mobile, "Where are you, dear?"
"I'm on the M1," he replied.
"I was so worried about you," she said. "The radio reported that some fool was driving along the M1 the wrong way."
"Just one??" he retorted, "There are hundreds of them!!"

What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con?

v**... Mobile

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."

I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.

They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.
All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.

A Target inspired joke

I got fired from Target but it was worth it. My coworker Alfred was stocking shelves and I was at front. A large lady came in and inquired about the mobility scooter. Hmmm I thought. A mobility scooter for fat people.
I got on the intercom and announced "Alfred, please bring around the Fatmobile."

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair

v**... Mobile

Why did no one want to play the mobile game about transexual dwarfs?

Because it had micro trans actions

I bought a german mobile phone yesterday.

I turned it on airplane mode and it locked me out then crashed

So i asked this girl to have phone s**... with me..

She said she cant, because she has v**... Mobile..

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

I met a local girl when I was in Shanghai, I asked her if she could e**... me

for a city tour and asked for her mobile number, so I could call her.
She got excited and said: "s**... s**... s**..., wan free s**... for tonight"
Wow, I'm guessing this is how Chinese women express their hospitality!
But then, My friend interpreted for me & told me what she really said : 666136429.

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..

An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"

A joke from WWII

A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:
"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"
"Half a million within two days."
"And if we invade with a million troops?"
"We shoot twice and go home."

What do you call a nun in a car?

v**... Mobile

The iPhone doesn't have a headphone jack and the Samsung battery is exploding...

It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election!

Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000

Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.

Husband: Call ambulance, Fast!

Husband: Call ambulance, Fast!
I am Having a Heart Attack...
Wife: ( Took his mobile): "Quick!! Tell me the Password!!"
Husband: It's Okay, I am feeling better now!! :D :D

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)

What do you call a nun on an iPhone?

v**... Mobile

What do you call a flying nun?

v**... mobile

What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain?

A) High roller
B) v**... mobile
C) Nun of the above

The Pope-mobile

Because nothing says "faith in God" more than 4 inches of bullet-proof glass...

What is a priest's cell phone provider?

v**... mobile

What do a hurricane in North Florida, a tornado in Oklahoma, and a divorce in East Texas have in common?

Someone's going to lose a mobile home

Race for mobile phone.

Person 1 : Hey nice mobile phone. How much you bought it for?
Person 2: I won it in a race.
Person 1: Race? What kind of race? How many people were running?
Person 2: Well, the mobile shop owner, 3 cops and I.

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a quiet place and talk to him. If you want to see him, send him a text while driving."

What do you call a nun driving a taxi ?

v**... mobile

My wife crashed our car this morning.

When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

My car is like my phone plan.

v**... Mobile.

What do you call a Fortnite player in a car?

v**... Mobile

My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"
She says "Did you try call it?"
He says "Yeah but it's on silent."
She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

My girlfriend thinks I treat our relationship like a game

Unfortunately that cost her 37 points
(Disclaimer: this isn't my original joke, it's from some mobile game I used to play)

I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.

Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.

I met a happy gay couple while passing through Mobile, AL

I asked if it was hard being gay here because I heard these jokes about how backwards Alabama is. They laughed and said it was a fair question, but all of their friends were really cool with it. I thought this was great news, so I asked how their families felt about it. I was shocked when they said everyone but their sister was also really supportive.

p**... was at the airport and was stopped by customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?
p**...: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.
Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?
p**...: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate m**...,
He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could
I bring him back two Saxophones.

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung mobile shops or showrooms ?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

Why does the queen have much more mobility than the king in chess?

Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

What do you call the security guards working outside a Samsung mobile store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

What do you call a walking nun?

v**... mobile

The phone bill was exceptionally high...

.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub.

The apparent cause of death was starvation. Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.
The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the relatives,
"Was he a programmer?"
"Yes, why?"
She wordlessly shows them a large shampoo bottle with an instruction: "1. Apply the shampoo. 2. Rinse. 3. Repeat the procedure."

I saw a woman using her mobile phone while I was driving next to her.

I was so p**... off with the irresponsible b**....
I threw my bottle of whiskey at her.

what do you call a redditor in a wheelchair?

v**... mobile.

They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany

With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.
The man said "No, that won't work. Do you have a Hans-free device?"

I don't waste my money on mobile games, microtransactions, cosmetic game skins and so on...

I save my money for more important things in life, like donating to my future wife on Twitch.

I was sitting in the courtroom the other day and my phone started to die. Luckily I brought my mobile power bank.

Anyways, I was charged with battery.

Why is it called v**... Mobile?

It keeps going down on me!

Buckingham Palace say the Queen will interrupt her annual stay in Balmoral in Scotland to hold an audience with the incoming new prime minister.

Creaking a bit, with limited mobility, but still doggedly in charge, the Tory party gets its new leader on September 5th.

A joke from Moscow

"As a reservist you have been mobilized!"
"Who are we fighting with?"
"The n**..."
"Yes, I know. But against whom?"

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.

What does mobilization have common in Russia and Israel?

Long lines for flights to Tel Aviv.

jokes about t mobile