Comical System Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.
What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...
They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Three engineering students.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
I like my girls like my file system...
FAT and 16.
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Down with the metric system
No more foreign rulers!
Do you have something against black people?!?!!?
Yes, an alarm system.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
You can explore system program reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean system fireman system dad jokes. There are also system puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The American Education System
The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.
They've left those kids a loan.
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
I painted my computer black so it would run faster.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*.
Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election
She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.
America is converting to the metric system
Inch by inch
If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation
If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation.
It's called a system check.
Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?
Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.
What video game system do police officers play in their cars?
Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter?
Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!
It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
I went online and rated our Solar System
Gave it one star.
It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.
You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
There are two types of countries,
Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...
In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.
If I had to rate the solar system
I'd give it one star.
Americans do use the metric system...
Because they use 9mms at school.
The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?
There would be mass confusion
There are two types of countries in the world....
Those who use the Metric System....
And those who have been to the Moon.
Why don't aliens visit our solar system?
Terrible ratings. One star.
There are two kinds of countries
Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.
I met a furry dominatrix with an amazing sound system
You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.
There are 10 types of people in this world
Those who understand the ternary numeral system,
those who don't,
and those who were expecting this to be a binary joke
What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?
Rename Uranus to Ouranus
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
My review of our solar system
1 Star.
I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago
he didn't explain why he gave it a one star tho
My doctor said I have 12 months to live so I raped him
The judge gave me 40 years, I beat the system
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,
Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.
My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....
Sound advice.
why have aliens never visited our solar system?
because they saw the reviews only had 1 star
Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?
They checked our reviews.
One star.
Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system
Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm
Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?
I for one...
The CEO of Pepsi was fired today.
They found traces of Coke in his system.
It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America.
Didn't think they liked the metric system.
Poor planning?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews.. only 1 star
There are two types of countries in this world.....
Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.
Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night's debate...
The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!
His holiness the Dalai Lama
Sent an email to Xi Jinping.
Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.
It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.
Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.
"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai Lama
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
Who designed the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
What's your favorite asian stereo type?
Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system
There were two men in a prison in the USSR.
One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.
He asks another question: What political reasons?
The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"
My friend can't decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...
... Nobody can console him.
I have 11 New Year Resolutions...
* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often
There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System:
(1) Education.
(2) System.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews... but we only had one star
Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays?
Me: It's my weekend immune system.
TIL Texas is called the lone star state
because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
I'm making a documentary about the American education system.
Shooting starts soon.
What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil?
The American Healthcare System
Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
My friend wanted me to meet someone so I could learn about the metric system.
I said I didn't want to meter.
I have a mysterious illness where I seem to get sick only during the work week. So, I went to my doctor.
He said it was a weekend immune system.
What happens to rainbows that break the law?
They go through the prism system
Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?
Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
Why do most employees get sick on work days?
Because of their weekend immune system.
The reason that aliens have never visited us is because
The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
.
We only have one star.
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"
why do monarchs feel so important?
Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.
Three engineers were arguing.
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."
How do System of a Down stop their vocalist being electrocuted on stage?
A Serj Protector
Yo mama joke I thought of it
Yo mama is so fat and old that she's still eating from the last supper.
Edit : Jesus Christ this blew up. Didn't know so many of you had to release yo mamas from your system.
A plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly
Departure seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a staff member says on the PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay to your journey today. During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the left engine, so we've had to delay departure until we can locate a new pilot."
So an IT guy is really bad at his job and decides to quit and start a Nu Metal band.
It was named: System Always Down
There are two type of countries.
Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.
God must be an engineer.
Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God
must have designed the human body. The first says, 'God must be a mechanical engineer.
Look at all the joints."
The second says,"I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections." The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.
For all the control system people, why did a plane travelling to Poland crash?
Because the Poles were on the right hand side
