Following is our collection of program humor and mechanism one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include System puns for adults, dirty fireman system jokes or clean operational gags for kids.
There is an abundance of temperamental jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes on system. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bluetooth witze you can hear about system.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.
They checked our reviews.
One star.
Terrible ratings. One star.
Because they use 9mms at school.
It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
They've left those kids a loan.
They checked the reviews.. only 1 star
No more foreign rulers!
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
FAT and 16.
Rename Uranus to Ouranus
Gave it one star.
1 Star.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
he didn't explain why he gave it a one star tho
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation.
It's called a system check.
Those who understand the ternary numeral system,
those who don't,
and those who were expecting this to be a binary joke
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
There would be mass confusion
Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm
because they saw the reviews only had 1 star
I'd give it one star.
She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.
Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
Didn't think they liked the metric system.
The judge gave me 40 years, I beat the system
Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.
Inch by inch
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
They found traces of Coke in his system.
Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.
Those who use the Metric System....
And those who have been to the Moon.
In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
I for one...
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!
It's not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*.
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.
Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.
Yes, an alarm system.
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
Sound advice.
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures
Because they can't stand foreign rulers.
God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.
And they'll invent their own metric system.
I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."
A man went to the Navy and was stationed on a sub.
This submarine had a system in which service members were stationed at a certain place.
On the third day of his career, he was moved to a different station for work.
On the fourth day, it happened again.
On the fifth day, he was again, moved to another station.
On the sixth day, he asked the commanding officer.
The guy: Why are so many of us being moved to different stations frequently?
Commanding Officer: Reposts are common on this sub .
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
...with all these servers for multiplayer. One server has this automatic cheat-detection system that bans players if it thinks they're hacking at all.
Well unfortunately, there's this one stretch of one particular freeway where the road is so bad it blasts drivers off into the sky. The cheat system detects this, thinks they're hacking, and bans them immediately.
This went on for a couple days until one of the admins said, "Okay guys. Vwe have to do something about zis autobahn problem."
...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."
He says, "It's easy... you just planet."
So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.
And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."
They're both under DC.
... Seriously, just one star? Duh.
The solar system would need more planets for the title.
I have a weekend immune system
The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Unix
There's a vas deferens.
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with the money from the collection plate.
The priest says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God; whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps.
The minister explains that he has a very similar method: He draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands outside the circle he gives to God, whereas whatever lands inside the circle he keeps.
I, too, have a system, the rabbi says. I throw the money up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!
The first boy said, "man, I really want a gaming system. I would love to be able to sit around and play video games all the time."
The second boy said, "That would be great, but I want a new bike. I could get to anywhere in town if I had a new bike."
The third boy said, "I really want some tampons."
The other two boys looked at each other, shrugged and asked the third boy, "what's a tampon?"
The third boy said, "I don't know, but I saw a commercial for them the other day, and it said if you have tampons you can go swimming, go horseback riding...."
I've heard they only get sick once in their whole lives.
"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.