System Jokes
138 system jokes and hilarious system puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about system that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a good laugh! Whether you are a system administrator, system engineer, system analyst, system integration specialist, or just a fan of tech, these hilarious System Jokes will have you rolling in the aisles. From hilarious takes on system outages and system upgrades to gags about system of equations, system design, and even the Starship Enterprise, this collection of jokes has something for everyone. Don't forget to install and share some of these tech-tastic jokes!
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Funniest System Short Jokes
Short system jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The system humour may include short scheme jokes also.
- What asian stereo type do you hear the most? Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
- Why haven't Aliens visited our solar system yet? ... They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star. - Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
- I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
- I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt. - The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd. They've left those kids a loan.
- When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products. Turns out those were just stereotypes.
- TIL Texas is called the lone star state because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
- Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
- What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil? The American Healthcare System
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System One Liners
Which system one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with system? I can suggest the ones about methods and structure.
- Why haven't alien come to our solar system? They checked our reviews.
One star. - Why don't aliens visit our solar system? Terrible ratings. One star.
- Americans do use the metric system... Because they use 9mms at school.
- Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet? They checked the reviews.. only 1 star
- Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!
- I like my girls like my file system... FAT and 16.
- I went online and rated our Solar System Gave it one star.
- My review of our solar system 1 Star.
- Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays? Me: It's my weekend immune system.
- I'm making a documentary about the American education system. Shooting starts soon.
- What video game system do police officers play in their cars? Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
- Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system? There would be mass confusion
- What happens to rainbow that break the law? They go through the prism system
- If I had to rate the solar system I'd give it one star.
- America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch
Solar System Jokes
Here is a list of funny solar system jokes and even better solar system puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The reason that aliens have never visited us is because The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
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We only have one star. - What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system? Rename uranus to Ouranus
- I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago he didn't explain why he gave it a one star tho
- Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet? They checked the reviews... but we only had one star
- why have aliens never visited our solar system? because they saw the reviews only had 1 star
- If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of pluto was at your feet, Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.
- Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night's debate... The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!
- My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system. And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight." - I think our solar system is highly underrated ... ... Seriously, just one star? Duh.
- If Men are From Mars, Women are From venus was written today... The solar system would need more planets for the title.
Metric System Jokes
Here is a list of funny metric system jokes and even better metric system puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why won't the US change over to the Metric system? Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.
- There are two types of countries, Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
- There are two type of countries. Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.
- My friend wanted me to meet someone so I could learn about the metric system. I said I didn't want to meter.
- Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm
- It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America. Didn't think they liked the metric system.
- There are two types of countries in this world..... Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.
- There are two types of countries in the world.... Those who use the Metric System....
And those who have been to the Moon. - There are two kinds of countries Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.
- Why doesn't the US use the metric system? Because they can't stand foreign rulers.
Operating System Jokes
Here is a list of funny operating system jokes and even better operating system puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What operating system does Varys have on his computer? Unix
- What's is a Frenchman's favorite operating system? Microissant
- Brilliant idea for a start-up Imma build a new operating system which, when the disk gets full, randomly deletes half your files.
Gonna call it thanOS. - I had to call tech support for my computer the other day. Tech Support: It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.
Me: So? - Why do astronauts prefer the Linux operating system. Because you can't open Window's in space.
- What is a castrated male's favorite operating system? Unix.
- What is Iron Man's least favorite operating system? ThanOS
- What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer? A co-operating system.
- What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use? Ubuntutankhamun
- I recently installed a new Operating System. The problem is that it randomly deleted half of my files. It is called Than OS.
System Engineer Jokes
Here is a list of funny system engineer jokes and even better system engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- God is obviously a Civil Engineer... ... Only a civil engineer would route a sewage system through a playground.
- My friend had trouble getting retirement money after working his entire life as an engineer He was working with sus pension systems
- Why did the engineers of the Titanic II make sure to include a solid Bluetooth system? They didn't want the ship to get stuck syncing again.
System Administrator Jokes
Here is a list of funny system administrator jokes and even better system administrator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was told that tipping your server is normal in America I was told that tipping your server is normal in America
But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator. - A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users - IT guys will understand System Administrator never gets ill, he just works from home
Comical System Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about system you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean software jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make system pranks.
Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.
Today in s**... ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there's a vas deferens
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
Three engineering students.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Do you have something against black people?!?!!?
Yes, an alarm system.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*.
Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election
She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.
If you are over 40, it's no longer called m**...
If you are over 40, it's no longer called m**....
It's called a system check.
What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter?
Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.
You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...
In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.
The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
I met a furry d**... with an amazing sound system
You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.
There are 10 types of people in this world
Those who understand the ternary numeral system,
those who don't,
and those who were expecting this to be a binary joke
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
My doctor said I have 12 months to live so I r**... him
The judge gave me 40 years, I beat the system
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?
I for one...
The CEO of Pepsi was fired today.
They found traces of Coke in his system.
Poor planning?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.
His holiness the Dalai Lama
Sent an email to Xi Jinping.
Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.
It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.
Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.
"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai Lama
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
Who designed the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
What's your favorite asian stereo type?
Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system
There were two men in a prison in the USSR.
One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.
He asks another question: What political reasons?
The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"
I have 11 New Year Resolutions...
* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often
There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System:
(1) Education.
(2) System.
I have a mysterious illness where I seem to get sick only during the work week. So, I went to my doctor.
He said it was a weekend immune system.
Why do most employees get sick on work days?
Because of their weekend immune system.
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"
why do monarchs feel so important?
Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.
Three engineers were arguing.
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."
Yo mama joke I thought of it
Yo mama is so fat and old that she's still eating from the last supper.
Edit : Jesus Christ this blew up. Didn't know so many of you had to release yo mamas from your system.
God must be an engineer.
Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God
must have designed the human body. The first says, 'God must be a mechanical engineer.
Look at all the joints."
The second says,"I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections." The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.
For all the control system people, why did a plane travelling to Poland c**...?
Because the Poles were on the right hand side
