The Best 86 System Jokes

Following is our collection of funny System jokes. There are some system mechanism jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these system operational puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest System Jokes and Puns

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

System joke, Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

Today in sex ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.

Apparently there's a vas deferens

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.

The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"

The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"

The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."


Three engineering students.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

I like my girls like my file system...

FAT and 16.

System joke, I like my girls like my file system...

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

Down with the metric system

No more foreign rulers!

Do you have something against black people?!?!!?

Yes, an alarm system.

I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.

You can explore system program reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean system fireman system dad jokes. There are also system puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body

The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"

The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."

The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

You give Americans an inch...

And they'll invent their own metric system.

The American Education System

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

System joke, Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!

I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*.


Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

America is converting to the metric system

Inch by inch

What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common?

They're both under DC.

If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation

If you are over 40, it's no longer called masturbation.

It's called a system check.

Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter?

Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

I think our solar system is highly underrated ...

... Seriously, just one star? Duh.

There are two types of countries,

Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...

In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.

If I had to rate the solar system

I'd give it one star.

I ran into a NASA scientist one day...

...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."

He says, "It's easy... you just planet."

So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.

Americans do use the metric system...

Because they use 9mms at school.

The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.

They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.

*I have to be factually correct.

Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?

There would be mass confusion

There are two types of countries in the world....

Those who use the Metric System....

And those who have been to the Moon.

Yo momma is so big that...

I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures

Why don't aliens visit our solar system?

Terrible ratings. One star.

There are two kinds of countries

Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.

I met a furry dominatrix with an amazing sound system

You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.

There are 10 types of people in this world

Those who understand the ternary numeral system,
those who don't,
and those who were expecting this to be a binary joke

What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.

I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.

He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.

Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?

To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

My review of our solar system

1 Star.

I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago

he didn't explain why he gave it a one star tho

My doctor said I have 12 months to live so I raped him

The judge gave me 40 years, I beat the system

God's punishment

God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.

A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.

The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.

The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.

The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....

Sound advice.

why have aliens never visited our solar system?

because they saw the reviews only had 1 star

Why doesn't the US use the metric system?

Because they can't stand foreign rulers.

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

My body only fights off illness on Saturday and Sunday

I have a weekend immune system

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?

I for one...

The CEO of Pepsi was fired today.

They found traces of Coke in his system.

It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn't think they liked the metric system.

Poor planning?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

There are two types of countries in this world.....

Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night's debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

His holiness the Dalai Lama

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.

Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.

It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.

Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.

"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai Lama

I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox

But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"

What's your favorite asian stereo type?

Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

There were two men in a prison in the USSR.

One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.

He asks another question: What political reasons?

The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I said: "The whole system is rotten, everything must be replaced!"

My friend can't decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

I have 11 New Year Resolutions...

* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often

There are only 2 things missing in Indian Education System:

(1) Education.
(2) System.

What do you call a network of shy people?

A nervous system.

Why don't podiatrist use the metric system?

Because they get paid by the foot.

What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use?

Ubuntutankhamun

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews... but we only had one star

What did Homer say to Bart when he couldn't please his uninterested crush?

You're a simp, son.



(Of course it's bad. I just wanted to get this shit out of my system.)

What happens to a rainbow when it breaks the law?

It goes through the prism system

Three engineering majors

Three engineering majors were discussing who designed the human body.

The first one said "It had to be a mechanical engineer; the body has hundreds of joints."

The second one says "It had to be an electrical engineer; the nervous system has thousands of electrical connections."

The last one says "It had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the system temperamental jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working system bluetooth piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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