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System Engineer Jokes

40 system engineer jokes and hilarious system engineer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about system engineer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest System Engineer Short Jokes

Short system engineer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The system engineer humour may include short software engineer jokes also.

  1. God is obviously a Civil Engineer... ... Only a civil engineer would route a sewage system through a playground.
  2. My friend had trouble getting retirement money after working his entire life as an engineer He was working with sus pension systems
  3. Why did the engineers of the Titanic II make sure to include a solid Bluetooth system? They didn't want the ship to get stuck syncing again.

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System Engineer Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about system engineer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean engineer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make system engineer pranks.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.


On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...!"

A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son:
"Dad, what is Windows 95?"
"Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.


On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a v**....”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get s**...!”

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.


Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the c**... landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn’t send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They’ll find us!"

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."

"Daddy! How was I born?" Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores information; God was clearly an electrical engineer." "I'm sorry guys, God was a civil engineer. " says the civil engineer. " No one else would run a waste disposal pipeline right through the entertainment district."

10 Husbands, Still a v**...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get s**...!"

Jewish sense of humor

Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the c**... landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping in their respective hotel rooms when a problem with the hotel's electrical system causes sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the wastepaper basket.
The engineer wakes up from the alarm, sees what is going on and runs to the bathroom. He fills a bucket with water, which he throws onto the wastepaper basket. Relieved that the fire is out, he goes back to bed.
The physicist wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. He then goes to the bathroom and fills a bucket with the precise amount of water he needs (accounting for measurement error), and proceeds to put out the fire. He then goes back to bed.
The mathematician wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire.
"Aha! A solution exists!" And he goes back to bed.
*Alternate ending*
Later that night the hotel's electrical system fails again, causing sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the bed sheets. The mathematician wakes up, considers the fire, and then takes the still-burning sheets and puts them in the wastepaper basket.
"Aha! I've reduced the problem to a previously-solved form!" And he goes back to bed.

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."

Three engineering students.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.
The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.
The electrical engineer diagrams the central and peripheral nervous systems and maintains that it would take an electrical engineer.
The hydraulic engineer insists that only a hydraulic engineer could be responsible for the circulation of the blood and the secretions of the many glands.
They look to the civil engineer and he says, "Don't look at me. No civil engineer would ever put a sewer outlet next to a recreational area".

Electrical Joke

Dad was a Bell System engineer. I told him that he had put up with BS for 40 years. But that is not his joke. His was:
How long is a short circuit?
As long as it takes to ***find*** it!

3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...

Engineer #1
Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!
Engineer #2
Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!
Engineer #3
He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center so close to a recreational facility!

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

Three engineers are riding in a car.

One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a computer engineer.
The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.
"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."
"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again in a minute or two."
"Hold on," says the computer engineer. "Why don't we all just get out of the car and get in again, and then see if it starts?"

Three engineers were driving down the road.

An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. (Shut up, just go with it). Suddenly their car sputters to a halt.
The electrical engineer says it has to be a problem with the electric system.
The chemical engineer thinks it's a problem in the fuel system.
Then they both look at the Windows engineer... He just says, "Perhaps we should all get out and back in again"

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.
The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.
The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas.
The electrical engineer said, I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system.
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, What do you think?
The computer engineer said, I think we should all get out and then get back in.

Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body

The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be trained to perform.
The third student says that God is a Systems Engineer, because the human brain is essentially a self-programming neural net computer.
The fourth student then quietly states that God is really a civil engineer, because nobody else would run a septic system through a recreational area.

Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.

The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"
The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"
The third one says, "Nope, you're both idiots. God was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line right through a playground?"

A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.

The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?

Three engineers are sitting at a bar and the bartender asks "If God were an engineer what type would he be."

The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together."
The second engineer says "Well, God was most likely an electrical engineer. Consider the human brain and the complexity of the nervous system."
The third engineer says "Obviously He was a civil engineer. Who else would run water and sewer through a recreational area."

Three engineers were sitting in a bar talking about God

The electrical engineer says "God is clearly an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system! The vast network of nerves and all those neurons firing..."
The mechanical engineer jumps in "No, God is obviously a mechanical engineer. What better example of the power of levers than the muscles, bones, ligaments, and tendons!"
The civil engineer says "You're both wrong. God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal line right through a prime recreational area?"

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God

"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"

Poor planning?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Three engineers argue about who designed the human body

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."
"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.
"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed the third engineer. "It was a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a toxic pipeline through the middle of a recreational area."

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"

Three engineering majors

Three engineering majors were discussing who designed the human body.
The first one said "It had to be a mechanical engineer; the body has hundreds of joints."
The second one says "It had to be an electrical engineer; the nervous system has thousands of electrical connections."
The last one says "It had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

3 engineering students

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Engineers

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

Three engineers were arguing.

The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."

A plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly

Departure seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a staff member says on the PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay to your journey today. During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the left engine, so we've had to delay departure until we can locate a new pilot."

God must be an engineer.

Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God
must have designed the human body. The first says, 'God must be a mechanical engineer.
Look at all the joints."
The second says,"I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections." The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Auto

John: "My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
Dave: "Really? What did he get?"
John: "Fifteen years."