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Symptoms Jokes

106 symptoms jokes and hilarious symptoms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about symptoms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have a laugh as you check out these funny jokes about symptoms of Covid, chronic diseases, and early signs. From the physical to the mental effects of disease, there is something here for everyone.

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Popular Symptoms Short Jokes

Short symptoms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The symptoms humour may include short side effects jokes also.

  1. Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms? Man: Can't say I do.
    Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.
  2. I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
    So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"
  3. Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms? Patient: I can't say that I do.
    Therapist: Exactly. That's one of them.
  4. A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf What are the symptoms? The doctor asks
    They're that yellow family that live in Springfield
  5. I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and found out I have Gary Busey
  6. Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
  7. Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?" Me: "I can't say I do."
    Therapist: "That's one of them."
  8. Why is it called "a" symptomatic if you don't have symptoms? Because if you did have symptoms you would "b" symptomatic!
  9. Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear He asked me to describe the symptoms.
    I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair
  10. Doctor... there's something wrong with my hearing! Describe the symptoms....
    Uh...Well Marge has blue hair....homer is fat...

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Symptoms One Liners

Which symptoms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with symptoms? I can suggest the ones about signs and syndrome.

  1. The ATM has the shakes... And other withdrawal symptoms too.
  2. What do you call symptoms of depression? "Blues Clues"
  3. I Googled the symptoms of dementia But all the links were purple.
  4. I googled alzheimers symptoms... And it had already been searched before.
  5. How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope? It's probably cancer.
  6. Cats don't cause mental illness, new study finds They're just a symptom of it
  7. When bread gets depressed what is the most common symptom? Self-loafing.
  8. I read the symptoms for being a hypochondriac... AND I HAVE ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!!!!
  9. When do the Coronavirus symptoms begin to show up? Right off the bat.
  10. What are the 5 symptoms of laziness? 1.
    2.
  11. My pet spider got sick today I checked his symptoms on WebMD
  12. Just googled the symptoms and yup... I am a hypochondriac
  13. What are the symptoms of amnesia? I can't remember
  14. I have a cold and the symptoms keep changing. It's a very fluid situation.
  15. Guy I think I'm a hypochondriac I've done the research and I'm showing symptoms...

Covid Symptoms Jokes

Here is a list of funny covid symptoms jokes and even better covid symptoms puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did everyone have Covid-19 at the kpop concert? Because a symptom of Coronavirus is lack of taste.
  • John Travolta was admitted to a hospital with COVID symptoms last Sunday. It was just a Saturday Night fever.
  • How does Jeff Bezos tell his doctor that his Covid symptoms are horrible? Doc, I feel like a million bucks.
  • If you don't like me... You should get tested. One of the symptoms of covid is no taste.
    I saw this somewhere yesterday and had to share.
  • Did you hear about another recently discovered symptom of COVID-19? Elect-ile dysfunction.
  • Heard one of the symptoms of COVID-19 was liking Nickleback... ... sorry looks like I misread the loss of taste.
  • With losing your sense of smell from COVID-19 being a symptom, I no longer call it f**... in a crowded elevator. I call it a free COVID-19 test

Flu Symptoms Jokes

Here is a list of funny flu symptoms jokes and even better flu symptoms puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There is rumor of a new "Amish Flu" out of Pennsylvania... the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy.
  • What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body.... Keep going! She has flu symptoms!
Symptoms joke, What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shive

Symptoms joke, What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shive

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about symptoms can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of symptoms puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly & Ridiculous Symptoms Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about symptoms you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean warning signs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make symptoms prank.

Doctor, doctor, I think my hearing's going!

What are the symptoms?
Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie

Onomatopoeia

A man walks into a doctor's office. He describes his symptoms to the doctor, and the doctor decides to run some blood tests on him to figure out the problem. After the test results come back, the doctor approaches the man and says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but you're suffering from a severe case of Onomatopoeia." The man, looking frightened, replies, "Onomatopoeia...what is that?"
Said the doctor, "It's just what it sounds like."

Anticipation (may be offensive)

A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Tom Jones' Disease

A Man goes to the Doctor and lays out his problems. He says whenever he sees a cat he yells "What's New, p**...?"
If he sees a woman while on the street, he exclaims "She's A Lady!" which is really driving his wife crazy.
And speaking of his wife he keeps calling her Delilah, when her name is Susan!
The doctor says "Considering your symptoms, it sounds like you have Tom Jones' Disease"
"Tom Jones' Disease? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?"
"It's not unusual"

I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac

anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.

I think I will have to go to the doctor soon.

My father is a hypochondriac and I think it's hereditary. I'm starting to see the symptoms.

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

We think you may have a phobia of marriage

Doctor: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?
Me: I can't say I do.
Doctor: That's one of the symptoms, yes.

My pops favourite joke.

An old man starts to lose his hearing, and goes to the doctors to be diagnosed.
The doctor says to the man, "can you describe to me the symptoms?"
The man replied "yes, Marge has tall blue hair and Homer is an alcoholic."

I went to the doctors about my hearing..

I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"

I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing…

He said, Can you describe the symptoms?
I said, They're yellow, Homer's fat, and Marge has blue hair.

Hard of Hearing

I went to the Doctors yesterday as my ears were a bit blocked and I couldn't hear too well.
The Doctor asked if I could describe the symptoms, I told him the Father is called Homer and is fat and his wife is called Marge with big blue hair.

A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party

A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.
It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?
Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.
The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.

Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems...

Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair

A woman goes to the doctor due to some distressing symptoms.

She tells him she can't stop dancing and crooning ballads.
Ma'am, you have Tom Jones syndrome he says.
Oh no! Is it rare? She asks.
Well, it's not unusual....

I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection

it turned out to be viral.

"Doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf."

"What are the symptoms?"
"A yellow cartoon family."

Doctor- I've got good news and bad news...

Take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life and all your symptoms will disappear.
Man- That's great! But I see there are only three pills in this bottle.
Doctor- Yeah, well... I was getting to the bad news.

A stand-up comedian tells a joke about a newly-discovered STI that takes ten years to show symptoms.

\* Slow clap *

A man walks into his doctors

The man says "doctor help me I think I might be turning into a horse"
The doctor says "well have you had any symptoms"
The man says "neigh"

You order one pizza

You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some strange symptoms and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope your husband likes changing diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

I caught the flu in Madrid.

While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:

"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."

Do you suffer from an addiction to water?

Can you not live without your water?
Do you try to quit, and come back to drinking water again?
Do you suffer from any of the following withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit?
* Headache?
* Fatigue?
* Dry t**...?
* Dry mouth?
* Darker u**...?
* Craving more water?
* Hunger?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call the water addiction hotline, 1-5-STOP-WATER.

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

A cat goes to the doctor to get diagnosed

He goes to his office and says:
Cat:"Doc, the last few weeks have been really rough, My head is starting to hurt a lot and my tummy hurts"
Doctor:"Well, those are common symptoms for...d**... it I forgot what's its called!"
Cat:"C'mon doc, I'm dying from curiosity"
Doctor:"yeah that's the one!"

I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms.

It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.

So I think I have the corona virus.

One of the symptoms is a loss of taste, and for a brief moment I thought Justin Bieber was talented.

A doctor walks up to his patient. "Looks like you have a phobia of getting married. Do you know any of the symptoms?"

"I can't say I do."

A man goes to a doctor for his phobia of getting married.

The doctor asks, "Do you know about any of the symptoms?
The man replies, "Can't say I do."

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.
Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.
I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

My therapist told me, You have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

I said, Can't say that I do.
My therapist said, Yes, that's the main one.

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

COVID-19 home test:

Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.
Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.
I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.
I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...

A man goes to the doctor

Man: doctor I'm having problems with my hearing
Doc: can you describe the symptoms?
Man: marge has blue hair and homer is a fat guy

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was v**... on his sweater already.
Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

I think my wife's showing symptoms of Alzheimers.

She's telling me everyday that she can't remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.

A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup

He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.
"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.
"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.
"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."

A woman goes to the doctor because she suspects she might have covid

She enters the office and while she was in the middle of explaining her symptoms the doctor with a blushed face calls his assistant and asks for a room to admit the woman into the hospital.
The woman surprised says "Are you sure I have covid? It's just a mild cough and I haven't been even tested yet!
To which the doctor replies "Lady I just had finished my lunch and released a huge f**... a second before you came in, if you couldn't smell that I'm not wasting a test"

Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.

Doctor: any other symptoms?
Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before
Doctor: French mustard?
Me: yes, why?
Doctor: It's dijon view

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor started asking her all the usual questions about her symptoms when she interrupted him, Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking at them.
She smugly added "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep.

You order one pizza and you love it

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...
That's the domino effect...

This is probably the only funny joke I know.

I went to the doctor the other day because I was having hearing problems.
He told me to describe my symptoms.
I told him, "Sure. They're yellow. Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair."

A retired banker went to a psychiatrist.

He said "For 30 years, I worked in a bank as a teller. Every day i would serve dozens of customers. I loved my job and never missed a day.
Last month, i retired.
Since then, every time i pass a bank, i have a huge craving to enter and take out money.
Even if i pass an ATM, i have to stop and take some cash out. I've got thousands of dollars in cash at home, yet every day i feel desperate to go to the bank and take out more.
What's wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replied
"It sounds like you're having Withdrawal Symptoms."

I went to see the doctor for a problem with my ears.

What are the symptoms? asked the doctor.
They're a funny yellow family on TV

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a dog

'How long have you had these symptoms?'
'Ever since I was a puppy'

My first patient of the day walked in and began describing her symptoms in graphic detail.

They don't prepare you for this in veterinary school.

The Queen is laying in hospital with her children at her bedside.

The doctors remain optimistic but I worry my rule is coming to an end . She says.
But the Doctors say you have the omicron variant, do they not? Said Charles.
That's right , she replied.
And the Symptoms are minor are they not? He continued
It's true, but my body is weak and I grow tired .
Suddenly, Andrew interjects:
Minor you say? Can't you just pay them to disappear ?

Caught the flu in Madrid on a business trip.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."

My Psychiatrist 'It seems like you have a fear of getting married. Do you know the symptoms?'

'I can't say I do.'
'Exactly. That's one of them.'

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

Doctors

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor started to ask her the usual questions, about symptoms, when she interrupted him: Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, and immediately wrote out a prescription handed it to her and said, There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down.

The wait to see a doctor in the UK is getting so long, many are turning to Casualty instead.

They watch the show hoping someone turns up with the same symptoms as them.

A patient goes to his physician

He lists him some symptoms and after a workup the doctor says: I can't find a reason for your problems, it must be the alcohol.
The patient responds: I'll come back when you're sober then.

A man has been seeing the same doctor for yeats for the same symptoms with no results.

Finally one day the doctor says, "Okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take the longest, hottest bath you can stand, then I want you to open all the doors and windows in the house."
The man says "But doctor, I'll get pneumonia, won't I?"
And the doctor says "Yes, but I know how to treat that!"

My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s

He gets really worried because both his parents got Alzheimer's around that age.
Tells me, son, if I ever start forgetting things or show any symptoms.. I j-ju-just know I can't go through what they did.
So… please.. just … kill me.
Dad that's what you said 5 minutes ago

Symptoms joke, My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s

jokes about symptoms

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these symptoms jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.