The Best 51 Symptoms Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Symptoms jokes. There are some symptoms nausea jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these symptoms prescribe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Symptoms Jokes and Puns

Doctor, doctor, I think my hearing's going!

What are the symptoms?

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie

Onomatopoeia

A man walks into a doctor's office. He describes his symptoms to the doctor, and the doctor decides to run some blood tests on him to figure out the problem. After the test results come back, the doctor approaches the man and says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but you're suffering from a severe case of Onomatopoeia." The man, looking frightened, replies, "Onomatopoeia...what is that?"
Said the doctor, "It's just what it sounds like."

Anticipation (may be offensive)

A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."

Symptoms joke, Anticipation (may be offensive)

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Tom Jones' Disease

A Man goes to the Doctor and lays out his problems. He says whenever he sees a cat he yells "What's New, Pussycat?"
If he sees a woman while on the street, he exclaims "She's A Lady!" which is really driving his wife crazy.
And speaking of his wife he keeps calling her Delilah, when her name is Susan!

The doctor says "Considering your symptoms, it sounds like you have Tom Jones' Disease"

"Tom Jones' Disease? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?"

"It's not unusual"


I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac

anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.

I read the symptoms for being a hypochondriac...

AND I HAVE ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!!!!

Symptoms joke, I read the symptoms for being a hypochondriac...

I think I will have to go to the doctor soon.

My father is a hypochondriac and I think it's hereditary. I'm starting to see the symptoms.

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

I went to the doctors with hearing problems...

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

We think you may have a phobia of marriage

Doctor: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?

Me: I can't say I do.

Doctor: That's one of the symptoms, yes.

You can explore symptoms signs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean symptoms syndrome dad jokes. There are also symptoms puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?"

Me: "I can't say I do."

Therapist: "That's one of them."

My pops favourite joke.

An old man starts to lose his hearing, and goes to the doctors to be diagnosed.
The doctor says to the man, "can you describe to me the symptoms?"
The man replied "yes, Marge has tall blue hair and Homer is an alcoholic."

I went to the doctors about my hearing..

I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"

What do you call symptoms of depression?

"Blues Clues"

How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope?

It's probably cancer.

Symptoms joke, How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope?

Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems...

Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?

Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair

The ATM has the shakes...

And other withdrawal symptoms too.

A woman goes to the doctor due to some distressing symptoms.

She tells him she can't stop dancing and crooning ballads.

Ma'am, you have Tom Jones syndrome he says.

Oh no! Is it rare? She asks.

Well, it's not unusual....


I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection

it turned out to be viral.

"Doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf."

"What are the symptoms?"

"A yellow cartoon family."

A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he's going deaf

What are the symptoms? The doctor asks

They're that yellow family that live in Springfield

Doctor- I've got good news and bad news...

Take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life and all your symptoms will disappear.

Man- That's great! But I see there are only three pills in this bottle.

Doctor- Yeah, well... I was getting to the bad news.

A stand-up comedian tells a joke about a newly-discovered STI that takes ten years to show symptoms.

\* Slow clap *

A man walks into his doctors

The man says "doctor help me I think I might be turning into a horse"
The doctor says "well have you had any symptoms"
The man says "neigh"

You order one pizza

You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms?

Man: Can't say I do.

Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.

Doctor... there's something wrong with my hearing!

Describe the symptoms....

Uh...Well Marge has blue hair....homer is fat...

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD

and found out I have Gary Busey

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear

He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair

A woman visits the doctor as she has some strange symptoms and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope your husband likes changing diapers".

She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms.

It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.

A doctor walks up to his patient. "Looks like you have a phobia of getting married. Do you know any of the symptoms?"

"I can't say I do."

A man goes to a doctor for his phobia of getting married.

The doctor asks, "Do you know about any of the symptoms?

The man replies, "Can't say I do."

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

My therapist told me, You have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

I said, Can't say that I do.

My therapist said, Yes, that's the main one.

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"

The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

COVID-19 home test:

Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.

Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.

I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.

I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...

A man goes to the doctor

Man: doctor I'm having problems with my hearing

Doc: can you describe the symptoms?

Man: marge has blue hair and homer is a fat guy

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Doctor, doctor

A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"

I think my wife's showing symptoms of Alzheimers.

She's telling me everyday that she can't remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.

Why is it called "a" symptomatic if you don't have symptoms?

Because if you did have symptoms you would "b" symptomatic!

A woman goes to the doctor because she suspects she might have covid

She enters the office and while she was in the middle of explaining her symptoms the doctor with a blushed face calls his assistant and asks for a room to admit the woman into the hospital.

The woman surprised says "Are you sure I have covid? It's just a mild cough and I haven't been even tested yet!

To which the doctor replies "Lady I just had finished my lunch and released a huge fart a second before you came in, if you couldn't smell that I'm not wasting a test"

Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.

Doctor: any other symptoms?

Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before

Doctor: French mustard?

Me: yes, why?

Doctor: It's dijon view

I Googled the symptoms of dementia

But all the links were purple.

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor started asking her all the usual questions about her symptoms when she interrupted him, Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking at them.

She smugly added "Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep.

You order one pizza and you love it

You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...

That's the domino effect...

This is probably the only funny joke I know.

I went to the doctor the other day because I was having hearing problems.

He told me to describe my symptoms.

I told him, "Sure. They're yellow. Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair."

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the symptoms hypochondriac jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working symptoms illness piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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