Swore Jokes
39 swore jokes and hilarious swore puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swore that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Swore Short Jokes
Short swore jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swore humour may include short swear jokes also.
- A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician...
I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12. - My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
- "IT'S A BOY!" I shouted. "A BOY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY!" And with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel...
- My Brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.
We never played Monopoly again. - When I was a kid, my parents always said, "Excuse my French!" whenever they swore. I'll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked the class of any of us knew any French.
- why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because batman swore to protect goth ham
- I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the matrix. Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s
- Some friends of mine recently lost their baby. They swore to never dress him in camouflage again if he turns up.
- When my wife was in her 20s, she was so beautiful I swore she was a siren Now she just sounds like one.
- I swore at a nun the other day... She hit me with her ruler,
It was a measured response.
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Swore One Liners
Which swore one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swore? I can suggest the ones about sworn and vows.
- Who swore the most in star wars? R2-D2, they beeped out every word he said
- PUBG swore they would end fortnite. 2 weeks later, Fortnight was over.
- Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… … now I have a reason.
- I swore off elevators because I refuse to let a machine bring me down.
- A barrel of oil swore at me. So I told it to stop being crude
- All politicians are liars. Look at John F. Kennedy, he swore he'd serve a full term.
- Brett was swore into the supreme court las night I spent the whole night cussing him out.
- I swear to god I will upvote this... Hah! You swore! Now upvote.
- A woman swore her real name was May June I said "July" and walked away.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Swore Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about swore you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shouted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swore pranks.
My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.
He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.
My brother took going to jail really badly.
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own f**.... After that, we never played Monopoly again.
The difference between a man and a woman's friends.
A wife did not come home one night and the next day the husband was furious. She swore she spent the night at a girlfriend's house.
The husband called 10 of his wife's closest friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
To get her back he did not come home the next night. The next day his wife met him at the door furious at him. He swore he spent the night at his buddy's house.
She called 10 of his closest friends. 8 of them confirmed that he spent the night at their house, two of them swore that he was still there sound asleep.
I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.
I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.
Once he went though, He said, 'Sank you'.
I Swore at him and kicked him in the Shin.
I Then said, 'Never bring up Pearl Harbor like that'
My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.
I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!
I saw a guy smoking two cigarettes today
I was walking down the street and saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, I asked him about it and he said that his friend recently went to jail and that he swore upon his life to always smoke on his behalf as long as he is in jail.
A month later I walk by the same street and spot the same guy, but this time he only had one cigarette in his mouth.
I asked him if his friend got out of jail to which he responded "Nah man, I quit smoking"
My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at everyone who passed by, and smeared his own f**... all over the walls...
Needless to say we'll never play Monopoly again..
A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".
# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."
A mathematician comes home, drunk, to his wife.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., his wife is furious.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45! she yelled.
"No," slurs the mathematician... I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.
There was a man who swore he was getting smaller.
Everyday, his height decreases by an inch. Alarmed, he visits the doctor immediately, and asks the secretary to squeeze him in.
"Surely, sir. The doctor will be here any minute. You just have to sit down and be a little patient."
There once was a famous fighter, anointed by the king in ancient france. After his death, all other knights swore to carry on his battle tactics, named after him in his honor, for all wars to come.
His name was Sir Render.
My wife's twin tricked me into sleeping with them
I swore I had no idea, but she just never forgave me for sleeping with her brother.
Vasectomy
He swore blind he had recently had a vasectomy and now a few weeks later she was sitting on her bathroom floor surrounded by positive pregnancy tests.
She rang him demanding an explanation and he replied I had to sit in Accident and Emergency for two days with a flowerpot glued to my g**... before they finally removed it. What would you b**... call it? .
She told him what she thought he had meant and managed a rueful smile over the complications arising from the vase difference.
I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv...
I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes.
Don't Swear At Other Drivers!
Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way. Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted 'Pig'. The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie. Then his car hit the pig.
