Sword Fighting Jokes

37 sword fighting jokes and hilarious sword fighting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sword fighting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sword Fighting Short Jokes

Short sword fighting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sword fighting humour may include short sword jokes also.

  1. My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight. Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
  2. does anyone know any good sword-fighting puns? I'm trying to think of words that have... ...a duel meaning.
  3. A joke about sword fighting I thought I invented a joke about sword fighting, but turns out it's just a riposte.
  4. Me: There are no jokes to be made about sword fighting Mate: What about when someone makes a good point against you?
    Me: Touche
  5. I was sword fighting this guy medieval style then all of a sudden he starts to unscrew his pommel And then it hit me...
  6. Why did the samurai lose the duel at high noon? Because he brought a sword to a sho-gun fight.
  7. I read an article about Japanese sword fights It was super long though, let me know if I should samuraize it for you.
  8. A ninja is getting ready to fight a samurai The ninjas friend asks him "do you really think you can kill him without a sword?"
  9. I was the comedic host at a banquet for sword swallowers when a food fight broke out... I killed!
  10. A new study has found that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword More great work form the University of People Who Will Never Win Sword Fights.

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Sword Fighting One Liners

Which sword fighting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sword fighting? I can suggest the ones about street fighter and samurai sword.

  1. What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities? Riposte
  2. I would post a joke about sword fighting But it's a riposte
  3. How would you fight a gay knight ? With a straight sword.
  4. What happens when two asians sword fight *Ching* *Ching* *Chong*
  5. What do you call a dolphin... that shoots a gun and sword fights?
    A duel porpoise.
  6. Where do you not want to get into a sword fight? ***The gay bar***

Sword Fighting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sword fighting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean martial arts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sword fighting pranks.

Samurai wielding sword: now we fight to the death

**Me, nervously clicking pen:** t-they better be right about this

A sailor walks into a bar

The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird p**...?"
"It was me first day with the hook."

A broken English speaker told a joke to a boy.

The broken English speaker, a man, told the boy a joke about a sword-fighting pirate that desperately hated the wind.
However, the boy, being so young, missed the joke.
No, no, no, said the man. Arr slash whoosh.

What do you call it when two well endowed astrophysicists have a gay sword fight?

A Large h**... Collider.

Doctor joke

Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.

He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.
The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.
The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.
Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.

The anthropology student and the pirate.

An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.
The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?
The pirate replied:
I lost the leg to a canon call
I lost the hand in a sword fight
And I lost the eye because a seagull s**... in it
The student was skeptical:
A little seagull s**... shouldn't have cost you an eye!
The pirate said:
It was the first day with the hook...

Junk foods are so versatile!

A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!

So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.

The man says, How did you get your peg leg?
The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.
The man asks, How did you get your hook?
The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.
The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?
The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.
The man says, You lost your eye because of p**...?
The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.

Two Mexicans had a sword fight. The winner raised his sword and said

"There can only be Juan."

Not a joke, but a funny poem

One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
A blind man came to see fair play,
A mute man came to shout "Horay!"
Back to back, they faced eachother,
Drew their swords and shot eachother.

A man named Martin is lost in the desert and came upon an oasis.

Upon stumbling into camp and drinking hastily from the well, the sheik of the oasis steps out of the largest tent and orders his guards to arrest him. The sheik explains that Martin has drunk from the precious little water left to the oasis and can either fight to the death with the sheik or dig and dig in the hot desert with no water till he finds another well. Martin, figuring he has no chance of surviving the digging, takes on the sheik.
The sheik, an expert fighter, pities him and offers him a shot of v**... to calm his nerves before facing his death. Martin, in his drunken stupor, takes up the sheik's sword and lops the sheik's head off with no warning. The whole oasis cries out in joy at the death of the tyrannical sheik and informs him that now he had become sheik himself, but Martin had already dozed off and not heard any of it, so they left him alone till he came to.
And on that day, the v**...'d Martin, he was sheik and not stirred.

A Pirate walked into a bar

A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."

The Pirate

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them S*#t in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird S*%t."
"It was my first day with the hook."