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Swiss Jokes

142 swiss jokes and hilarious swiss puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swiss that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes all about Swiss neutrality, Swiss cheese, Swiss Army knife, Swiss roll, Swiss Army, Italians, Bulgarians and Deutsches! Get ready to enjoy some of the funniest Swiss-themed jokes around.

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Funniest Swiss Short Jokes

Short swiss jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swiss humour may include short swiss cheese jokes also.

  1. 2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight, then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......
  2. What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male? Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes
  3. How do you make a Swiss Roll? Push him down a hill.
    BONUS: How do you make French Wine?
    Invade.
  4. Why can't vampires eat Swiss cheese? Because it's holey
    My 8 year old just told me this one…
  5. I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss... Whoops, wrong sub
  6. I ask my Swiss friend what he thought about Switzerland. He replied, "Well the flag's a big plus."
  7. So I asked this swiss dude to tell me something good about living in Switzerland. "Well" he said "the flag is a big plus!"
  8. Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity? Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
  9. How does a carpenter order 5 beers? With 2 hands.
    (I hope this common Swiss Joke/Proverb didn't got posted a lot here)
  10. Whats the Pope's favorite cheese? Swiss because it's holy

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Swiss One Liners

Which swiss one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swiss? I can suggest the ones about swiss army and chefs.

  1. What's an advantage of being Swiss? The flag is a big plus.
  2. My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.
  3. Where is the capital of Zimbabwe? In a Swiss bank account.
  4. Why does no one like the swiss army? Because they are all a bunch of tools.
  5. A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!
  6. How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him off the Alps.
  7. I once bought a Swiss car... But I couldn't get it out of neutral.
  8. A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese... and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.
  9. What type of milk is swiss cheese made of? Whole milk.
  10. I was gonna write a story about Swiss cheese But the plot had too many holes in it.
  11. My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain. Adios Omegas.
  12. What is a nun's favourite type of cheese? Swiss cheese, cuz they're holey
  13. What sound does a Swiss donkey make on a mountain? Yodel-ay-hee-haw
  14. So I gouda cheesy pun. But I'ma Swiss it out for somethin' chedder.
  15. why aren't there any movies about swiss cheese? because the plot has too many holes.

Swiss Cheese Jokes

Here is a list of funny swiss cheese jokes and even better swiss cheese puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is the swiss cheese afraid of the dark? Because it's afraid of a muenster in the closet
  • Swiss Cheese was recently declared the official cheese of the Catholic Church. It's the holiest of cheeses.
  • Why did the pope want a swiss guard? He heard how holey their cheese was
  • What's god's favorite cheese? Swiss. It's very holy.
  • I'm trying to write a good joke about Swiss cheese It's almost there just has some holes in it
  • What did the Swiss Catholic say to the American Catholic? Your cheese is unholy.
  • Why do Christians like Swiss cheese? It's holey.
  • [ORIGINAL] What's a priest's favorite cheese? Swiss. It's holey.
  • I was going to make an argument for why Swiss is the best kind of cheese but it was full of holes
  • Only two countries have square flags One is Vatican City, the other is Switzerland.
    No wonder Swiss cheese is holy.

Swiss Flag Jokes

Here is a list of funny swiss flag jokes and even better swiss flag puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is good about being Swiss? Well, the flag is a big plus.
  • What's a huge red flag, but also a big plus, so overall it's neutral? The Swiss flag
  • The Swiss embassy has had it's flag stolen. Ambassadors are nonplussed.
  • I've just been give a Swiss flag for my collection Which is a big plus.
  • Why is everyone so fond of the Swiss? I'm not sure exactly but their flag is a big plus.
  • If the Swiss flag is a big plus... ... the austrian flag is a big minus.
  • I'm really liking the Swiss team this World Cup For starters, their flag is a big plus.
  • To be fair, being Swiss isn't ALL bad The flag is a big plus
  • 'Hey Roger! What's the best thing about playing for the Swiss team?' 'Well, the flag is a big plus.'
  • I asked my Swiss friend what he liked about his country. He said that the flag is a big plus.
Swiss joke, I asked my Swiss friend what he liked about his country.

Swiss Army Jokes

Here is a list of funny swiss army jokes and even better swiss army puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There's an international multi-event competition for military spouses, but the same team wins every year. The Swiss Army Wives.
  • "Ain't" is like a Swiss Army knife It's got a lot of uses but you can't use it in school.
  • Besides, rotisserie meat is too tough for those tiny army knives. Swiss people refuse to dine at Boston Market because they hate choosing sides.
  • If the Swiss Army knife is so good.... How come the Swiss army never fights?
  • Rambo V will apparently only feature Swiss Army Knives I don't know why, but the logo will be a big plus.
  • The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.
  • In a restaurant I found a WW2 Swiss Army knife It was a very good butter knife
  • What do you call a woman who has a duster in one hand, a brush in the other, a shovel on one foot and a s**... on the other foot A Swiss army wife.

Swiss Neutrality Jokes

Here is a list of funny swiss neutrality jokes and even better swiss neutrality puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the pH of Swiss Cheese? It's a 7.
    Neutral.
  • We need the guards to think you're Swiss. Quick, act neutral.
  • A Swiss car maker is coming out with a new car that has only one gear... That gear is neutral.
  • I wanted to become neutral... ...so I didn't have to Swiss sides.
Swiss joke, I wanted to become neutral...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about swiss can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of swiss puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Swiss Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about swiss you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make swiss prank.

A group of revolutionaries hired a Swiss watch maker to build a clock that would chime when the overthrow began.

And the worlds first Coup Coup Clock was born...

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

What does the Swiss defense have in common with their favorite food?

They're both full of holes.

3 pregnant woman....

Three pregnant women are sitting around a table discussing their pregnancies. The first one says, "I eat so many dills, my baby is gonna love pickles."
The second woman says, "My baby is gonna love cheese, I eat swiss by the block!"
The first two mothers stare at the third waiting for her say what her baby will love. After a long pause she says, "I guess I'm going to have a gay son."

Swiss Cheese Paradox

Swiss cheese has lots of holes. The more holes you have,the less cheese you have. The more cheese you have,the more holes you have. Thus,the more cheese you have,the less cheese you have.

It's the cheese police, you're under arrest. Looks like you've been keeping all your cheddar...

In a Swiss bank account.

A r**... Texan, Swiss, Korean and a Mexican were flying..

I asked for a ham and swiss, you gave me a meatball instead

Woops, wrong sub.

The E.E.P.A levies charges against Franck Riboud, CEO of Evian, for tapping into protected aquifers in the Swiss Alps.

I guess he's in haute water now!

I'm writing a swiss novel

But there's a lot of plot holes.

Why are Swiss people big fans of Bernie Sanders?

Because they feel the Bern!

A joke from WWII

A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:
"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"
"Half a million within two days."
"And if we invade with a million troops?"
"We shoot twice and go home."

An american walks into a swiss bank...

The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.
After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.
He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"
The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."

An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags

He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."

What dairy product is the most revered?

Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!

Hey, John...

Yeah?
If killing a man is a h**..., then is killing a swiss person a s**...?

I wonder what SwissCodeMonkey.....

Will do now that Funny Jokes has an alternative.
Who am I kidding? We all know they never do anything.

The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner

A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"

A German and a Swiss are arguing about who's country is better...

The German, clearly annoyed, asks the Swiss
"So what's so great about Switzerland?" The Swiss shrugs, simply saying.
"Well, the flag is a big plus."

After my wedding we ate Swiss cheese and played golf.

It was a say of holey matrimony.

What's the only thing priests eat?

Swiss cheese.
Because it's holy.

Trump invites the Pope on his yacht...

The Popes hat blows off into the ocean so the Swiss guard and the secret service jump is trying to recover it but the current kept them away. So Trump says "I got it", and jumps overboard and walks across the water retrieves the hat and brings it back to the Pope.
CNN's headline the next day was "Trump Can't Swim!"

Where does a skier in Switzerland go after a long day of skiing?

Swiss Chalet

How do you make Swiss cheese?

Tell them to smile.

Teacher- Where is the CAPITAL of US?

Student- In Swiss Bank

Where is the capital of North Korea?

In a Swiss bank account

What is a European dragon's favorite food?

Swiss charred.

Why does god love swiss cheese?

It's holy food.

The Olympics

Austrians: We are the best in Super-G.
Swiss: Pfft, we are better than you.
USA: Shut up, we are the bestest!
Italians: Mamma Mia!
Czechs: Hold my beer and my snowboard.

During WW1 Switzerland had 250 000 soldiers

The German Kaiser asked the Swiss ambassador in Berlin: "What would Switzerland do if I invaded with 500 000 soldiers?"
The ambassador replied: "Shoot twice and go home."

A sans-serif face walks into the street and is hit by a Swiss Modernist truck. The carnage is grotesk…

but you know akzidenz happen.

I've been trying to make a joke about swiss cheese...

But the joke has too many holes.

I know that was a cheesy joke. Most people aren't really that fondu of them. It's rare for them to be gouda jokes. You may think of me as a muenster for these jokes, and that I could do cheddar than this. I mean no parm in these puns. Alright, I'm done. I'll asiago away now.

What do you call a Swiss cat?

A Cat-CH

What do you call a joint in Geneva?

A Swiss Roll

What do you call a small swiss man?

A Toblergnome.

Enjoying the views...

You: So..did you enjoy your trip to the Swiss Alps?

Me: Yes, it was amazing.
You: Did you enjoy the views?
Me: Mmm...No.
You: Why?
Me: The Mountains blocked the view.

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.

European heaven/ European h**...

European heaven is a place where the chefs are spanish, the police is british, the mechanics are germans, the lovers are italians and everything is organized by the swiss.
European h**... is a place where the chefs are british, the police is german, the mechanics are spanish, the lovers are swiss and everything is organized by the italians.

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...

h**..., on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
 
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "

Something to offend everyone...

In Heaven:
The French are the cooks, and the Germans are the engineers. The British are the policemen. The Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run everything.
But in h**...:
The Germans are the policemen. The British are the cooks. The Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers. And the Italians run everything.

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.
And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, in pristine condition, surrounded by a curious combination of chocolate, hazelnuts and wafers.
They decided to call him Pharoah Rocher.

What do you call a Swiss Priest?

His Holeiness

Swiss joke, What do you call a Swiss Priest?

jokes about swiss

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these swiss jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.