Swing Jokes

158 swing jokes and hilarious swing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out these swing jokes that will have you in stitches! Whether you're a fan of the golf swing, mood swing, playground swing, porch swing, or Sally Swing, these jokes will leave you laughing and coming back for more. Read on to find out why a swing set, fore, fairway, and pendulum all feature in these hilarious jokes!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Swing Short Jokes

Short swing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swing humour may include short spin jokes also.

  1. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  2. A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
  3. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  4. A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
    "But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
    "And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
  5. Where did sally go when the bomb went off? - everywhere.
    Why did sally fall off the swing?
    She had no arms..
    Knock knock..
    Whose there?
    -not sally.
  6. I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
  7. My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza.. .. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.
  8. A Lumberjack is about to Swing his axe right at a tree until he hears a noise "Stop! Please don't kill me, I'm a talking tree!"
    The Lumberjack stops, and says
    "And you will Dialogue"
  9. I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper... She said, "Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!
  10. I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways

Share These Swing Jokes With Friends

Swing One Liners

Which swing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swing? I can suggest the ones about slide and swung.

  1. I hate my mood swings. #They're great!
  2. Did you know that helen keller had a swing set in her back yard? Neither did she.
  3. How do you stop kids swinging on the clothes line? With a shovel
  4. What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.
  5. What's sweet and crumbly and swings through the jungle? A meringue-atan
  6. A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set. The police suspect fowl play
  7. What do you call a Minotaur in a playground? A swing and a myth.
  8. What type of bear is bisexual and experiences mood swings? Bi-polar.
  9. Why lisa fell out of the swing?
  10. My band is called Bipolar We play mood swing...
  11. Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set? She didn't know either
  12. What do you call a monkey who swings both ways? Bi-curious George
  13. What is White, Fluffy and swings through a cake shop? A Merangue-utang :-D
  14. Do you know why Spiderman is bisexual? Because he swings both ways.
  15. Why did the girl fall off the swing? ...she didn't have any arms.

Golf Swing Jokes

Here is a list of funny golf swing jokes and even better golf swing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Hispanic man was shot on a golf course mid-swing The police report simply stated:
    "Hole in Juan"
  • The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
  • Are you bad at golf? Swing by and join the club.
  • What's a golf club's favorite type of music? Swing!
  • What do you call an old, overweight man's golf swing? A s**....

Mood Swing Jokes

Here is a list of funny mood swing jokes and even better mood swing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A polar bear was shifted to antarctic and it started to have mood swings turns out, the bear was BIPOLAR.
  • What do you call an animal which has mood swings? A bipolar bear
  • What do you call a camera with severe mood swings? A BiPolaroid
  • What do you call a big hairy gay guy who's got mood swings? A bipolar bear
  • Why did the white pansexual bear have such large mood swings? Because it is a bi-polar bear
  • Teenagers have too many mood swings. One second they are all giggly and happy, but when I put in the back of my van, they get all pouty and start crying. Ugh, teenagers.
  • My girlfriend's mood swings and my jet lag have one common cause Period
  • What do you call an instigated teenager? An inclination of 1080p mood swings.
  • What do you call a polarbear with mood swings? Bi-polar Bear
  • Heard that David de Gea is sweet, loyal and puts up with mood swings. He's a keeper.
Swing joke, Heard that David de Gea is sweet, loyal and puts up with mood swings.

Swing Set Jokes

Here is a list of funny swing set jokes and even better swing set puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • bleakest Russian joke i know "children! Your father hanged himself for some peace and quiet, not so you could have a swing-set!"

Sally Swing Jokes

Here is a list of funny sally swing jokes and even better sally swing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms
    knock knock
    whos there?
    not sally
  • In honor of my Cake Day, I offer a joke I heard from an 8 year old. Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any hands.
    Knock Knock
    — Who's there?
    Not Sally
  • Knock knock Why did sally fall off the swing?
    Because I threw a fridge at her
  • Why did sally fall of the swing? Sally had no arms
    Knock knock
    Who's there
    Not sally
  • Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her.
  • Why'd Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with an axe
  • Why couldnt Sally swing? She had no arms
    Why did Billy drop his icecream?
    He got hit by a bus
  • why did sally fall off the swings she pooped herself

Playground Swing Jokes

Here is a list of funny playground swing jokes and even better playground swing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was at the playground and fell off the swings. A nearby kid instead of helping asked, "What season is it? Fall?"
  • I got in a fight with a guy at the park because he was hogging the playground equipment. He took a swing.
  • I was near the local playground, and I tried flirting with the cute single mother. It was a swing and a Miss.
  • Why did Roy Moore hang out at the playground? To get the swing vote.
  • Looking at a playground, how can you tell which kid is the child of a trombonist? He doesn't know how to use the slide and can't swing.
  • Whats a gurls favorite thing to play with on the playground Mood Swings
  • How do you tell who at the playground plays the t**...? They can't swing and are always complaining about the slide
Swing joke, How do you tell who at the playground plays the t**...?

Amusing Swing Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about swing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hang jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swing pranks.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

A little girl went to her dad's baseball game.

Her dad is an MLB player. He's famous for bunting the ball. The little girl doesn't understand. She thinks the point is to the swing all the way with the bat.
So, next time he bunted, the girl shouted, much to the shock of the crowd, HARDER DADDY!

Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."

I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...

As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog c**... looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A golfer and heaven

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?

Preacher goes to a party

A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"

So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing

The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."

How Tarzan's famous yell was invented.

Tarzan was swing through the jungle one day when he spotted Jane.
He hollered, "Jane! Grab vine!"
And he swung down to swoop her up.

Tough Kid

An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."
Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"
"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"
Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own f**...' business."

Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.

A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.
The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"
The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."

My 12 year old son is already trying to be a dad

He gave me three jokes:
Q: Why couldn't Sam go on the swing set at school?
A: Because he's a turtle.
Q: Why couldn't Sally go on the swing set at school?
A: Because she doesn't have any arms.
Knock knock
(Who's there?)
Well, obviously not Sally!

a man walks in to an Animation Studio...

and goes to speak to the receptionist. Asking to see the head illustrator, the receptionist points to a swing in the middle of the room, where a man sits. "That is the head of the department, but good luck talking to him", she says. "He's in suspended animation".

Saw some Mennonites playing Baseball yesterday

All I saw was a swing and Amish

So hoola hoops are a thing again...

I figured they'd swing in to style again eventually!

What was the favorite genre of music of the man that hung himself off of a windy bridge


A blind man walks into a shop...

...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."

How do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an Axe

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Because he got hit in the head with an axe.

How did Tarzan get his cry?

As he was about to swing to the next tree he said, "OK, Cheeta, hang on anywhere".

How did Mary fall off the swing?

She had no arms

Bob and Jim are on the 18th hole...

And as Bob is about to pitch for the green they notice a f**... procession heading down the road adjacent to the course. Bob stops mid swing, drops his club, removes his hat, bows his head and stands for a moment of silence. "That's very respectful of you, Bob." says Jim. Bob puts his hat back on, picks up his club and says "Well, we were married for 35 years."

For a happy marriage....

I have always heard that you should marry your best friend.
I asked my best friend. He said he didn't swing that way.

Ambidextrous baseball players...

Swing both ways

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

Why did little Susie fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a f**... drove by...

The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.
His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."
His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."

Why are female golfers better than male golfers?

Because they swing both ways

Little Johnny goes inside the house

Johnny: Mom, can I go swing Grandma?
Mom: No, first we have to find out why she hung herself

Two guys are playing golf...

Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a f**... procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, "Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!" As he swings, he replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years..."

How can you tell if you are at a gay church?

The church bells swing in the other direction.

How do you make...

How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.
How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender
How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.

If your life is awful, get a rope and a stool

...and find the next tree. Throw the rope over a branch and attach the stool to the rope.
Now you've got a swing.

I wanted to teach my kids about American democracy, so I let them choose what food to have dinner.

They chose pizza, but I gave them tacos since they didn't live in a swing state.

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

When it comes to picking up girls, sometimes I swing...

And sometimes I get charged for s**... assault.

What do a double hinged gate and a bi-s**... have in common?

They swing both ways.

My wife had a terrible mood swing during her period.

She's just o**... acting.

Why do baseball players sleep with random strangers?

Because they like to swing

What type of punch can take out 20 kids and 6 adults in one swing?

A sandy hook

Why are an old man's t**... like a chariot?

Because both swing low.

Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting some loudmouth who objects to an old metaphor. Luckily ...

I don't have a dog in this fight.

What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say?

And it's a swing and Amish.

What is a swingers favorite crime?

Three Bills at a bar

Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."

I went to a swingers club on the weekend

I got through the front door and the lady on the desk said it's £10 to get in, or you can pay £15 and you get a meal . So I paid the £15 and went in. It seemed to be going alright - then this n**... oily guy walked up to me and said hello, I'm Amil .

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

My ex wife didn't show up to the custody trial, so now I get full custody of my kids!

Now I just need to swing by her house and untie her.

I got hit in the eye in a game of swing ball

Oh well, what goes around comes around

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

What's better than swinging a dead baby in circles around your head on a 5 ft rope?

stopping it with a shovel.

I used to be a trapeze artist...

...but I couldn't swing it, so they let me go

Whats black and hangs from a tree?

A tyre swing.

Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds

The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.

I have quite a strange sexuality - I'm attracted to undercover cops

You can imagine my disappointment tonight when I was greeted at the local swing park by YET ANOTHER 14 year old boy.

A lumber jack went into a forest....

Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue

We're celebrating 911 today, swing on by...

...for dueling jenga and paper airplane contests.

Why was the primate afraid to swing to the other tree?

Because he was a chim-p**...!

A lumberjack goes into a magical forest to chop down some wood..

He goes up to the first tree he sees, and just as he's about to swing, the tree says, "Wait! Don't kill me! I'm a talking tree!"
"Yes," the lumberjack says, "and you'll dialogue."

Why did Betty fall off the swing?

Because Betty was a Pineapple

I tried taking a swing at the vampire that's been bothering me, but this time I used a large weapon which threw me off balance.

That was a big missed stake.

Why does Tiger Woods have the best swing?

He heard that swinging meant he could have s**... with whomever.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Not Sarah.

A joke my dad always tells.

Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

A priest and a rabbi are walking past a playground.

The priest sees a little boy playing on a swing. He nudges the rabbi and says hey, let's go over there and screw that kid! The rabbi looks at the kid and says out of what?

Why did sara fall out of swing..

She didnt have hands

Swing joke, Why did sara fall out of swing..

jokes about swing