The Best 78 Swing Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Swing jokes. There are some swing ball jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these swing sledgehammer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Swing Jokes and Puns

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

A little girl went to her dad's baseball game.

Her dad is an MLB player. He's famous for bunting the ball. The little girl doesn't understand. She thinks the point is to the swing all the way with the bat.

So, next time he bunted, the girl shouted, much to the shock of the crowd, HARDER DADDY!

Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

As Frank gets set to take his swing, a funeral procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."

Swing joke, Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...

As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.

The dog cooly looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A golfer and heaven

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?


Preacher goes to a party

A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.

On entering the house, he sees a circle of naked men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their genitals in an attempt to guess their identity.

The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."

"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"

So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing

The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."

Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.

Swing joke, So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."

Tough Kid

An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."

Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"

"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"

Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own fuckin' business."

Where did sally go when the bomb went off?

- everywhere.

Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..

Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.

Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.

A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.

The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"

The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."

You can explore swing pendulum reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean swing ump dad jokes. There are also swing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My 12 year old son is already trying to be a dad

He gave me three jokes:

Q: Why couldn't Sam go on the swing set at school?

A: Because he's a turtle.

Q: Why couldn't Sally go on the swing set at school?

A: Because she doesn't have any arms.

Knock knock

(Who's there?)

Well, obviously not Sally!

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set?

She didn't know either

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

...she didn't have any arms.

Saw some Mennonites playing Baseball yesterday

All I saw was a swing and Amish

So hoola hoops are a thing again...

I figured they'd swing in to style again eventually!

Swing joke, So hoola hoops are a thing again...

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Someone threw a fridge at her.

What was the favorite genre of music of the man that hung himself off of a windy bridge

Swing

A blind man walks into a shop...

...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."


How do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an Axe

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Because he got hit in the head with an axe.

How did Tarzan get his cry?

As he was about to swing to the next tree he said, "OK, Cheeta, hang on anywhere".

How did Mary fall off the swing?

She had no arms

Bob and Jim are on the 18th hole...

And as Bob is about to pitch for the green they notice a funeral procession heading down the road adjacent to the course. Bob stops mid swing, drops his club, removes his hat, bows his head and stands for a moment of silence. "That's very respectful of you, Bob." says Jim. Bob puts his hat back on, picks up his club and says "Well, we were married for 35 years."

Ambidextrous baseball players...

Swing both ways

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a funeral drove by...

The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.

His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."

His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."

Why are female golfers better than male golfers?

Because they swing both ways

Two guys are playing golf...

Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a funeral procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, "Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!" As he swings, he replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years..."

How do you make...

How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.

How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender

How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.

I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper...

She said, "Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!

If your life is awful, get a rope and a stool

...and find the next tree. Throw the rope over a branch and attach the stool to the rope.

Now you've got a swing.

I wanted to teach my kids about American democracy, so I let them choose what food to have dinner.

They chose pizza, but I gave them tacos since they didn't live in a swing state.

I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push…

He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."

The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

My band is called Bipolar

We play mood swing...

What do a double hinged gate and a bi-sexual have in common?

They swing both ways.

My wife had a terrible mood swing during her period.

She's just ovary acting.

Why do baseball players sleep with random strangers?

Because they like to swing

Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting some loudmouth who objects to an old metaphor. Luckily ...

I don't have a dog in this fight.

Why did Roy Moore hang out at the playground?

To get the swing vote.

What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say?

And it's a swing and Amish.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?

Neither did she.

Three Bills at a bar

Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:

"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."

The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:

"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."

The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two penises. He then says:

"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."

I went to a swingers club on the weekend

I got through the front door and the lady on the desk said it's £10 to get in, or you can pay £15 and you get a meal . So I paid the £15 and went in. It seemed to be going alright - then this naked oily guy walked up to me and said hello, I'm Amil .

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

My ex wife didn't show up to the custody trial, so now I get full custody of my kids!

Now I just need to swing by her house and untie her.

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

What's better than swinging a dead baby in circles around your head on a 5 ft rope?

stopping it with a shovel.

I used to be a trapeze artist...

...but I couldn't swing it, so they let me go

What's black and hangs from a tree?

A tire swing.

Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds

The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.

I have quite a strange sexuality - I'm attracted to undercover cops

You can imagine my disappointment tonight when I was greeted at the local swing park by YET ANOTHER 14 year old boy.

I got in a fight with a guy at the park because he was hogging the playground equipment.

He took a swing.

A lumber jack went into a forest....

Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue

Why was the primate afraid to swing to the other tree?

Because he was a chim-pansy!

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

A lumberjack goes into a magical forest to chop down some wood..

He goes up to the first tree he sees, and just as he's about to swing, the tree says, "Wait! Don't kill me! I'm a talking tree!"

"Yes," the lumberjack says, "and you'll dialogue."

Knock knock

Why did sally fall off the swing?
Because I threw a fridge at her

Why does Tiger Woods have the best swing?

He heard that swinging meant he could have sex with whomever.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

A joke my dad always tells.

Mary Jane was swinging on the swing set when her Mama came out and yelled,
Mary Jane! Don't swing so high! The boys can see your underwear!
But Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

A priest and a rabbi are walking past a playground.

The priest sees a little boy playing on a swing. He nudges the rabbi and says hey, let's go over there and screw that kid! The rabbi looks at the kid and says out of what?

Why did sally fall of the swing?

Sally had no arms

Knock knock

Who's there

Not sally

Why did sara fall out of swing..

She didnt have hands

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock
Whos there?
Not Sally.

What did Sally get for Christmas?
We don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What did Sally get for her birthday?
Cancer.

Three nuns die and go to Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.

"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.

"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.

"Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun.

"The Garden of Eden." The gates swing open once more.

"Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" St. Peter says to the third nun.

"Oh, that's a hard one..."

The gates swing open.

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree

The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .

Why is it so windy in swing states?

Because blue states suck, and red states blow.

What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?

A swing and a myth.

Two men are playing golf.

One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.  

His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man."

The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That's the punch line.

My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..

.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.

Guess history repeats itself!

We have Electro Swing, another Pandemic, and a Crashing Stock Market! Looks like the Twenties are back again!

Two guys are playing golf.

They're near a road.

One of the guys put a tee in the ground put his golfbal on it and takes his club.

He looks at his ball, begins to lift his club to make a swing when a funeral procession passes on the road.

The guy immediately stops what he's doing and takes a minute of silence untill the funeral procession has gone.

The other one is impressed and says to the guy:

"Damn that's some mark of respect you just showed there".

And the guy replies.

"That's normal. we were maried for 10 years after all."

Sorry for my english

A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, "WAIT! Don't do this! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack responds, "Good. Then you will dialogue."

Why did Little Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms

knock knock

whos there?

not sally

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the swing teed jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working swing swingset piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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