Swimming Pool Jokes
128 swimming pool jokes and hilarious swimming pool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swimming pool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Swimming Pool Short Jokes
Short swimming pool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swimming pool humour may include short pool jokes also.
- I've always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday... But no one ever drowns
- I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle. It was so loud I nearly fell in.
- A girl knocked on my door today… Asking for a donation for the local swimming pool…. so I gave her a glass of water
- I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
- Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says "No swimming without supervision."
- The only way to learn... When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
- When I go to the pool When I go to the pool, I set my phone to update while it sits in my locker. That way I can sync and swim at the same time.
- I went to the pool with the local orphanage but none of them would get in the water. It's like thier parents never taught them to swim. Or something
- What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool? I can't be your friend anymore you're just too shallow!
- What do you get when you throw an elephant in the pool? Wet.
What do you get when you throw two elephants in the pool?
Swimming trunks.
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Swimming Pool One Liners
Which swimming pool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swimming pool? I can suggest the ones about swimming dog and pool table.
- I come from a long line of alcoholics. My gene pool has a swim up bar.
- What do you call a swimming pool with 4 men in it? 8 ball pool.
- How do you know a swimming pool is safe for diving It deep ends.
- I went to a swimming pool with my bipolar friend He dissolved
- How does a dinosaur get out of a swimming pool? Wet.
- I got asked what side of a swimming pool I prefer to jump in. Depends
- How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk? When it's past your eyes.
- Where does Thanos like to swim? In the Infinity Pool.
- How do you call a father in a swimming pool? Dad in the water
- What does dolly parton put in her swimming pool? Chlorine chlorine chlorine chlorineeeee
- What's the best thing about a swimming pool bar? There's never a line for the bathroom.
- No one wants to swim with bitcoin miners... Their pools are full of crypto.
- I asked my son how his day at the pool was. It went swimmingly!
- What do you call someone who is fast in a swimming pool? Speedo Gonzales.
- How deep is a swimming pool? It deep-ends.
Happy Swimming Pool Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about swimming pool you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swimming inside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swimming pool pranks.
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Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. "Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine," the doctor said to the patient, "You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today." The patient replied, "He didn't hang himself; I hung him there to dry."
It'd be frustrating if you seriously couldn't find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.
A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"
The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool.
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"?
A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
An uncle of mine used to throw a space heater into the pool to heat it up before he would go swimming during the colder months
Come to think of it, he only did it once
What does David Bowie do after he gets out of the swimming pool?
He ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. (Sorry if repost)
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
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the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...
The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"
Jim and Mary.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
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Conditions
A man was sitting in a pub when all of a sudden the most beautiful woman ever walked up to the bar and sat down next to him. The man immediately asked her what the conditions would be to make her his wife. 'Three things' she said 'First you would need a huge house with a swimming pool, second an expensive car and third a 9 inch d**...'.
'Oh' the man replied 'The house wouldn't be a problem, nor would the car be, but I'm not taking three inches off my d**...!'
I have always wanted to swim with dolphins
But they keep dying on me during the bus ride to the pool.
Why does the swimming pool get laid every night?
Because he makes all the ladies wet.
I got caught taking a pee in the Municipal swimming pool.
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
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The Yeti
A local married couple came forward today and said that a Yeti was spying on them while they were having s**... in their swimming pool, watching them intently before running off into the woods.
Now, I've been called lots of things in the past but that's just mean.
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Mouse and elephant are on their way to the pool.
*Told* *by* *my* *adorable* *niece.*
Elephant: b**...! I forgot my swim trunks!
Mouse: Don't worry, I brought a spare.
Donations
Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations
for a community swimming pool."
Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water."
Going to Greece on holiday
So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros/month if I don't want to buy it.
What do you call 10 lepers in a swimming pool?
Porridge
A good will gesture . . .
A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water.
swimming pool wishes
At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"
What's Blue, Orange and Lying at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool?
What's blue, orange and lying at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with popped floaties.
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Five swedish men in a pool
The swedes were swimming and suddenly a c**... popped to the surface of the water.
Directly one of the mans asks: "who f**...?"
Did you know the triathlon was invented by a gypsy
He walked to the swimming pool and rode a bike home
Did you here about the Blonde who made a large donation to the community swimming pool?
She gave 25 Gallons of water!
My friend and I had this never-ending argument in a swimming pool in France
Turned into a total piscine contest
I went to the local swimming pool today...
And I asked the receptionist, "How much for 2 children?"
She replied, "$9.50."
"Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip?"
You know how to do gypsy triathlon?
You walk to the pool, don't swim, and then ride home on a brand new bike.
I called the swimming baths today...
Me: *"Hi, is this the local pool?"*
Guy on the phone: *"Depends where you're calling from"*
I learned an interesting fact about the Titanic today
The swimming pools on it are still full of water.
A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water
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What do you call a h**... in a swimming pool?
A pull noodle
This morning, someone asked for a donation to the local swimming pool
I gave him a glass of water
How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar?
Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.
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I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedos was upsetting some of the other swimmers.
I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave.
Because he hasn't s**... himself, was the reply.
The Aquatic Research Fish ponds overflowed last night because of heavy Rain.
it flooded the residential area nearby. A man walked into his back yard the next morning and saw his entire basement was filled with water, and hundreds of fish swimming in his pool. He went in his house and called his insurance company. He told the representative what happened. She replied "Sorry, we don't cover acts of Cod."
A man decided to go to the pool.
A man decided to go to the pool. Just after getting there, he was ready to take a dive right in. Before he could do anything though, the lifeguard ran over to him urging him to stop.
"Sir, what on Earth do you think you are doing? There's no water in the pool!" He exclaimed.
"Oh, that's okay." The man replied." I can't swim!"
Of all the victims of Harvey....
....I think I feel the most sorry, for the children who had been praying for a swimming pool.
A guy came to my house yesterday asking for donations for a new swimming pool
So I gave him a glass of water.
Swimming pool
I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!
I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the high dive!
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I could never date someone who swims in the kiddy pool...
They're just too shallow for me
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What do you call a swimming pool full of idiots?
A swimming fool.
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I got in trouble at the swimming pool...
apparently you need consent to do the breast-s**...
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A German man, an Englishman, and a Belgian man walk into a bar
After a couple of drinks, the German man says: 'My wife is SO s**.... She bought a bike, while she can't even ride it!'
The Englishman replied: 'Well, my wife is even more s**...: she bought a pool and can't even swim!'
The Belgian man laughes and says: 'That's nothing, my wife couldn't be more s**...: she is going to Ibiza for two weeks. She's bringing twenty condoms, and she doesn't even have a d**...!'
What do you call it when Eminem jumps into a pool?
The Real Swim Shady
One day John decided to go swimming.
He's at the pool, enjoying himself, when the lifeguard approaches and says "John, it's time for you to leave the swimming pool".
John: "Why, I just got here a little while ago, I'm enjoying myself, why do I have to leave?".
Lifeguard: "Because you're peeing in the swimming pool".
John: "So what! Everybody pees in the swimming pool!"
Lifeguard: "BUT FROM THE HIGH DIVING BOARD!?"
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I got kicked out of the swimming pool today.
Apparently the breast s**... isn't what I thought it was.
Paul: A man came by my house today asking for donations for the new town swimming pool.
Anton: How much did you give him?
Paul: One glass.
Some chromosomes wanted to go swimming.
- Let's jump into that gene pool!
- There's already a couple in there. You realize what you're about to d...
- ..yeah yeah, I'm Down with it!!
Two guys go to the swimming pool
One of them jump right in.
His friend asks him "Is the water cold?"
"Don't worry , after 5 minutes it's alright"
"Ok ,I'll wait."
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How do you make 50 toast at once with only one toaster?
Kick the toaster in a swimming pool.
I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him.
I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me "You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,to the swimming pool, the library, everything" I replied, "Blimey, that's a bit rough, what happened, bad luck, divorce,drugs,alcohol problems"? He said "Na, I got released from prison"
What did the sloth wear to the swimming pool?
His speedo
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How are women like swimming pools?
They both cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time of money you spend inside.
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A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is like old people n**... at the public swimming pool.
You don't want to see it but you still end up seeing it anyway.
Ireland has just declared a drought!
In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.
Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.
Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.
After Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt went swimming at the beach one day and never returned...
...we named a public swimming pool after him.
(true story)
Elvis climbs out of his swimming pool..
..watched by his wife Priscilla. As soon as he climbs out he falls back in again. This happens over and over until finally Priscilla asks him what's going on.
"I just can't help falling in, love."
