swim Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious swim stories

What are the best swim puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Swim? Well here is a complete list of the top swim jokes:

As blond woman, I've heard them all. But this is my favorite blond joke.

A blonde is driving down the highway when she looks out the window to see another blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing as hard as she can.

She pulls over, gets out of her car, runs to the edge of the field and yells as loud as she can, 'It's bitches like you that give blondes a bad name and if I could swim, I'd come out there and beat your ass!'


Regretting the compliment...

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"


I heard a man at the beach yelling "I can't swim!"

Well, I can't play the fucking Piano but am I bitching about it? Attention Whore...


I was wondering...

since there are great white sharks, how come there aren't any great black sharks? Then i realized even if there were, they probably couldn't swim...


Un Deux Trois

A French cat called Un Deux Trois attempted to swim the English Channel last weekend but sadly didn't make it and drowned. It was all over the news the next day; "Un Duex Trois Cat Sank"


If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

Cost me an arm and a leg!


A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island

they can see land in the distance, and decide to swim for it.

The redhead goes first, gets 1/4 of the way there, gets tired and swims back.

The brunette manages to swim 1/3 of the way there, but gets tired and swims back.

The blonde is able to swim halfway, but gets tired and returns to the island.


So there's an English cat and a French cat

So there are 2 cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English Channel. The English cat is called the one two three cat, and the French cat is called the un deux trois cat. who won? The English cat. The un deux trois cat sank.


A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel.

But she got tired halfway, and swam back.


Why does Mexico never get any Olympic medals?

Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already


One day a blonde is driving down the highway..

Along side a dried up river. Then she notices another blonde rowing a canoe in the dry sand. Angry she pulls over her pink Hummer hops out and starts screaming " It's because of idiots like you that people give blondes such a bad name! If I could swim I'd go over there and kick your ass"


Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.


Blonde joke

So two blondes were driving through the country and noticed another blonde. She was sitting in a rowboat, which was in the middle of a field, and she was trying to row it.
The first blonde said- See, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name.
And the second blonde replied- Yeah! If I could swim, I'd go out there and drown her myself!


A Friend Of Mine Asked Why The Mexican's Never Do Great In The Olympics

I looked at him and said, "Well Tommy, you see, all the ones that can run, jump, or swim, are already in America."


Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is already over the border!


Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!


Blonde, Brunette, Redhead

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are trapped on an island 1000 kilometers from shore, and the only way to get back is to swim.

The brunette goes 200 kilometers, gets tired, and drowns.

The redhead goes 650 kilometers, gets tired, and also drowns.

Then the blonde gets to 999 kilometers, gets tired, turns around and swims back.


Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.


two fish

two fish swim into a concrete wall one turn to the other and says:"Dam"


3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.


"You're lucky..."

A blonde is in a canoe in a field of grass paddling away. Another blonde walks up to her and says, "Hey! You're that blonde that gives us other blondes a bad name. You're lucky I can't swim or else I'd be all over you!"


The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .

A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.


Swimming pool

A white man is at a public swimming pool. He dips his penis in the water and says "This pool is 76 degrees". A black man, astonished, walks up to him and asks him how he does it. The white man says "all white men can". The black guy now wants to prove that black men can too. He dips *his* penis in the water and says "I can't tell you the temperature, but I can tell you it's 4 feet deep".


why aren't there Olympics in Mexico?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border


What do you do when an elephant comes in your window?

You swim!


Why shouldn't white people swim?

Crackers get soggy when wet.


Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze!!!


Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry!


What do Swimming and Masturbation have in common?

You have to get through a lot of fluid to find the perfect stroke.


Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?

Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.


Swimming is good for you

Especially if you're drowning


Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship

They were both clinging to a life preserver. One guy, knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"

The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"


mexican racist jokes (dont look if u cant handle them)

1) how do you stop a mexican tank?

shoot the guy pushing it

2) why isnt there a mexican olympic team?

because all of the people who can run, swim, and jump are in the U.S!

3) whats the difference between a picnic table and a mexican man?

a picnic table can support a family of 5


Where do people from Laos like to swim?

In Laotian.


Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep his nuts dry



1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.

2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.

3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.

4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.

5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.

6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.


Welcome to our swimming ool !

Notice there is no P in it.


The girl in science class

So this girl is sitting in her science class and the current chapter is reporduction. The teacher begins talking about semen and how it is loaded with sugar so the sperm have energy to swim to the egg.

So the girl says, "If it has sugar, why isn't it sweet?"

And the teacher says, "Because the tastebuds for sweet are at the tip of your tongue, not at the back of your throat"


Why does a squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.


Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

because all the Mexicans who can run, jump and swim are already across the border.


Two fish swim into a concrete wall...

The one fish turns to the other and says "Damn".


I plan to swim all the way to Paris

my friends think I'm In-Seine.


Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.


I just made this one up: What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?

A TOR pedo.


What do you call a mexican that can swim?

An American


Where does Yankees pitcher Luis Cessa swim?

In the Cessa pool.


Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?

because it didnt want to swim in the hot chocolate


A rich guy is having a fancy party...

So he calls the attention of all his guests and says, "Ladies and gents, behind you is a swimming pool with an alligator in it. Whoever is brave enough to swim across it and survive shall be rewarded fifty thousand dollars."
While everyone is still staring at the rich man, there is a loud splash. To everyone's amazement there is a man swimming across the pool as hard as possible and barely makes it to the other side.
The rich man says, "Congratulations! Here is your check for fifty thousand dollars."
The man, soaking wet says, "I don't want!". "You don't want it?" Again he says "I don't want it!"
"Well how about 50 thousand dollars in cash?" again, "I don't want it!!" "How about my beautiful daughter? You can have her." yet again, "I don't want her!!"
The rich man then says, "Well what do you want?" to which the other guy says, "I want the motherfucker that pushed me in the pool!!"


What is red and can't swim?

An aborted fetus.


A blonde is driving down the road

when she sees another blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing like crazy. The first blonde gets extremely upset at the sight of this, stops her car and gets out. She yells to the woman in the boat, "It's blondes like you that give us all a reputation for being stupid. And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"



You've red some of the best swim jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about swim. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty swim gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these swim jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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