The Best 65 Swift Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Swift jokes. There are some swift quickly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these swift speedy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Swift Jokes and Puns

Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday

But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

What did Taylor Swift say after she had sex with Shaquille O'neal

My legs are never ever ever getting back together.

My car started making this whining noise...

So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.

Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.

Swift joke, My car started making this whining noise...

Jerking off at your parents house is like committing murder.

As long as you're swift, quiet and clean up your DNA, you'll probably get away with it.

Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE)

Because swift never misses.

Want to know my favorite Taylor Swift song?

[ ]

Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?

Because she is a very swift tailor.

Swift joke, Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?

Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?

Michael J. Fox; he would just shake it off.

What does Magic Johnson and Taylor Swift have in common?

They both have bad blood.

If Derrick Rose was a singer

He would have more songs about being hurt then Taylor Swift

I just opened an express clothing alteration business.

It's called Tailor Swift.

You can explore swift quick reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean swift quickest dad jokes. There are also swift puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse

Her boyfriend's phone number

What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common?

They'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.

What did the three eggs say to Taylor Swift?

Omelette you finish...

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

Swift joke, Pedro was driving down a street when...

I guess Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift couldn't keep their relationship...


In light of the recent Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston news. I believe they shouldn't have let slip they are dating and kept it Loki

(Joke above)

Last year, Taylor Swift went on a world tour called TS 1989

That must've been an awkward stop in Beijing

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

What do you call a fast clothes maker?

Taylor Swift!

Made up by my nine year old :)

I don't understand why Taylor Swift has removed all of her music from streaming services

You can stream Taylor Swift anytime you want just by turning on the radio

Taylor Swift is marrying her boyfriend

She's having a Loki wedding

Taylor Swift 'Split' with Tom Hiddleston after 3 months of romance.

Very swift.

Tom Cruise was carrying amphetamine when he was mugged.

When the ambulance arrived the paramedic examined Tom Cruise and determined he was winded by a swift knee to the solar plexus.

The police officer wrote in his file: "The victim, Tom Cruise, got kneed for speed."

Who's the fastest tailor in the world?

Sonic the Swift Taylor

I love how music takes you to a different place

Like Taylow Swift is playing at this resturant, so now i'll go to another resturant

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

Who sews really really fast?

Tailor Swift

What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi?

The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it.

If the current Russian president is preparing to lead a series of swift military offensives...

...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?

I used to be addicted to quoting Taylor Swift

But I think I'm finally clean.

Why do vampires avoid Taylor Swift?

They know she's got bad blood.

Judge tells Taylor Swift to turn the other cheek

It didn't sit well with her.

My friend from Beijing asked me to suggest some nice Taylor Swift songs so I asked him to listen to "T.S.1989" album

I haven't heard anything from him since

Did you hear that Taylor Swift stopped singing songs about herself?

She sings all about it in her new hit song.

what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit?

tailor, swiftly please.

Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift ?

She had bad blood.

My music teacher asked me a question. I said, "Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift."

"Excuse me?" he replied, hesitantly. "I was asking if you knew 'sheet' music."

Your mama's so fat...

Her shirts have more X's than Taylor Swift.

Who you gonna call to get you a new dress at the last hour of your wedding?

Taylor Swift

Why should you never accept a dress making competition with Taylor Swift?

Because she's tailor swift...

A vampire goes on a rampage and kills every celebrity in the world, except...

Taylor Swift. She had bad blood.

What is the official song of ladies that are having a bad menstrual cycle?

Bad Blood by Taylor Swift.

What do you call Taylor Swift when she burns herself in the kitchen?

Sauté Tay

Did you hear Phil Swift is getting a divorce?

He said To show the power of Flex Tape, I will saw this marriage in half.

My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.

Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?

How is phil swift still alive

He wraps his heart with flex tape

What do you call a fast seamstress?

*Tailor Swift*

What's got 10,000 legs and three pubes?

A Taylor Swift concert.

What do the earth and Taylor Swift have in common?

They are both flat

Son: "Dad, why don't you like Taylor Swift?"

Dad: "Because she's too *fast*, son."

What do you call a tailor that stitches quickly?

Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift sounds better on Azerbaijani radios

Because she never gets played

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,

"Weird Flex but okay."

One of my friends from Beijing is a big fan of Taylor Swift ..

He asked me to suggest some good album of her .

So I told him to try TS 1989 .

I haven't heard from him ever since .

What is the difference...

What is the difference between a Swift driver and a toilet?

A toilet can back up.

What's the difference between a Swift and a Swallow?

Yo mama don't Swift.

I was going to a Taylor Swift concert but didn't have a new set of clothes for it.

So I went to the Tailor, Swift.

What does the creator of flex tape like to run in?

He runs in flex shoes because they make him go Phil Swift.

Tim McGraw has achieved something in his life no other man has

A positive song mention from Taylor Swift

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I'm dropping pounds

Only two, but still more than anyone expected.

What do Phil Swift and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They're only famous because of a tape.

What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?

A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the swift dives jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working swift rapidly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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