Swift Jokes
92 swift jokes and hilarious swift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Having trouble finding the perfect one-liner to make your friends laugh? Look no further! This article features a collection of clever Swift jokes that are sure to bring joy to anyone looking for some tom swift-y humor, or a fun pun about the Suzuki Swift's rapid acceleration. With these swiftly references, you're sure to have everyone rolling on the floor in no time!
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Funniest Swift Short Jokes
Short swift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swift humour may include short shortcut jokes also.
- Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I'm dropping pounds Only two, but still more than anyone expected.
- Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
- Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE) Because swift never misses.
- Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble
- President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19 Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.
- Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift's relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public... I guess she wanted it to be more Loki.
- What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros? A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.
- Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours. It's called Tailor Swift.
- My music teacher asked me a question. I said, "Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift." "Excuse me?" he replied, hesitantly. "I was asking if you knew 'sheet' music."
- My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man. Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?
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Swift One Liners
Which swift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swift? I can suggest the ones about wick and wright.
- What do Taylor Swift and charlie sheen have in common? Bad blood.
- I just opened an express clothing alteration business. It's called Tailor Swift.
- What do you call a fast clothes maker? Taylor Swift!
Made up by my nine year old :) - What do you call a person who is really fast at altering clothes? Tailor Swift
- Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift? Because she had bad blood
- I used to be addicted to quoting Taylor Swift But I think I'm finally clean.
- What did the three eggs say to Taylor Swift? Omelette you finish...
- A deranged fan sneaked into Taylor Swift's dressing room. She didn't hear him coming.
- Taylor Swift's new song with Chris Brown is gonna be A real hit
- I guess Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift couldn't keep their relationship... Loki.
- Taylor Swift sounds better on Azerbaijani radios Because she never gets played
- Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse Her boyfriend's phone number
- Judge tells Taylor Swift to turn the other cheek It didn't sit well with her.
- How is phil swift still alive He wraps his heart with flex tape
- what did taylor swift say when she urgently needed a new suit? tailor, swiftly please.
Taylor Swift Jokes
Here is a list of funny taylor swift jokes and even better taylor swift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman goes to the mechanic complaning of a terrible noise in her car The mechanic looks, thinks for a second, and asks her:
"Have you tried turning your Taylor Swift playlist off?" - Did you hear that Taylor is pulling her music from Spotify in Russia? They're cutting off Russia from SWIFT.
- What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi? The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it.
- In light of the recent Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston news. I believe they shouldn't have let slip they are dating and kept it Loki (Joke above)
- Did you hear that Taylor Swift stopped singing songs about herself? She sings all about it in her new hit song.
- What do Taylor Swift and Chinese history have in common? They both have a Blank Space in 1989
- My friend from Beijing asked me to suggest some nice Taylor Swift songs so I asked him to listen to "T.S.1989" album I haven't heard anything from him since
- Last year, Taylor Swift went on a world tour called TS 1989 That must've been an awkward stop in Beijing
- I'm not that big of a fan of Taylor Swift's break-up songs. Personally, I think we need to hear from all of her ex-boyfriends before we can pick a side.
- I don't understand why Taylor Swift has removed all of her music from streaming services You can stream Taylor Swift anytime you want just by turning on the radio
Tom Swift Jokes
Here is a list of funny tom swift jokes and even better tom swift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Taylor Swift 'Split' with Tom Hiddleston after 3 months of romance. Very swift.
Gather Around for Fun Swift Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about swift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean torch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swift pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Taylor Swift say after she had s**... with Shaquille O'neal
My legs are never ever ever getting back together.
My car started making this whining noise...
So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.
Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jerking off at your parents house is like committing m**....
As long as you're swift, quiet and clean up your DNA, you'll probably get away with it.
Want to know my favorite Taylor Swift song?
[ ]
Why doesn't the saxophone like Taylor Swift?
Why does Taylor Swift have so many new dresses?
Because she is a very swift tailor.
Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?
Michael J. Fox; he would just shake it off.
i once told my girlfriend there was something between me and Taylor swift
blank space
If Derrick Rose was a singer
He would have more songs about being hurt then Taylor Swift
What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?
One of them is a swift tailor.
I almost got hit by a car today, but due to a swift maneuver I was able to not get hit.
It was a Dodge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common?
They'll leave you breathless or with a n**... scar.
Pedro was driving down a street when...
Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?
This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...
Tom Cruise was carrying amphetamine when he was mugged.
When the ambulance arrived the paramedic examined Tom Cruise and determined he was winded by a swift knee to the solar plexus.
The police officer wrote in his file: "The victim, Tom Cruise, got kneed for speed."
Who's the fastest tailor in the world?
Sonic the Swift Taylor
I love how music takes you to a different place
Like Taylow Swift is playing at this resturant, so now i'll go to another resturant
Milk joke
Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."
First post hope you like it. :)
Why doesn't Taylor Swift date other singers?
So that when they break up they can't tell their side of the story!
If the current Russian president is preparing to lead a series of swift military offensives...
...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?
What do you call it when Taylor Swift sentences you to prison?
Swift justice
What did Kanye say to the Swift winds?
Irma let you finish ( I know it's lame for a Sunday night... but this was a shower thought...sorry)
Who you gonna call to get you a new dress at the last hour of your wedding?
Taylor Swift
What's the difference between a smooth sewer and a terrible songwriter?
Ones a swift tailor and the other is Taylor Swift!
A vampire goes on a rampage and kills every celebrity in the world, except...
Taylor Swift. She had bad blood.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Phil Swift is getting a divorce?
He said To show the power of Flex Tape, I will saw this marriage in half.
Phil Swift has a new product
He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,
"Weird Flex but okay."
One of my friends from Beijing is a big fan of Taylor Swift ..
He asked me to suggest some good album of her .
So I told him to try TS 1989 .
I haven't heard from him ever since .
What is the difference...
What is the difference between a Swift driver and a toilet?
A toilet can back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Swift and a s**...?
Yo mama don't Swift.
I was going to a Taylor Swift concert but didn't have a new set of clothes for it.
So I went to the Tailor, Swift.
What does the creator of flex tape like to run in?
He runs in flex shoes because they make him go Phil Swift.
Tim McGraw has achieved something in his life no other man has
A positive song mention from Taylor Swift
What do Phil Swift and Kim Kardashian have in common?
They're only famous because of a tape.
