Swerving Jokes
33 swerving jokes and hilarious swerving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swerving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Swerving Short Jokes
Short swerving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swerving humour may include short steering jokes also.
- A car is pulled over by the police.... "Is there a problem officer?"
Cop: You were swerving a lot back there
"Well I had 8 beers officer,"
Cop: We'll that's no excuse to let your wife drive - Scariest thing ever The scariest thing in the world is waking up with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I was so scared I almost swerved off the road!
- You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road... ...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.
- Cop pulls over a swerving RV. Cop: I am going to have to arrest you for driving while intoxicated.
Guy: You can't arrest me I am already home. - Driving home one day I saw my boss drunkenly stumbling in the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- A man was listening to the radio while driving home. There was a report warning about someone who was going the wrong way on the highway.
The man said to himself, swerving: There isn't just one! - The Soviet Union could have worked just fine, but the regime was dominated and swerved by political extremes Next time we should seize the trimmed means of production.
- I remember how my uncle died.. Driving an 18 wheeler rig down a long, icy road in the pitch black with no working headlights. He swerved and suddenly BAM!
Cancer. - You know you're too drunk to drive when... The tree you swerved for is actually the air-freshener.
- How does a Michigan cop spot a drunk driver? They are the only one *not* swerving all over the road!
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Swerving One Liners
Which swerving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swerving? I can suggest the ones about turning and wandering.
- Yo mama so fat. . . I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
- Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas
- Ur mama is so fat I swerved to miss her and my car ran outta gas!!
- What does a drunk police officer do? Protect and swerve.
- I got a baby bunny today. I had to swerve pretty hard to do it, but I got him!
- Yo Mama's so fat I had to swerve to miss her in my car and I ran out of fuel
- What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole?
You swerve to miss a pothole! - What kind of ice cream do drunk drivers like? Soft swerve!
- Yo momma's so fat, when I swerved to avoid her in the street I ran outta gas.
- I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
- What do you call a doe that swerves all over the road? A rackless driver...
- Why did the car swerve off the road? It hit the chicken. Bazing!
- What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road? Dodged-a-Rango
- I got a cat today Had to swerve to get it, but I got it.
Howlingly Hilarious Swerving Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about swerving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swung jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swerving pranks.
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night
"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield
The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway
The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."
The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"
•
Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."
A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over
One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
Priest DUI
So a priest is driving along, swerving a bit and gets pulled over, the officer asks him 'have you had anything to drink tonight father' to which the priest replies 'only water' the officer then points out a empty bottle of wine in the passenger seat, the priest then shouts 'Jesus Christ! He's done it again!'
m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.
Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.
A man gets pulled over for swerving
Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*"I have no clue". The man replied.*
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*
"Then what is that in your cup holder?"
"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"
"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"
"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that s**...."*
OC
A cop sees a car swerving around as it goes down the road and pulls it over.
At the wheel, he finds a priest. So the cop shines a light in the car and asks him, have you been drinking, father?
The priest says, Just water.
The cop moved his flashlight to the passenger seat and saw an empty bottle of wine. The priest looks at it and cries out, Good Lord, He's done it again!
