Sweetie Jokes
67 sweetie jokes and hilarious sweetie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweetie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sweetie Short Jokes
Short sweetie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweetie humour may include short sweetheart jokes also.
- Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain. Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"
She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault." - The wife asks her husband -What do you prefer, honey? A smart woman or a beautiful woman?
-Neither sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you - "Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm vegan." "Sweetie, we know. It's the fourth time you've told us today."
- Mother, mother, ... ... how come other children need hours to solve Rubik's cube but I do it in just a few seconds?
- Well, sweetie, it's because you're color blind. - A mother and her child were hugging ... "Mommy," says the child, "am I adopted?"
"No, sweetie," replied the mother. "We haven't managed to find someone who will take you." - A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?" The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"
- My teacher told me that I am unique But when I told my mom what my teacher said she replied," Sweetie, just because you are autistic doesn't make you special".
- What do my girlfriend and a Subway worker have in common? Everything, my girlfriend recently got a job at Subway, I'm very proud of you sweetie
- Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby? What's a matter baby?
Nothing, I'm fine sweetie. How are you? - Broom girl to broom boyfriend: sweetie, I'm pregnant… Broom boyfriend: But that's impossible! We haven't even swept together!
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Sweetie One Liners
Which sweetie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweetie? I can suggest the ones about friendly sugar and darling.
- Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache.
- What celestial body do you give your sweetie on valentines day? An exoplanet.
- Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love.
- Mommy, what is a Canadian? It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.
Rib-Tickling Sweetie Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about sweetie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sweet and sour jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweetie pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Fireman See's a Little Girl
that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs t**....He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"
Waking your husband for work in the morning...
"Baby, get up, it's time to go to work. Hooneey, it's time to get up! Get. Up... you need to get up, now! No, sweetie - all of you needs to get up!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cow is talking to her three calves
The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."
The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."
The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"
"Shut it, Cinderblock!"
Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....
"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a father with 3 daughters...
The first daughter comes up to him and asks "daddy, why is my name rose?" To which the dad replies "Because, sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head!". Later the second daughter comes and says, "Father, why is my name violet?" And the dad replies
"Because, cutie, when you were born, a violet petal fell onto your head!" Then the third daughter goes up to the dad and yells "aghurGETRWRKshhhlishhmuh!" And the dad snaps back "SHUT UP, CINDERBLOCK!"
A little girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mother . . .
"Mommy, can I have a baby?"
Her mother smiles and says, "No, sweetie. You're too young."
"Are you sure?" The little girl asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
The little girl then goes back outside and says to her playmates, "Okay boys - same game."
Husband -Talking to wife I have a problem
Wife - how many times must i tell you that it is "we," "we have a problem".
Husband - Ok, sweetie, we have a problem. My secretary is having our baby
Grammar joke
I told my girlfriend "sweetie, I want you beside me, in front of me,behind me, on top of me, under me, and to the left and right of me" she said "Honey, are you prepositioning me?"
A little girl says to her Mother:
Girl: Mom, I'm Bleeding.
Mother: That's OK sweetie. It's just a sign you're becoming a woman.
Girl: OK I was just worried about this axe in my shoulder.
My girlfriend, concerned, asked me if I'm an alcoholic. I said "Of course not sweetie."
"Alcoholics go to meetings."
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom...
A little girl gets on the bus with her mom…
The mom pays a single adult cash fare.
The driver asks her "How old is your daughter?"
-- She's 5, answers the mother.
Now, turning to the little girl, the driver asks
-- And when will you turn 6, sweetie?
-- As soon as we get off the bus.
Marriage jok
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
How was school today?
Mom: Hi sweetie! How was school today?
Child: Alright I guess...The teacher said I could be President someday.
Mom: (*whispering to dad*) None of the other kids like him.
A girl asked her blonde mom "Mom, What's 6 times 8?"
Her mom said, "Oh sweetie, those are two completely different numbers."
The Flintstones
One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions
Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?
Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.
Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?
Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.
Pebbles: oh I get it, when daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock cutter out comes Pebbles!
I was in bed with my wife when
I was in bed with my wife when she asked "I've been with you for 3 years. Can we discuss starting a family anytime soon?" I laughed and responded "Having a baby? At your age? That's impossible!" Obviously offended, she retorted "I'm not that old!" I chuckled. "Of course not sweetie, you haven't even hit puberty yet."
"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"
"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"
"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".
"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gordon Ramsay asks his daughter
"what is your favorite movie, sweetie?"
His daughter: "Frozen"
Gordon: "F*c**... me"
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s..x....
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
What are you doing, Mommy?
The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about s**... so she makes up an answer.
Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.
The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that.
The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart?
The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s**....
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
What are you doing, Mommy?
The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about s**... so she makes up an answer.
Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.
The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that.
The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart?
The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
An elderly couple next to me are talking to each other at a restaurant.
As they are talking, the man keeps calling his wife the sweetest names like Honey, Deer, Sweetie ect ect ect. When his wife excused herself to use the bathroom, I leaned over and said "I love how you talk to your wife. You call her the nicest things. It appears you two have been married for quite some time. How do you keep the spark going?"
He replies "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm too afraid to ask her what it is".
A little girl asks her grandfather why he always calls grandma "sweetie", "honey", and the like
Grandpa says "well it's because I've forgotten her name for a few years now and I'm scared to ask".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another dirty joke #03
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s**.... The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. What are you doing, Mommy? The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about s**... so she makes up an answer. Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out. The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that. The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart? The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.
Rose asks her mother, Mom, why did you name me Rose?
To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!
Lily, curious now, asks her mother Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?
To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a lily fell on your head!
Cinderblock says to her mother, hghghdnbgh!!? dnbgh!??!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother wanted to find her idiot son a job
Mother wanted to find her idiot son a job, and of course the police station was the first location to try.
She said "My son is a real idiot, he would be a great policeman". The chief looked at him and said "I, don't know.. doesn't seem that dumb to me..."
The mother turned to her son and told him: "Sweetie, go look for mommy outside".
The son went outside and returned in five minutes saying "Mom, there's no mom outside".
The policeman laughed and said "Ha! What an idiot! He could have just looked out through the window!"
My six year old daughters first non-knock knock joke, told as a knock knock joke
Her: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Why did the chicken climb up the ladder and back down again?
Me: Sweetie, this isn't a how knock knock jokes work.
Her: Dad, this isn't a knock knock joke
Me: Okay.....
Her: To get to the other slide
A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a forest
Look honey this is a forest!
Thats great sweetie but I can't see it from all the trees in the way
A boy asked his mother how he was conceived
Mommy, how was I born?
Mom: Well sweetie, Christmas came early
And that was how the boy learned of his father's nickname in college
Mommy, mommy, christmas tree is burning!
Sweetie, the christmas tree is shining, not burning.
Mommy, the carpet and curtains are now shining too!
Son: mom, all the kids at school tell me I have a big mouth.
Mom: oh no sweetie, don't listen to them you don't have a big mouth. Now take your shovel and finish your soup.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish p**......
He goes up to an 8 year old schoolgirl and says
"Give me a sweetie little girl"
I said to my mom I feel like you're trying to gaslight me right now.
She said of course not sweetie, it's all in your head.
One Day A Girl Went To Eat Crawfish With Her Mother
While eating, the girl stopped and asked her mother:
These crawfish aren't going back to be with their families, won't their mothers be worried?
Her mother was shocked by the innocent but cruel question, stopped her hands too. How could anyone take any bite after this?
Luckily, the restaurant owner walked by and saved the day:
Don't worry sweetie, acutally, they ARE with their family.
A funny one from my 7 year old daughter. Knock, Knock...
Me: Who's there?
Her: Knock, Knock
Me: Who's there?
...continued five more times.
Me (agitated): Sweetie, you have to stop saying knock knock over and over again .
Her: Daddy, you're supposed to say Knock Knock who?
Me: Ohhhhhhhh. Knock Knock who?
Her: Knock Knock, I'm at your door.
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
Saw a little girl walk into my store today wearing a shirt that said FINISHER 2019...
I said sweetie, that's a basic achievement, FINISHER 2020 is the real achievement.
We need to talk...
A young man had asked his parents to talk one day. He nervously asked them to sit down as he had something serious he wanted to tell them.
"Mom, Dad it's really hard to tell you this but I want to. I'm gay." The son said, looking from one to the other.
"That's fine sweetie. As long as your happy." The mom said, giving her so a hug. As she released him he looked to his father to see his reaction.
His father just stared at him, not saying a word. But, he got up and walked over to his son and held out his hand.
"Hello Gay, I'm Dad"
Oldie but goodie
Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24
An elderly man suspected his wife was losing her hearing
So he decided to test his suspicions. He stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, Can you hear me, my love? But she didn't respond.
So he got about 10 feet away from her and asked her again, Can you hear me, sweetie?
When she didn't say anything, he got up to 5 feet from her and asked her again, Dear, can you hear me?
She still didn't say anything so finally he crept up right behind her and said in her ear, Do you hear me?!
His wife irritably turns to him and says, For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!
Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.
The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?
His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl goes to the pet store
She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a d**....
At the airport check-in counter
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
"Stairs don't talk!"
After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.
He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
A woman is walking home with her three daughters
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."
"Drive that thing like you stole it!"
One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.
Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?
Girl: No.
Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.
Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.
Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.
Girl: (Starts running) No way!
Man: Okay, final offer, twenty dollars and a bag of candy.
Girl: Look, Dad, you had to buy a Honda instead of a Harley, you ride it!
A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.
"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"
The mom replies, "That's great honey!"
Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"
"Yes sweetie" says the mom.
The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! Today after gym class, everyone was taking a shower and had flat chests! While I had these!"
Jenny lifts her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Is it because I'm blonde?"
Embarrassed, the mom replies, "No honey, it's because you're 24"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in diner with his two young boys...
The waitress comes to the table to take their order. The man says, "I'll have the chicken fried steak."
She jots that down and asks the oldest boy "What would you like, sweetie?"
The boys answers, "I'll have a g**... cheeseburger."
The father angrily backhands the boy.
The waitress asks the other boy, "What would you like, hon?"
The boy says, "Well... I don't know. But you can bet your sweet a**... I ain't gonna have a g**... cheeseburger!"
