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Sweetie Jokes

67 sweetie jokes and hilarious sweetie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweetie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sweetie Short Jokes

Short sweetie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweetie humour may include short sweetheart jokes also.

  1. Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
  2. A wife asks her husband "Honey, how many women have you slept with?" The husband replies, "Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones "
  3. Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain. Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"
    She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."
  4. The wife asks her husband -What do you prefer, honey? A smart woman or a beautiful woman?
    -Neither sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you
  5. "Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. I'm vegan." "Sweetie, we know. It's the fourth time you've told us today."
  6. Mother, mother, ... ... how come other children need hours to solve Rubik's cube but I do it in just a few seconds?
    - Well, sweetie, it's because you're color blind.
  7. On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven." Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
  8. My wife asks me, "Honey, how many women have you slept with?" "Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones "
  9. A mother and her child were hugging ... "Mommy," says the child, "am I adopted?"
    "No, sweetie," replied the mother. "We haven't managed to find someone who will take you."
  10. A child comes out of the bathroom and sees his mother baking a cake "Mommy, can I lick the bowl?"
    "No sweetie, you have to flush like everyone else!"

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Sweetie One Liners

Which sweetie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweetie? I can suggest the ones about sweetest and friendly sugar.

  1. Mommy, what is a Canadian? It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.
  2. Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache.
  3. What celestial body do you give your sweetie on valentines day? An exoplanet.
  4. Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love.

Sweetie joke

Rib-Tickling Sweetie Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about sweetie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean darling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweetie pranks.

A Fireman See's a Little Girl

that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs t**....He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"

Waking your husband for work in the morning...

"Baby, get up, it's time to go to work. Hooneey, it's time to get up! Get. Up... you need to get up, now! No, sweetie - all of you needs to get up!"

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."

Sweetie, will you buy me a cellphone?

**Her**: Sweetie, will you buy me a cellphone?
**Him**: What about the other one?
**Her**: The other one is buying me a tablet.

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.
"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."
The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.
"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"
Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

A cow is talking to her three calves

The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."
The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."
The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"
"Shut it, Cinderblock!"

Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....

"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."

A little girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mother . . .

"Mommy, can I have a baby?"
Her mother smiles and says, "No, sweetie. You're too young."
"Are you sure?" The little girl asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
The little girl then goes back outside and says to her playmates, "Okay boys - same game."

Husband -Talking to wife I have a problem

Wife - how many times must i tell you that it is "we," "we have a problem".
Husband - Ok, sweetie, we have a problem. My secretary is having our baby

Grammar joke

I told my girlfriend "sweetie, I want you beside me, in front of me,behind me, on top of me, under me, and to the left and right of me" she said "Honey, are you prepositioning me?"

Mommy's Hair

A little girl asks her mom one day. "Mommy why do you have white hair?"
The mom thinks for a second and says, "Well, sweetie, every time you make mommy angry she grows a white hair. So don't make mommy angry."
The little girl then replies, "So Grandma..."

A little girl says to her Mother:

Girl: Mom, I'm Bleeding.
Mother: That's OK sweetie. It's just a sign you're becoming a woman.
Girl: OK I was just worried about this axe in my shoulder.

My girlfriend, concerned, asked me if I'm an alcoholic. I said "Of course not sweetie."

"Alcoholics go to meetings."

A little girl gets on the bus with her mom...

A little girl gets on the bus with her mom…
The mom pays a single adult cash fare.
The driver asks her "How old is your daughter?"
-- She's 5, answers the mother.
Now, turning to the little girl, the driver asks
-- And when will you turn 6, sweetie?
-- As soon as we get off the bus.

Marriage jok

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

My teacher told me that I am unique

But when I told my mom what my teacher said she replied," Sweetie, just because you are autistic doesn't make you special".

A girl asked her blonde mom "Mom, What's 6 times 8?"

Her mom said, "Oh sweetie, those are two completely different numbers."

The Flintstones

One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions
Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?
Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.
Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?
Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.
Pebbles: oh I get it, when daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock cutter out comes Pebbles!

I was in bed with my wife when

I was in bed with my wife when she asked "I've been with you for 3 years. Can we discuss starting a family anytime soon?" I laughed and responded "Having a baby? At your age? That's impossible!" Obviously offended, she retorted "I'm not that old!" I chuckled. "Of course not sweetie, you haven't even hit puberty yet."

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"
"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".
"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana".

The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.

An old man is driving on the highway

An old man is driving on the highway when his wife calls.
Wife: Hey sweetie! I just watched the news and there's 1 guy driving on the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful.
Old Man: Just 1? There's dozens of them.

Dad:Look sweetie there's plenty of other fishermen in the sea.

Daughter: Don't you mean fish?
Dad: Jesus Christ! You're a lesbian!?!?

A little girl asks her grandfather why he always calls grandma "sweetie", "honey", and the like

Grandpa says "well it's because I've forgotten her name for a few years now and I'm scared to ask".

My six year old daughters first non-knock knock joke, told as a knock knock joke

Her: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Why did the chicken climb up the ladder and back down again?
Me: Sweetie, this isn't a how knock knock jokes work.
Her: Dad, this isn't a knock knock joke
Me: Okay.....
Her: To get to the other slide

A boy asked his mother how he was conceived

Mommy, how was I born?
Mom: Well sweetie, Christmas came early
And that was how the boy learned of his father's nickname in college

Son: mom, all the kids at school tell me I have a big mouth.

Mom: oh no sweetie, don't listen to them you don't have a big mouth. Now take your shovel and finish your soup.

I said to my mom I feel like you're trying to gaslight me right now.

She said of course not sweetie, it's all in your head.

Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby?

What's a matter baby?
Nothing, I'm fine sweetie. How are you?

One Day A Girl Went To Eat Crawfish With Her Mother

While eating, the girl stopped and asked her mother:
These crawfish aren't going back to be with their families, won't their mothers be worried?
Her mother was shocked by the innocent but cruel question, stopped her hands too. How could anyone take any bite after this?
Luckily, the restaurant owner walked by and saved the day:
Don't worry sweetie, acutally, they ARE with their family.

A funny one from my 7 year old daughter. Knock, Knock...

Me: Who's there?
Her: Knock, Knock
Me: Who's there?
...continued five more times.
Me (agitated): Sweetie, you have to stop saying knock knock over and over again .
Her: Daddy, you're supposed to say Knock Knock who?
Me: Ohhhhhhhh. Knock Knock who?
Her: Knock Knock, I'm at your door.

Brains

A 3-year old boy is looking at his t**... in the bathtub and asks his mom, are these my brains? To which his mother reply's not yet sweetie

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".

Saw a little girl walk into my store today wearing a shirt that said FINISHER 2019...

I said sweetie, that's a basic achievement, FINISHER 2020 is the real achievement.

Oldie but goodie

Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24

My aunt has three daughters

One day her three daughter run up to her mom and one of them yells
"mom!!! Why am I named rose?"
"Well sweetie, when you where born a rose pedal fell on your head"
The second daughter.
"Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?"
"Because when you where born a violet somehow fell on your head"
The third child.
"Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?"
"Oh shut up brick"

What do my girlfriend and a Subway worker have in common?

Everything, my girlfriend recently got a job at Subway, I'm very proud of you sweetie

A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?"

The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"

An elderly man suspected his wife was losing her hearing

So he decided to test his suspicions. He stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, Can you hear me, my love? But she didn't respond.
So he got about 10 feet away from her and asked her again, Can you hear me, sweetie?
When she didn't say anything, he got up to 5 feet from her and asked her again, Dear, can you hear me?
She still didn't say anything so finally he crept up right behind her and said in her ear, Do you hear me?!
His wife irritably turns to him and says, For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!

Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.

The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?
His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.

A little girl goes to the pet store

She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a d**....

At the airport check-in counter

At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"

We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

Broom girl to broom boyfriend: sweetie, I'm pregnant…

Broom boyfriend: But that's impossible! We haven't even swept together!

After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.

He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

A woman is walking home with her three daughters

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose."
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?!
DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!"
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."

"Drive that thing like you stole it!"

One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.

Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?
Girl: No.
Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.
Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.
Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.
Girl: (Starts running) No way!
Man: Okay, final offer, twenty dollars and a bag of candy.
Girl: Look, Dad, you had to buy a Honda instead of a Harley, you ride it!

A blonde girl called Jenny came skipping home after school.

"Mommy mommy! Today in school, everyone else only counted to 5, but I counted to 10!"
The mom replies, "That's great honey!"
Jenny then asks, "Is it because I'm blonde?"
"Yes sweetie" says the mom.
The next day, Jenny comes home skipping and calling out "Mommy mommy! Today after gym class, everyone was taking a shower and had flat chests! While I had these!"
Jenny lifts her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Is it because I'm blonde?"
Embarrassed, the mom replies, "No honey, it's because you're 24"

A man is in diner with his two young boys...

The waitress comes to the table to take their order. The man says, "I'll have the chicken fried steak."
She jots that down and asks the oldest boy "What would you like, sweetie?"
The boys answers, "I'll have a g**... cheeseburger."
The father angrily backhands the boy.
The waitress asks the other boy, "What would you like, hon?"
The boy says, "Well... I don't know. But you can bet your sweet a**... I ain't gonna have a g**... cheeseburger!"

My daughter woke me

My daughter woke me up around 11:30 last night, tugging on my nightshirt.....
Daughter: Daddy guess how old I'll be next week.
Me: how old, sweetie?
Daughter: (holding up 4 fingers) this many years old.....
It's now 7:30 in the morning and my wife and I still haven't convinced our daughter to tell us where she got the fingers from

Sweetie joke, My daughter woke me

jokes about sweetie