The Best 65 Sweetheart Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Sweetheart jokes. There are some sweetheart bff jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sweetheart sweet puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Sweetheart Jokes and Puns
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".
The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"
The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
A Date on the Beach
A man once took his sweetheart for a Valentine's Day picnic on the beach. All was going well, when suddenly they were attacked by nesting shorebirds. I guess you could say their enchanted evening took a tern for the worse.
A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He looks at her and in his most sympathetic voice says, "sweetheart, put the frosted flakes back in the box."
Ba dum-tiss
Loyalty Test...
Wife buys 12 underwears of same color for hubby..🔻
Hubby- Why same color sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people
Total silence...
The suave Englishman at the breakfast table asked his sweetheart "Please pass the sugar, sugar!"
The debonair Frenchman asked his girl "Please pass the honey, honey!"
The American redneck, not to be outdone, yelled "Pass the pork, pig!"
Fred and Susan were having their usual loud...
...and endless argument about family reunions.
At last, Fred relented. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean all those hateful things I said about your family. As a matter of fact, I like your mother-in-law a whole lot better than I do mine."
A married woman is telling her grandmother why she doesn't have kids.
A married woman is telling her grandmother why she doesn't have kids. She tells her that she and her husband are focusing on their careers, so they really do not have time. The grandmother looks at her disbelievingly and says, "Sweetheart, it only takes few minutes." .
Why couldn't we fax to uncle Jim in America from England, sweetheart?
Because the paper would get wet.
What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?
Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....
You can explore sweetheart girl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sweetheart honey dad jokes. There are also sweetheart puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My dad is marrying his high school sweetheart next year.
That's when she graduates.
A recently married couple...
A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"
Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."
My daughter asked if I am going to die someday
I said "Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."
She looked relieved.
A husband asks his wife...
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
That's right
Half dressed redneck couple were sitting on couch watching news on TV, with the man's arm around the woman. The man says "Look at them homosexuals ruinin' the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man and one woman. Ain't that right, sweetheart?" The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
A little girl told her mother "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up!"
The mother answered "Well make up your mind, sweetheart".
A guy interviews an elderly couple
During the interview, the old man asks his wife "Sweetheart, could you make me some tea?" The old woman promptly gets up and walks to the kitchen.
The interviewer asks "Wow, after 40 years you still call her sweetheart, that's amazing"
The old man then said "Yea well, don't tell my wife I forgot her name"
The baby
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this…
Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault.
A kid is playing with his Testicles, while his mom baths him...
"Mommy is this my brain?"
"Not yet sweetheart, not yet"
Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.
>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?
No
>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.
Not really.
>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?
Nope.
>So what is it then?
You make me sick.
This chick is trying to get me fired because she claims I've been giving her inappropriate massages in the office...
I said good luck with that sweetheart.... I don't even work here.
(cr
A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for
sexual harassment because I've been giving her "inappropriate massages during work"
I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here.
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
A girl asks her boyfriend "Baby are you gonna still love me, even after we are married?"
Boyfriend says "Of couse, sweetheart. If your husband doesn't mind that is."
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
I married my highschool sweetheart.
I don't know why the prosecutor keeps bringing that up.
A young man proposes marriage to his sweetheart. The girl replies, "If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?" ...
"Yes, I will," came the reply.
"And drinking?"
"I will give up drinking as well."
"And going to the club with your cronies?"
"Yes, I will."
"And what else will you give up for my sake?" she asked finally.
"I have already given up the idea of marrying you."
Honest Husband
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
Boy rockss
Boyfriend: Can you be the moon of my life?
Girlfriend: Awww Yes sweetheart...!
Boyfriend:Great!then stay 9,955,887.6 away from me..!! :P
Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.
Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.
Girl: Will you fight with me?
Boy: I will not.
Girl: Will you stay with me my whole life.
Boy: Of course.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Never in my life.
Girl: Will you love me forever?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Sweetheart.
AFTER MARRIAGE
Read dialogue from bottom up.
"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!"
"Actually, you're not."
Mommy, why is daddy bald?
"Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"
The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked
"is that why you have a lot of hair?"
She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
He: "But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
She: "True, but I do."
A little girl tells Mommy, "When I grow up, I wanna be a feminist."
The mother looks to her sweet, little daughter and says, "Sweetheart, you're going to have to pick one or the other. You can't do both."
Not Tonight
Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"
He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."
She says, "I don't have a headache."
To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"
You old fool!
A farmer goes into the bedroom one night with a sheep under his arm. His wife, in bed, looks up from her National Enquirer. She has curlers in her hair and green face cream all over her face.
The farmer says, "Sweetheart, this is the pig I sleep with when you won't give me what I want."
The wife rolls her eyes and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."
The farmer replies, "You old fool, I wasn't talkin' to you!"
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on."
After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
Ferdinand
Ferdinand went to work in France for 2 years.
When he returned, he told his wife:
-I'm sorry Mary, France is full of hot chicks and I couldn't resist. But at the last minute, when I remembered you, I immediately got off the top of them.
She answered:
-I also remembered you a lot sweetheart, but you have to understand that it's easier to get off the top than to get off the bottom.
My daughter asked me if she could have the Amazon Prime App for our Apple TV for Christmas.
I said Sorry Sweetheart. I'll get you a Unicorn instead.
A mother and her daughter were passing by a cemetary
"Is that were people die, mama?"
"No sweetheart, thats were the bodies go"
"What about the heads?
True story
A young girl tells her father: "When I grow up, I want to be a feminist."
To which the father replies "Pick one or the other, sweetheart. You can't do both."
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
My wife told me I was a "model husband"
I said "thank you sweetheart"
Then she showed me her definition of model.
"A small imitation of the real thing"
A woman asks her husband...
about the electromagnetic spectrum so that she may help her son with his homework. She asks, "sweetheart, what comes after visible light again?" The father answers, "Ultraviolet, darling."
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
Come for me, daddy!
I will, sweetheart. I'm sorry I was gone for 20 years.
What do you call a sympathetic candy?
A sweetheart
If your woman catches you looking at another woman
If your woman catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say "sweetheart I am glad you don't dress like that" Haha..😂
So, Yesterday I asked my mother if I was adopted...
She told me : "No sweetheart, no one wanted you."
Before and after glasses
Finally, after procrastinating for yrs, a husband got his prescription glass.
Wife: Honey, you looked handsome before wearing glasses.
Husband: Sweetheart, You too looked beautiful before I got my glasses.
Julio Iglesias
dad: "sweetheart, do you know Spanish singer Julio Iglesias? He said he wanted to have another concert soon, you know! "
mom: "My deaaar, if I say 'Julio', it is pronounced as 'Hulio'. Don't embarrassed me like that ... "
dad: "Ooo ... is that so, ...?"
mom: "Yes, dear. When will the concert be available? "
dad: "It was Hanuari, but it was postponed. Either its Hune or Huly. Lets Watch it! After that, I plan to hump together with him at his room, what do you think?
My girlfriend woke up and said I'm mad at you! I just had a dream that you were hitting on college girls!
I could tell she was really upset so I hugged her, then looked in her eyes and said Oh sweetheart you have nothing to worry about...I don't dig smart chicks
Man on his death bed
A man is on his death bed looking at his family wich contains of a wife, 2 older boys with bright red hair and freckles, and 1 younger boy with dark brown hair and blue eyes.
He asks his boys to go out of the room so he can ask his wife something. Sweetheart tell me before I die, is our youngest child really mine? She said yes and he took his last breath and passed away.
The newly widowed woman said under her breath Thank god he didn't ask about the other two
the barbershop
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a Twinkie. While she\`s eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber\`s chair.
The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you\`re gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
"I know," the little girl replies. "I\`m gonna get boobies, too."
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!"
Dad, why did you name me Cilantro?
Because sweetheart, it's the only way I could ever know what it felt like to love Cilantro.
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.
Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "Thats really nice after all of these years youve been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
Husband: Sweetheart, I have something to tell you, I just don't know how to say it...
Wife: Just go on, say it...
Husband: Worcestershire
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
An old man was asked What's your secret that, even after 60 years of marriage, you still manage to call your wife my love, honey, sweetheart?
He said Well, I've forgotten her name long ago and I'm embarrassed to ask
10 years ago today, I asked my high school sweetheart out on our first date. Today, I asked her to marry me.
Both times she said no :(
A guy is sitting a table in a restaurant when the waitress comes over.....
Hello sir, what would you like to order?
I'll have a quickie please sweetheart...
Okay sir i'll ask again, what would you like to order?
I really want a quickie, please, you know? Tart...
With that the waitress slaps the guy and storms off.
One of the other customers leans over and says 'excuse me mate, it's pronounced 'Quiche'
A little girl was talking to her Father..
She said "Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a feminist"
Daddy says "Oh sweetheart, you know you can't do both."
Sweetheart, I didn't just fall for you.
I fell because of you.
Stop tripping me.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sweetheart hubby jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sweetheart haven piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.