Sweet Love Jokes

52 sweet love jokes and hilarious sweet love puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweet love that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sweet Love Short Jokes

Short sweet love jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweet love humour may include short true love jokes also.

  1. "I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you." "That's so sweet."
    "Not particularly. It was daytime."
  2. I work with animals, the man says to his date. That's so sweet, she replies. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?
    I'm a butcher, he says.
  3. He: "I took a day off on Feb 14th". She: "Oh ! That's so sweet darling, I love you". He: "Do you think you can help me sell 2.000 flowers in one day ?"
  4. This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions. I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy
  5. Sweet Baby Jokes (philanthropic concept reversal) What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
    The trampoline doesn't look awfully cute in a sailor's outfit.
  6. Two Melons Fall In Love The guy says, I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don't want to wait. Let's run away to Vegas together.
    The girl replies, No, baby. I cantaloupe.
  7. I love Halloween It's the only time of the year I'm not questioned for giving out sweets to small children.
  8. since we live in Birmingham, I thought it would be a good idea to learn how to play home sweet Alabama on my guitar and play it for my sister. She wasn't impressed, but our kids loved it!
  9. My girlfriend is so sweet and loving, plus she plays in goal for the local football team She's a keeper
  10. Sweet Wife: Do you love me.... Sweet Wife: Do you love me just because my father left a lot of money for me?
    Naughty Husband: Not-at-all honey. I would love you no matter who left money for you.

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Sweet Love One Liners

Which sweet love one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweet love? I can suggest the ones about sad love and sweetheart.

  1. One of my molars just said I'm handsome. I love having a sweet tooth.
  2. Love is one long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock.
  3. Sweet home Alabama... ..where your brother makes love to you.
  4. Him : I love you... Her : Love means deeds not sweet words.
    .... Then He r**... her.

Cheeky Sweet Love Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about sweet love you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new love jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweet love pranks.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear.
She had a go on every ride there was.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.
Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.

The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'

Sensitive men do exist

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot s**... love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
"Well, how was it for you?"
The guy says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

$20 dollars for s**...

I man and woman get married, on the night of their wedding, the man approaches his wife, ready to make love for the first time. She smiles sweetly and sticks her hand out. "That will be $20 please!" He goes along with her game and gives her $20. As the years of their marriage go by, she continues her little $20 game, always requesting it before making love to her husband. He figures this is just her cute little way of getting spending cash for her clothes and lunch with her girl friends, so he always obeys.
After 30 years of marriage, he comes home one day, and tells his wife he has been fire from his job, they are broke, they have no retirement! She gathers her check book and shows him many lists of $20 deposits into a savings account. He realizes what she has been doing all a long, and says to her, "d**..., if I would have known what you were doing I would have given you all my business."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-a**... student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, **'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'**
(If you guys started putting punchlines in bold I'd love ya forever)

A plane is about to c**....

(Don't know if this is a repost. If it is, I didn't know.)
The pilot of a plane tells the passengers that the plane is going down.
A woman frantically gets up from her chair and announces, "All my life, I've never made sweet passionate love with a man. Before I die, I want someone to really make me feel like a woman."
Just then, a handsome man gets up from his chair. He walks down the aisle to the woman, removes his shirt,
and asks her to iron it.

A guy calls his girlfriend on the phone..

- Boyfriend: Sweetie, do you know how much I love you?
- Girlfriend: How much baby?
- Boyfriend: I would go thru fire, swim in the ocean full of sharks, climb all the mountains, survive in the desert like Bear Grylls, fight with bears and lions, even fight with Chuck Norris and all of the expendables cast if I have to, just to see your beautiful smile..
- Girlfriend: Aawww, you're so sweet! Why don't you come over?
- Boyfriend: How about tomorrow baby, it's starting to rain..

would you still love me?

Husband asks his young wife, "Would you still love me if I hadn't inherited my Father's fortune?". She smiles sweetly and says, "Honey, I would have loved you no matter whose fortune you inherited".

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

My flight was being served

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up , that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-p**..., so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,
Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, b**...!'

How to Get to Heaven

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered in unison.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was a unanimous "NO!"
"If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, they all answered "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
This time, there was no shout in unison. Finally, the silence was broken whan a little boy shouted out, "You've got to be dead!"

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

A man is telling his friend about his latest conquest...

'It was the weirdest thing. I looked out my window last night and saw a woman tied to the train tracks'
'Woah,' replied his friend, 'did you save her?'
'Yeah, I went out, untied her, then made love to her all night long.'
'Sweet! Was she cute?'
'I don't know, I couldn't find her head.'

A sweet treat.

I find my s**... life is a lot like Nutella. Everyone loves it and has it all the time, and I'm just sitting in bed alone with a box of Ritz crackers.

A Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
'If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'
A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'
It's a curious race, the Irish. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?

An old couple lay dying of cancer

The wife turns to the husband and says "I have a confession to make. For years I switched the sugar in your coffee with powdered asbestos."
A tear comes to the husband's eyes he replies that he too has a confession to make. "I switched our coffees because you loved sweets. This tumor is hereditary."

Man sat in a bar with his wife:

Man: "I love you so much"
Wife: "Ah, that's so sweet, but is that you or is it the beer that's talking"
Man: "Sorry, but you're getting confused, it was the beer I was talking to"

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.
"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.
"Granted," the genie says as he disappears, and the cat transforms into a handsome, muscular Brad Pitt clone.
The woman jumps into his arms. "Any words before we make sweet love?"
"Yes," says the man. "I bet you wish you hadn't neutered me."

Chinese anniversary

A Chinese couple is celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. The husband says, "Since this is such a special night for us, I'll make love to you however you'd like." The wife replies, "Oh, all my friends tell me they love 69! Let's do 69 tonight!" The husband says, "You want to make love with sweet & sour pork??"

Why did u eat it???

A lady was pregnant. Her son asked her Mom, What's in u'r tummy?
Mom answered Its a sweet, lovely baby.
Son says, If the baby is so sweet and lovely then WHY DID U EAT IT???

A Man asks his lover in a restaurant

Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?
Woman : I love your company the most darling!
Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love
Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke

*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!

Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love's sweet ki--

Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes

Love is sweet and sour.

Love is a funny thing. One minute you're thinking "Wow, so this is what true love feels like", and the next minute the you're banned for "eating Chick Fil A sauce provocatively".

A woman filed a s**... harassment to the HR Department.

Hot employee: Sir I would like to file a complaint for s**... harrassment to my boss.

HR employee: So what did he do or say to you ?

Hot employee: He said my hair smells sweet and lovely today.
HR employees : I don't see a problem there. Aren't you just overreacting a bit he just complimented that your hair smells good.

Hot employee: SIR!! You don't understand my boss is a midget!!!

Old Lady: "Harold? What are you doing with my birth certificate at 3 in the morning?"

Old Man: "Oh, I'm just fawning over how beautiful your name is, darling."
Old Lady: "Harold! That is incredibly sweet of you!"
Old Man: "Well, what can I say? I'm incredibly lucky to have married the woman I love, and that she could have such a beautiful name as... uh..."
*squints and looks at paper*

True Love

Guy: "who'd ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"
Man: "That was my wife's seat, we have been to the last five World cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
Guy: "Oh.... That's terrible and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat..
But, these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member or friend with you?"
Man: " No .....
They all are at her f**...! "

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."
Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside cafe where he orders a slice of Victoria sponge cake all round and a p**... of tea for four.
When the tea and cake arrives, he smiles sweetly and says, "Now, who's going to be mother?"
And all three young ladies burst into tears again.

Love Versus Marriage

What's the difference between love and marriage?
-Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.

Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."
"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.
Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.

He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.
The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!
The street has gorgeous s**... and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.
He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.
He interrupts them to say, Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway. It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best.
The man with the sledge stops and says, Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut. That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold.
Well, I'll be! cried the archaeologist. And what's that fellow up to? pointing to the man on his knees.
Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it. Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet. So you see...
And here the man paused...
So you hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist.
The gradist...of fall time.

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followed.
As the sun peeped over the windowsill, I smiled sweetly at her sleepy face and said "So how was that?"
"Was wonderful," she said, "but I still have no place to put bedside lamp."

A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...

Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?
Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend
Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn

Dark pickup lines

Are you s**...?
Because I think about you every day.
Are you the s**... hotline?
Because I need to get your number.
Are you a noose?
Because I'd love to hang with you.
Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.
Are you a death certificate?
Because I wish you were mine.
Are you an electrical outlet?
Because I'd like to stick my fingers inside you.
Are you death?
Because I long for your sweet embrace.

A husband was sleeping next to his blind wife…

He woke up feeling his wife's hands touching all over his face. Annoyed he asked, What are you doing?
In a sweet voice she said, I just love watching you sleep.

jokes about sweet love