The Best 81 Swedish Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Swedish jokes. There are some swedish sweden jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these swedish norwegian puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Swedish Jokes and Puns

Swedish Man: What's 2+2?

Me: uh... 4

Swedish Man: FJOUR MAMA!

Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)

Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.

Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.

After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.

Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?

Three men and a parachute

So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to crash. There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.

The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.

The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."

The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."

To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."

Swedish joke, Three men and a parachute

The confession.

A guy goes in a confessional and tells the priest that last night he meet 4 swedish air hostesses down the pub, went back to their place, snorted coke, drank 20 year old scotch and had sex all night until the sun came up.

The priest says, "that's terrible my son, what kind of a catholic are you?

Guy says "I'm not a catholic"

The priest says, "what are you telling me all this for then?"

Guy says "I'm telling everyone."

A Swedish exchange student asked me if he could do 'meth' in my classroom after school

As a maths teacher, I was pleasantly surprised by his willingness to learn.


How do you catch a Swedish fish?

With a gummy worm as bait

The other day a Swedish man called me a racist and a believer of stereotypes...

So Ikea'd his car.

Swedish joke, The other day a Swedish man called me a racist and a believer of stereotypes...

Swedish Fish

They aren't sweet, just sweet-ish.

So I'm in Ikea....

...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?"
and she says, "No, it's Swedish."

(edited to make more better)

How do you describe a Swede, who's not really a Swede?

Swed-ish.

Have you heard the one about the failed Swedish car company?

I'd tell it to you, but nobody likes a Saab story.

You can explore swedish finland reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean swedish swedeners dad jokes. There are also swedish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?

The Finnish line.

My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new Swedish car

But I didn't want to hear his Saab story

A Swedish bartender is found to be the spitting image of Leonardo DiCaprio

As it turns out, they have the same amount of Oscars, too.

What hood was the Swedish cholo from?

StockHOLMES!

My dad is 100% Swedish and this was his favorite joke to tell waitresses when we went out to eat.

Waitress: Are you all finished?

Dad: No, I'm not Finnish, I'm Swedish.

Swedish joke, My dad is 100% Swedish and this was his favorite joke to tell waitresses when we went out to eat.

I'm at the ear clinic.

My name might've been called out. I have no idea.

PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.

So my friend called me last night to tell me about how his Swedish car broke down

But I told him I didn't have time for his Saab stories

What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?

Pork! Pork! Pork!


What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

What do you call a Swedish spy film?

The Bjorn Identity.

Five swedish men in a pool

The swedes were swimming and suddenly a condom popped to the surface of the water.

Directly one of the mans asks: "who farted?"

(Utterly awful joke ahead) What do you call a scar left by the Swedish Chef?

A borkmark.

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

The swedish word "grΓ€trunka" means 'crying while masturbating'. Guess you can say its a...

real tear jerker.

I'd tell you a tale about my swedish car..

But it's just another Saab story.

A man walks into a Swedish chemist shop.....

... and asks for some deodorant. The shopkeeper says 'ball or aerosol?' The man answers 'neither, I want it for my armpits.

Why do they have bar codes on the returning Swedish fleet?

So they can Scandinavian.

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"

"What?"

"You have a bun in your eye."

"Well, I do not hear because I have a bun in my eye."

Low sugar Swedish fish

If they make a low sugar swedish fish, would it be Sweet-Ish Swedish-ish fish?

What do you call a Swedish assassin?

Jason Bjorn

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

Why do the swedish navy have barcodes on their ships?

So they can scandinavin

I tried to explain to my boss that I couldn't come in to work because my imported Swedish car broke down.

But he didn't want to hear my Saab story.

What's Swedish Chef's evil twin's name?

Swedish Jeff

Did you hear about the constipated Swedish guy?

He was Farfrompoopin

TIL that Swedish Fish are actually shaped like Sweden, not fish.

Yeah, it turns out the fish part is a red herring.

Why can't you ever sing the last verse of a Swedish song?

Because it's not Finnish.

My friend was telling me about how his Swedish car was totaled in an accident

I told him to spare me his Saab story.

Apparently my buddy went through 'Thalstruma,' the Swedish term for crying and wanking at the same time.

Indeed, it was a tearjerker.

What sound do Swedish clowns make?

BjΓΈnk

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

Why do all Swedish military ships have bar codes on them?

So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!

what is a swedish government crisis?

there are 12 ministers in a meeting but only 11 cinnamonrolls

What did the Chinese statistician use to tally the number of Swedish bands?

An ABBAcus

Although you may think you're buying Swedish Fish

you're really buying a bag full of Finns.

Is my girlfriend's Name European?

It says "Made in China, 100% Polyesterene, Do not Iron" I think its Swedish, I'm not sure.

GrΓ₯trunka is Swedish for crying whilst masturbating.

It's a real tear jerker.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes?

So you can Scan the navy in.

I remember the Swedish summer of 2017..

It was the best day of the year.

Swedish for beginners.

\-Far, fΓ₯r fΓ₯r fΓ₯r?
\-Nej, fΓ₯r fΓ₯r inte fΓ₯r, fΓ₯r fΓ₯r lamm.

My dad just called a family meeting.

Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.

"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.

"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".

I hate it when people tell me the're going to a Swedish furniture shop

Does it look like Ikea?

What are the Swedish Chef's two favorite singers?

Fergie Fergie Fergie , Bjork Bjork Bjork...

Part of my college class on distilling alcohol was about Swedish vodka

It was an Absolut unit

Just watching the Germany Sweden game and there's a Swedish player called lustig

that's funny.

How to build a wall

If Trump ever needs help with the wall to Mexico he should ask the Swedish National Football Team, they did a pretty good job.

A man is on his way back from IKEA, his wife phones him and says are you bringing some dinner back?

He replies Yes love, I've picked up a Swedish meatball selection, and ITS COMING HOME!

This Swedish guy was walking up to a bus stop when he tripped and fell onto a woman's lap.

I lied. He wasn't Swedish.

He was a Laplander.

What Do You Call Vegan Swedish Meatballs?

Meatish Swedballs

Why does Swedish sugar taste better?

It's Sweder

Why do they put barcodes in every Swedish battleship?

So they can Scandinavian.

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

Brits

They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV

Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign

Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

Why do Swedish boats have barcodes on the side?

So they can Scandinavian.

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car crash

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

I'm just here to let you all know gratrunka is the Swedish word for crying while masturbating

Ain't that a real tear jerker?????

I found a massage parlor offering swedish massages,

but I was looking for a happy Finnish.

All this talk recently about following the Swedish model

I tried following a Swedish model one time. Apparently, Sweden has restraining orders, too...

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it's just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why:

I'm Swedish

Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:

*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

What happened to the Swedish man that joined a church?

He was bjorn again

Ordered a European cabinet from Wayfair and received a girl instead

Not what I expected when the description said Swedish maid

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

My friend is always complaining about the Swedish car dealership he works at. Today I had enough and finally said I don't want to hear anymore of your

Saab stories

An couple of Swedish jokes

What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?

- No smoking allowed.

Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?

- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.

Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?

- so he could roll the window down in case it gets too hot.

What does a Norwegian calculator say you if you enter 1 + 1?

- please wait...

Why do Swedish people love their country?

Because they have Stockholm syndrome

How many Swedish people does it take to make a cake?

Depends on how Swede you want it to be

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the swedish finnish jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working swedish barcodes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes