Sweden Jokes

What are some Sweden jokes?

What do you call immigrants to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners

..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"

Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*

he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*

TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.

Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other...

They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?

It ends at the Finnish line.

Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

It's too soon to make jokes about the Sweden Terror Attack

We should wait for it to happen first.

Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world.

Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...

A professor tells dirty jokes and the women protest.

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

People in Sweden keep telling me how great it is living there...

But I think it's just Stockholm Syndrome.

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it.

So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes Β£2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

What do you call someone who immigrates to Sweden?

An artifical swedener

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.

After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven.
So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish that one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. Sven kept on eating and ended up eating a total of nine tench fish.

The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!

At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, In America we call this a hug.


She says, Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, In America we call this a kiss.


She says, Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.


Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sex with her and says, In America we call this a grass sandwich.


She says, Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.

What is the best part about living in Sweden

Well, the flag is a big plus.

When does a race through Norway and Sweden end?

When you cross the Finnish line.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

Can you help out my friend?

A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid Β£800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.

Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.

What do they call a bra in Sweden?

A holdsemfromfloppin

I invited my two friends over for a party as I was trying to Sweden my sex life, but my wife said "Norway!"

So Dan, Mark and I had our 3-way as usual.

What do you call people migrating to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners.

I've been considering moving to Sweden because of their flag...

...it's a big plus.

I'd like to go to Sweden

But I can't a-fjord it.

Just watching the Germany Sweden game and there's a Swedish player called lustig

that's funny.

When I first moved to Sweden.

I was told to expect polar bears and naked women everywhere. But what a complete rip-off! I haven't seen a single polar bear!

What's the best thing about Sweden?

I can't pick, but their flag is a huge plus.

I'm not sure if I want to move to Sweden...

but the flag is a big plus.

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized excrement. when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks.

They have no idea where the baby is.

I've been living in Sweden for a long time and it's been quite comfortable…

…but then it might just be Stockholm syndrome.

I went to Sweden to look for some Oxo Cubes.

I hear they have a really good shop there called "Stockhome".

What do they call pork in Sweden?

Pjork

I hear immigrating to Sweden is tough.

They only let the right ones in.

Apparently, In Sweden parents aren't allowed to spank their kids.

Like that would bother me, I don't do foreplay.

TIL that Swedish Fish are actually shaped like Sweden, not fish.

Yeah, it turns out the fish part is a red herring.

Why do people traveling east out of Sweden get a metal?

Because they're crossing the Finnish line.

A woman from Sweden has been charged for having sex with a skeleton

Looks like she took "boning" to a whole new level

The kings of Sweden and Denmark are having a press conference today

The king of Norway will also say a fjords

How do you boat North from Sweden?

You can't. There's Norway.

What happens when the stupidest Norwegian moves to Sweden?

The average IQ of both countries increase.

Trump about Sweden

Trump: I'm sorry for your loss. We stand with Sweden at this difficult time.
Norwegian Ambassador: I'm from Oslo.
Trump: Today, we all are.

When Sweden play Denmark in the World Cup the scoreboard will show SWE DEN...

I wonder what happens when Nigeria play Germany?

What do you call immigrants in Sweden?

Swede-ish

I was going to book a holiday to Sweden

But then I realised I couldn't af-fjord it

Today, Switzerland face Sweden in the World Cup. The strategy for both sides is simple:

Dash towards the enemy until they are neutralized.

I saw a tribe in Sweden.

Abbariginals.

How to make Sweden jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Sweden to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Sweden? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Sweden pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes