The Best 45 Swed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Swed jokes. There are some swed finnish jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these swed heard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Swed Jokes and Puns

Swedish Man: What's 2+2?

Me: uh... 4

Swedish Man: FJOUR MAMA!

What's the name of the swedish resistance movement?


A Swedish exchange student asked me if he could do 'meth' in my classroom after school

As a maths teacher, I was pleasantly surprised by his willingness to learn.

Swed joke, A Swedish exchange student asked me if he could do 'meth' in my classroom after school

Swedish Fish

They aren't sweet, just sweet-ish.

A Swedish bartender is found to be the spitting image of Leonardo DiCaprio

As it turns out, they have the same amount of Oscars, too.

In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks.

They have no idea where the baby is.

What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?

Pork! Pork! Pork!

Swed joke, What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?

What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

Five swedish men in a pool

The swedes were swimming and suddenly a condom popped to the surface of the water.

Directly one of the mans asks: "who farted?"

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

The swedish word "grรคtrunka" means 'crying while masturbating'. Guess you can say its a...

real tear jerker.

You can explore swed jokes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean swed girl dad jokes. There are also swed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"


"You have a bun in your eye."

"Well, I do not hear because I have a bun in my eye."

I went to Sweden to look for some Oxo Cubes.

I hear they have a really good shop there called "Stockhome".

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

Why do the swedish navy have barcodes on their ships?

So they can scandinavin

Swed joke, Why do the swedish navy have barcodes on their ships?

What's Swedish Chef's evil twin's name?

Swedish Jeff

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

Why do all Swedish military ships have bar codes on them?

So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!

what is a swedish government crisis?

there are 12 ministers in a meeting but only 11 cinnamonrolls

Grรฅtrunka is Swedish for crying whilst masturbating.

It's a real tear jerker.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes?

So you can Scan the navy in.

A swede is looking to buy some deodorant

He goes into the store and is asked would you like ball or aerosol?
Taken aback he replies I would like armpit..

Swedish for beginners.

\-Far, fรฅr fรฅr fรฅr?
\-Nej, fรฅr fรฅr inte fรฅr, fรฅr fรฅr lamm.

Do you know why so many swedes believe in reincarnation?

Because they are going to be Bjorn again.

What are the Swedish Chef's two favorite singers?

Fergie Fergie Fergie , Bjork Bjork Bjork...

When Sweden play Denmark in the World Cup the scoreboard will show SWE DEN...

I wonder what happens when Nigeria play Germany?

This Swedish guy was walking up to a bus stop when he tripped and fell onto a woman's lap.

I lied. He wasn't Swedish.

He was a Laplander.

Why does Swedish sugar taste better?

It's Sweder

A Swede and a Finn meet for a drink.

The Swede arrives and sits down at the table.
'Hello' says the Swede.
'Are we here to talk or drink?' asks the Finn

I'd like to go to Sweden

But I can't a-fjord it.

A Swedish man goes into a store

I would like a deodorant, please

The store manager replies ball or aerosol?

And the Swedish man replies What? It's for my armpits.

Why do Swedish, Norwegian, and Finnish military ocean vessels have bar codes on the sides?

So when they come home they can ...

scan da navy in

The Swedes discovered the space:

IKEA is now I K E A

A Swedish woman, two Swedish men and another Swedish woman...

...walk into ABBA...

Why do Swedish boats have barcodes on the side?

So they can Scandinavian.

What do Swedish people say when they see something they don't like?


Swedish Chemist's Shop

(Imagine the Swedish accents)

A man goes into a Swedish chemists shop.
The assistant says, Good morning sir, how may I help you today?"
The customer says, "I'd like to buy a deodorant please."
"Certainly sir. Ball or aerosol?"
The customer replies, "No, I'd like it for my armpits."

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it's just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:

*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

Why do Swedish people love their country?

Because they have Stockholm syndrome

How many Swedish people does it take to make a cake?

Depends on how Swede you want it to be

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the swed swedish jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working swed groin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes