Sweaty Jokes
52 sweaty jokes and hilarious sweaty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweaty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you dread being the center of attention because of your sweaty hands? Check out these hilarious jokes about being hot and sweaty, soggy, moist, and even fuzzy. Laugh until you literally start to sweat and beat the summer heat!
Funniest Sweaty Short Jokes
Short sweaty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweaty humour may include short sweating like jokes also.
- My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
- What do a neckbeard and a cold beverage have in common? They get sweaty sitting at room temperature.
- I just went to fill up my car... And after a few minutes I started to feel sweaty and nauseous, do you think I might have car-owner-virus?
- What only lasts 40 seconds for men and leaves them hot and sweaty? A bowl of Ramen Noodles
- A Hot Romance While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.
- I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty. Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.
- A boy asked a girl, what about, You and me,
Tomorrow night,
Side by side,
Hot and sweaty,
Breathing heavy.
So, whadya say, wanna go jogging or not? - Have you ever gotten laid in a sleeping bag? It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth.
- I have a a simple reason for not liking the Drive Thru First time I arrived, I turned to see some fat, sweaty, morbidly obese man hunched over a steering wheel demanding I take his money.
- I drank a bottle of Tequila last night and woke up with a Mohawk. Not the haircut. A big, sweaty Indian.
Share These Sweaty Jokes With Friends
Sweaty One Liners
Which sweaty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweaty? I can suggest the ones about sweating like a and sweatshirt.
- EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
- Are Christian's allowed to sing eminem in church? Or do their Psalms get sweaty?
- I went running with my Bible... ...now my Psalms are sweaty.
- Why are so many hipsters sweaty? They put on their winter coats before it's cool.
- A good rule to live by Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? All-quid.
- Official statement from Prince Andrew:
I did not have sweaty relations with that girl - I had to put my pet rock down. :( My hand was getting sweaty.
- Don't sweat the petty stuff Always take time to pet the sweaty stuff
- Did you hear about the World's Sexiest Sweaty Man? He had loads of fangirls.
- Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You're hot and make me sweaty.
- Why are you all sweaty? I was watching cops
- What is big and hard and red and has hot sweaty dudes hanging all over it? A firetruck.
- Don't sweat the petty things... And don't let the sweaty things
- What's fat, sweaty, and bad at cooking? My ex wife!
Sweaty Hands Jokes
Here is a list of funny sweaty hands jokes and even better sweaty hands puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- s**... in a sleeping bag is horrible It's really cramped, sweaty, too warm and then to top it all off you have the scout masters grubby hand over your mouth
Comical Sweaty Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about sweaty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hairy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweaty pranks.
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
A joke from Ukraine
The worker speaks with boss
Worker: "please can I have vacation time during summer"
Boss: "Do you like sweaty woman"
Worker: "no"
Boss: "do you like warm beer?"
Worker: "no"
Boss: "then you vacation in winter time"
His palms are sweaty...
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already.
WebMD: *TYPHOID fever*
KFC is like s**...; you regret it afterwards, you end up greasy and sweaty...
and I don't think parents should give it to their children.
I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..
.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, o**... s**...: £5.00"
"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.
"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
sweaty palms make for good h**...
and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor
Me and my wife one night
My wife asked me: should we stay on the couch tonight and have a romantic evening or should we go bowling?
I repleid: well i am not sticking my fingers in some holes where every other person has stuck his sweaty dirty fingers in. So let's go bowling.
Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska
There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's v**... on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
Good news and bad news
A company of soldiers have been trudging through tropical jungle for three sweaty, dirty days, on a forced march.
The Captain calls his men to fall in, and says 'I've got some good news and some bad news to tell you.
The good news is, you are all getting a change of underwear.'
'What's the bad news, sir?'
'You have to change with each other.'
A guy was lying down on a hospital bed, waiting for his doctor to arrive
After 4 hours, the doctor arrived, all sweaty and tired.
"Sorry I'm late." The doctor said, "I had to attend my son's baseball game."
The guy replied, "It's okay doc, I'm patient."
Wife asks her husband to go bowling
She : "Honey do you want to go bowling tonight? We could also stay at home, make it cosy and watch a movie?"
He : "I really don't feel like putting my fingers in holes where everybody has already been with their filthy sweaty fingers.. come on let's go bowling"
She was 18 and he was 35.
Just the two of them. She knew that today is the day, she had been waiting for it. He laid her on her back and leaned above her. She got goosebumps and sweaty palms.
I'm scared she said quietly.
You'll be fine, i'll be quick he replied.
Within a few minutes the tooth was out and she could get up from the dentists' chair.
You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you're wearing , people don't accept you. They think you're a monster. Thank god there's other people like me or I wouldn't be able to handle being here .
Thank god for the furry convention.
Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19
In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was v**... on his sweater already.
Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
A man was reading a newspaper
when his son suddenly barged into the living room. He was all sweaty and out of breath, but had a big smile on his face. Dad! exclaimed his son, I just lost my virginity! The man put down his newspaper and looked at his son proudly. The young man standing before him reminded him of his youth, when he was a p**... with a handful of girls. The man smiled and said, Sit down, son, and let me tell you a story. The son replied, I can't, Dad, it still hurts to sit.
The hot farmer
A hot, sweaty farmer walks into a bar and orders a cold beer. "Dang, our baler broke down in the field today, and its humid and 100+ degrees out," the farmer complains. "I'm so hot and sweaty from repairing that thing that I just want to rip off all my dirty, sweaty clothes and run around the bar in frustration." "Wait!" the bartender exclaims before reaching under the bar and grabbing a bottle of Windex and spraying the farmer down. "There. That should stop you from streaking."
Moth Inspector
A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks around, and sees a big bulge in the curtains, and a pair of feet sticking out underneath. He whips the curtains open, and says, "Who the h**... are you?"
The man says, "I'm the moth inspector."
The husband says, "Moth inspector? Why are you n**...?"
The man looks down and says, "d**.... I'm too late."
On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a s**... deviant!
The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.
So there's this matchstick climbing up
On the hill. And it's all sweaty because it's exhausted. Nearly at the top of the hill, there is a hedgehog walking by and the matchstick goes
"Ohh! If only I had known there was a bus, I would have taken the bus."
A runner walks into a bar
An ultra runner jogs into a bar and orders a beer. She reaches into her sweaty sports bra and pulls out a sweaty crumpled $5 bill to pay. The bartender gingerly picks up the damp bill with a pair of tongs and dumps it in a bucket. "You realize every time I get money with b**... fluids on them I have to report it to the government," the bartender grumbles. "It's g**... income."
