The Best 34 Sweaty Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sweaty jokes. There are some sweaty warmth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sweaty breathless puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Sweaty Jokes and Puns

The Ballerina

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"

A good rule to live by

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

What only lasts 40 seconds for men and leaves them hot and sweaty?

A bowl of Ramen Noodles

Sweaty joke, What only lasts 40 seconds for men and leaves them hot and sweaty?

A joke from Ukraine

The worker speaks with boss

Worker: "please can I have vacation time during summer"

Boss: "Do you like sweaty woman"

Worker: "no"

Boss: "do you like warm beer?"

Worker: "no"

Boss: "then you vacation in winter time"

His palms are sweaty...

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already.


KFC is like sex; you regret it afterwards, you end up greasy and sweaty...

and I don't think parents should give it to their children.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

You're hot and make me sweaty.

Sweaty joke, Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..

.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, Oral Sex: £5.00"

"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.

"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.

A Hot Romance

While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.

Don't sweat the petty stuff

Always take time to pet the sweaty stuff

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?

Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

You can explore sweaty fuzzy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sweaty caked dad jokes. There are also sweaty puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire?


sweaty palms make for good handjobs

and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor

Have you ever gotten laid in a sleeping bag?

It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth.

Me and my wife one night

My wife asked me: should we stay on the couch tonight and have a romantic evening or should we go bowling?
I repleid: well i am not sticking my fingers in some holes where every other person has stuck his sweaty dirty fingers in. So let's go bowling.

My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."

I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"

Sweaty joke, My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home."

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

WEB MD: Cancer.

Sex in a sleeping bag is horrible

It's really cramped, sweaty, too warm and then to top it all off you have the scout masters grubby hand over your mouth

I drank a bottle of Tequila last night and woke up with a Mohawk.

Not the haircut. A big, sweaty Indian.

Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska

There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

Why are so many hipsters sweaty?

They put on their winter coats before it's cool.

I went running with my Bible... my Psalms are sweaty.

I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty.

Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.

Did you hear about the World's Sexiest Sweaty Man?

He had loads of fangirls.

Good news and bad news

A company of soldiers have been trudging through tropical jungle for three sweaty, dirty days, on a forced march.
The Captain calls his men to fall in, and says 'I've got some good news and some bad news to tell you.
The good news is, you are all getting a change of underwear.'
'What's the bad news, sir?'
'You have to change with each other.'

A guy was lying down on a hospital bed, waiting for his doctor to arrive

After 4 hours, the doctor arrived, all sweaty and tired.

"Sorry I'm late." The doctor said, "I had to attend my son's baseball game."

The guy replied, "It's okay doc, I'm patient."

Wife asks her husband to go bowling

She : "Honey do you want to go bowling tonight? We could also stay at home, make it cosy and watch a movie?"

He : "I really don't feel like putting my fingers in holes where everybody has already been with their filthy sweaty fingers.. come on let's go bowling"

She was 18 and he was 35.

Just the two of them. She knew that today is the day, she had been waiting for it. He laid her on her back and leaned above her. She got goosebumps and sweaty palms.

I'm scared she said quietly.
You'll be fine, i'll be quick he replied.

Within a few minutes the tooth was out and she could get up from the dentists' chair.

I have a a simple reason for not liking the Drive Thru

First time I arrived, I turned to see some fat, sweaty, morbidly obese man hunched over a steering wheel demanding I take his money.

I had to put my pet rock down. :(

My hand was getting sweaty.

You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you're wearing , people don't accept you. They think you're a monster. Thank god there's other people like me or I wouldn't be able to handle being here .

Thank god for the furry convention.

A boy asked a girl, what about,

You and me,
Tomorrow night,
Side by side,
Hot and sweaty,
Breathing heavy.

So, whadya say, wanna go jogging or not?

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sweaty wetness jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sweaty cozy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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