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Sweat Jokes

104 sweat jokes and hilarious sweat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for some unique, original jokes about sweat, you're in the right place! This article covers ball sweat, meat sweat, sweatshop agony and dried sweat - so get ready for some laughter!

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Funniest Sweat Short Jokes

Short sweat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweat humour may include short panting jokes also.

  1. Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: *Clenches fist*
    Mom: "Don't!"
    Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
    Mom: "..."
    Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
  2. Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You've got the carownervirus.
  3. People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
  4. Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying? You have got the carownervirus
  5. Did you know that an airplane's propeller is only a big fan and is there to keep the pilot cool? Don't believe me?
    Turn it off, and see how much the pilot sweats!
  6. A propeller is actually just a big fan to keep the pilot cool... when it stops you can watch the pilot start sweating
  7. The first time I asked a woman to sleep with me my hands were shaking and I was sweating uncontrollably I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before
  8. With a grim look on his face, my doctor told me I had onomatopoeia. Breaking in to a cold sweat, I gasped, What's that?! He whispered, It's exactly what it sounds like.
  9. Sweating when filling up? Feel sick when you see prices? You might be suffering from Car Owner Virus
  10. You say a mesquito bit you and now you have the chills, a high fever and are sweating profusely? That's not funny. That's malarious!

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Sweat One Liners

Which sweat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweat? I can suggest the ones about saliva and smell.

  1. Why is the hipster sweating? Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.
  2. Is prince andrew worried about his current situation? No, he isn't sweating it at all.
  3. New glasses "New glasses? They look super, man!"
    Clark Kent begins to sweat.
  4. I put blood, sweat, and tears into my work, said the disgusting bartender.
  5. What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck...
  6. Chills and fever-induced sweating will help you beat the heat all summer
  7. A good rule to live by Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  8. What makes a priest sweat in the summer? Exorcising.
  9. Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest weakness? Achilles: *sweats nervously*
  10. I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying He has diabetes
  11. I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ... Because I feel cooler
  12. Girls be sweating their makeup off at work Call that a 9 to 5
  13. I think my fat girlfriend is hot. She's been sweating profusely.
  14. Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.
  15. Worried about overcooking your onion? Don't sweat it.

Ball Sweat Jokes

Here is a list of funny ball sweat jokes and even better ball sweat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My first s**... experience was a lot like my first foot ball game. There was a lot of sweat and blood but at least my dad came.
Sweat joke, My first s**... experience was a lot like my first foot ball game.

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Sweat Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about sweat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sneeze jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweat pranks.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

I got a sweater for xmas....


I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

Irishman looking for a parking place

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Hutterite Jokes

How did the Hutterite man find his daughter in the woods?
Quite satisfying
What do you call the sweat between two hutterites having s**...?
relative humidity

They say breaking a sweat every day is one of the healthiest things you can do...

good thing I eat a lot of Indian food.

So p**... was driving down the street

And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. p**... looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

People who complain about sweat shops...

... should seriously walk a mile in my shoes.

A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...

The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

How do make a hipster sweat...

make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool.

Official statement from Prince Andrew:
I did not have sweaty relations with that girl

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer.

Credit to Steven Wright.

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.

I got a sweater for Christmas...

...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.
From: j**... "The King" Lawler"

What is worse then sweat on olivia newton John?

Come on Eileen

I'm sweating like an anti-penne rally...

What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having s**... in West Virginia?

Relative Humidity

Sweaters aren't the only garment named after a g**... b**... function...

There's wind breakers, too

What happens when a sweatshop gets busted?

The entire outfit is compromised.

Love Story

I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu

I got a sweater for Xmas

I appreciate it, but I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner.

"Why is there sweat on my handbag?"

"Calm down, it's just a little pursepiration."

The newest Presidential Fitness award will go to kids who..

do not sweat while they eat.

I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility.

After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.

Gym class made me sweat a little bit.

I'm salty about it.

I forgot to bring my towel to the gym...

But I'm not gonna sweat it.

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?

Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

What do you call the sweat on you while you're having s**... with your wife's sister?

Relative humidity

Doctor Doctor

Patient: Doctor Doctor, I'm having trouble perspiring, can you help me?
Doctor: Sure, no sweat.

Scientists analysed sweat samples of 100 regular KFC visitors.

11 secrete herbs and spices

sweaty palms make for good h**...

and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor

Sweatshops are the worst

children s**... at quality control.

I can't stand Pilates because it's too much like s**....

I sweat, muscles hurt, and then there's a woman yelling at me that I'm not doing it right.

One day I will find you...

...and I will possess you.
That day, I will bring you to bed.
Then, without your permission, I will get close to you and touch your entire body.
You will be feeling tired.
You will feel chills down your body and I'll make you sweat.
As long as I stay with you, you will never be able to get out of the bed.
Then, I will leave without saying goodbye, convinced that one day I will return.
Signed… The flu.

What's the purpose of propellers on a plane?

To keep the captain cool.
If they stop spinning, he starts to sweat.

Did you know that depending on their mood, people produce two different smelling types of sweat?

That's just my two scents on the topic

Sweatshirts are my favorite thing.

Like am I wearing a bra or not? Probably not because I am a guy but the mystery is still there.

I have two sweaters. One made in Pakistan, the other in India.

They're both Cashmere.

My personal trainer is ill today.

No sweat.

This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes

I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

Prof.: There are no dumb questions!

Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"
Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"
Prof.: "Wow..."

I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face

I was trying to get usain in my membrane

I was on a first date last night.

We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.
It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

I knitted a scarf after 4 days of blood sweat and tears out of floss only to find out it is just falling apart.

Sorry, wrong thread.

I bought my mother-in-law a sweatshirt online, but I'm thinking of returning it.

It doesn't smell of sweat at all.

I got a sweater for Christmas.

I squirter would've made me happier.

I break out into a cold sweat at the mere thought of a card-based roll-playing game

The doctor says I have PTSD&D

Why did the hipster sweat so much?

He turned on the heating before it was cool.

Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.

She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body t**..., it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.

Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat?

He was having a logistical nightmare.

You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?

It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.

People shoukd not be shamed for their kinks. I get turned on by someone who smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I get called a monster, simply because I am attracted to miners.

What does the sun do?

It makes Keith sweat and Bobby brown

I got a sweater for my birthday!

I really wanted a moaner...

Me: I've always put my blood, sweat & tears into my work!

Them: That's why you're being sacked. You are a Chef. You can't put all that in food and serve it to customers.

Woke up from a nightmare in a cold sweat.

Then I realized it's still 2020.

What's another term for b**... sweat ?

Humidititties

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences

No sweat

I put my blood, sweat, and tears into my work, and this is the thanks I get.

The restaurant is not pressing charges but I'll be lucky to find work as a chef again.

The sweater my wife gave me for Xmas was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

What is the point of a propeller on a plane?

It keeps the pilot cool. If you see it stop, and you will start to see him sweat

A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping

He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.
The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - In all my years being a doctor, I thought I had seen everything. But this is the first time, I saw an a**... smiling at me .

Why do the athletes sweat a lot more at these Olympics than at the last ones?

There are no fans. (I'll let myself out)

I walked through the front door after work and our parrot said "Don't tell my husband", which I thought was rather peculiar.

So I walked upstairs to my wife, whose lipstick was smudged, her skirt a mess, and face covered in sweat.
"Everything ok?" she asked, flustered.
"Honey," I said, "I've got a question to ask you..."
"Yes! Sure!" she panicked, straightening her clothes, "What is it?"
I said, "Since when was our parrot married?"

General approaches the Bugler

The General went to the company Bugler.
I understand that you're something of a composer. One of my senior officers has been run over by a tank, and I'd like you to write a f**... dirge for him.
No sweat.
What key will you compose it in?
It would be fitting to use A flat major.

Prince Andrew was asked if he is worried about being held accountable for what he did...

"No sweat"

Heard about the new covid variant just discovered? Makes you sweat marmalade!

It's ok, health officials are certain they can contain the spread.

Scientists are worried about a new variant of COVID that makes you sweat mayonnaise...

...but don't worry, they're confident they can contain the spread.

I got a sweater on my birthday

I would have preferred a moaner or screamer.

Sweat joke, I got a sweater on my birthday

jokes about sweat