Sweating More Than Jokes

A girl asks her father, " Why does it rain? Is it God sweating or crying?" " No," says her father, " it rains to make the plants grow. Do you understand?" " Not exactly," says the girl. " Why does it rain on the sidewalk?"

Chuck Norris doesn't sweat.
He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.

What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !

Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.

Why do field hockey players never sweat? They have too many fans!

Irishman looking for a parking place

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Hutterite Jokes

How did the Hutterite man find his daughter in the woods?
Quite satisfying
What do you call the sweat between two hutterites having s**...?
relative humidity

So p**... was driving down the street

And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. p**... looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

People who complain about sweat shops...

... should seriously walk a mile in my shoes.

A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...

The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

How do make a hipster sweat...

make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool.

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

What is that thing on top of a helicopter?

A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.

I was going to work this morning and sat across from a really hot Thai g**... the train. I kept blushing and sweating and thinking "Please don't get a hard-on".

But she did.

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.

What is worse then sweat on olivia newton John?

Come on Eileen

What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having s**... in West Virginia?

Relative Humidity

"Why is there sweat on my handbag?"

"Calm down, it's just a little pursepiration."

I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility.

After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?

Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

TIL the propeller on a plane is a fan to keep the pilot cool

When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating!

What do you call the sweat on you while you're having s**... with your wife's sister?

Relative humidity

Scientists analysed sweat samples of 100 regular KFC visitors.

11 secrete herbs and spices

I can't stand Pilates because it's too much like s**....

I sweat, muscles hurt, and then there's a woman yelling at me that I'm not doing it right.

What's the purpose of propellers on a plane?

To keep the captain cool.
If they stop spinning, he starts to sweat.

The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot

When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating

Son : Mom, Dad... I'm gay.

Dad : *Raising his right hand*
Mom : No , don't you dare!
Dad : *Sweating profusely*
Mom : Don't do it!
Dad : *waves at son* Hi gay , Im Dad.
Son : No Dad, I'm serious!
Dad : You're serious? I thought you were gay!
Son : I'm not serious!
Dad and Mom : Good.

Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....

A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)

My personal trainer is ill today.

No sweat.

This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes

I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

Prof.: There are no dumb questions!

Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"
Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"
Prof.: "Wow..."

I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face

I was trying to get usain in my membrane

I was on a first date last night.

We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.
It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

I knitted a scarf after 4 days of blood sweat and tears out of floss only to find out it is just falling apart.

Sorry, wrong thread.

Two necrophiliacs talk during a hot summer day.

*Sweating*, it's way too hot outside!
Let's go in and crack open a cold one.

A propeller is a big fan

A jet's propeller is basically just a big fan to cool down the pilot. Once it stops spinning, you can see him start sweating.

Why did the hipster sweat so much?

He turned on the heating before it was cool.

Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.

She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body t**..., it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.

If a lady with manners perspires, rather than sweats

Does she aspire, rather than f**...?

Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat?

He was having a logistical nightmare.

You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?

It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.

Did you know...

...that the prop on the front of a plane is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actully see the pilot sweating.

date: i like a lot of music but i'm really into rock

me: [trying to impress her] oh yeah me too
date: really? what's your favorite subgenre?
me: [visibly sweating] d-dwayne johnson

My first s**... experience was a lot like my first foot ball game.

There was a lot of sweat and blood but at least my dad came.

"What is the propeller on the plane for?"

"It's to keep the pilot cool" said the flight instructor.
"I don't think so", replies the kid.
"If you take off the propeller you will see the pilot sweating"

Me: I've always put my blood, sweat & tears into my work!

Them: That's why you're being sacked. You are a Chef. You can't put all that in food and serve it to customers.

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences

No sweat

I put my blood, sweat, and tears into my work, and this is the thanks I get.

The restaurant is not pressing charges but I'll be lucky to find work as a chef again.

What is the point of a propeller on a plane?

It keeps the pilot cool. If you see it stop, and you will start to see him sweat

Reasons to Avoid Water

* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people exposed to water will die

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"

A parrot accidentally swallowed a viagara tablet and went berserk

He started h**... everything he could lay his wings on .
The owner called the vet who said that the overheating could damage his brain so asked him to put the parrot in a freezer.
The owner somehow caught the parrot and forced into the freezer and forced it shut.
After 10 mins, he slowly opened only to find the parrot sweating profusely.
The owner asked 'why are you sweating?'.
The parrot said ' Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?'

I had heart palpitations, sweating and aches on the day of my first Covid-19 Vaccine

But once I got in and actually had the jab I was fine!