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Sweater Jokes

124 sweater jokes and hilarious sweater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny sweater jokes. From puns about ugly Christmas sweaters to jokes about sweaters for dogs, we've got something for everyone. So put on your favorite sweater and settle in for a good chuckle.

Funniest Sweater Short Jokes

Short sweater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweater humour may include short sweatshirt jokes also.

  1. A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
  2. I bought a sweater that kept giving me static shock Thankfully the store replaced it with another, free of charge.
  3. LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  4. The sweater my wife gave me for Xmas was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it. They gave me another one, free of charge.
  5. My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters, but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
  6. My wife is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
  7. For my birthday my friends got me a sweater. I would have preferred a screamer or moaner, but a sweater was fine.
  8. All my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater I would've preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have it all
  9. I bought a great new sweater but it kept zapping me due to static electricity! I went back to the store and they gave me a new one free of charge.
  10. My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters. She calls the program Snitches get Stitches

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Sweater One Liners

Which sweater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweater? I can suggest the ones about weatherman and jacket.

  1. I got a sweater on my birthday I would have preferred a moaner or screamer.
  2. What kind of sweater do cops wear? A pullover.
  3. Why did the jalapeno put on a sweater? Because he was a little chile
  4. What did eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  5. What are the best Christmas sweaters made of? Fleece Navidad.
  6. I got a sweater for xmas....
    I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
  7. What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  8. [Nsfw] I got a sweater for Christmas... I wish I had gotten a screamer or a moaner.
  9. For Christmas last year I got a sweater. This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.
  10. If the world was a giant sweater, where would all the black people live In the hood
  11. I got a sweater for my birthday! I really wanted a moaner...
  12. I wanted a screamer or a moaner for Christmas Instead I got a sweater.
  13. What did 50 Cent say when Lloyd Banks gave him a new sweater? Gee, you knit?
  14. All I got for Christmas was a sweater What I really wanted was a screamer or a biter
  15. What did 50 cent say to his grandmother after she made him a sweater? Gee, you knit?

Christmas Sweater Jokes

Here is a list of funny christmas sweater jokes and even better christmas sweater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer.
  • Why do dads hate christmas? They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..
  • My friend got me a sweater for Christmas... I would have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but she did the trick.
  • Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas? When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter.
  • Last christmas Santa got me a sweater. This year I've asked for a screamer instead.
  • I was asked to bring an ugly sweater to a Christmas party. But my ex-wife already had plans.
  • Dear Santa, Last year you gave me a sweater for Christmas. This year I would prefer a Moaner or a Screamer.
  • What did 50 cent say to Eminem... After Eminem made him a sweater for Christmas?
    Gee, you knit?
  • Life is like a christmas sweater I want to get rid of it but that would just make my grandma sad
  • I got a sweater for Christmas. I squirter would've made me happier.

Ugly Sweater Jokes

Here is a list of funny ugly sweater jokes and even better ugly sweater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm going to make sure to get in a good workout before going to the office Christmas party. They're having an ugly sweater contest.
  • wooohooo!! For the first time ever, I won the ugly sweater competition at my work.. Just that, i wore my best sweater from my closet to work without knowing today was the event!!
Sweater joke, wooohooo!! For the first time ever, I won the ugly sweater competition at my work..

Sweater joke, wooohooo!! For the first time ever, I won the ugly sweater competition at my work..

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Sweater Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about sweater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sweaty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweater pranks.

Dry cleaners.

A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

What did 50 cent say to his grandma after she crocheted him a sweater?

G! You knit!

did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater?

It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit!
waaaaaaka waka.

My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy.

Why did the sweater go to boot camp?
To warm up!

How do make a hipster sweat...

make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool.

Corny Jokes

What kind of bees produce milk?
--Boobies
Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
-- fo drizzle
What's black and rhymes with snoop?
--Dr. Dre
Why don't you play poker in the jungle?
-- Too many cheetahs
What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she have him a sweater for Xmas??
-- Gh, Gh, Ghee, U Knit..

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

Why did my grandmother knit a sweater for the pepper.

I mentioned it was a little chili.

What do you call a r**... pig wearing his brother's old sweater?

Hammy Downs

What did 50cent say to his grandma when she gave him a knitted sweater for his birthday?

G u knit!

I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer.

Credit to Steven Wright.

While scrolling the front page I saw the most annoying thread ever

It was coming out of the sweater I was wearing. That was my favorite sweater.

His palms are sweaty...

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already.
WebMD: *TYPHOID fever*

I got a sweater for Christmas...

...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.
From: j**... "The King" Lawler"

What's a traffic cop's favorite kind of sweater?

A pull over.

Sweaters aren't the only garment named after a g**... b**... function...

There's wind breakers, too

It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool...

Don't look back in angora.

Why was Santa upset he got a sweater for Christmas?

Because he wanted a screamer of a moaner.

what do you call a prosecutor on a r**... case?

a cosby sweater.

I got a sweater for Xmas

I appreciate it, but I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner.

My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.

I call it 'Shock and Awwww!'

Why did the bartender put on a sweater?

She thought it was a little drafty.

I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks

She accidentally made a sweater.

A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present

so santa send him a sumo wrestler

I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater.

I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

I was disappointed when my friends got me a sweater for my last birthday

I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

What does Dr. Dre say to 50 cent when he gives him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing.

I said I had no idea, he said "Guess."
"Hollister?"
"No. Guess."
"North face?"
"No... Guess"
I sill don't know.

What did Lloyd Banks say to 50 Cent after he got him a sweater for Christmas?

Gee, u knit?

[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...

Whoops, wrong thread.

What do you call those things that get fluff off a sweater?

Women

A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree

With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."

When I steal a sweater it's called theft

but when a girl does it, it's a sign of affection

I just found out that my sweater was made by indonesian s**... children

And i must say they did a wonderful job

I have two sweaters. One made in Pakistan, the other in India.

They're both Cashmere.

My wife got me a sweater for Christmas last year.

I asked for a screamer.

There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...

There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.

If you shrink a sweater by ironing it...

Is it de-creased?

What's the most nervous piece of clothing?

A Sweater!

Why did the pepper put on a sweater?

It was Chili

What's the difference between being dealt a pair of aces and winning a sweater?

Nothing, either way you're getting a card-again

What do you call a sweater that was blown away by the wind?

A cardi-gone.
(yes, I made this one up this morning)

Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska

There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's v**... on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

I have a coffee sweater.

I put it on over my tea shirt.

Blonde Joke!

Blonde walks into a dry cleaner with her sweater and asks the clerk how much it would cost to get the stain out. The clerk didn't hear her turns to her and says come again? The blonde giggles and says no it's just mustard this time

What do you use to make a sweater out of your own hair that will last for hundreds of years?

An hairloom.

Christmas Break

There are 2 boys. Timmy and Bill. They just got back from Christmas break. The first boy, Timmy, says to Bill, I had the best Christmas ever! I got a new bike, new shoes, and an Xbox with all my favorite games on it. What'd you get Bill? He says, I only got a sweater. The first boy asks, Why? Bill answers, Its because I don't have cancer, Timothy.

There is new term for waking up in prison, covered in various b**... fluids

Cosby sweater

For Sale: Soviet Wool Sweater

Worn in Stalingrad, good condition.
Bullet holes in back.

If your parents kept an old jacket or sweater from when you were a kid.

Would that make it your child hood?

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
b**..., but her b**... are so big she
can only fasten eight."

How do you get a free sweater?

You jacket.

There are many kinds of vests that protect you..

Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was v**... on his sweater already.
Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Sweater joke, Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

jokes about sweater