Sweater Jokes
120 sweater jokes and hilarious sweater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sweater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny sweater jokes. From puns about ugly Christmas sweaters to jokes about sweaters for dogs, we've got something for everyone. So put on your favorite sweater and settle in for a good chuckle.
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Funniest Sweater Short Jokes
Short sweater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sweater humour may include short sweatshirt jokes also.
- A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
- LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters, but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
- My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters. She calls the program Snitches get Stitches
- What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.
- What do you call a sweater that was blown away by the wind? A cardi-gone.
(yes, I made this one up this morning) - What's the difference between a jumper and a sweater? A sweater doesn't go splat after falling 40 stories...
- I'm getting a sweater for Father's Day! I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner, but I guess this will do.
- I tried to pay for a sweater on credit… It didn't go through and the cashier said try the cardigan
- I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks She accidentally made a sweater.
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Sweater One Liners
Which sweater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sweater? I can suggest the ones about weatherman and jacket.
- I got a sweater on my birthday I would have preferred a moaner or screamer.
- What kind of sweater do cops wear? A pullover.
- Why did the jalapeno put on a sweater? Because he was a little chile
- What are the best Christmas sweaters made of? Fleece Navidad.
- What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- If you see a habanero on your doorstep, put a sweater on ...it's a little chili outside
- I have a coffee sweater. I put it on over my tea shirt.
- Last christmas Santa got me a sweater. This year I've asked for a screamer instead.
- What's the most nervous piece of clothing? A Sweater!
- How do you get a free sweater? You jacket.
- For Sale: Soviet Wool Sweater Worn in Stalingrad, good condition.
Bullet holes in back. - I got a sweater for Christmas. I squirter would've made me happier.
- How do computers make sweaters? On the interknit.
- What do Jews and sweaters have in common? They´re easier to find in 36 than 42
- If you shrink a sweater by ironing it... Is it de-creased?
Christmas Sweater Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas sweater jokes and even better christmas sweater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas? When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter.
- I was asked to bring an ugly sweater to a Christmas party. But my ex-wife already had plans.
- Life is like a christmas sweater I want to get rid of it but that would just make my grandma sad
- Why was Santa upset he got a sweater for Christmas? Because he wanted a screamer of a moaner.
- A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present so santa send him a sumo wrestler
- I'm going to make sure to get in a good workout before going to the office Christmas party. They're having an ugly sweater contest.
- What did 50cent say when Eminem made him a sweater for Christmas? ju ju ju ju ju ju G-Unit?
Ugly Sweater Jokes
Here is a list of funny ugly sweater jokes and even better ugly sweater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- wooohooo!! For the first time ever, I won the ugly sweater competition at my work.. Just that, i wore my best sweater from my closet to work without knowing today was the event!!
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Sweater Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about sweater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sweaty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sweater pranks.
Why was the hipster wearing a sweater in July?
Because he was cold before it was cool.
Why did the overly sensitive man with poor grammar not put his sweater in the dryer?
It felt bad
did you know it takes 3 sheep to make a wool sweater?
It's amazing. I didn't even know they could knit!
waaaaaaka waka.
My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy.
Why did the sweater go to boot camp?
To warm up!
50-cent's birthday was last week, so I made him a sweater...
...When i gave it to him he said, "Gee. You Knit?"
How do make a hipster sweat...
make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool.
Corny Jokes
What kind of bees produce milk?
--Boobies
Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
-- fo drizzle
What's black and rhymes with snoop?
--Dr. Dre
Why don't you play poker in the jungle?
-- Too many cheetahs
What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she have him a sweater for Xmas??
-- Gh, Gh, Ghee, U Knit..
This was my grandma's favourite joke
Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"
Why did my grandmother knit a sweater for the pepper.
I mentioned it was a little chili.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Name two things that are black and blue and had s**...
Bill Cosby with his sweater and his accuser
What makes you sweat during the summer?
A sweater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a r**... pig wearing his brother's old sweater?
Hammy Downs
what do you call angel hair pasta, pizza sauce and a sweater in the washer
Moms spaghetti
"Sorry dad... my cat ripped your sweater"
"Darn it!"
I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer.
Credit to Steven Wright.
While scrolling the front page I saw the most annoying thread ever
It was coming out of the sweater I was wearing. That was my favorite sweater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty...
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already.
WebMD: *TYPHOID fever*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a sweater for Christmas...
...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.
From: j**... "The King" Lawler"
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
I heard this funny conversation: B: (touching the clothes) Nice sweater. G: Of course. Do you know what it's made of? B: No. What? G: Girlfriend Material
What did the police do to the sweater?
They pulled it over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sweaters aren't the only garment named after a g**... b**... function...
There's wind breakers, too
It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool...
Don't look back in angora.
The sweater you left is in the closet.
just like you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an American white guy in a Christmas sweater?
A Christmas c**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what do you call a prosecutor on a r**... case?
a cosby sweater.
I just learned you need five sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they knew how to knit.
"Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?"
DMX receiving a crew neck sweater for his birthday
My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.
I call it 'Shock and Awwww!'
Why did the bartender put on a sweater?
She thought it was a little drafty.
I was given two t-shirts, a jacket and a sweater.
They where shirty gifts.
Why did the dolphin take his new red sweater back to the shop?
Why did the dolphin take his new red sweater back to the shop?
Because it was not fit for porpoise.
Two women die and arrive at the pearly gates of heaven.
However, there's only room for one of them in heaven. So St. Peter tells each of them, "Whoever has the best thing to show me can enter." So the first woman pulls up her blouse, revealing her beautiful sweater puppies. St. Peter nods, and then turns to the other woman. The second woman lifts up her skirt and starts urinating. St. Peter nods, and says, "You may come into heaven." The first woman, protests and says, "How did I not get into heaven? All she did was pee!" St. Peter says, "A flush always beats any pair."
Lew Schneider on Sunblock
We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.
I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater.
I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
Ken Bone called me today.
He wanted to know if he should return Santa's sweater or not.
My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing.
I said I had no idea, he said "Guess."
"Hollister?"
"No. Guess."
"North face?"
"No... Guess"
I sill don't know.
Where does a black homeless man sleep in his sweater
In the hood
[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...
Whoops, wrong thread.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do dads hate christmas?
They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..
What do you call those things that get fluff off a sweater?
Women
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For Christmas last year I got a sweater.
This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.
When I steal a sweater it's called theft
but when a girl does it, it's a sign of affection
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out that my sweater was made by indonesian s**... children
And i must say they did a wonderful job
I have two sweaters. One made in Pakistan, the other in India.
They're both Cashmere.
Did you hear about the man who hid smuggled precious stones in his fleece sweater?
When the police found amber in his clothing, he was charged.
What do nymphomaniacs do when they're cold?
Put on a sweater and jacket
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
What's the difference between being dealt a pair of aces and winning a sweater?
Nothing, either way you're getting a card-again
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska
There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's v**... on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
What's the difference between a 5-star Michelin restaurant's spaghetti and your mother's?
You can't afford to get any on your sweater.
What do you use to make a sweater out of your own hair that will last for hundreds of years?
An hairloom.
Christmas Break
There are 2 boys. Timmy and Bill. They just got back from Christmas break. The first boy, Timmy, says to Bill, I had the best Christmas ever! I got a new bike, new shoes, and an Xbox with all my favorite games on it. What'd you get Bill? He says, I only got a sweater. The first boy asks, Why? Bill answers, Its because I don't have cancer, Timothy.
How many sheep?
Does it take to make a sweater?
As a Scotsman, it only takes The Right Sheep, to make me, a sweater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is new term for waking up in prison, covered in various b**... fluids
Cosby sweater
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man accidentally bummed on a cashmere sweater
Guess you could call it cumshmere
Q: when is the best time to wear a striped sweater?
A: all the time!
What is the police officer's favorite sweater?
Pullover
My grandma made a sweater with glitter yarn
It was pretty knit
A waitress demanded my sweater tonight after my credit was declined several times
She kept asking for my card again.
My mother was feeling cold
so now I'm wearing a sweater.
