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Swamp Jokes

42 swamp jokes and hilarious swamp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about swamp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore the funniest swamp jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh! From Shrek's swamp to the Hydra of Carr, laugh at jokes poking fun at swamp creatures, weathermen, and more. Find out which joke is the funniest!

Funniest Swamp Short Jokes

Short swamp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The swamp humour may include short jungle jokes also.

  1. I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.
  2. Q: What is a large mammal that lives in swamps and shouts obscenities at passers by? A: The hippopottymouth
    Source: friend's kid
  3. A "No parking sign" hangs in front of the swamp It says, "This Parking Area is for FROGS ONLY. Violators will be toad."
  4. How to tell what part of Washington you're in: Forest is west, desert is east... Swamp is DC.
  5. What is it about tall creepy louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow? Their bayou loomin' essence
  6. Nurse: "Doctor, there's a man that said that he thinks he turned invisible!" Doctor: "Well I'm swamped right now, so tell him, unfortunately, I can't see him"
  7. What's the most effective way to drain a swamp? Pour toxic orange sludge into it and the community will mobilize to drain it for you.
  8. The news out of Washington has me feeling like Shrek. I miss the good old days when all we had was a swamp.
  9. Two alligators were murdered overnight in the swamp Looks like we need an investagator to find out the culprit.
  10. Donald Trump's plan for the first 100 days is going exactly according to plan... Now that he's finished building the swamp he can focus on draining the wall.

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Swamp One Liners

Which swamp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with swamp? I can suggest the ones about bayou and flood.

  1. What do you call an accordion in a swamp? Bayou music.
  2. What do you call a reptile lawyer who lives in the swamp? Alitigator.
  3. What do you get when you push a female mathematician into a swamp? Algae bra
  4. What did one southern swamp day to the other southern swamp? I'M BAYOUUUU
  5. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a swamp? Marsha.
  6. What do you get when you call the swamp? a crocodile tone
  7. WHAT DO YOU CALL A PRIVATE DETECTIVE THAT ONLY WORKS IN THE SWAMP? An investiGATOR!
  8. What do you call a rectangle that lives in a swamp A shrektangle
  9. Why is a bad Spanish swamp kind of sweet? Because it's a marsh malo.
  10. Ever hear about Dutch Shrek? He doesn't care if you are in his swamp.
  11. I'm going to compete in the annual Swamp Half-Marathon. Just want to run that bayou.
  12. I met Shrek in a swamp, it was one of the weirdest moment of my life Glad that's ogre
  13. How is Louisiana like Washington DC? Both swamps are flooded.
  14. What does an Italian and a swamp person have in common? They both go noodling.
  15. Whats left when you've drained the swamp? Smelly peat!

Swamp joke, Whats left when you've drained the swamp?

Fun-Filled Swamp Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about swamp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swarm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make swamp pranks.

A depressed male frog was sitting in a pond feeling sad. He decides to go to a prophet in hopes of knowing his fortune.

The prophet old him, You will meet a pretty girl that wants to know everything about you.
Excited, the male frog questions the prophet, Where will I meet her? In the pond? Perhaps a swamp?
The prophet continued, No, you will meet her 2 months later in biology class. .

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!

Pegleg Pete the Pirate decided to retire

He fired his crew, ran his ship aground, and built a small cabin for himself just a short walk from the beach. He enjoyed his quiet life until global warming turned his front yard into a swamp. He couldn't get down to the shore without struggling through muck and mud that was once his peaceful stroll. Finally, he realized only one solution was possible: he was going to have to plank the walk.

The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...

Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-populated with frogs. The biologists wondered why the sodium was so important. The chemist replied: The frogs needed monosodium glutamate

So a rich Blonde is...

Flying over the Everglades when her private jet has a malfunction and crashes.
Having survived the c**... she graps her designer bag, puts on her $1000 shoes and stumbles over to the exit where the captain is opening the door.
taking one look over the wild swamp outside she first looks desidedly unhappy but to the captains surprise she then lightens up, turns to him and smiles.
"Oh, Well. at least they got rescue boats from LaCoste"

To drown in a swamp would be a quite symmetrical way to kick the bucket ...

Your life began when you were pushed out of a slimy hole, now it ends while you're getting s**... into one.

Donald Trump is draining the swamp. He has already fired Tillerson, Shulkin, Bannon, Scaramucci, Priebus

What Bigly courage our President has

Trump is doing what he promised, draining the swamp.

You can't build a bigger swamp until you drain the old one

Crocodiles can't put their tongues out

So if you are being taunted in a swamp, It probably is an alligator.

Swamp joke, Ever hear about Dutch Shrek?