The Best 42 Swallows Jokes

Following is our collection of Swallows jokes which are very funny. There are some swallows licks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these swallows cockatoo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Swallows Jokes and Puns

Sperm Bank

At a sperm bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk.
"Sir.. this is a sperm bank.." says the lady.
"I know. Get out three bottles of sperm" he commanded.
So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen sperm.
"Drink it." says the man.

So she wincingly swallows each gulp until they're all empty. Disgusted she takes a look at the man as he takes off his ski mask and pockets his gun.

"See honey? It's not that hard."

If one stork brings one baby and two storks brings two babies, what bird brings no babies?

Two swallows.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

Your girl has to chew before she swallows.

A boy swallows a whole jar of coins...

A boy swallows a whole jar of coins, and is taken to a hospital. When the doctor came out to speak with the parents, he said, "No change yet."

What's the difference between a $20 prostitute and a $200 prostitute?

When the $20 one swallows, it's because she's hungry.

A robber walks into a sperm bank...

... turns to the female receptionist and says: 'You, open the fridge!'. Terrified, she opens the fridge. 'Pick up one of the jars!'. Spooked, she picks up one of the jars. 'Now open it and swallow it!'. 'Please, no!'. 'Do it!' he says, and she swallows it. The robber removes his mask and it's the receptionist's husband: 'See honey, that wasn't so hard!'.

On another peaceful hill, stand two cows, the first cows turns chewing her cud to the second cow and says, " I say, does this mad cow malarkey worry you at all". The second cow turns to the first, swallows his cud and says...

"Nah, it don't worry us tractors"

What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows

Yeah, I know it's old....

If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

If storks deliver white babies and blackbirds deliver black babies, what bird delivers no babies?


A bar swallows a relativist

You can explore swallows mouth reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean swallows pelican dad jokes. There are also swallows puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

They say there's safety in numbers

But it won't really matter if she swallows the sperm, will it?

A Jewish kid swallows a quarter and poops out forty cents.

That's a pretty good return on digestion.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?


The new girl at work slapped me today because I asked if she spits or swallows...

It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question, considering we work as wine tasters...

How do you know when you've got a high sperm count?

When she has to chew before she swallows.

What does an Otrinthologist call a group of hookers?

a flock of swallows

Who are the prostitutes of the bird world?


What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal?

He swallows his pride...

A little boy swallows a nickel.

His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.

"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.

"Keep feeding him nickels!" the father said.

Sperm Count

How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?
His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

A man accidentally swallows a coin

He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.

The nurse says: "No change yet."

What does a train do before it swallows its food?

Choo choo

How can your girlfriend tell if you have high cholesterol?

She has to chew before she swallows.

A man walks into a bar. "Quick, bartender, give me a shot of whiskey before it starts."

The bartender pours a shot of whiskey and gives it to the man. The man swallows it in a single gulp, and says "quick, give me another before it starts". The bartender pours another shot, quite perplexed. After the man finished the second drink, he again asked for another. The bartender looks at him and says "when will you be paying for these?"

The man sighs and says "it started"

Two boys are walking through the woods and one of them gets an idea of a funny prank.

He picks up some rabbit turds and after a few minutes of walking, stops, and says, "want some smart-pills?" The other boy said "sure" takes a couple, and swallows them whole.

"I don't feel any smarter."
"Take a couple more." And he does.
Moments later, eyes coming to realization,"Say, if I didn't know any better, I'd say those were rabbit turds."
"Now you're getting smarter."

What's the difference between a feminist and a Roomba?

A Roomba actually swallows instead of spitting out

Two swallows are talking:

"It will rain."

"How do you know?"

"Humans stare at us."

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

What do you do if an elephant swallows you...?

Just run around in circles till your all pooped out

What happens when a blonde swallows a fly

Then she has more brains in her stomach then her head.

How does a woman know if her boyfriend is fertile? NSFW

If she has to chew before she swallows.

If my girlfriend was a snake...

She would be a python.
Cuz she swallows!

A man is eating at a restaurant, when a waitress asks him how his food is.

waitress: "how's the food?"

Man: \*full mouth\* 👌

waitress: "so you love it?"

man: \*swallows food\* "no, it's ok"

NSFW - How do you know you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows

What is an easy way to tell that you have a high sperm count?

She has to chew before she swallows.

Breaking news! A group of ornithologists have recently published a study concerning the primary cause of death among Swallows:

Apparently, they don't chew their food.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

I'm looking for a woman who has great tits and swallows

Signed: Ben the ornithologist

I think my sister is an out-of-control ornithologist

Literally EVERYWHERE I go in our town I see graffiti saying that she has big tits and swallows.

Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?


A policeman walks by a street vendor

Policeman: What are you selling?

Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!

Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?

Vendor: They make you smarter!

Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!

Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!

Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the swallows dove jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working swallows swig piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes