Sven Jokes
24 sven jokes and hilarious sven puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sven that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best samantha and sven jokes, sven and ole jokes, sven and lena jokes.
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Funniest Sven Short Jokes
Short sven jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sven humour may include short skier jokes also.
- Sven: I haven't talked to my wife for 3 days. Olaf: Well whys that?
Sven: I don't like to interrupt. - Sven says to Lena... "Lena, ven you turn forty I'm trading you in for two twenties."
Lena says: "Sven, you aren't vired for 220!"
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Sven One Liners
Which sven one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sven? I can suggest the ones about winter and snow.
- What do you use to compare and contrast nordic cultures? A Sven diagram!
- My favourite part in the CATS movie is what they lost Sven Sventy million dollars
- why was Elsa afraid of Sven? because Sven eight nine! hahahahahahahahaha...
- Why is Sven afraid of s**...? Because he was badly abused by his uncle when he was 5
Gather Around for Heartwarming Sven Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about sven you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skiing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sven pranks.
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
Ole and Sven
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"why sure," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "where ya from?"
"Norway," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway."
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?"
"Bergen," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old Bergen."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, where did you live?"
"On a boat, at the fishin' docks," replies the second man.
"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at the fishin' docks, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
The only joke I've ever heard from my mother
my mother just returned from Minnesota and relayed in horror that my uncle told this joke to a nurse at my grandmothers deathbed (thus telling me the joke)
Olley's on his deathbed and tells his wife to come closer. "Marry Sven" he gasps. "But honey I thought you hated, Sven?"
"I do."
Sven and Oli went to the lumber store
Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage
Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar.
They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort.
"Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued.
They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender's curiosity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked.
"51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded.
"What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.
"Put the puzzle together," they replied. "51 days, and the box said 3-5 years!"
Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...
...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.
As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
I bought a Lottery ticket today
Sven: "Ollie I bought a Lottery ticket today."
Ollie: "It looks like it has six numbers on it. 29, 4, 42, 11, 35, 36."
Sven: "What are the odds?"
Ollie: "29, 11, 35."
Svengoolie
Q: How do you get a farm girl to like you?
A: >!A tractor!<
Q: What's the difference between Sven (the host) and a savings bond?
A.1: >!One's appreciated.!<
A.2: >!A savings bond matures.!<
Q: What part of the hospital is off-limits to The Invisible Man?
A: >!The ICU.!<
Olie is on his death bed
Olie is only given a few more hours to live. His wife Lena is right beside him. Olie says his last words to Lena. "After I die Lena, I want you to marry Sven Svenson". Lena is shocked. "But Olie, I thought you hated Sven Svenson". Olie takes Lena's hand and looks deep in to her eyes and says "yes, and I still do".
Sven walks into a bar...
... and sees his friend Bjorn sitting alone at a table. He orders a v**..., and sits down opposite him. Bjorn looks up and nods. Sven nods back.
They sit like this, not speaking, for hours, waving to the barman when more v**... is required.
Eventually Sven says, "Snow again."
Bjorn replies, "Look, if you're going to chat all night, then I'm going to have to find another bar."
Oli and sven
One day Oli and Sven went out ice fishing. The started drilling into the ice and from above a voice boomed " there are no fish under the ice!"
Heeding the advice the duo moved about 20 Feet and started drilling again. Again the the voice boomed "there are no fish under the ice!"
Oli gazed up and asked "are you god?!"
"No" the voice said "I am the hockey rink manager!"
Sven And olaf
Sven and Olaf are repairing the roof on the barn, Olaf hammers a few nails, then throws one over his shoulder, pounds a few more and throws another away. He keeps doing this till Sven sees him and asks "Olaf vhy do you keep trowing avay the nails?" Olaf replies " ah there are so many facing the wrong vay" "ufda!" Sven yells " Vad Fan? pucko, they are for the odder side of the roof!!"
