Sustainability Jokes
48 sustainability jokes and hilarious sustainability puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sustainability that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sustainability Short Jokes
Short sustainability jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sustainability humour may include short jokes also.
- I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
- Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don't pay for your services? Zuckerberg: 1010011010 .......Ahem
Zuckerberg: Senator, we run ads - Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me Luckily, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
- An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.
- Thank you God for giving me food to sustain my body, TidePods to clean my clothes, & wisdom to know the difference.
- What did the wind turbine say when asked what they thought about sustainable energy? I'M A HUGE FAN!
- God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body, the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes,
and the WISDOM to know the difference. - I hear Grasshopper meat is a great source of protein; sustainable, and you can eat them cold! Locusts, on the other hand, have to be swarmed up first.
- What's the most merciful thing you can do for a vegetable? Unplug it from life sustaining equipment.
- how many Portlanders does it take to screw in a lightbulb 23 - it only takes one to actually screw it in, but these 22 sustainability blogs aren't gonna write themselves
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Sustainability One Liners
Which sustainability one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sustainability? I can suggest the ones about and .
- A guy walks into a bar -- and sustains a mild concussion.
- I sustained a serious neck injury a few years ago... ...and I've never looked back.
- How do you print something sustainably? On the Glutenberg printing press
- A robot had an accident and sustained a head injury. He was a bit upset.
- A sustained = Asus Hint: What is the symbol for A sustained?
Still don't get it? - Have you heard the joke about Whole Foods? It was so bad it made me sustainably groan.
- What has been in inside each and every one of us and can sustain life? Dinosaur u**...
Sustainability Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about sustainability you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sustainability pranks.
A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions.
He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a s**... favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside.
It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it'
s classed as an Act of God!
If World War One were a bar fight.
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
I went to kuwait, found no squirrels there..
No animal can sustain a burst of oil everytime they bury a nut.
5 men and 1 woman on a deserted island
Five men and one woman strand on a deserted island after their cruise ship sank. They are the only survivors. They find shelter and enough food and water to sustain them. So now they discuss the matter of s**.... They all agree that each man gets his different day of the week to have s**... with the woman. And in the weekends the woman is free to choose any or no man.
Now everything is going fine. But after 3 weeks the woman gets ill and eventually dies. The first week, the men are doing fine. The second week, it gets harder. But the third week, it becomes unbearable. That's when they decided to bury the woman.
Donald Trump's Library Burned Down...
In a disastrous fire that destroyed Trump's library huge damages were sustained and all his books were lost. The real tragedy is that he hadn't finished coloring one yet!
The Holocaust put a real strain on the economy...
It simply was not sustainable.
After those 6 million Jews were dead, those poor n**...'s were made redundant.
What do you call a self sustaining hipster necklace that resides in a fenced in area know as Dent.
An independent Indy pendant in de pen "Dent".
Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using h**... as a feed source for cattle.
The steaks have never been higher.
I've never been able to sustain a friendship with a lumberjack.
They all arbor resentment.
So I was arrested for showing my e**... to an NPR host...
I don't get it. She SAID she wanted to see more sustaining members.
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
Cavemen Hipsters?
Ever wonder if cavemen were just as smart as us, just real serious about sustainable living?
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Calm down sir, it's the near future and insects are our only sustainable protein source.
(cautionary joke)
- Could you help me choose the tie, please?
\- Of course, sir. I would recommend one of these. This model can sustain the weight of a full-grown man.
Some people say that Kosovo isn't a country because it doesn't have a self-sustainable economy
But then neither does Greece
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a loss as to how to combat them.
These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information, and yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive."
A soldier's wife has just returned from her insurance provider and is looking very, very unhappy
"What's the matter?" Her friend asked.
"I went to get my husband covered privately, but the fine print stated: no payouts when the holder dies as a result of an e**... and/or from injuries sustained in an e**...," she replied.
"Oh? So why would that make you unhappy?" Her friend asked.
"Well, it's too late to stop the freaking timer now!"
My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.
Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.
Red Cross nurse
A guy walks into a bar and trips and falls sustaining a horrible injury. "Hold still," the bartender exclaims. "We have a Red Cross nurse right here that can help you!" "Just my luck," mutters the guy, "Why couldn't I have a blonde cheerful nurse instead?"
My Engineering Physics Professor told me that I would pass my class "When pigs fly"
I studied hard and applied this wisdom to my senior project.
He never specified that the pig was required to ***sustain*** flight, but I'm assuming that's the reason why I was expelled.
A Dr. Of marine biology was inspired to create a new beverage.
Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ready to bring it to market.
Dr. Opor made a single sample of his piscine tea and brought it to Costco to perform a taste test. Sadly, nobody was interested in his tuna beverage and it was thrown out.
It was a wasted Opor tuna tea.