Suspended Jokes
75 suspended jokes and hilarious suspended puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suspended that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From detention to a homecoming dance, discover what happens when Jokes gets his first suspended license and the chain of events that follow. Learn why he chooses to take the Bronco, who he brings with him, and how fate intervenes. Get all the details to find out who gets the last laugh.
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Funniest Suspended Short Jokes
Short suspended jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suspended humour may include short suspension jokes also.
- What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale? Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.
- Did you hear what happened to that nfl player that murdered several people? He was suspended.
- I like my women the same way I like my lightbulbs. Not too bright, easy to turn on, and suspended from the ceiling with electrical cable.
- So I was sentenced to death by hanging... but my execution is being suspended temporarily.
- LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror! You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.
- Give a Redditor an upvote and he'll be happy for a day. Suspend a man's Reddit account and he'll be happy for a lifetime.
- What's the difference between US Politics and WWE? one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief
the other is pro wrestling. - I returned from court to see 'Welcome home dad' hanging over the foyer.. It was a suspended sentence
- Why did Darth Vader get suspended from the Police? He was under investigation for excessive use of Force
- Did you hear about the kid who bungie jumped from the school's flag pole? He was suspended
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Suspended One Liners
Which suspended one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suspended? I can suggest the ones about hanging and arrested.
- Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself? He was already suspended.
- I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
- What did the suspenders say to the trousers? What's up, britches?!
- Why did the fish get suspended from his school He had seaweed in his locker
- Q: Why did the suspenders get arrested? A: Because they held up a pair of pants.
- Why don't suspenders make good singers? Because they don't know how to belt
- How can online retailers hurt Russia? Suspending delivery of Adidas Tracksuit.
- What happens when you hang yourself at school? you get suspended.
- I got caught trying to hang myself at school Now I'm suspended.
- Why did the duck get suspended from school? For fowl language
- I got suspended for bringing a piccolo to school. They told me it was too sharp
- What happened to the chord who violated school rules? It was suspended!
- The NFL announced today that Aaron Hernandez Is suspended indefinitely.
- Why didn't Jesus play in the Bethlehem X Nazareth soccer match? Because he was suspended.
- Did you hear about the bungee jumper who got kicked out of school? He was suspended.
Teacher Suspended Jokes
Here is a list of funny teacher suspended jokes and even better teacher suspended puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know which End she was talking about? My teacher pointed me with her ruler and declared that at the end of her ruler is an idiot.
I was suspended for a week for just asking which end! - Teacher My teacher pointed to me with the ruler and said "There is an idiot at the end of the ruler" I got suspended for asking which end! :P
- Why did the teacher suspend the kid who called her a great artist? He said it in a British accent
Suspended Sentence Jokes
Here is a list of funny suspended sentence jokes and even better suspended sentence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about criminal who asked the judge for a suspended sentence? He was hanged.
- Saddam Hussein was found Guilty in a Court of Law but he was given a suspended sentence
- The condemned says to the judge: "please don't electrocute me. I'm only 20, please cut me some slack and suspend my sentence" So the judge hanged him.
- Sadam Hussein appealed his case his sentence was suspended
- The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: "Well..." Suspended sentence
- A m**... begged the judge to suspend his sentence So the judge hanged him.
Quirky and Hilarious Suspended Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about suspended you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean detained jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suspended pranks.
What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
​
Sincerely,
​
The Internet Provider
Two 14-year-old Muslim boys have been suspended from school in Accrington for refusing to shave off their beards.
The head teacher said, "We will not tolerate a school environment where it's impossible to tell the boys from the girls."
Teenage twin boys in a "special needs" class were suspended for online gambling while at school...
Turns out they have DoubleDown syndrome.
Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended. He must have done something that even the BBC find inexcusable
So that rules out child a**... then....
Did you hear about the factory run by a hangman?
All work has been suspended.
Mickey Mouse hangs himself...
He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.
I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job...
after being caught m**... and smoking w**... in his office.
No name was given but he was a high w**... officer.
What happened to the trapeze artist that did drugs on the job?
He got suspended.
Suspended
Boy: Dad, I got suspended from school today.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That's my boy.
Some guys at my school got caught trying a**... asphyxiation
One got suspended, the others got off.
This is a joke from the 1920's
Why were the trousers not allowed to enter the school?
They were suspended.
My wife got into a car c**...
The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.
A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.
# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.
Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.
Your mother is so fat
Her chins wear suspenders.
(Hope its original, I just thought it up. If not, I can live with it.)
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis
Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.
Oh my God! He went into a Coma?
No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.
How do you keep a horses a**... from talking?
Suspend his Twitter account
Coworker: Why do bad guys always wear suspenders?
Me: So they don't get caught with their pants down.
(This happened a couple days ago, I was pretty proud. He legitimately was just asking the question)
Police want to interview a man suspected for a string of robberies wearing stockings and suspenders.
However, the Chief Constable has insisted they wear their normal uniform.
Johnny learns fast…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 1: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: Please stay out of school for one week.
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 2: I saw both your bra straps.
Teacher: Suspended from school for one month.
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Little Johnny started walking out of the class…
Teacher: Why are you leaving?
Little Johnny: I think my school days are over.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
Sincerely,
Your Internet Provider
What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school?
He got suspendered.
Driving Questionnaire
A man had recently moved and was filling out forms at his local police station:
Q: Has your driver's license ever been suspended or revoked?
"No, never."
Q: Have you ever been convicted of a DUI?
"Oh yes, lots of times!"
Q: Have you ever been convicted of a driving-related felony?
"Yeah, three of them."
At this point, the officer stopped to ask: "well wait a minute, if you have all of these DUIs and felonies, how come your license has never been suspended or revoked?"
The man responds: "Never got one."
Now that the Uvelde police force is suspended, what is going to happen if there's an emergency and you need to call the police?
The same thing that would happen *before* the police force was suspended
Did you know the Golden Gate Bridge and Brooklyn Bridge have twitter accounts?
They are both suspended.
