Suspects Jokes
42 suspects jokes and hilarious suspects puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suspects that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Suspects Short Jokes
Short suspects jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suspects humour may include short suspected jokes also.
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
- BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you is an owl?
ME: Who?
*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°* - My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician - Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him? He kept finding different hares in his bed.
- A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.
- What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect? "What were you doing the night between November and May?"
- What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect? "What were you doing the night between November and May?"
I'll see myself out. - If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect. - Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7
- I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet. No wonder my water bill is so high.
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Suspects One Liners
Which suspects one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suspects? I can suggest the ones about suspicion and unsuspecting.
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- 4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.
- I had to report my stolen amazon package The police are still looking for a prime suspect
- Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9? 7 was the prime suspect.
- I'm beginning to suspect I might have bad posture call it a hunch
- Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose? They suspected it of fowl play.
- My girlfriend suspects I still have feelings for my ex. Just don't tell my wife.
- Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2... Will be a flop.
- Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem? Because of his coffin.
- Why was the dog put on the No Fly list? It had ties to suspected terrier organizations
- Batman and robin came out 20 years ago today But we always sort of suspected.
- How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ? He used his NUTS gun.
- Police on lookout for Starbucks thief Suspect is still at veinte
- What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
- A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set. The police suspect fowl play
Charming Humor Suspects Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about suspects you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suggests jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suspects pranks.
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A man in my town was shot yesterday with a starter's p**....
Police suspect that the crime is race related.
Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "Yes."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "No."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
John Travolta Coronavirus joke
As see on the CNN John Travolta was hospitalised for a suspected Coronavirus. But doctors soon realised that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.
They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit m**...
I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .
Two women are talking in Heaven
One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."
They say there's a person capable of m**... in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.
The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 8 and 9 died in a double h**... and 7 is the **prime** suspect.
Given that the US has now shot down three balloons (or suspected balloons) this week....
Whoever is flying the Goodyear blimp at the super bowl tonight had better have b**... of steel.
An elderly man suspected his wife was losing her hearing
So he decided to test his suspicions. He stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, Can you hear me, my love? But she didn't respond.
So he got about 10 feet away from her and asked her again, Can you hear me, sweetie?
When she didn't say anything, he got up to 5 feet from her and asked her again, Dear, can you hear me?
She still didn't say anything so finally he crept up right behind her and said in her ear, Do you hear me?!
His wife irritably turns to him and says, For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
a policeman calls for backup
Dispatch, we've got a h**... here. Looks like This old lady just shot her husband. She claims it was because he kept tracking dirt over her freshly mopped floors. Over
Understood, is the suspect in custody? Over.
No dispatch. The floor isn't dry yet.
