Suspect Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
Someone told me there's a joke about a "small medium at large"
I can't say I totally believe them...sounds a little suspect to me.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock?
He was cleared of all charges.
A man reported that his chickens had been stolen off his property
Police suspect fowl play.
A Detective is in a room questioning a suspect
After a while, he comes out of the room and talks to the police sergeant there with him, "Well, I've asked him just about every question in the book. 'Where were you last night?', 'What were you doing?', 'Who were you with?', everything."
The sergeant asks, "Well have you gotten a confession out of him?"
The detective says, "Not exactly. He keeps saying 'Yes dear' and dozing off."
Police Lineup
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."
One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"
toothbrush origin
I suspect that the toothbrush was invented in the south,if it had been invented in the north, it would have been called a teethbrush
Man found dead in Pizza Hut.....
Police found the body of a man in the storeroom at Pizza Hut. He was covered in ham, pineapple, anchovies and pepperoni, They don't suspect m**.... They think he topped himself.
Fleetwood Mac
Money has gone missing from Fleetwood Mac's dressing room again.
They're starting to suspect Stevie Nicks.
One in every six people on this planet are Chinese.
Of my five brothers, I suspect Danny.
SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.
He was charged with impersonating a police officer.
You can explore suspect police reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suspect doubt dad jokes. There are also suspect puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 8 and 9 died in a double h**... and 7 is the **prime** suspect.
In a crime scene....
"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"
"Well, the vic was found n**... in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut m**... case if you ask me"
"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during s**..."
"So it was a s**... then...."
My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making
I suspect his whole story is fabricated.
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.
- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7
I'm beginning to suspect I might have bad posture
call it a hunch
"Suspect is an elder female with an extensive criminal background..."
"We don't have any leads, but we'll search every crook and nanny until we find her."
Holmes and Watson were investigating a m**... at an archaeological dig-site
Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the m**... victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."
"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy
They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him. Got him. Got him. Got him. Need him. Got him...."
A man was found dead on his chicken farm.
I heard the police suspect fowl play.
When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.
"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."
What do you get when you cross a h**... and a m**... suspect?
A person of i**....
Two Alabama State Troopers
Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"
The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."
BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you
is an owl?
ME: Who?
*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°*
Police on lookout for Starbucks thief
Suspect is still at veinte
I suspected my wife cheated on me at a Bill Cosby's house party last night...
"No, I didn't have s**... with Bill Cosby"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure I'd remember having s**... with Bill Cosby!"
Detective: "Where were you on the night of the m**...?"
Suspect: "At home, sir."
Detective: "That's where the m**... happened idiot."
Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9?
7 was the prime suspect.
I suspected my friend of using my carpentry tools without my permission...
And when he bragged he made a new front door decoration, I knew it was a sign.
It's been 4 years since my job interview.
I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else
it appears a chicken was found dead under mysterious circumstance.
police suspect fowl play.
A suspected cannibal stood in front of a judge and was asked to give his final statement, to which he replied:
"If you are what you eat, then I am an innocent man".
Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem?
Because of his coffin.
I had to report my stolen amazon package
The police are still looking for a prime suspect
Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a t**... attack.
No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.
Polaroid of the suspect
Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
I've always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for...
She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.
My local beauty shop was broken into last night.
CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.
The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".
Sword s**... found dead
The police suspect it's an inside job
A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.
The police suspect fowl play
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?"
USA: "Are you out of your mind? They really have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Cop: We suspect you have illegally downloaded all the editions of Encyclopedia Brittanica.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything!
A man was shot earlier today with a starter's p**...
Police suspect the incident was race related.
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
Why was Pythagoras not considered a suspect in m**... case?
No knew what his angle was.
Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a m**... suspect?
He was a sketchy dude.
Cop: Suspect is dancing n**... downtown.
Dispatcher: Copy that.
Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.
10-4, back up, I need back up
What's your location?
16 and 11. Hacker is on foot.
Where is the suspect headed?
I don't know. He just ransomware.
Edward Carrington Marshal, the only son of John Marshall, who was the original owner of the famous Liberty Bell, was found dead.
Police suspect Will Smith, since his fresh prints were found on the bell heir.
First day as a cop
Me: Suspect is dancing n**... in the street.
Dispatch: Copy that.
Me: Okay, I'll try, but I'm not much of a dancer.
Wife: "My husband has got to be the worst detective!"
Wife: "My husband has got to be the worst detective!"
Friend: "Why do you say that?"
Wife: "He said he wouldn't rest until he found his suspect"
Friend: "That doesn't sound so bad"
Wife: "He was talking in his sleep!"
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger
Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.
A judge is hearing a m**... trial.
Imp and her spirite-elf that was killed and the suspect, a 16 year old who's represented by his father, Ep.
After hearing the case, the judge decides.
Ep's teen didn't kill Imp's elf.
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?
He used his NUTS gun.
Cop: You're going to prison for forgery
Suspect: *hands over a 37 dollar bill*
Suspect: What was it you were saying?
I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother
All my genes are hand-me-downs
*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness
after 3 weeks of lockdon
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.
Police suspect highly organised crime.
As I suspected, someone had been secretly adding soil in my backyard garden
*The plot thickens....*
Inspector: What do you see ?
Sub-inspector: Idk why but, the suspect is dancing n**... in the middle of the street
Inspector: copy that
Sub-inspector: I'm not much of a dancer, but I'll try my best.
Criminal suspect identification.
Police detective: 'What can you remember about your mugger?'
Victim: 'He was slim built, with dark hair and wore a cap.'
Police detective: 'Anything else you remember?'
Victim: 'He had a moustache, about 6 foot 2.'
Police detective: That's one h**... of a moustache
A cello player was found dead earlier this week. Police suspect he was murdered
They think the crime was orchestrated, but could not rule out a random act of violins
Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...
Will be a flop.
First day as a cop:
Newbie cop: Suspect is dancing n**... on the plaza, I repeat, suspect is dancing n**...
Dispatch: Roger, copy that
Newbie cop: ...I can try but I'm not much of a dancer?..
The number 29 was murdered. The cops arrested all the numbers from 24 to 34.
But 31 was the prime suspect.
I've always suspected my girlfriend was a ghost.
These suspicions started every since she walked through the door.
A Martyr walks into a bar
Many suspect he did it on purpose.
WANTED: Someone has stolen the wheels to the police cars
The police is working tirelessly to find the suspect
I lost my favorite hat and I decided to go to church to snag my buddy's who has the exact same one
I figured he'd never suspect me…
The priest came over after the service and asked how I liked his sermon..
I said I have to be honest…
I just came today specifically to take my buddy's hat…
So the priest said, you must have heard me talk about the Ten Commandments, especially the one about … Thou shalt not steal… you probably had second thoughts
No - Actually, when you got to the part about adultery…
I remembered where I left my hat…
I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...
but I don't want to put words in her mouth.
I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me:
"I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
Police car loses wheels to thief!
Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect
What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?
"What were you doing the night between November and May?"
I'll see myself out.
a policeman calls for backup
Dispatch, we've got a h**... here. Looks like This old lady just shot her husband. She claims it was because he kept tracking dirt over her freshly mopped floors. Over
Understood, is the suspect in custody? Over.
No dispatch. The floor isn't dry yet.
A man in my town was shot yesterday with a starter's p**....
Police suspect that the crime is race related.
I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet.
No wonder my water bill is so high.
Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him?
He kept finding different hares in his bed.
A guy walks into a bar, orders a bottle of champagne and yells "Happy New Year!"
"It's not even close to midnight yet, you idiot," the bartender reprimands him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I suspect I might have a rare medical condition that makes me yell that," the guy apologizes. "I think I suffer from p**... congratulations."
So a Police officer in Mexico got a call about a train robbery...
He showed up after the suspect fled.
After interviewing everyone, he found nothing was taken and was quite perlexted. The man must of had a real loco motive.
