The Best 80 Suspect Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Suspect jokes. There are some suspect culprit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suspect arrest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Suspect Jokes and Puns

Someone told me there's a joke about a "small medium at large"

I can't say I totally believe them...sounds a little suspect to me.

I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed

Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.

Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock?

He was cleared of all charges.

Suspect joke, Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and receiv

A man reported that his chickens had been stolen off his property

Police suspect fowl play.

A Detective is in a room questioning a suspect

After a while, he comes out of the room and talks to the police sergeant there with him, "Well, I've asked him just about every question in the book. 'Where were you last night?', 'What were you doing?', 'Who were you with?', everything."

The sergeant asks, "Well have you gotten a confession out of him?"

The detective says, "Not exactly. He keeps saying 'Yes dear' and dozing off."


Police Lineup

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."

One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"

toothbrush origin

I suspect that the toothbrush was invented in the south,if it had been invented in the north, it would have been called a teethbrush

Suspect joke, toothbrush origin

Man found dead in Pizza Hut.....

Police found the body of a man in the storeroom at Pizza Hut. He was covered in ham, pineapple, anchovies and pepperoni, They don't suspect murder. They think he topped himself.

A man was arrested for climbing up and headbutting Big Ben repeatedly...

Police can not identify the suspect but say his face rings a bell.

Fleetwood Mac

Money has gone missing from Fleetwood Mac's dressing room again.

They're starting to suspect Stevie Nicks.

One in every six people on this planet are Chinese.

Of my five brothers, I suspect Danny.

You can explore suspect police reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suspect doubt dad jokes. There are also suspect puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.

When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 8 and 9 died in a double homicide and 7 is the **prime** suspect.

In a crime scene....

"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"

"Well, the vic was found naked in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut murder case if you ask me"

"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during sex"

"So it was a suicide then...."

My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making

I suspect his whole story is fabricated.

Suspect joke, My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.

- Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

I'm beginning to suspect I might have bad posture

call it a hunch


"Suspect is an elder female with an extensive criminal background..."

"We don't have any leads, but we'll search every crook and nanny until we find her."

I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me.

But has just never been awake long enough to carry them out.

The doctor tells his patient, "Well, I can't find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking."

The patient asks, "Should I come back when you've sobered up?

Holmes and Watson were investigating a murder at an archaeological dig-site

Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the murder victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."

"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.

"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."

What's black, blue, and red all over?

A suspect.

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy

They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him. Got him. Got him. Got him. Need him. Got him...."

A man was found dead on his chicken farm.

I heard the police suspect fowl play.

When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.

"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."

What do you get when you cross a hillbilly and a murder suspect?

A person of incest.

Two Alabama State Troopers

Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"

The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."

BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you

is an owl?

ME: Who?

*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°*

Police on lookout for Starbucks thief

Suspect is still at veinte

I'm not gay

Though I suspect the guy I sleep with might be

I suspected my wife cheated on me at a Bill Cosby's house party last night...

"No, I didn't have sex with Bill Cosby"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure I'd remember having sex with Bill Cosby!"

Detective: "Where were you on the night of the murder?"

Suspect: "At home, sir."
Detective: "That's where the murder happened idiot."

Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9?

7 was the prime suspect.

I suspected my friend of using my carpentry tools without my permission...

And when he bragged he made a new front door decoration, I knew it was a sign.

It's been 4 years since my job interview.

I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else

it appears a chicken was found dead under mysterious circumstance.

police suspect fowl play.

A suspected cannibal stood in front of a judge and was asked to give his final statement, to which he replied:

"If you are what you eat, then I am an innocent man".

A suspect made a police officer laugh

He was charged with man's laughter.

Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem?

Because of his coffin.

I had to report my stolen amazon package

The police are still looking for a prime suspect

Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack.

No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.

Polaroid of the suspect

Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'

I've always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for...

She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.

My local beauty shop was broken into last night.

CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.

The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".

Sword swallower found dead

The police suspect it's an inside job

A chicken, duck and quail were found dead on a swing set.

The police suspect fowl play

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?"
USA: "Are you out of your mind? They really have Weapons of Mass Destruction"

Cop: We suspect you have illegally downloaded all the editions of Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Man: Wait! I can explain everything!

A man was shot earlier today with a starter's pistol

Police suspect the incident was race related.

What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

"Where were you on the night of September to March?"

I suspect my roommate stole my antique measuring scale.

He is not going to get a weigh with this.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because in a recent murder case, 7 is a prime-ary suspect.

Why was Pythagoras not considered a suspect in murder case?

No knew what his angle was.

Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a murder suspect?

He was a sketchy dude.

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

10-4, back up, I need back up

What's your location?

16 and 11. Hacker is on foot.

Where is the suspect headed?

I don't know. He just ransomware.

Edward Carrington Marshal, the only son of John Marshall, who was the original owner of the famous Liberty Bell, was found dead.

Police suspect Will Smith, since his fresh prints were found on the bell heir.

First day as a cop

Me: Suspect is dancing naked in the street.

Dispatch: Copy that.

Me: Okay, I'll try, but I'm not much of a dancer.

Wife: "My husband has got to be the worst detective!"

Wife: "My husband has got to be the worst detective!"

Friend: "Why do you say that?"

Wife: "He said he wouldn't rest until he found his suspect"

Friend: "That doesn't sound so bad"

Wife: "He was talking in his sleep!"

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?

Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?

Suspect : Well that asshole ran towards the other 10.

My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting

I suspect he's got black toast intolerance

In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...

The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...

Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

A judge is hearing a murder trial.

Imp and her spirite-elf that was killed and the suspect, a 16 year old who's represented by his father, Ep.

After hearing the case, the judge decides.

Ep's teen didn't kill Imp's elf.

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?

I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!

I still can't figure out why she walked out.

How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?

He used his NUTS gun.

Cop: You're going to prison for forgery

Suspect: *hands over a 37 dollar bill*

Suspect: What was it you were saying?

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs

*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

after 3 weeks of lockdon

I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

As I suspected, someone had been secretly adding soil in my backyard garden

*The plot thickens....*

Inspector: What do you see ?

Sub-inspector: Idk why but, the suspect is dancing naked in the middle of the street

Inspector: copy that



Sub-inspector: I'm not much of a dancer, but I'll try my best.

Criminal suspect identification.

Police detective: 'What can you remember about your mugger?'

Victim: 'He was slim built, with dark hair and wore a cap.'

Police detective: 'Anything else you remember?'

Victim: 'He had a moustache, about 6 foot 2.'

Police detective: That's one hell of a moustache

A cello player was found dead earlier this week. Police suspect he was murdered

They think the crime was orchestrated, but could not rule out a random act of violins

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.

First day as a cop:

Newbie cop: Suspect is dancing naked on the plaza, I repeat, suspect is dancing naked

Dispatch: Roger, copy that

Newbie cop: ...I can try but I'm not much of a dancer?..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suspect interrogation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working suspect think piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes