Susie Jokes
40 susie jokes and hilarious susie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about susie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a collection of hilarious jokes from little Susie! Enjoy a wide range of funny cuss-free Susie jokes, such as the one about Susie and Johnny. Laugh out loud and share the joy with your friends.
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Funniest Susie Short Jokes
Short susie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The susie humour may include short johnny jokes also.
- Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?" "No son. Of course not"
"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!" - School! Johnny's teacher asked him "if you had 15 jellybeans and Susie asked you for five , how many would you have left ?"
Johnny replied, "15" - Susie, you got half the problems wrong. That's okay, Dad. I want to be a meteorologist when I grow up
- Little Susie goes to the doctor... Little Susie goes to the doctor. Doctor puts a stethoscope on her back and says, "Ok now, big breathes."
Susie says, "I know! And I'm only 12!" - A dirty limerick I made up today ... I once met a girl named Susie.
And, boy, was she a doozie!
She loved me right,
Made it last all night!
And in the morning she blew me! - If Billy has 5 apples, and Susie takes away 2, what does Billy have? A restraining order from Susie
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Susie One Liners
Which susie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with susie? I can suggest the ones about little susie and sally.
- Where did Susie go after being hit by the bus? Everywhere
- Where did Susie go when the bombs dropped? She went everywhere
- Where did little Susie go after going into a minefield? EVERYWHERE!
- Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
- Where did little Susie go after she heard the bomb blast? Everywhere!!
- Why can't Susie ride a bike? Because Susie is a fish.
- I heard Jared lost about 7 inches. .. But little Susie isn't sure.
- Where did Susie go during the b**...? Everywhere.
Laughter Susie Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about susie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blushes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make susie pranks.
Helpful Daughter
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."
Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."
The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."
Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."
Little Johnny is in Catholic School
The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"
Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."
Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."
Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."
The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.
Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"
An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room
The grandfather says to his grand daughter;
' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'
The grand daughter says;
' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall
Little Susie came home from school and told her mum the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels
"you should tell them No, they only want to see your knickers" said her mum
"I know that, that's why I hide them in my bag"
Past& Sees Her.
Susie is a p**... who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& s**... 'em until they're dry.
Happy Birthday Henry
Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a h**... to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."
A third-grade science teacher asks her students, "If you could have one substance in the world, what would it be?"
"I would have gold," says Harold. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Harold, "I could sell the gold and buy a fancy car."
"I would have platinum," says Susie. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Susie, "I could sell the platinum and buy two fancy cars."
"I would have hair," says Johnny. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Johnny, "my mom has a tiny s**... of hair between her legs, and you should see all the fancy cars outside our house!!!"
Put Something In It
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."
So a Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.
Little Susie says, In Heaven!
Little Amy says, In my heart!
Little Johnny says, In my bathroom!
Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.
I don't know, I just hear my dad every morning b**... on the bathroom door and yelling 'Jesus Christ are you still in there?!'
Playing doctor
Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.
Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".
Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always exploring. I wouldn't worry about it."
Susie's mom screamed out, "but he took out her appendix!"
Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
A teacher asked Jamaal what his father did...
Jamaal: My father is a doctor.
Teacher: Susie what about your father?
Susie: He is a lawyer.
Teacher: William?
William: My father...he's passed.
Teacher: I'm sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?
William: He clutched his chest and collapsed.
Adapted from a George Burns joke he credited to Walter Matthau.
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.
"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"
One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying...
So she called Little Johnny to recite in class.
"Little Johnny, answer this math question," she said. "If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ?"
"An o**...," answered Little Johnny.
For all the animal lovers out there
A teacher is in front of the class teaching word problems. She asks little Susie,
Teacher: If you had 5 pets and someone wanted 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5, I'm not going to give them away.
Teacher: Alright, if you had 5 pets and someone forcibly took 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5...and a dead body.
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"
A city lawyer goes to visit his farmer cousin in the country.
On arrival, he sees a pig with a wooden leg.
He asks his cousin, "What's the deal with that pig?"
The farmer replies, "Oh, he's special. When my daughter Susie was trapped in a burning barn, he ran in and saved her. And when my son Owen fell down a well, he came and got us and led us right to him."
"That's amazing!" said the lawyer. "But how did he end up with a wooden leg?"
"Well," said the farmer, "a pig that you don't eat all once!"
A catholic school teacher was teaching a lesson one morning and asked his students where Jesus was.
"Yes Susie" he said as he called on Susie whose hand was raised. "He's in heaven!" She shouted with pride. He called on Steven who said "He was in his heart" The only boy left with his hand raised with had the most unusual answer "He's in my bathroom!" Everyone had a puzzled look on his/her face. "Yeah!" Said the boy.. "My father bangs on the door every morning saying 'Jesus Christ, ya still in there?"
