The Best 50 Survivors Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Survivors jokes. There are some survivors ship jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these survivors ascend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Survivors Jokes and Puns

A magician and his parrot...

This magician was getting annoyed with his parrot, because during every trick the parrot would spoil it by saying something along the lines of "It's in your shirt, braack." He then decided to get rid of him, so he took him on a ship, and into the boiler room. The magician shot the parrot, but missed. The ship exploded and the only survivors were the magician and the parrot, surprisingly. The parrot then says, "Alright, braack, you got me, where is the ship, braack."

A plane crashes on the border.

A plane was full of passengers. The engines go out and the plane crashed directly on the American and Canadian border. Where do you bury the survivors? None of them were either American or Canadian.

[Why would you bury the survivors?] (/spoiler)

A bus full of housewives

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.
People cried for a week. But there was a man who was still crying after 2 weeks. When asked why he is still crying, he replied miserably: "My wife missed the bus."

Survivors joke, A bus full of housewives

So a turkey and a ham are walking into a cancer survivors meeting...

The ham looks over at the turkey and says:

"What are you doing here? You aren't cured. "

My grandpa was one of the Holocaust survivors...

But then again, most guards survived.

A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today.

The survivors are marooned.

How did holocaust survivors fight back the nazis?

Through the art of Jew Jitsu

Survivors joke, How did holocaust survivors fight back the nazis?

How many Chernobyl survivors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They already glow.

What's the difference between a concentration camp and a cancer treatment facility?

Concentration camps had survivors.

Two ships crashed in the night one ship was carrying red paint the other blue

The survivors were marooned

What meal was given out to the survivors of the Chernobyl accident?

Fission chips.

You can explore survivors sufferers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean survivors rubble dad jokes. There are also survivors puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Watched a TV show about Stroke Survivors last night

Needless to say it was a bit one sided

Death toll in Orlando club shooting hits 50

Most of the survivors found were in the closet.

A group of Germans walk into a BAR...

after 20 rounds there are no survivors.

A small plane crashed into a cemetery...

the forensics found no survivors. They have found 268 bodies by sunset. They will continue searching tomorrow morning...

Survivors of a plane crash in the middle of nowhere suddenly ran out of food

"Since we have no more food, the only option we have is cannibalism" one person said.

"But I'm vegan" said his friend.

"It's okay, the guy on the wheelchair is a vegetable"

Survivors joke, Survivors of a plane crash in the middle of nowhere suddenly ran out of food

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.

They collide...

All the survivors were marooned.

I'm working on a dating app for holocaust survivors


A plane crashed on the border of two countries, and everyone dies except the pilot. Where you do you bury the survivors?

Six feet under a cesspit, till you can no longer hear his screams.

BREAKING NEWS: A Red Cruise ship and a Blue Naval Vessel have collided in the Caribbean...

...and the survivors are marooned.

Scientists announced a new family fun maze covered in vantablack to help raise awareness about the new product...

...there were no survivors :/

Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.

Those poor unfortunate soles.

Irishman and the fire

Firemen receive a call that the local bar is on fire. They rush over to the local bar and sure enough, the whole bar is aflame.

They sweep into the burning bar to check for survivors and find a man face down on the floor. They pull him from the flames, soot-ridden and unconscious, they slap him awake.

"What happened! How did the fire start?!" they ask him.

"How should I know?" says the Irishman. "It was already on fire when I went in.."

I made a joke about the plane crash that had no survivors in it to my wife

She got angry at me and called me insensitive.

I told her, "you had to be there"

A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.

After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.

a plane crashed and every single person died, but how were there still survivors of the plane crash?

the married people on the plane survived

I watched a documentary about stroke survivors last night.

It was a bit one sided.

There was not a lot known personally about the survivors of the Donner party, as they shunned human contact after the ordeal.

Apparently, they were fed up with people.

Robespierre, Trotsky, and Mao walk into a bar.

There are no survivors.

A ship with 66 passengers sets off, however during the sail it flips over, there are no survivors but how many people died?


A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors

6 Finger Death Punch

A group of rebellious, man eating salads violently take over and begin eating all humans

A final group of survivors are hiding in a church and a little boy says to the priest

"Father, there are too many of them, what are we going to do? What will become of us?"

The priest says to the boy:

"Lettuce prey"

What has 16 arms and 12 legs?

5 children born of Chernobyl survivors.

A helicopter crashed into a cemetary

So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.

Cannibals have historically described human as tasting like pork, while holocaust survivors described burning people smelling like chicken.

It's like these people have never had pork or something!

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten. One to screw it in and nine to form a support group for Survivors of Darkness.

I asked 50 lighting strike survivors about the impact it had on their lives...

The results were shocking.

Two Roman sailors were the only survivors when their longship capsized.

When asked by the rescuing ship's commander how many survivors there were, they responded "II, sir!"

Why do Breast Cancer survivors not like to talk about their treatment of the cancer?

It brings them bad mammaries.

The expected number of Holocaust survivors is expected to double by 2020.

Kikes are evil.

There is 2 boats

One is filled with red paint

The other is filled with blue paint

They collide

What happens to the survivors?

They are marooned

An airplane carrying politicians crashed in a farmers field...

When the police showed up they asked the farmer of there were any survivors

He said " I buried all of them, a cpuple said we're still alive, but them politicians like to lie."

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

What do you call a person that discriminates against Frostbite survivors?

Lack-toes intolerant

A magician and the parrot

There was a magician on a cruise ship. He started off having a good gig, until the captains parrot started spoiling the tricks after watching them over and over. One day the ship sinks. And the only two survivors are the magician and the parrot. After sitting in the row boat for a couple of days. The parrot asks "Alright. What did you do with the ship?"

The shoe factory burned down today. Sadly, there were no survivors.

Rest In Peace all those poor soles.

Three Germans walk in to a BAR.

There were no survivors.

A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

A small airplane crashes into the ground in a small town, and some curious locals go to the crash site to see what happened.

Some of the locals start digging to see if there are any survivors trapped in the plane.

A few hours in, they give up the search and one of the locals goes back to his house and tells his wife what happened.

He tells his wife that there were over 1000 bodies found in the crash site, but no survivors were found.

Oh my god, where did it crash? the wife asked in shock.

In the town cemetery. the husband replied.

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
But alas… The poor bastards were forced to resort to cannonballism.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the survivors refuge jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working survivors refugees piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes