Survival Jokes

Funniest Survival Short Jokes

Short survival jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The survival humour may include short survive jokes also.

1. What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran
2. TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
3. Thank you banks Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.
   I don't know if I can ever repay you.
4. Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
5. If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive? American comedy films.
6. When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation... Almost died in Finding Nemo
7. Cockroaches are found to be capable in surviving a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly This shows how toxic the media is
8. "Mom, why didn't you vaccinate me?" "I didn't want you to get autism, honey."
   "Thanks mom. I could have not survived having autism and polio at the same time."
9. Did you guys hear that you can survive just on plants? That is something i never herbivore!
10. So I am a proud anti-vac parent and my kids turned out great! The ones that survived, anyway.

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Survival One Liners

Which survival one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with survival? I can suggest the ones about staying alive and safety.

1. Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives? America
2. An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives? The flambuoyants.
3. How do you survive a fall without a parachute? Just like any other season
4. My grandfather survived both the hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings Being in Canada helped.
5. Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts But even he could not survive 2016
6. Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
7. I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.
8. What do you call a failed abortion? Survival of the fetus
9. Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and rick perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives? Texas
10. I can't even count on one hand the number of times I've survived frostbite. It's three.
11. two bears walk into a bar no one survived.
12. I survived the most dangerous place in America... And all I got was this lousy diploma
13. How long could a Kardashian survive in the wild? Forever. Plastic is not biodegradable.
14. Apparently you can survive just by eating plants. That's something I haven't herbivore.
15. Why is there no Australian Spider-Man? He didn't survive the bite.

State Of Survival Jokes

Here is a list of funny state of survival jokes and even better state of survival puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Donald Trump and Joe Biden are on a plane heading straight towards a volcano. Who survives? The United States of America.

Wilderness Survival Jokes

Here is a list of funny wilderness survival jokes and even better wilderness survival puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When Chuck Norris goes out to survive in the Wilderness, the Wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
• What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness? Geordi La Forage

Hilarious Survival Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about survival you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean protection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make survival pranks.