Survey Jokes
128 survey jokes and hilarious survey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about survey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the lighter side of surveys, audits, and other types of research, such as jokes and humorous takes on the process. A recent survey provides insight into how people feel while taking examinations and being part of the research process.
Funniest Survey Short Jokes
Short survey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The survey humour may include short poll jokes also.
- Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
- We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
- A recent survey asked 12 year olds what they had done over the past week. 83 percent answered... "your mom".
- A recent survey has said that 29% of owners sleep with their pets on the bed. I tried it once and my goldfish died.
- 70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased. Take it with a grain of salt.
- The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply... "Benedict Cumberbatch."
- Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'
- 1,000 Men Were Recently Surveyed About Women 10% of the men surveyed liked women with thin legs.
15% of the men surveyed preferred women with muscular legs.
The rest liked something in-between. - For a survey I asked people what soap they use in the shower. 90% of them told me to get out.
- A recent survey found only 20% of parents were eating dinner with their children... ...the other 80% were using a knife and fork.
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Survey One Liners
Which survey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with survey? I can suggest the ones about quiz and vote.
- 10 out of 10 mathematicians agree that only 1 mathematician was surveyed.
- I recently did a survey on Syria. The results blew me away.
- The Incomplete Surveys Institute concluded that 78% of every women
- I survey houses for a living although the owners prefer to call it "breaking in".
- So I surveyed some people... 5 out of 4 of them think I'm bad at fractions.
- Which country likes surveys the most? Poll-land
- Take this short survey to find out which Pokemon you are! Congrats @@ you're a Snorlax.
- I had a survey done on my house 8 out of 10 people said they rather liked it.
- I just conducted a survey. I asked 68 men and 2 women what their views were on equality.
- A Worldwide Survey Was Conducted by the UN...
- What do you call a room full of police officers who just completed a survey? Polled Pork
- A survey asked me if I was dyslexic I checked the option for "sye."
- I'm taking a quick poll... How many of you refuse to participate in surveys?
- Why should you eat an orange when you pirate movies? To keep surveys at pirate bay
- TIL that in a survey, 3 out of 5 people have gotten on the wrong train Oops, wrong sub
Recent Survey Jokes
Here is a list of funny recent survey jokes and even better recent survey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- According to a recent survey of Chefs, about 82% of them are part of the LGBT community. Interestingly most of them were pansexual
- Survey says Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
- A recent survey says women prefer 4-5 inches over 6 inches and bigger, citing a "better fit" being one of the top reasons While preference between Android and iOS devices are evenly split.
- A recent study has found that 90% of dead people don't breathe. The other 10% didn't respond to the survey.
- A recent survey showed that most UK citizens don't eat salad... 52% of them voted against romaine
- The Iraqi Government recently did a survey asking people if they would sacrifice themselves for their country. 9/11 say they would.
- A recent survey revealed that computer science majors prefer the metric system. They're pro-grams.
Happy Survey Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about survey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sample jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make survey pranks.
I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.
So far it has had mixed reactions.
A new survey shows that a fifth of British men have no idea how to turn on the washing machine.
I find chocolates or flowers usually do the trick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
So I saw an internet survey the other day...
and apparently 99.87% of the population was born on the 1st of January! How very strange!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to m**... regularly.
The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One liner....
A recent survey shows that s**... banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN!
A survey revealed those who live on hills are more likely to say Yes to requests than those who live on plateaus.
I'm inclined to agree.
Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A recent survey in the UK asked the following question:
Are there too many foreigners in this country now?
18% answered: **YES**
82% answered **لا، ليس الكثير**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like p**.... "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like p**.... I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend was taking a survey online about "Which holiday describes your s**... life?"
She wasn't happy with me when I chimed in, "Day of the Dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shower s**... in Detroit
In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had s**... in the shower.In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, s**... in the shower. The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova
He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious s**... appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....
A surveyor went to a gentlemans club
He gathered all the strippers and declared, "I'd like to take a poll."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While filling out a survey, I came across the gender option: Canadian...
I guess you could say I'm Eh-s**....
The Tea Survey
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were taking part in a survey about tea-drinking habits.
'I always stir my tea with my left hand,' said The Englishman.
'I always stir my tea with my right hand,' said The Scotsman.
How about you?' the Irishman was asked.
'Oh me?' said the Irishman, 'I always use a spoon.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A recent worldwide survey showed...
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?
Because they really wanted a third's eye view!
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Gamers
A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week.
92% said "your mum"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Survey says
According to a new study by the CDC, women are more likely than men to experiment with same-s**... partners. Said men, What channel is CDC?"
Why are surveyors so much fun?
Because most of them are party chiefs.
National Survey Reports pi day as America's Third-Most Underrated Holiday
To me it's a little bit more than that.
People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential.
The steaks weren't very high
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...
I find that l**... her n**... and a light gentle f**... usually does the trick...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During the collapse of the Soviet Union...
... An elderly woman is surveyed by the government to conclude what the state of mind of the populous is.
**Survey man**: Where were you born?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg
**Survey man**: Where do you live now?
**Woman**: Leningrad
**Survey man**: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg
A survey of 10,000 asked if they'd have an affair with former President Clinton...
80% responded "Never again".
A man walks into a bar
Looking at a mirror to survey the damage he sees a marking stamped into his forehead. REPOST it said.
"– Hi, We're doing a brief survey. May I ask you some questions?"
*"– Yes."*
"– What's your name?"
*"-Adam."*
"– And your wife's?"
*"– Eve."*
"– Wow, and the snake lives with you too?"
*"– Yes, my mother-in-law lives with us too"*
^I ^translated ^it ^from ^Spanish ^and ^that's ^the ^better ^punchline ^I ^could ^think ^about.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Survey Says
The Kinseys did a survey of s**... practices in a town.
Half the town admitted they m**....
The other half lied.
New research shows there are no Ginger Bankers...
Survey results suggested that although many wanted to work in finance, they wern't able to sell their soul to Satan...
"Excuse me!"
"We're doing a survey here in Germany on what's *typically German* to you."
"Do you even have a permit for that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A survey was taken about whether there were too many i**... immigrants in the US.
22% said "YES"
17% said "NO"
61% said "NO COMPRENDE"
Got a Google Opinion Rewards survey asking what solar panel companies I have heard of
*Solyndra*
NY Times said Gen Xers spend the most amount of time on the internet.
Data were collected by survey monkey, analyzed by baby boomers and written up by the millennial intern.
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman -
"Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book !!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard the old one about a woman doing a survey on s**... attitudes?
She stops an airline pilot and asks him, amongst other things, when he last had s**... i**.... He replies 1958. Now, knowing airline pilots, the researcher is surprised and queries this. Well, says the pilot, it's only 2110 now.
(Credit, John Cleese c. 1991)
Would you like to take a survey?
Would you like to take part in a survey regarding your opinion on climate change?
✓ Yes □ No
Are you a scientist?
□ Yes ✓ No
End of survey.
Man answers the phone: "Hello sir, this is a short survey. What is your name?
"Adam"
And your wife's?
"Eve"
Ha! That's funny..does the snake lives there too?
"Yes one moment. Honey, get your mom please..."
Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state.
Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.
After a thorough research and survey scientists claim that the thicker your thighs,
The more snacks you can lay on your lap.
I did a survey asking about people favourite type of tree
Oak won by a lot, but cedar was pretty poplar too
Utah Geologic Survey was advertising landscape calendars for the upcoming holidays...
...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"
What, the national monuments or the calendars?
A survey has found
that majority of women assign a certain ringtone for their partner.
Men do that too. It's called silent.
A lady just came up to me in the shopping centre and asked me to take apart in a survey....
Q1 - What grooming products do you use...... I don't think .. Facebook, Haribo and Puppies were the answers she was after..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Movies
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much s**... in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."
A new survey claims that 74% of Louisiana households are now considered overweight
The rest just don't see it as a problem.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took part in a survey about sport...
The surveyor asked, "Which race is your favourite?"
Apparently a**...' wasn't the correct answer.
This guy stopped me in the street.
"Sir," he said, "have you got a few minutes to complete a survey on priorities?"
I said, "Yes," and walked away.
From former prime minister of Italy : Have you heard about the survey? They asked women aged between 20 and 30 whether they'd make love to Berlusconi."
"....33 percent of them said 'yes' and 67 percent said 'again?'
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
The UNdecided to do a world survey...
They couldn't figure out what the question should be though.
A man is taking a survey to find out what people think about the meat shortage.
First he approaches a Russian, and asks, "Excuse me, sir, what do you think about the meat shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" Then he asks an American, who says, "What's a shortage?" Last, he asks an Israeli, who says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
A survey showed that England had the highest Star Wars fan base in the world...
I guess the fourth is really with them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Survey Results: I asked 2,250 men if they j**... off with their left or right hand
they all said yes
Got stopped as I was walking into Boots today by a woman doing a Survey.
She asked me what my favourite Grooming Product was?
Should've seen her face when I said Haribo!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Survey says that 8 out of ten men have tasted their own precum
Admittedly we only surveyed about twenty men at a gay bar but the results don't change!
(Credit to Fitz)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The General Social Survey reports that the average male has s**... 54 times a year.
It's going to be a busy month.
I've just been stopped in the street by a lady conducting a survey.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs.......I said "very little."
Surveys show that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diareah....
Does that mean that the 5th person enjoys it?
According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.
The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"
I was at the eye doctor with my 92 year old dad and they were asking people if they'd mind answering a few questions while they waited for their appointments. My dad said sure and we sat down in a corner with this lady.
She went through her survey and, at the end, asked him for his greatest strengths and weaknesses.
Well, weaknesses... he said I guess I sometimes have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality
"And your greatest strength? She asked.
Oh, I'm the Batman
