Surrounded Jokes
141 surrounded jokes and hilarious surrounded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about surrounded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Surrounded Short Jokes
Short surrounded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The surrounded humour may include short surrounding jokes also.
- What asian stereo type do you hear the most? Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
- Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber He died last week
surrounded by his family - Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a korean restaurant.
- A hole has been discovered in the fence that surrounds a nudist camp. Authorities are looking into it.
- Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder. Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
- They told me to drive it like I stole it So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings
- What's your favorite asian stereo type? Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.
- My biggest fear used to be dying alone but thanks to Trump, I know it'll be in a camp, surrounded by other minorities.
- All my family are police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.
- You can't really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming He's permanently surrounded by snowflakes.
Share These Surrounded Jokes With Friends
Surrounded One Liners
Which surrounded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with surrounded? I can suggest the ones about surrounding areas and wrapped.
- What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? coach.
- Why do writers always feel cold? Because they are surrounded by drafts!
- How are cats like empty wine bottles? I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.
- Yo momma so fat Not even dolby could surround her
- What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings? Awarewolf
- I was suddenly surrounded by a flock of sheep! It was... a lambush!!!
- What do you call a white guy surrounded by twenty five Indians? Bartender.
- Why is heaven hard for alcoholics? Because they're surrounded by Spirits.
- Sometimes I envy Julius Caesar... He died surrounded by all of his friends.
- Surround yourself with people who have issues.
People with issues always have alcohol. - I'm surprised Bob the Builder ever gets anything done He's surrounded by tools
- What do you call a controversy surrounding toothpaste. Colgate.
- Why Mexicans are freezing in the hot summer? Because they're surrounded by ICE.
- What is it called when a person in a coma is surrounded by flowers? A vegetable garden
- What do you call a white guy surrounded by 15 Hispanic guys? Foreman.
Cheerful Fun Surrounded Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about surrounded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean secluded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make surrounded pranks.
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
Two cannibals
Two cannibals are lying around with swollen bellies surrounded by bones.
"Your wife sure makes a great stew," says the first cannibal.
"She sure does," replies the second, "but I'm sure going to miss her."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.
Poor Tom.
When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.
When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.
He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"
"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."
"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.
Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!
"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"
"LISP LISP LISP!"
The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!
The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.
"What you mean 'we', white man?"
So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost
I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers.
Two Jews are walking in Odessa at night...
Suddenly, in a dark alley, they are surrounded by muggers with knives.
-- Money, watches, wallets - quick!
One Jew turns to the other:
-- Abram, remember, I owe you $300? Here they are, returned to you in front of witnesses.
A Russian World War II veteran
Is telling his grandchildren:
"So the Germans surrounded us, captured us, and told us, "You choose: either we b**...-f**... you, or we shoot you..."
"And what happened, grandpa?"
"The cursed n**... shot me to death."
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.
He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the s**... had a newspaper route."
Prisoners actually have a lot in common with Presidents...
They're both fed and housed by tax payers, surrounded by armed guards 24/7, neither can leave the gates without attracting attention, and both are often hated by the general public. It seems to me that the only difference between them is that we often catch the criminal that's responsible, but we keep putting the wrong guy in office.
We had a power outage today...
...and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my phone battery was flat and I couldn't charge it.To top it off it was snowing outside. So I couldn't play golf and I couldn't fish. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So does the microwave. So popcorn won't happen.
So I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like such a nice person.
We had a outage at my place this morning...
We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...
and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.
after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."
(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):
First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.
How do you catch a bear?
You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
I asked my friend about his time in prison.
"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."
So there's apparently been over 200, well preserved tibia excavated in the area surrounding the great pyramid in Egypt...
sources say it was a real shin dig.
At first, I was quite surprised to see my hockey team's goalie surrounded by beautiful women at the bar
...but then I remembered he's good at snatching pucks, and vice versa.
Two men were lost in a desert...
Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.
The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.
Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.
As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.
The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.
The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"
The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."
What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings?
Skepticles.
A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach...
...of an island and is surrounded by a group of warriors.
I'm done for, the man cries in despair.
No, you are not, comes a booming voice from the heavens. Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab a spear and push it through the heart of the warrior chief.
The man does what he is told, turns to the heavens, and asks, Now, what?
The booming voice replies, Now you are done for.
What do you call.......
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
A White Guy.
If a white guy is surrounded by 3 black guys, he's getting robbed. 30 black guys, he's a football coach. 300 black guys he's a prison guard.
What do you call a chicken surrounded by men?
A buk-buk-b**...!
A man is found dead surrounded by 53 bicycles. How did he die?
He had an ace up his sleeve.
Making Jokes About Racial Stereotypes
What do you call a white man surrounded by 4 black men?
Coach.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 12 black men?
Football Coach.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 40 black men?
Football Referee.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 black men?
Warden.
Archaeologists have discovered a mummy in Egypt encased in chocolate and surrounded by hazelnuts
They are calling it "The Pharaoh Rocher"
Today, I was trapped on my horse and was surrounded by lions, dragons, and many other animals.
I got off the carousel.
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
Coach.
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys?
Warden.
A jew in his deathbed...
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why... is no one... in the shop...
A man goes to a garage sale.
He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.
Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"
Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"
Man - "What's the catch then?"
Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."
Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"
It's ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days
I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public
My Entire Family are Police Marksmen, Apart from my Granddad, who was a Bank Robber.
He died recently, surrounded by his family.
Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
Holmes and Watson were investigating a m**... at an archaeological dig-site
Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the m**... victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."
"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What do you call one white man surrounded by 200 b**... and Mexicans?
The Warden
My father had a weak heart and terrible claustrophobia.
He died at home, surrounded by his family.
How do you capture an elephant?
You dig up a hole, put ashes in it and surround the hole with peanuts. Then, you kick him in the ash hole.
My psychologist told me....
My psychologist told me to stop being so narcissistic and surround myself with great people.
So I installed mirrors all over my house.
How do you catch an elephant?
You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 12 black guys?
**A Basketball Coach**
What do you call a black guy surrounded by six white guys?
**Police Brutality**
(Again, sorry if I offended you. Just trying to make a joke.)
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
A giant pickle walks into a bar..
and everyone in the bar starts wanting to take selfies with him and buy him drinks. Once all the commotion settles, the bartender asks him why everyone was surrounding him to which the pickle replies, "Well, I'm kind of a big dill"
Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots.
Other days, I realize it's not just some days.
A pilot bailed out of his crashing plane and landed on an uncharted island.
He soon found himself surrounded by natives with spears. A big native adorned with decorations points at the pilot.
I'm s**..., says the pilot.
God opens up the clouds and says to the pilot, No, you're not s**.... Grab the closest spear and throw it through the leader's heart.
The pilot does this.
NOW you're s**..., says God.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
h**... died.
When he woke up, he looked around. Only to see fire and t**.... In an attempt to question surroundings and to regain his lost memory, he asked the nearest figure.
"Where am I and who am I?"
The figure replied,"h**... h**...".
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
Desperate for money, I robbed a bank today. My heart sank when I heard a voice boom, "This is the police! We have all the exits surrounded, so come out with your hands up!"
I escaped through the entrance...
Today I Learned
I've been surrounded by a rare species called expectations, apparently they've always been there yet I've never met any of them.
[s**... og joke, I agree]
My job allows working from home but I still go to office
I like the idea of surrounding myself with some company
If we have to force all surrounding nations into adopting communism, then so vi et
I see this go no upvotes and realize my russian pun went over your heads, next time I'll try tsarcasm
A homeless man passed out while walking in front of a McDonald's.
Everyone around surrounded the man to see what could be done to help him.
A woman from the crowd yelled: " Bring him water and splash some of it on his face!"
The man opened his eyes immediately and said: "Hey! If I needed water I would of passed out in front of Aquafina.
My brother has lost his finger in an accident, I need puns and jokes surrounding missing fingers to tell him
The best I've come up with is
Do you still listen to 4-finger death punch?
So clearly I need help
Guy finds a magic lamp
He rubs it and out comes a genie granting him 3 wishes!
1st wish: I want a stable job
2nd wish: I want to be driving a costly vehicle
3rd wish: I want to be surrounded by ladies
Genie makes him a bus driver
