The Best 52 Surprised Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Surprised jokes. There are some surprised the big surprise jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these surprised astonishment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Surprised Jokes and Puns

Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before.

Get it?

A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...

He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the funeral."

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high...

She seemed surprised.

Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''

Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''

Did you hear about those new corduroy pillowcases?

I'm surprised if you haven't, they're making lots of headlines.


β€’ My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.

She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*

I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...

She looked surprised.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The man replied "Yack Yackson".

For a guy that could change water into wine, I'm surprised Jesus only got hammered once.

The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.

I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.ο»Ώ

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

You can explore surprised surprise visit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean surprised suprise dad jokes. There are also surprised puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

The child didn't look surprised.

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing

The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!"

"Why?" says his wife, a little surprised

"Because it's holding me back!"

I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was HIV+

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...

He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.

Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"

His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"

The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class

"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"

Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."

Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."

Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."

The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.

"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised.


A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"

His wife replies "For the flowers of course"

He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

When I see lover's names carved in a tree...

I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date.

I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die".

I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised.

In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".

He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".

So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

My Wife needed something to cheer her up...

That's why I surprised her with a bukkake party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.

I'm taking my wife for skydiving.

So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.

My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition

When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised...

...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.

I like being a pessimist

I'm either right, or pleasantly surprised.

A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have sex with my boss

One of the many perks of self employment.

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she's HIV Positive?

Try to act surprised

At the interview for my new job I was asked

"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"

"I don't have any!" Was my reply.

The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."

Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."

I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home.

She smiled and said yes! But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:

- That'll be $25.

The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:

- You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here.

To which the horse replies:

- With prices like these, I'm not surprised.

Really awkward pick-up line.

Me: You look like my first wife.

Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?

Me: None

*wedding music starts playing*

Wife comes home, sees her husband in bed with another woman...

\- "Charles, what are you doing!", the wife screams.

Husband thinks quickly, acts surprised...

\- "Camilla, is that you?" - \[*turns to woman next to him*\] - "then who the hell is this?"

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, I'd like a pound of kielbasa please.

The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?

The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?

The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.

A woman who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

Reports say the child didn't look surprised.

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

Mice

A family of mice were out walking, and were suddenly surprised by a large cat. Father Mouse stood his ground, drew himself up to his full height, and shouted BOW-WOW-WOW!!! at the cat. The cat, alarmed, ran off.

The small mice were very impressed. That was fantastic, Dad! How did you do that?

That, son, explains Father Mouse, demonstrates the value of learning a second language.

I hit a cat backing out of my driveway

I'm surprised I didn't see it. It was bright yellow, 50 feet, and weighed 40 tons.

The husband came home one day and started to pack his bag.

"Where to?" asked his surprised wife.

"To the Canaries," replied the husband, "I hear there are so many women in there, they even pay a man $20 to make love to them."

Hearing this the wife started to pack too.

"And here are you heading for?" asked the husband.

"I am coming with you," said the wife, "I want to see how you can live on $40 a month."

A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?

Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the surprised amaze jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working surprised suprised piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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