Cheeky Surprised Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before.
Get it?
A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high...
She seemed surprised.
Water p**...
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water p**.... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''
Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''
Did you hear about those new corduroy pillowcases?
I'm surprised if you haven't, they're making lots of headlines.
• My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...
She looked surprised.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets.
I'm surprised someone could stoop so low.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.
I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
You can explore surprised surprise visit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean surprised suprise dad jokes. There are also surprised puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised.
I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was h**...+
The hardest part is always having to act surprised.
A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...
He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.
Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"
His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"
What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is h**... positive
Trying to act surprised.
I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised.
A man brings home flowers to his wife
A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"
I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die".
I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised.
In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.
I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.
Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".
He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".
So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
My Wife needed something to cheer her up...
That's why I surprised her with a b**... party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.
I'm taking my wife for skydiving.
So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.
Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition
When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised...
...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.
My local barber got arrested for selling c**.... This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...
...that he was a barber.
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves
Looks like the boa cons tricked her
What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she's h**... Positive?
Try to act surprised
At the interview for my new job I was asked
"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"
"I don't have any!" Was my reply.
The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."
Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."
I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home.
She smiled and said yes! But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.
A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.
A horse walks into a bar
And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:
- That'll be $25.
The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:
- You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here.
To which the horse replies:
- With prices like these, I'm not surprised.
Really awkward pick-up line.
Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing*
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."
The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. "You know," says the clerk, "we don't get many bears around here." To which the bear replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"
This subreddit is 10 years old now.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
A Finnish joke from the Cold War
During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.
He replied first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets .
The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.
We are civilized people. Work comes before pleasure , the general replied.
A gorilla visits a pub and orders a pint of beer. 'That'll be £7.00' says the barman
The gorilla pays and the barman says 'We don't get many gorillas in the pub' the gorilla replies ' I'm not surprised at these prices'
A man goes before Saint Peter...
Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?'
The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.'
'Where did you go to school?'
'Poland, Lwow.'
'Where were you married?'
'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.'
Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?'
'In the German r**....'
'And where did you die?'
'At home in Lvov, in the Soviet Union.'
Astonished, Saint Peter shouts 'My, you moved around a lot!'
'What are you talking about? I never left the city!'
I told my girlfriend she painted her eyebrows on too high...
She looked surprised!
I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows way too high
You should have seen the surprised look on her face
Apparently, all the tents from the Game of Thrones sets are being redecorated for use in a new mini-series on Genghis Khan.
I am not sure why anyone is surprised about the recycled Khan tent.
A scientist was walking on the street during hot summer day.
"Damn, it's hot" he complained.
"Tell me about it" said the Sun above.
Scientist was surprised.
"Wow! Sound propagation through space!"
Dave was struggling with his parrot that was constantly using bad language, so he sought help from the vet.
Every time the bird swears," said the vet, "Put it in the freezer for 15 seconds.
Dave decided to follow the advice, and after trying it for the first time, found the parrot shivering and apologetic when he took it out of the freezer.
The bird said, "I'm sorry for all the bad language I've been using."
Dave was very surprised by the sudden transformation of his foul-mouthed bird.
Then the parrot said, By the way, what did the chicken do?
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
I told this girl I was seeing she had drawn her eyebrows on too high
She looked very surprised
You shouldn't be surprised at how your wife reacts to your puns. After all...
...she's a groan woman.
A parachutist has just jumped from a plane and his chute doesn't open.
As he is plummetting earthwards and trying to get the parachute to open, he is surprised to see someone heading up towards him. He calls out "Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?"
"No," says the other. "Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
