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Surgery Jokes

150 surgery jokes and hilarious surgery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about surgery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh in the operating room? Check out this collection of surgery jokes from the perspective of medical staff, patients, and those recovering from their procedures. Get a chuckle from surgery cartoons, puns about mastectomies and other procedures, and more!

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Funniest Surgery Short Jokes

Short surgery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The surgery humour may include short surgical jokes also.

  1. What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
    [Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
  2. There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  3. My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.
  4. Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was... ...an ether/oar situation.
  5. "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  6. BREAKING: North korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery. They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
  7. Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
  8. Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.
  9. A patient runs into a doctor's surgery yelling out: I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking! What should I do? The doctor replies: you are just going to have to be a little patient.
  10. Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

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Surgery One Liners

Which surgery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with surgery? I can suggest the ones about surgeries performed and medical procedure.

  1. Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
  2. I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery hashtag nofilter
  3. I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong I mean, it's not rocket surgery
  4. Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous I see a lot of new faces today.
  5. Doctor: sorry but I had to remove your colon in the surgery.. Me why?
  6. Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
  7. Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery? The anesthesia wasn't local.
  8. I once woke up mid surgery. Thankfully the patient was still asleep.
  9. When life gives you lemons... ... a simple surgery can give you melons.
  10. Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group I see a lot of new faces around
  11. Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating I see a lot of new faces today
  12. Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong? I'm all ears.
  13. What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon
  14. If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse plastic surgery I'm all ears.
  15. Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery? Yeah, me neither.

After Surgery Jokes

Here is a list of funny after surgery jokes and even better after surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse... I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!
  • No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread. Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.
  • A guy wakes up in hospital after surgery and complains he can't feel his legs "I know" said the doctor.
    "We had to amputate your arms"
  • Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
  • Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle... It was an ether/oar situation.
  • I just had hip replacement surgery It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it.
  • Do you really have to lick the knife? she asked. Sorry, force of habit. Lots of people do it though, don't they? I said. Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.
  • Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association, Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
  • Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
  • So, doc... I was told I only had a 1% chance to survive this surgery? Doc: Yes, but don't worry, the other 99 patients have already died.

Plastic Surgery Jokes

Here is a list of funny plastic surgery jokes and even better plastic surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My Girlfriend wants to put on her makeup. Me: You don't need makeup.
    GF: Aww thanks
    Me: You need plastic surgery
  • My favorite 2 liner Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.
  • She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...." He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."
    She: "How nice, you are so sweet."
    He: "You need plastic surgery."
  • Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous... ... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
  • There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery... The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
  • Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
  • I gave my wife £10,000 to get plastic surgery Last week she took the money, got the surgery and ran away.
    So not only am i down 10 grand, i don't know who to look for.
  • At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.
  • When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge... the look on my face was priceless.
  • Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting, I'd like to bring attention to some of the new faces I see here today..
Surgery joke, Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting,

Surgery Remove Jokes

Here is a list of funny surgery remove jokes and even better surgery remove puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did FIFA have surgery? They had to remove their Blatter.
  • After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.
  • I grew a whole foot the summer after 8th Grade! Yeah the doctors were shocked, It took 3 surgeries to remove.
  • A man went into surgery to remove his tonsils. Due to a hospital error he got circumcised.
    Media was alerted by an anonymous tip.
  • My English professor had a colonoscopy... Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
  • Had my wisdom teeth removed and the doc wrote me a script for oxys The percs of dental surgery
  • Today I Saw A Living Tea Cup. But it was missing an arm, so I asked "what happened to your arm?"
    He reply with "I had to get surgery to remove it."
    "Oh"
    "So I guess your an amputea?"
  • My mate just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
  • I got breast removal surgery... Sorry I had to get that of my chest
  • I had my appendix removed a few years ago... I hope I never need surgery again. If I do, how will the surgeon be able to find anything in my body?

Heart Surgery Jokes

Here is a list of funny heart surgery jokes and even better heart surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Somebody told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... I'm really glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.
  • I used to think that cardiac transplant surgery wasn't for me But then I had a change of heart
  • I had to be rushed in for an emergency open heart surgery today, My doctor grinned as he handed me a scalpel, "Fixing your heart yourself would give you a sense of pride and accomplishm-..."
  • "I'm gonna steal her heart.." Is not that romantic when you say it during a surgery.
  • "The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach" ... is apparently not true when you're performing cardiac surgery.
  • What did the polar bear say to the doctor 'Is my son going to make it from his heart surgery because right now I'm living on ice.'
  • A guy named Michael was rushed to the emergency room one night and had to have heart surgery.. I guess you could say it was open Mike night.
  • I woke up on the table in the middle of my heart surgery. The nurse just said, maybe cardiology isn't for you.
  • RIP Bill Paxton The only guy to be killed by a predator, a terminator, an alien, and a botched heart surgery.
  • My grandfather has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime of pain from the surgery.

Surgery Recovery Jokes

Here is a list of funny surgery recovery jokes and even better surgery recovery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A scoliosis patient had given up hope of recovery.. But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said "I stand corrected".
  • I just had a scoliosis correction surgery When I woke up, the doctor said "well, now that we've got that all straightened out, we can focus on recovery"
Surgery joke, I just had a scoliosis correction surgery

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about surgery can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of surgery puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Entertaining Surgery Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about surgery you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean surgeon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make surgery prank.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.

A lawyer is in the hospital..

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

s**... after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

My rabbi told me this one.

An orthodox Jewish man is about to go through heart surgery.
Before his doctor begins, he asks the Jewish man if he's ever had a surgical operation before, and if so, how it went.
The Jewish man responds, "I've only had surgery one time, and I couldn't walk for a year and a half."

(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.

Just a little cockeyed.

s**... after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."

Can I talk to my son?

A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!

Justin Trudeau announces free lazer eye surgery for all Canadians in 4 years...

When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying "because it's 2020".

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster

Or maybe that's just super stichin'

I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting

Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.

Operation successful

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....

A blind man and his mistress.

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.

A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs

A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'

A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...

"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a t**... subject.

Now when you talk about Botox no one raises an eyebrow

Remeber when plastic surgery was a t**... subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Do you really have to lick the knife!? she asked with a disapproving frown. Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit. I said, chuckling. Lots of people do it though, don't they?!

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."

The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."

A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor

A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.
The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."

It's a medical miracle

A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she's gone?

He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.

If I ever find the doctor who s**... up my limb replacement surgery..

I'll kill him with my bear hands.

There was a doctor and a patient in a hospital.

Doctor: Relax David, it's just a small surgery. Don't panic.
Patient: But Doctor, my name is not David.
Doctor: I know... that's my name.

Surgeon: Just relax, Michael. It's just a small surgery.

Patient: My name isn't Michael.
Surgeon: I know, my name is Michael.

A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...

The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."

A lawyer wakes up after surgery

He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn. She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first.

The patient excitedly replies, I'll take the good news first.
The surgeon tells them, Well, you're about to get a new dog!

I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject..

..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

My wife bought me a 'Good Luck' bracelet with my initials on it before I went into hospital for some surgery.

I think there must have been a misprint at the manufacturers,
because my initials are 'RND' and this one said 'DNR'.

A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...

...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.
Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."
Patient: "My name is not Richard!"
Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."

A man is walking his pet carrot

As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.

If There's h**... Below …

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk at a doctor's office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Why do you think it was taken here?
After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.
I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.

I was going in for surgery to remove a cyst in my hand yesterday, and I asked one of the nurses if I'd be able to play piano after recovery.

She said yes!
I replied: "That's great, I've never been able to play before!"
The eyeroll I got back made me think she was thinking back over the Hippocratic oath to determine whether she could smother me with a pillow or not.

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."

I have a male to female trans friend who just finished her gender reassignment surgery.

I asked how she felt afterwards and she said...
"I feel hole inside!"
(This joke is not meant to be transphobic, it exists purely for the pun. Trans rights!)

Cosmetic surgery used to be a t**... subject...

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Surgery joke, Cosmetic surgery used to be a t**... subject...

jokes about surgery

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these surgery jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.