Surgery Nurse Jokes
24 surgery nurse jokes and hilarious surgery nurse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about surgery nurse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Surgery Nurse Short Jokes
Short surgery nurse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The surgery nurse humour may include short surgery anesthesia jokes also.
- A doctor was performing surgery on a patient with one hand The nurse said that if he used both it would be easier
- I woke up on the table in the middle of my heart surgery. The nurse just said, maybe cardiology isn't for you.
- I went into hospital for keyhole surgery. I woke up with lock-jaw.
The nurses are still looking into it.
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Surgery Nurse Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about surgery nurse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nurse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make surgery nurse pranks.
A lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery
He asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.
I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.
As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.
A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
Can I talk to my son?
A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a medical miracle
A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
Making Babies
A couple went to the hospital for their baby delivery. The wife was very sickly and fragile. The deliver had to be a Caesarean section. The husband was pacing the hallways while the wife was in surgery. The nurse finally came out of the delivery room with a little package wrapped in a blue blanket. The nurse said to the husband, "Here is your new baby boy, I'm very sorry your wife didn't make it". The husband handed the baby back to the nurse and demanded, "Give me the baby my wife made, not this one."
Donald Trump woke up in the hospital following surgery...
... only to notice that the curtains were drawn around him.
DT: "Why are the curtains all drawn around me? Is something wrong?"
Nurse: "No, no, the surgery went fine. It's just that there's a huge fire just across the street, and we didn't want you to think you hadn't made it through."
A man is recovering from surgery.
A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him.
How are you feeling? she asks.
I'm okay, he says, but I didn't like the four-letter word the doctor used during surgery.
What did he say? the nurse asks.
Oops.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
I went into surgery yesterday
After the anesthesia wore off the nurse said if I didn't pee within 2 days to go to the ER. To help, she recommended sitting in a warm bath and peeing in there. I told her "No problem, I've been doing that since I was 2"
Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.
Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse met with an accident
... and was brought to the hospital. Her injuries are not severe, but the surgeon opts for general anesthesia anyway. Just as he was about to complete the minor surgery, the patient wakes up, in shock, and would like to know what is going on.
I'm just about to close the n**... gash, the surgeon said.
The patient got paranoid and said, I'm not going to let you do that. I'm a senior nurse, I can close my own wound.
The surgeon hands her the thread and said, Suture self .
A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery...
A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery. She was in pre-op and asked the nurse if there was any way she could administer the anesthesia medication herself. To which the nurse replied "I am not sure, I will go ask the surgeon." The nurse leaves to check with the surgeon. After a few minutes the nurse walks back into the room, with the surgeon behind her.
Again, the woman asks the surgeon if she can administer the anesthesia medication herself. The surgeon replies "Sure, knock yourself out!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The embarrassed s**... active middle aged woman
A s**... active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her v**... lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and
that the first rose was from him.
"I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" the woman asked.
"That's from a man in the burns unit -
he wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
I heard a great dad joke in the emergency room the other day at work.
So the nurse and I walk into the room and there's a nice middle aged gentleman
He seemed nervous so the nurse asked what the matter was:
"well did you hear about the guy that died at this hospital last week?"
*Nurse and I glance at each other nervously
"No? well he had to be rushed to emergency surgery the moment he showed up!"
*More nervous glances
"Well when they sewed him up they left a sponge in him by accident"
"....and he died of thirst the next day"
*cue peevish laughter from ultimate dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3rd Rose
A s**... active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her v**... lips reduced in size because, over the years they had become loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and of course the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia,she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."
A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot
A 9 month pregnant woman with triplets is waiting in line at the bank when robbers run in and start firing shots. The woman gets shot in the belly 3 times and is taken to the hospital. After the surgery the nurse tells the woman that she will be fine and that her babies are fine too, however, this is an unusual situation where the bullets are in each of her babies and after some years the bullets will come out.
Ten years later, one of her daughters comes crying to her. She asks, "whats wrong sweety?" "Mommy, I was peeing and a bullet came out," replied the daughter. The woman remembers what the nurse had told her years ago so she tells her daughter, "Its okay Christy. It happens."
A couple weeks later, her second daughter comes crying to her. She asks, "whats wrong sweety?" "Mommy, I was peeing and a bullet came out," she says. The woman again calms down her daugher, "Its okay Jenny. It happens."
A couple weeks later, her son comes crying to her. She asks, "what is it Johnny? Did you pee and a bullet came out?" Johnny says, "no. I was jacking off and I shot the dog!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A shy woman decides to have surgery
She wants to have surgery to remove her large v**... lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her hospital tray. Angry, she calls for the doctor.
"Let me explain" the doctor says..."No one knows...the first rose is from me. I know how difficult this was for you. The second is from my nurse...she had the same procedure a year ago"
The woman is somewhat calmer. "But what about the third???"
The doctor says "Now don't get upset...He doesn't know who you are. But the man in the burn unit wanted to thank you for his new ears".
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.
Written in large black letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."