Following is our collection of funniest Surgery jokes. There are some surgery lasik jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these surgery appendicitis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
Upvote for visibility.
Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.
An orthodox Jewish man is about to go through heart surgery.
Before his doctor begins, he asks the Jewish man if he's ever had a surgical operation before, and if so, how it went.
The Jewish man responds, "I've only had surgery one time, and I couldn't walk for a year and a half."
The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
walk in with A's and leave with D's.
hashtag nofilter
Just a little cockeyed.
It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it.
You can explore surgery surgical reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean surgery plastic surgery dad jokes. There are also surgery puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.
"I know" said the doctor.
"We had to amputate your arms"
Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.
The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."
A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!
When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying "because it's 2020".
...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
The anesthesia wasn't local.
I see a lot of new faces today.
... a simple surgery can give you melons.
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!
I mean, it's not rocket surgery
"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal sex life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."
Now when you talk about Botox no one raises an eyebrow
I see a lot of new faces around
He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."
She: "How nice, you are so sweet."
He: "You need plastic surgery."
Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.
The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."
A man is recovering from surgery after a car crash, and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.
Doc: Yes, but don't worry, the other 99 patients have already died.
He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.
I see a lot of new faces today
Me: You don't need makeup.
GF: Aww thanks
Me: You need plastic surgery
Doctor: Relax David, it's just a small surgery. Don't panic.
Patient: But Doctor, my name is not David.
Doctor: I know... that's my name.
They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn. She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
The patient excitedly replies, I'll take the good news first.
The surgeon tells them, Well, you're about to get a new dog!
It was an ether/oar situation.
the look on my face was priceless.
He asks his doctor: How does it look, doc? Am I able the play the piano?
Doctor: It looks all fine. With the right glasses it should be no problem.
Patient: That's amazing, I've never played the piano before!
A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.
"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."
"Is that a common side effect from the surgery," the blind man asks.
"No," says the doctor. "It's just that your wife is ugly."
..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
The anesthesia wasn't local.
It's called Suture Self.
Thankfully the patient was still asleep.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces this week and I'm disappointed.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the surgery hernia jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working surgery reconstruction piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.