The Best 28 Surgeries Performed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Surgeries Performed jokes. There are some surgeries performed jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these surgeries performed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Surgeries Performed Jokes and Puns

My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!!

Upvote for visibility.

I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting

Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.

A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...

...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.

Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."

Patient: "My name is not Richard!"

Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."

Operation successful

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....

he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.

'Yes, Dad, what is it?'

'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........

........your mother in law will come and live with you.'

The surgery was a great success....

A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor

A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.

The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."


What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries?

A neurosturgeon

A doctor is just about to perform surgery

So, a doctor is just about to perform surgery.

Doctor: Relax, David. It's just a small surgery. Don't panic.

Patient: My name is not David.

Doctor: I know. I am David.

A doctor is performing surgery on his patient.

All of a sudden the door swings open and in comes running a desperate man. He shouts help me doctor, im shrinking!!! The doctor calmly says Settle down a bit, you can't just come barging in here like that...you'll have to learn to be a little patient

A doctor performs surgery using local anesthesia

- Relax, Ernest, it's just a few cuts with a scalpel. Don't panic, the doctor says.

- But, doctor, my name is not Ernest.

- I know... just talking to myself.

I got hurt while performing a surgery on a bee.

It was a sting operation.

What type of surgery do Jewish doctors prefer to perform?

Circumcision.

They're always left with a tip.

You can explore surgeries performed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean surgeries performed dad jokes. There are also surgeries performed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A doctor was performing surgery on a patient with one hand

The nurse said that if he used both it would be easier

Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old

I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?

I was in an operating theatre today...

...and a surgeon asked for a stool to sit on to perform the surgery. I got one, and pushed it towards him saying "stool behind you".

He replied "I'm so sorry, I thought it was only a fart".

A threat

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife. No pressure, seriously."

"The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach"

... is apparently not true when you're performing cardiac surgery.

The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects...

...but he did one on the fly.

I recently watched a plumber performing a gastric bypass surgery using his own tools.

I could hardly make it through the whole thing, it was gut wrenching.

Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself?

Turned out, it was all in his head.


What does an ophthalmologist do if he has to perform surgery, but doesn't remember how to do the procedure?

He has to Improve eyes....

How do you become invisible?

Get a child and then perform sex-altering surgery.
Then you become a transparent.

When performing surgery on a grape, you don't need to use anesthesia.

It'll only let out a little whine.

The performed surgery on a grape but it died

Next, they're going to try raisin it from the dead.

My dad's doctor told me he could perform surgery with his eyes closed.

But he didn't say anything about succeeding.

Man wanted two doctors to perform his surgery.

They refused to cooperate.

I had to perform surgery on a lamb's brain yesterday.

Just call me a gyro surgeon.

What did the veterinarian performing canine reproductive surgery say to the veterinarian with over productive saliva disorder?

Spay it don't spray it.

What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?

Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the surgeries performed jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working surgeries performed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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