Surgeries Performed Jokes
38 surgeries performed jokes and hilarious surgeries performed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about surgeries performed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Surgeries Performed Short Jokes
Short surgeries performed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The surgeries performed humour may include short surgery jokes also.
- My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.
- I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.
- What type of surgery do Jewish doctors prefer to perform? Circumcision.
They're always left with a tip. - A doctor was performing surgery on a patient with one hand The nurse said that if he used both it would be easier
- "The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach" ... is apparently not true when you're performing cardiac surgery.
- The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects... ...but he did one on the fly.
- I recently watched a plumber performing a gastric bypass surgery using his own tools. I could hardly make it through the whole thing, it was gut wrenching.
- Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head.
- What does an ophthalmologist do if he has to perform surgery, but doesn't remember how to do the procedure? He has to Improve eyes....
- When performing surgery on a grape, you don't need to use anesthesia. It'll only let out a little whine.
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Surgeries Performed One Liners
Which surgeries performed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with surgeries performed? I can suggest the ones about surgical and surgery anesthesia.
- What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon
- I got hurt while performing a surgery on a bee. It was a sting operation.
- Man wanted two doctors to perform his surgery. They refused to cooperate.
- I had to perform surgery on a lamb's brain yesterday. Just call me a gyro surgeon.
- What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery! - I had to perform surgery on my robot's logic unit today. It was a boolean operation.
Ridiculous Surgeries Performed Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about surgeries performed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean autopsy performed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make surgeries performed pranks.
A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...
...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.
Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."
Patient: "My name is not Richard!"
Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor
A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.
The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."
A doctor is just about to perform surgery
So, a doctor is just about to perform surgery.
Doctor: Relax, David. It's just a small surgery. Don't panic.
Patient: My name is not David.
Doctor: I know. I am David.
A doctor is performing surgery on his patient.
All of a sudden the door swings open and in comes running a desperate man. He shouts help me doctor, im shrinking!!! The doctor calmly says Settle down a bit, you can't just come barging in here like that...you'll have to learn to be a little patient
A doctor performs surgery using local anesthesia
- Relax, Ernest, it's just a few cuts with a scalpel. Don't panic, the doctor says.
- But, doctor, my name is not Ernest.
- I know... just talking to myself.
Speaking of foreskins.....
A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids. This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Due to the lack of suitable donors for the skin the doctor used the boy's f**..., post circumcision. I saw him the other day and other than looking a little c**...-eyed he seemed okay.
Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old
I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?
I was in an operating theatre today...
...and a surgeon asked for a stool to sit on to perform the surgery. I got one, and pushed it towards him saying "stool behind you".
He replied "I'm so sorry, I thought it was only a f**...".
A threat
An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife. No pressure, seriously."
How do you become invisible?
Get a child and then perform s**...-altering surgery.
Then you become a transparent.
The performed surgery on a grape but it died
Next, they're going to try raisin it from the dead.
My dad's doctor told me he could perform surgery with his eyes closed.
But he didn't say anything about succeeding.
What did the veterinarian performing canine reproductive surgery say to the veterinarian with over productive saliva disorder?
Spay it don't spray it.
[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed..
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs . Several years ago a man was high on c**... and m**...
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's a**....
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U..S.A!"
Chinese herbologist
A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He orders a shot, then another, and then another. Finally, the bartenders asks him "hey, what's wrong buddy?". The man replies "I've got this really embarrassing condition, and no doctor has ever been able to figure out how to cure it". The bartender says "well, why don't you tell me about it?".
"Ok", says the man, "you see.....whenever I f**..., it comes out HONDA!!!". I've tried everything, changed my diet, stopped drinking beer and eating beans...everything!".
The bartender says "have you tried Chinese herbology?".
"No", says the man.
"Well", says the bartender, "there's a Chinese herbologist right around the corner; it wouldn't hurt to give him a shot".
So, the man goes to see the Chinese herbologist and tells him all about his problem. "Ahhh...", says the herbologist, "you have an abscess in your tooth, you must go to the dentist".
Well, the man hasn't seen a dentist in years and is reluctant to go, but he decides he has to do something about his farts. After his exam, the dentist tells him, yes indeed you have an abscess. The dentist performs the surgery to fix the abscess, and the man's farts return to normal. "This is miraculous!", thinks the man. He goes back to the herbologist to find out how he could possibly know that he had an abscess. "Ah...says the herbologist", ancient Chinese proverb! "Abscess make the f**... go honda!".