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Surely Jokes

116 surely jokes and hilarious surely puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about surely that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Surely Short Jokes

Short surely jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The surely humour may include short no doubt jokes also.

  1. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  2. If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity. ...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.
  3. TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
    FP
  4. Cashier: that'll be $19.99 Me: *pulls out a $50*
    Cashier: sorry we've been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?
    Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30*
  5. My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
  6. I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife… But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
  7. I found a wallet what do i do? I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"
    So I turned it into wine.
  8. I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked postman — can you help? She said, Sure. How many letters?
    Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.
  9. My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
    I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
  10. "Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?" Yoda replies: "off course we are"

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Surely One Liners

Which surely one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with surely? I can suggest the ones about necessarily and seemingly.

  1. Hey girl, are you a broken compass? Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
  2. I'm not sure faith can move mountains... But we all know what it can do to skyscrapers.
  3. Great wine is like great jazz... It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same.
  4. LPT: When Googling Gary Oldman always make sure to include the 'R'
  5. So I lost my mood ring yesterday... I'm not sure how I feel about that.
  6. I heard a rumour about the canadian Prime Minister Not sure if it's Trudeau.
  7. How do astronauts make sure their mission goes smoothly? They planet.
  8. "Tony, can you spell your name backwards?" Tony: sure... y not
  9. Sure, I could agree with you.... Buy why should we BOTH be wrong?
  10. My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke. I said: Sure.
    She said: Me too!
  11. A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep I said 'Sure, seventy'.
  12. My wife has a successful Onlyfans account! I'm not sure how to tell her.
  13. I'm pretty sure my F5 key isn't working anymore I keep seeing the same jokes on here
  14. The punchline comes first. How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?
  15. I wasn't sure about getting involved in human trafficking at first... But now i'm sold.

Surely Win Jokes

Here is a list of funny surely win jokes and even better surely win puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Tonight, I will be judging the "World's Largest Ribeye" competition. I am not sure who will win. But the steaks are huge.
  • I sure hope Roy Moore wins today Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
  • I wasn't sure about doing a charity marathon but... I realised it was for disabled people so I thought I had a good chance of winning
  • Just made a bet with my mate about who would get married first He said may the best man win.
    I said I'm not sure that's how this works mate.
  • What's the best way to make sure the Italian entry wins a Broadway Trophy? Rigatoni
  • 2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win 2017: He can't do that... right?
    2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
  • Apparently Bill Clinton is so sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.
  • daily commute I'm not sure if people don't sit next to me on the train because I'm black, or because I look Muslim. It's a win for me either way.
  • The judge asked the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "I do."
    "And do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
    "Sure. My side will win."
  • How does Bigfoot know what time it is? He looks at his sasquatch.

    I made this up at work. It's a dad-joke for sure. I googled it and found no record of it.

    What do I win?
Surely joke, How does Bigfoot know what time it is?

The Funniest Surely Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about surely you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assured jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make surely pranks.

Hans and Jervaise....

A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid. "Certainly sir," says Jervaise, the waiter. "Would you like to choose your squid from the tank over there?" "I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer. "Oh no!" replies Jervaise. "But he's my favourite! He's so small and cute and friendly. Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier ones?"
"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one". So Jervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and ... the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin!
"It's no good' says Jervaise. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed?' So out comes Hans, while Jervaise disappears off in tears. Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off and ... once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache. So Hans, too, finds it impossible to kill him.
The moral?
Now Hans that does dishes can be as soft as Jervaise with vile green hairy-lip squid.

The world's greatest swordsman

A young man climbs a mountain to a ledge, where there sits an old man with a sword in his lap. The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in two pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. Further up the mountain is a swordsman greater than I."
So the young man climbs up the mountain to another ledge where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly falls to the ground in three pieces.
The young man says, "Surely you are the greatest swordsman in the world."
The old man says, "No. At the top of this mountain is the greatest swordsman."
So the young man climbs up to the top of the mountain, where there sits an even older man with a sword in his lap.
The young man says, "I seek the greatest swordsman in the world."
Without a word, the old man draws his sword and flicks it in the air at a passing fly. The fly buzzes away.
"What's going on," the young man yells. "I thought you were supposed to be the greatest swordsman in the world. You couldn't even kill that fly."
"No," the old man says. "That fly is not dead. But that fly will never again father children."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Farming advice

A farmer notices that her neighbor produces a lot of big tomatoes every year, so she asks him what his secret was. He says that he walks n**... every morning as the sun raises. The next harvest he checks up on his neighbor, and asked if she had good tomatoes this year. She says, I walked around the garden n**... every morning as you said but not that many tomatoes, but the cucumbers surely got big this year.

So its pancake Tuesday today

That surely crepe'd up on us

I have just read FHM's top grooming products of 2009. Surely they got it wrong.....

Haribo were not even in the top 10.

The pope dies and goes to heaven

He arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and meets Saint Peter. Saint Peter asks "What is your name?". The pope, expecting a warm welcome, reacts surprised. "I'm the pope!", he says. St Peter looks into his book but cannot find an entry for the pope. "I'm the head of catholic church, surely you must know me!" says the pope. St Peter doublechecks but can't find anything at all. The pope insists he should be more than welcome in heaven, so after a while, St Peter says "wait a second, I'll go get God".
God arrives and takes a look at the pope, but he doesn't recognise him either. The pope tries to explain his position as leader of the church on earth, but God just doesn't seem to understand much of it. He decides to get his son Jesus, maybe he knows more.
Jesus and the pope step aside and talk for a minute or 2. Then, a smiling Jesus goes back to God and says "Dad, do you remember that fishing club I had 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Dat Riddim

A woman asked her grandmother how her grandfather had died. "He had a heart attack while we were making love one Sunday morning," Granny said. Horrified, the granddaughter told her that two people that old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh, no," said Granny. "Many years ago we realized that ringing church bells provided the perfect rhythm: in on the ding and out on the d**...." She paused, wiped away a tear, and continued, "But then the ice-cream truck came along."

a lil' Boudreaux joke for y'all.

Mrs. Boudreaux went to the the local newspaper and said she wanted to put in the Obituary Column that Boudreaux died. They told her it would be $1.00 per word.
She said, "Here ya go, 2 dollahs - put in dere dat Boudreaux Died."
They said, "Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want more dan dat."
She said "Mais, no, just 'Boudreaux died'."
The editor said, "Well, you a lil' upset. Bring yaself back tomorruh and you probably tink of sumtin else."
She came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I tought of sumtin else.. 'BOAT FOR SALE'."

Jesus party

When Jesus distributed fish and bread, he surely turned some water into red wine for the feast, being his blood and all, everyone knew he could do that party trick by then.
I'm sure someone must have went like:
"That's all good Jesus, but white wine would have been better with fish".
That person miraculously had food poisoning that day.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Ha. Surely I'm not as awful as that!

Tall guys of the world, unite! There are people who seek to discriminate against us!

Surely, you have noticed it by now. All over the Internet people are screaming about oppression and then saying, "#notallmen."

Doctor, doctor, I keep suffering from halucinations that I'm the brightest star in the night sky.

Surely, you can't be Sirius.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Little Johnny is at it again.

Little Johnny was sent home early from school one day. He had been very, very naughty with his classmate, Mary Jane. Little Johnny's mom was very upset with this news and she warned Johnny he was surely going to get it when his father got home.
Little Johnny's dad finally came home from work and right away mom told him Johnny was caught having s**... with Mary Jane at school. And she started to cry her eyes out.
Johnny's dad ran to the kitchen and made a huge ruckus looking through the cupboards. The mom stood nearby wondering what was happening. Finally, Little Johnny's dad found what he wanted and he picked up a large cast iron frying pan. He loudly told his wife to get out of the way but she started crying louder begging the dad to please not hurt Little Johnny. After all he was just a young boy. Johnny's dad said, "Hurt him be d**.... I'm not going to hit him. I'm going to fry him up a steak and some eggs. The poor kid can't screw on Corn Flakes!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A guy goes to the Doctor...

The Doctor looks at him with a grave look and says:
"I am sorry Sir but you are going to have to stop m**...."
The guy answers a bit puzzled:
"But I mean... Surely that's not bad for my health?"
"No, but it's a bit disturbing when I'm talking to you."

The fly and me

I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.
The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins

Mort Goldman walks into a bar

The bartender says "mort, why are you still here? The rest of your people left days ago for Jerusalem!" "I'm not falling for that trick!" Mort replied "a place so great is sure to be a myth, it's surely just a trick to lure us all away." Mort finished his beer and left. On his walk home mort noticed all of the shops in his neighborhood closed and not a similar face in sight. Becoming concerned he decided to call his brother to see what was going on. Upon calling, his brother assured Mort that Jerusalem did indeed exist and it was better than he had ever imagined. Mort boarded the next flight still skeptical, but determined to see for himself the glory that awaited. When Mort arrived at the airport he was awestruck. He stood silent for minutes before muttering under his breath "I can't believe it, it Israel"

Do rich people ask loaded questions?

I mean, surely they do, right?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I don't understand why dogs are called man's best friend.

Surely a man's real best friend would never try to h**... his girlfriend's leg.

Niels Bohr (true story)

a true story (supposedly)
A man goes to visit Niels Bohr, and sees a horseshoe hanging over Bohr's door (a scandinavian superstition).
The man says, "But Niels, you are a scientist! Surely you do not believe in this superstition?"
Niels replies, "Of course I don't believe in it!"
The man is confused. "Why do you have it if you don't believe in it?"
Bohr replies, "It is supposed to work, even if you don't believe in it!"

I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white.

Surely we don't need that many guards.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop m**.... I asked him why, because surely it's not dangerous.

He said it was distracting him.

My neighbor just threw out the biggest trash I have ever seen..

Boy, I will surely miss Mrs. Jones

I applied for art school

I had no port folio, had never drawn in my life and absolutely no talent.
I was furious when they rejected me because I was the perfect candidate.
Surely if anyone needs lessons it's me!

This week is Frankenstein's birthday

surely he'll throw a monster party

I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.

I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"

What do Greek teenagers say?

Omega!!
Note: surely it already exists but I thought of it independently and am proud of my terrible joke!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What kind of m**... invented the fire blanket

Surely fire is warm enough already?

The US has avoided disaster..

by electing Donald Trump, our country's cumulative sigh of relief that surely would've thrown our planet out of its orbit and into the sun, has been avoided.

"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"

"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began
"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"
Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.

Why is the Queen's speech on at 3pm?

Surely 1 can never be too early to make a speech...

Surely you can't be serious!?

I am serious... And don't call me Shirley!

A blonde walks into a bank and says "Hands in the air! This is a screw-up!"

The banker, confused, says "Surely you must mean a 'stick-up'." The blonde responds, "No, I forgot the gun."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Jesus was most surely black...

He never met his father.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Nintendo: surely you can't come up with a worse name than Wii U

Microsoft: hold my beer

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How to tell whether someone is an idiot

Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?
For that, we have special questions.
Can you name an example?
Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?
But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.

What you get, your husband will get it 3 times more

A woman is cleaning her attic, when she finds an old lamp. Surely enough, she rubs it and a genie pops off and tells her:
"I can grant you 3 wishes, but be aware that anything you get, your husband will get it 3 times more"
The woman asks:
"First I want to be very beautiful"
The genie grants her wish and turns her into a gorgeous woman. He then says:
"Done, and now your husband is 3 times more beautiful than you are"
Then the woman asks:
"Next I want to be rich"
Once again the genie grants her wish, and tells her:
"Done, and your husband is now 3 times richer than you"
The the woman asks:
"Finally, I want to have a small small small heart attack"

The 90s surely had some great bands.

There is no doubt of that

Did you hear about the guy that robbed the clock store overnight?

He surely took his time.

If coconut oil is made with coconuts,

Almond oil is made with almonds,
Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,
Then I surely know what baby oil is.....

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I kind of understand where anti-vaxxers coming from.

They were surely vaccinated as children, and look how r**... they turned out to be.

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

So you know how all those oil companies make a bunch of money?

I was thinking. Surely it must be rigged, right?

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

When Americans are born, they're given a Bible and a Gun.

When one doesn't get them what they want, the other surely will.

What did the lighter say to his wife when their kid burnt a house down?

"Hey, at least now we surely know that he's arson."

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

A guy named Miles gets lost during a marathon in India...

"Surely I should be at the finish line by now!" he thinks.
Shortly he comes upon a group of Punjabi people, practically a score of them. "Excuse me," he asks, "Have you all seen anyone running a race around here? I'm not sure how long this thing is supposed to be. If so, can you point them out to me?"
Twenty Sikhs point to Miles.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

So Anthony Bourdain was cremated...

Surely as a chef he would have preferred they stopped when he was medium rare.

3 Guys walk into a building

Surely one of them would have seen it coming?

There was a man who swore he was getting smaller.

Everyday, his height decreases by an inch. Alarmed, he visits the doctor immediately, and asks the secretary to squeeze him in.
"Surely, sir. The doctor will be here any minute. You just have to sit down and be a little patient."

I've been training as a sculptor for months but I'm not very good at it. Just the other day I made an Elk from limestone which I thought was good, but my art teacher Mr Watson couldn't work out what it was.

I said to him surely he could see it was sedimentary, my deer, Watson.

A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,

But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.

Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name...

Hmmmm

Apple's stock quote has fallen a bit

If it would wear a new Apple Watch Series 4, it would surely detect the fall!

While I was talking with Siri I said Surely you can look this up

Siri replied Don't call me Shirley
Then I realized I had airplane mode on

I mean surely you know that global warming is a huge issue in our world today right?

Don't call me Sherly!!

I visited a doctor and he told me I was paranoid.

In fact, he didn't tell me, but he surely had to think I was.

After several attempts, I finally understood that mime's story...

Surely he gesticulates.

It was Cesar Chavez who said: The end of all education is surely to service others

Well get on it, Shirley!

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"

Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..

Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?

God: So he can know how far or close danger is
God's assistant: why two ears?
God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right
God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.
God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who f**... in the room.

Harry Potter sees a black dog...

Harry: Sirius, is that you in disguise?
Sirius: I am, surely, and don't call me Sirius

One for the classical music fans

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."
Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designer.
I mean, surely you've heard of...Karajan Luggage?

Surely 2020 couldn't get any worse...

>!Enter the Spanish Inquisition!<

Wife: I want to donate my clothes to people who are poor and starving.

Husband: Anyone who fits into your clothes is surely not starving.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Social Distancing is so unbelievably s**...

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

I can't marry my girlfriend else my family would disown me.

My wife and kids surely would.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...

a woman's right to choo-choos.

A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...

The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.

A pregant woman goes into a doctors office to have an ultrasound.

The doctor tells us that she is going to have a girl. The doctor then asks what she will name the baby. "Hannah," she says. "I have six other daughters, and I've named them all Hannah."
"Surely that's a bit confusing?" The doctor inquires. "What if you want to call one of them downstairs?"
"That's easy," replied the woman. "I just call them by their last name."

John Buttlicker went to the magistrate to change his name.

He went to the attendant and told that he has had major difficulties during his life because of his name.
Attendant: Surely I can see that you have the necessary aspects to change your name! Have you tought what you would change it to?
John Buttlicker: Well I've always liked more the name Alex...

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.
too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.
perfect invention.
let's put them in the busiest buildings.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck n**... woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.
The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "
The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"
The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

(Not OC) A man is sitting down in his seat at the Superbowl when he sees an empty seat beside him...

He turns to the man sitting one over and says "wow, it's amazing to see an empty seat at the Superbowl."
The seated man says "It's my wife's seat, she'd come with me every year to the Superbowl but she passed away and couldn't make it this year.
The other man responds "Jesus, I'm so sorry to hear and sorry for your loss. But surely you could have found someone, a cousin, a family friend or anything.."
The seated man says "I could, but they're all at her f**...."

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!
...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.
I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a laugh out of me!

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, Surely, it's not going to rain today?

And she replied, Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley.
That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode.

So Siri tells me there's a blizzard on the way, to which I say

Surely you can't be serious and she replies I am serious and don't call me Shirley
I must have left my phone in airplane mode

Surely joke, So Siri tells me there's a blizzard on the way, to which I say