Supposed Jokes
125 supposed jokes and hilarious supposed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about supposed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Supposed Short Jokes
Short supposed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The supposed humour may include short suspected jokes also.
- If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.
- 6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
- I get that the #me too movement is supposed to be empowering... But they could've picked a better slogan than PoundMeToo
- I got into an argument with my daughter and she shouted, "1, 3, 5, 7, 9!" I asked her, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She said, "I'm so mad, I can't even!" - My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one She got even more upset and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
- I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.
- • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
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Supposed One Liners
Which supposed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with supposed? I can suggest the ones about suggested and intended.
- I named my son Gram It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.
- "Yoda, are we supposed to be here?" "Off course we are."
- Jesus Christ was supposed to be named Franklin.... Until Mary stubbed her toe.
- Turns out when asked who your favorite child is... You're supposed to pick your own.
- What's worse than a box full of snakes? A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
- My wife has the body of a woman half her age. I suppose I should call the police.
- I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes Probably why I'm an only child.
- "How big do you suppose that fence is?" "I reckon that fence is around a yard."
- Nikke Bella is divorcing John Cena Supposedly, she couldn't see him.
- TIL DNA was supposed to be a line But things spiraled of control
- I saw a snake that was 3.14 metres long I suppose it was a π thon
- I heard Steve Irwin has his own line of sunscreen... It's supposed to block the rays
- The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time It had cutting edge technology
- If we're not supposed to eat animals Then why are they made of food
- Why did the chicken go inside the Capitol Building? There was supposed to be a coop
Originally Supposed Jokes
Here is a list of funny originally supposed jokes and even better originally supposed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason
- Canada was originally supposed to be called Canad. But whenever anyone spelled it, it came out as:
C
A
N
A
D
Eh.
If you don't get it, reading it out loud might help. - Star Wars was originally supposed to be an R-rated movie on account of one characters dialogue, But luckily they bleeped all R2-D2's lines out.
- Jesus was originally supposed to come back on the second day... But he suffered from some resurrectile dysfunction
- Pingu was originally supposed to be Rocket Raccoon's bodyguard. "I am noot."
Entertaining Supposed Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about supposed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean proposed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make supposed pranks.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.
2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
A man cheats with his wife's sister
Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there n**... on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up
A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant??
Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure.
My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up.
But it made her even more upset.
She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"
"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He looks at her and in his most sympathetic voice says, "sweetheart, put the frosted flakes back in the box."
Ba dum-tiss
We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
A man was admitted to the hospital with 12 toy horses up his but
Doctors have described his condition as stable
(Edit): yeah I s**... up the spelling, it's supposed to say b**...
Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.
"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.
"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."
My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a t**... with.
Apparently, I wasn't supposed to pick two of them.
Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
I was offered s**... from a 21 year old girl today
In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.
Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"
Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don't give a d**... who you know.
The creator of WinRAR was arrested and put on trial
The trial was supposed to last 40 days, but it keeps on going
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
Today is International Women's Day.
It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.
A Blonde Tries To Solve A
A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"
Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?
Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else.
Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.
One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."
So, i wanted to know what my weight was.
'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said.
But how am i supposed to see the numbers?
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
Did you hear about the new pill that's supposed to turn lesbian women straight?
It's called tricoxagain.
Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...
You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."
Want to hear a Cosby joke?
Wait ... I told it wrong. I wasn't supposed to ask for consent.
A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.
The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.
I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?
Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the f**....
A guy walks into a bar on Halloween
A guy dressed in regular street clothes walks into a bar on Halloween and orders a beer. "I'm here for the costume party," he tells the bartender. The bartender looks him up and down, taking in his ordinary clothing and no makeup or wig. "What are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "I'm a werewolf," the guy replies. "How's that? You're not dressed up at all," the bartender says. "Well, it's not a full moon tonight, now is it Mr. Smart Guy?" the guy replies.
A man finds a genie in a bottle
He rubs it. A genie pops out "you have two wishes"
The guy says "hold up, aren't I supposed to get three wishes?"
the genie replies "Check your pants"
The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says "how did you know?"
Genie says "I've been doin this a while."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
A blonde woman was trying to do a Jigsaw Puzzle
She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help.
She said "Can you help me finish this puzzle, Its supposed to be a Bird"
Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard"
I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.
When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."
This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"
"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"
Driver : "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"
Officer : "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
Today is International Women's Day.
It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get dressed.
When he was a teenager, little Johnny's father caught him reading one of his older sister's magazines. Son, why are you reading that s**... magazine? he asked.
There's an article that tells women where to meet men, Johnny responded, pointing to the magazine's cover. I need to know where I'm supposed to be.
My wife thinks it's seductive to bite her lip.
I haven't the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom one.
You're not supposed to make joke about a group of people unless you're part of it
If you're black you can make black jokes, if you're gay you can make gay jokes, if you're Muslim you can make Muslim jokes, etc...
So anyways two idiots walk into a bar....
For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.
I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
My wife has just given me a book with all the words that I'm not supposed to use when we argue....
It's called a dictionary.
I really hate men that says women belongs in the kitchen
How are they then supposed to clean the rest of the house?
Wife: I cannot believe you had s**... with my sister!
Husband: I walked in the room and she was lying there n**...! What was I supposed to do?
Wife: The Autopsy!
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"
Jokes that say women should stay in the kitchen are so offensive...
How else are they supposed to clean the rest of the house?
They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry.
It's been several days now, what should I do?
A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.
The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.
A boy goes to a s**... club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
My favorite blonde joke.
A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
I was offered s**... with a 21 year old girl today.
I was offered s**... with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
There once was an engineer and a doctor, but they both loved the same woman.
The doctor would give the woman a rose every day to show his love.
The engineer would give her an apple every day.
This confused her, so she asked the engineer about it.
"The doctor gives me a rose because a rose signifies love, what is this apple supposed to mean?"
The engineer replied, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my lack of vocabulary …
What's that even supposed to mean?
This morning I entered a store...
I noticed the clerk had a missing hand and a watch on it, that kept falling.
\-Why don't you wear it on the other hand?
\-And how am I supposed to put it on, smartass?
I've decided to mind my own business from now on.
What's the difference between a Pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?
How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She shouted at me and said, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
Did you hear The Pentagon was actually supposed to be an octagon?
but they hired a government contractor that cut corners
My wife tried to be s**... by biting her lips at me...
...I didn't have the heart to tell her that you're supposed to bite your *bottom* lips
My girlfriend started biting her lip to look s**......
How do I tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip?
