Then plug me back in, see if that works.
He gets no support from his Cavs
If you can't come let me know.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.
The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
Thoughts and prayers.
If we don't get support soon, people will think we are nuts.
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
And says "I'm sorry to hear about the terrorist attacks in New York, I wanted to be the first one to call and show my support to America"
After a pause Obama replies "What attack? I have no news of such attacks yet"
A dramatic silence prevails
After a while Obama hears a voice on phone that sounded like someone shouting "shit I forgot about the time difference".
I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
Micky Mouse wants a divorce.
Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.
Mickey (stunned): Why not?
Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.
Mickey (exasperated): Your honor! I didn't say she was crazy...
I said she was fucking Goofy!
I'm for joint support for joint support for joint support.
..it has lot's of support but no cup
It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
When he said
"your generation relies too much on technology"
I then said
" no grandpa yours does"
Then I unplugged his life support.
I went to a Transgender Alliance Support Meeting.
I waited over an hour to speak.
Heard all the stories.
Finally it was my turn.
"Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body" I said.
Everyone nodded.
"That's how tight my girlfriends pussy is."
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
We'd better get some support or people will think we're nuts.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
They don't work either.
You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
I don't know why.
And then plug me back in. See if that works.
"Man, if we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
And then a turn on again.
Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.
Turns out the meeting is tomorrow.
"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.
My Grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
But it flopped,
Nobody came
A picnic table can support a family.
If we don't get some support around here, people are going to think we're nuts.
Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."
I wasn't sure what to wear, so I came in my pants.
I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
A liberal arts major.
I lied about the wheels.
Turns out it's tomorrow
A bench can support a family.
With financial support and unconditional love.
Better to pay 4 years of child support than 18.
I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.
My child support checks.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
If they did, they could go on a transmission!
-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"
I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!"
I then proceeded to unplug his life support.
She is told that in order to get help, they need her password.
She says that the password is "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
We meet weakly.
Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat
My grandpa told me: "Your generation relies too much on technology".
So I replied: "No , your generation relies too much on technology" as I unplugged his life support.
I see a lot of new faces around
In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
Forgot Your Password?
It was a total bait-and-switch; every motherfucker there was *against* my alcoholism!
I replied, "Well what you expect?"
"Love and support!" She shouted in response.
"You're just using me for love and support!" I yelled.
If you can't come let me know
If we don't get some support soon people are gonna start thinking we're nuts
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
My daughter brought her fiancée home to meet her mother and me. I asked the young man, "How do you intend to support my daughter?"
He replied, "Well, sir, I didn't go to college and have had trouble finding a job but I know that God will provide."
I then asked, "Do you have any savings that you can live on until you get on your feet?"
He answered, "Unfortunately, no sir. I haven't a penny to my name, but I'm sure that God will provide."
Finally, I asked, "Can you ask your family for financial assistance to help you through the early days of your marriage?"
"No sir. My family has barely enough money to pay their own bills. But I'm sure that God will provide for me and your daughter."
I left him to go find my wife and report back on our conversation. "So how'd it go?" she asked. I replied, "Well the bad news is he hasn't got a pot to piss in. The good news is he thinks I'm God."
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women
will be finished reading this by now.
Men
are still busy checking their thumbs.
After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, señor, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."
"no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.
When Wesley spends five years building up an immunity to iocane powder, it's romantic and we should idolize him.
But when I do it with rum, I'm an "alcoholic who needs to pay his goddamn child support."
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
"You know what? "
"What, dear? " his wife asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck. "
I said, "No grandpa, your generation is too dependent on technology." Then I unplugged his life support.
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures
On and on anon.
The plane has four engines, and one of them fails unexpectedly. The pilot says the plane cannot support their weight, so one of them is going to have to jump. The American steps forward, says "I'm doing this for my country", and jumps. A while later, another engine fails. This time, the German steps forward, says "I'm doing this for my country", and jumps. A while after that, another engine fails. This time the Irishman steps forward, says "I'm doing this for my country", grabs the Englishman and throws him out.
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
For years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
It's borderline racist.
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
(Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together*
I guess I came too early.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Support? Well, here are the best Support puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Support pick up lines to share with friends.