Support Jokes
177 support jokes and hilarious support puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about support that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Support jokes can be a great way of providing moral, physical, and spiritual support to a support group, support worker, support dog, and other helpers. From tech support to customer support to child support and life support, these jokes can help lighten the mood, bring in levity and make life a bit easier while still delivering the help people need.
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Funniest Support Short Jokes
Short support jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The support humour may include short backup jokes also.
- I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law. Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
- Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden
- There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.
- My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology. Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
- Tuna must age about five times faster than humans. This is supported by the fact that tuna half-hours are equal to 150 minutes.
- What is the difference between Americans and IT support? Americans don't have troubleshooting.
- A man calls quantum IT support and complains that his quantum computer isn't working. quantum IT support: "Have you tried turning it off and on at the same time?"
- Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "croatia" ..it has lot's of support but no cup
- Well, you won't get called a racist for criticizing the President anymore... ...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him.
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Support One Liners
Which support one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with support? I can suggest the ones about assist and service.
- If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
- Why can't lebron james stand on his tippy toes? He gets no support from his Cavs
- What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15? A MAGAzine.
- My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump... I said ok.. Biden
- I called up GameStop customer support They told me to hold.
- What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
- I created an Erectile Dysfunction support group once, But it flopped,
Nobody came - I treat my family like dogs. With financial support and unconditional love.
- Where is a tech support's bathroom located? At their I Pee address!
- I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly.
- What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch? A couch can support a family.
- What's the most-clicked link on the Alzheimer's support website? Forgot Your Password?
- What's a Trump supporters favorite fighting style? Krav maga
- what do you call a support group for people who talk too much? On and on Anon
- Apple's cars will not be that popular... Because they don't support windows
Life Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny life support jokes and even better life support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system. You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
- My Grandfather told me my generation is to reliant on technology. I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
- I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words to me... "no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.
- I unplugged my grandma's life support The moment was really breathtaking.
- Steve Jobs said his life flashed before his eyes. Except Apple doesn't support Flash.
- I had to unplug my mom's life support today. She always told me to finish my vegetables.
- LPT: Unplug your electronics to conserve energy, except for the fridge and the life support machine: In those instances, you'd just be wasting vegetables.
- My Grandfather Says I should not be so Dependent upon technology... ...Yet he is the one hooked to life support.
- Somebody told me to "live everyday like it's your last". So, I decided I'd stay in bed with life support and act as if I'm in comatose state from now on.
- I'm not saying I hate you... but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Support Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny support group jokes and even better support group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dads (Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together* - Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.
- I've just joined a procrastinators support group. Ìt is called Wait Watchers.
- I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ... Nobody came.
- Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band. We're calling ourselves OC/DC.
- My wife joined a support group for people who talk too much. It's called
On Anon Anon Anon. - I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today It made me really
- I recently joined a support group for people who peaked in high school. It's called Crossfit
- I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan.
- I am forming a mutual support-group for people who have been ripped-off by locksmiths. My door is always open.
Tech Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny tech support jokes and even better tech support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I named my first dog "What". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
- I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian All I said was my drivers keep crashing
- That's the difference between tech support and a mass shooter? One is a troubleshooter, while the other is a troubled shooter.
- A woman is calling her cell provider... Woman: I don't get my text messages
Tech support: Have you tried reading them again? - In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"... ...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.
- I had to call tech support for my computer the other day. Tech Support: It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.
Me: So? - I broke up with my tech-support girlfriend the other day She kept turning me off and on again
- Tech support said to turn it off and on again... ... should have mentioned it was a ventilator.
- I work in tech support and one of my co-workers drowned last week... we buried him in rice and he came back a day later!
- What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy? Tech support
Child Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny child support jokes and even better child support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.
- The female Praying Mantis devours the male right after mating. It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.
- If you ever feel bad Just remember that Stevie Wonder is paying $25,000 a month in child support for some kids he has never seen.
- A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!
- I peaked too soon in high school. I'm still sending her child support.
- I always tip pregnant waitresses more. It's cheaper than child support.
- If Odin is the All-Father... ..man, I bet he pays a fortune in child support.
- What's good about your baby momma being an anti vaxxer? No child support payments.
- Why would the Divorced Father be anti-vax? He just doesn't want to pay the child support.
- Santa came early Is the only time someone came early and bore presents and not child support
Howlingly Hilarious Support Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about support you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean helper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make support pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got into a big argument with my girlfriend and she screamed, "You're just using me for s**...!"
I replied, "Well what you expect?"
"Love and support!" She shouted in response.
"You're just using me for love and support!" I yelled.
On the subject of Macs and viruses...
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
Support the war on crack.
Stop wearing low rise jeans.
Computer joke of the day!
>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
Tech Support
USER: I can't get on the Internet.
SUPPORT: Are you sure you used the right password?
USER: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
SUPPORT: Can you tell me what the password was?
USER: Five dots.
Stand by your man
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a tech support has a house call...
When he gets there a little old lady answers the door. She let's him in and tell him to sit on the couch while she gets her laptop. She steps away and the tech notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and helps himself to some while he waits. When she comes back the tech says "I hope you don't mind I ate some of your nuts." The little lady says "Help yourself! I just s**... the chocolate off them anyways."
Coffee Joke
So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am starting a support group for guys dealing with a**... Asphyxiation.
Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."
Your generation relies too much on technology.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Programming is like s**....
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Husband in coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
I thought about starting a support group for pessimists...
...but why bother, it's not like it'd make any difference anyway...
A man is dying of cancer...
He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."
A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
What has four wheels and can't support a family?
A liberal arts major.
I lied about the wheels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried donating to the itty-bitty t**... committee...
But they don't really need the support
Welcome to the Alzheimer's information support page...
...please enter your 17 digit password.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tech support in the military
Troubleshoot to kill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary's so crooked...
she needs a Kaine for support.
A bunch of girls in the local collage went the Bra-less feminist way
Their spokesperson said to the local media : "Yes we know we don't have much support, but word's out that the Male students appreciate the movement "
What is the difference between a black person and a bench?
One can support a family of four.
I wore my "Gandalf for President" shirt to the comic convention.
It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
I wonder if mormons support the transgendered?
If they did, they could go on a transmission!
-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast
I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march.
Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.
What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?
Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
I support the CIA.
I bought a Samsung tv.
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
My wife went mushroom hunting all day and found nothing.
I'm offering morel support.
What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.
How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Business is going well
A man left his home country of India to go to America in hopes of making money to support his family. He opened a furniture and l**... business and in just 3 months he had made 80,000 dollars.
So he he wrote to his wife saying 'Honey I want you and the kids to come to America, I sold 1500 mattresses and 900 p**... and business is going well!'
The wife wrote back saying 'You should come back to India, with just 1 mattress and no p**... Ive made 500,000 dollars!'
If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?
They don't work either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can't support building a wall to keep out i**... immigrants.
It's borderline racist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends
He'd be a pastor of muppets
Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?
Sorry, your current internet package does not support punchlines. Please upgrade to the higher end package.
Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...
And then a turn on again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?
A bench can support a family.
I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
"Hi I'm Eric and I'm an Alcoholic."
"Hi Eric. Welcome to the end of the year, support group! Tell us how long you've been sober for.'
"Maybe a month... 34 days...?"
"Great progress!"
"Oh, not in a row. Just the total for this whole year."
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.
After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.
"It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"
I like dillos, but I don't support giving them guns...
I would never armadillo...
You'd think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...
Given how much she hates ICE and all.
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you ever wanna have raw s**..., have it with an anti-vax believer
Worst case scenario, you pay child support for 5 years instead of 18
I support euthanasia.
In fact, I support the youth in every continent.
All cars support LGBT community.
Afterall, they all have a trans mission.
Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.
