Support Jokes
178 support jokes and hilarious support puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about support that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Support jokes can be a great way of providing moral, physical, and spiritual support to a support group, support worker, support dog, and other helpers. From tech support to customer support to child support and life support, these jokes can help lighten the mood, bring in levity and make life a bit easier while still delivering the help people need.
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Funniest Support Short Jokes
Short support jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The support humour may include short backup jokes also.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
- I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law. Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
- Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden
- Hey girl, are you the Bible? 'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.
- There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends. Thoughts and prayers.
- My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology. Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
- How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
- I'm really conflicted about abortion. I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.
- Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.
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Support One Liners
Which support one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with support? I can suggest the ones about assist and service.
- If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
- Why can't lebron james stand on his tippy toes? He gets no support from his Cavs
- What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15? A MAGAzine.
- My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump... I said ok.. Biden
- I called up GameStop customer support They told me to hold.
- What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
- My girlfriend said she would leave me if I didn't support Trump I said "Biden"
- What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters? You'll never de-fetus.
- I created an Erectile Dysfunction support group once, But it flopped,
Nobody came - I support the anti-mask people Thanks to them the average IQ is rising
- I treat my family like dogs. With financial support and unconditional love.
- I only knock up anti-vaxxers. Better to pay 4 years of child support than 18.
- What bounces and makes kids cry? My child support checks.
- Where is a tech support's bathroom located? At their I Pee address!
- I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly.
Life Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny life support jokes and even better life support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was talking to my grandfather When he said
"your generation relies too much on technology"
I then said
" no grandpa yours does"
Then I unplugged his life support. - It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system. You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
- If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works.
- If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.
- My Grandfather told me my generation is to reliant on technology. I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
- I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words to me... "no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.
- I unplugged my grandma's life support The moment was really breathtaking.
- My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology... .. so I plugged out his life support
- Steve Jobs said his life flashed before his eyes. Except Apple doesn't support Flash.
- My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support
Support Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny support group jokes and even better support group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group I see a lot of new faces around
- what do you call a support group for people who talk too much? On and on Anon
- There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery... The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
- What do you call a support group for compulsive talkers? On and on anon.
- Dads (Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together* - Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.
- I've just joined a procrastinators support group. Ìt is called Wait Watchers.
- I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ... Nobody came.
- Did you hear about the support group for people who talk too much? It's On & On Anon.
- Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band. We're calling ourselves OC/DC.
Tech Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny tech support jokes and even better tech support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I named my first dog "What". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
- I'm furious! racist tech support just called me asian All I said was my drivers keep crashing
- That's the difference between tech support and a mass shooter? One is a troubleshooter, while the other is a troubled shooter.
- A woman is calling her cell provider... Woman: I don't get my text messages
Tech support: Have you tried reading them again? - In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"... ...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.
- Tech support in the military Troubleshoot to kill.
- I had to call tech support for my computer the other day. Tech Support: It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.
Me: So? - I broke up with my tech-support girlfriend the other day She kept turning me off and on again
- Tech support said to turn it off and on again... ... should have mentioned it was a ventilator.
- I work in tech support and one of my co-workers drowned last week... we buried him in rice and he came back a day later!
Child Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny child support jokes and even better child support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.
- Why is it better to sleep with anti-vaxxers? 8 years of child support is better then 18 years of child support.
- When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!" He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.
- The female Praying mantis devours the male right after mating. It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.
- If you ever feel bad Just remember that Stevie Wonder is paying $25,000 a month in child support for some kids he has never seen.
- A friend of mine recently got rid of his STD It only took him 18 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars, but he no longer has to pay child support!
- If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not! You'll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.
- I peaked too soon in high school. I'm still sending her child support.
- I always tip pregnant waitresses more. It's cheaper than child support.
- Whats the best part about getting an anti-vaxxer pregnant? Only eight years of child support.
Support Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny support worker jokes and even better support worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A gigantic gas e**... in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity. After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
Howlingly Hilarious Support Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about support you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean helper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make support pranks.
I got into a big argument with my girlfriend and she screamed, "You're just using me for s**...!"
I replied, "Well what you expect?"
"Love and support!" She shouted in response.
"You're just using me for love and support!" I yelled.
Computer joke of the day!
>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
Tech Support
USER: I can't get on the Internet.
SUPPORT: Are you sure you used the right password?
USER: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
SUPPORT: Can you tell me what the password was?
USER: Five dots.
Stand by your man
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.
"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.
Coffee Joke [OC]
So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry.
Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize m**... for arthritis treatment....
So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical m**... to relieve arthiritis.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
I called the r**... support hotline last night.
Apparently it is only for victims.
I am starting a support group for guys dealing with a**... Asphyxiation.
Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
What's the most-clicked link on the Alzheimer's support website?
Forgot Your Password?
Your generation relies too much on technology.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Programming is like s**....
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Husband in coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
What has four wheels and can't support a family?
A liberal arts major.
I lied about the wheels.
Welcome to the Alzheimer's information support page...
...please enter your 17 digit password.
Programming is like s**...
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
What is the difference between a black person and a bench?
One can support a family of four.
I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.
It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical m**... as an option for arthritis patients.
In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
I wore my "Gandalf for President" shirt to the comic convention.
It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
I wonder if mormons support the transgendered?
If they did, they could go on a transmission!
-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast
A Blonde calls tech support
She is told that in order to get help, they need her password.
She says that the password is "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?
Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
I support the CIA.
I bought a Samsung tv.
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet.
I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.
How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....
So I was visiting my elderly neighbor the other day and he told me something:
He said "Your generation is too dependant on technology."
I replied with "No your generation is." Then I unplugged his life support.
If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?
They don't work either.
I can't support building a wall to keep out i**... immigrants.
It's borderline racist.
If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends
He'd be a pastor of muppets
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?
Sorry, your current internet package does not support punchlines. Please upgrade to the higher end package.
Yo momma is so big that...
I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures
Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...
And then a turn on again.
What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?
A bench can support a family.
I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"
..it has lot's of support but no cup
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
