Supplies Jokes

I accidentally bought too many art supplies

I'm having an excess stencil crisis.

What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet?

"Supplies!"


I'll see myself out

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines.

All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing.

Obama begins by saying "American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"

Putin laughs and tell them "Stupid globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."

Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts "Heil Hitler! We need fuel!"

Here's one for you recent graduates.

A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.

"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."

The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."

His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.

One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"

The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."

The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."

The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies

Chairman: How does our potato supply look?

Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.

Chairman: But God does not exist.

Party member: Neither do the potatoes.

A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island

A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.

When the Dutch and the English man come back with food and water the Chinese man is nowhere to be found. They wait a bit till they can't wait longer and start preparing the food.

The Dutch and English guy start eating and out of nowhere the Chinese guy jumps out the bushes and shouts: " SUPPLIES ".

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site...

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy "You're in charge of shoveling." He points to the Scotsman and tells him "You're in charge of sweeping." and then he turns to the Chinese guy and says "You're in charge of supplies."

The foreman then shrugs his shoulders and says "Now, I have to leave for a bit, when I get back I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand." A few hours later when the foreman returns, he finds that the pile has not been touched.

Pointing to the pile of said the foreman demands the Italian, "Why didn't you shovel any of it?" The Scotsman I gotta no shovel. You tella the Chinese guy he inna charge of a supplies but he-a disappeara and coulda no finda him!"

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and yells, "Didn't I tell you to sweep up that sand?" The Scotsman replies in heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did laddie, but I couldna get meself a broom. Ya left the Chinee in charge o' the supplies, but I couldna find him?"

So now the foreman is incredibly furious and he storms off towards the pile of sand in search of the Chinese man. Just then, the Chinese man jumps out from behind the sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Putin, Trump and Merkel are all at a seaside resort having an argument...

The topic of the debate is which country has the best submarines.

Putin begins, saying "Russian submarines are best in the world! They can stay submerged for weeks at a time before needing supplies."

Trump laughs, "Oh no no, AMERICAN submarines are the best in the world. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it! They can go for months without needing supplies!"

Merkel opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a large submarine emerging from the water. The hatch opens, and a sailer shouts at them,

"Sieg Heil! We need fuel!"

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site...

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, Your're in charge of sweeping, to the Irishman, You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, Why didn't you sweep any of it? The Italian replies, I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him.

So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him.

The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from a closet and yells: SUPPLIES!

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in charge of food.
The American will be in charge of shelter.
And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.

A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left.

"What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks.

"We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."

Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island.

After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "**SUPPLIES!**"

What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

Supplies!

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island. The British guy decided it would be best for them to split up and meet back the next day. He told the other two that he would build a shelter, and told the French guy to gather food and the Korean guy to get supplies. The next day, the British guy had an impressive shelter built and the French guy showed up with berries and nuts, but there was no sign of the Korean guy. Days passed, and they began to get worried, so they set off in search of him. They walked through the jungle for three days without any sign of the Korean guy. Then on the fourth day, as they were about to give up hope, the Korean guy suddenly popped out from behind a rock and yelled "supplies!"

I don't know if this is original but my dad told this to me many years back.

A company decides to enlist a few people to help with the running of their factory, A Swiss for the time, a German for leadership, a French for the food and a Chinese for the supplies. On the first day the German walks around the factory looking at everyone and everyone is doing their jobs, he sees the Swiss and the French working but he can't find the Chinese. The second day the same thing happens, French,Swiss but no Chinese. The third day passes, then the fourth and finally on Friday he doesn't see the Chinese anywhere when suddenly the Chinese jumps from behind a machine with a cake and says SUPPLIES!

The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

My dad's favorite joke

3 guys are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. They grab as much of their supplies as they can carry and start walking.

The first guy turns to the second guy and says ''I brought all our food cause you can't grow anything in the desert.''

The second guy replies ''I brought all our water cause it doesn't rain in the desert.''

The third guy is slowly trailing behind. The two guys ask ''Hey what are you doing?''

Dragging the car door behind him the third guy shouts ''In case it gets hot we can roll the window down!''

A Russian, German and Polak just robbed a bank. They all jump on a train to get away from the cops...

They all climb on board a cargo car carrying pets and supplies. The crew hears the the conductor coming and hides. The Russian hides near some dog cages, sees the conductors flashlight and barks a few times. The conductor moves on, and shines his light towards the cat cages where the German hid. Right away, the German meowed and the conductor moved on without pause. Finally, as the conductor moved towards the back of the car, he approaches a sack of potatoes the Polak has hid in. He kicks the sack and the Polak yells out "PO-TA-TO"!

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....


She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..

At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way

the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

Where do electricians get supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.

The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."


The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him.


After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"...

Guy bumps into a friend ...

... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"

Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"

"Office Depot."

Why is North Korea going fail against America?

They lack the element of supplies

An Italian, An Irishman and a Chinese fellow.

Hopefully not posted earlier.

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, You're in charge of sweeping. He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, You're in charge of digging. Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.

Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby. Why didn't you touch it? he says. The Italian looks at him. We didn't have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn't find him. Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand and yells Supplies!

A day at the construction site

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"

There was a construction site

There's 3 labourers, ready for their morning job.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Chinese man.

The boss tells the Englishman, when I get back from lunch, I want this pile of dirt moved over there further.

To the Irishman, after he's moved it, you need to spread the soil.

To the Chinese man, he says you need to help out with all the supplies.

The boss gets back from lunch, and the dirt pile isn't moved.

Why has nothing happened? He asks.
The Englishman says he couldn't find the Chinese man.

He then asks the Irishman who also, cannot find the Chinese man.

He heads to the tool shed, as he is about to open the door, the Chinese man bursts out and yells, SUPPLIES!

Three guys are stranded at a deserted island.

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells

"SUPPLIES!"

An oldie but goodie

Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish!" The genie looked at the redhead who quickly shouted "I WISH TO GO HOME!" and POOF she was gone. The genie then looked at the brunette who couldn't say "I WISH TO GO HOME!" fast enough and POOF she was gone. The genie then looked at the blonde who had a tear in her eye and her head was hung low. "Why are you so sad" asked the genie, to which the blonde responded "I wish my friends were here."

Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...

The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.

They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one and get his scalp, but they figure that fifty dollars isn't a good enough payout and so they set up camp in a valley for the night with the hopes of getting more the next day.

The next morning Jimbo wakes up early and starts cooking some breakfast on the campfire when suddenly all around the whole ridge around their valley campsite hundreds of angry Apache Indians appear holding their spears and bows staring at the Jimbo like death.

Jimbo's eyes go wide and he darts into the tent "Jon! Jon! Wake up!" He yells, shaking Jon awake. "We're gonna be RICH!"

An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island…

… They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.

The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.

Each sets off in their separate directions.

The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable.

The American soon returns with enough food for a feast. He has handfuls of fruit, fish, shrimp, coconuts, and all enough to last for weeks.

After complimenting each others work they notice that the Asian is no where to be seen with the supplies. As the night grew on they decided it would be best to search for the man in case he had gotten into some danger.

They searched for hours through the jungle until they came to a large clearing. In the middle was a giant rock, they wonder if he had gone to collect supplies by the rock and approach it cautiously.

Once at the rock the Asian quickly jumps out, raises his hands in the air, and yells, Supplies !

An italian, a scot, and a chinese man start their first day working at a construction site...

...so, for their first task, their boss shows them this enormous pile of sand, and tells them they need to move it from point A to point B in two hours.
"You," says the boss, pointing to the italian, "will shovel the sand."
"You," he says to the scot, "will sweep after him."
"and you," he says to the chinese man, "will be in charge of keeping the supplies in check."


The boss comes back, two hours later, and the pile of sand hasn't budged.
"What happened?" he asks.
"The chinese man ran off with the supplies, and we couldn't find him!" the italian and scot both say.
"Seriously?" the boss says.

The boss then approaches the pile of sand, when the chinese man leaps out of it and says "**SUPPLIES!**"


(If you didn't get it, say the last sentence out loud.)

An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island...

...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies."

So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence building. By the time they finish, the Japanese guy still isn't back. The other two start to get worried, so they decide to go in after them. When they're a good way into the jungle, the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while." Later when the foreman returns he sees Nothing's done. He says to the Italian "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" "I no gotta broom. You tella da guy he inna charge of a supplies, but he go an I could no finda him!" Then asks the Scot "Didn't I tell you to shovel?" "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. I canna find where the supplies man is aboot!" The foreman is really angry now and storms off looking for the Asian. Just then the Japanese guy springs out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

A Canadian man, an American and a Chinese man are stranded on a desert island...

The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"

I own an innovative gardening supplies store.

We sell cutting-hedge technology.

A guy finds a genie bottle

Rubs it and the genie says okay you've got three wishes, but new rule is your ex-wife gets double

Guys not happy but says for my first wish I want 5 billion dollars tax free

Genie boom you got it, now your ex-wife has 10 billion tax free dollars

Guy yeah, ok fine next wish I want an island only I can get to that has a beautiful mansion and never runs out of supplies

Genie ok but now your ex-wife has two of them, what's your last wish?

Guy thinks and thinks, then says: GOT IT, I wish you would beat me half to death!

A blonde woman is looking for work....

So she decides to ask around her neighborhood if anybody needs any work done.

She stops at one mans house and asks

"Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you had any work that you need done around your house"

The man says

"Sure, I need my porch painted"

"Oh great!" The woman says, and she goes to get the supplies while the man goes back inside.

2 hours later, the woman knocks on the door again.

"That was fast" the man says

"Im a quick worker" the woman says, "By the way, thats a Ferarri, not a Porch"

An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island...

... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.

The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.

Each sets off in their separate directions.

The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable.

The American soon returns with enough food for a feast. He has handfuls of fruit, fish, shrimp, coconuts, and all enough to last for weeks.

After complimenting each others work they notice that the Asian is no where to be seen with the supplies. As the night grew on they decided it would be best to search for the man in case he had gotten into some danger.

They searched for hours through the jungle until they came to a large clearing. In the middle was a giant rock, they wonder if he had gone to collect supplies by the rock and approach it cautiously.

Once at the rock the Asian quickly jumps out, raises his hands in the air, and yells, "Supplies"!

A politically incorrect joke about language

Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.

To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".

To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".

To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of supplies."

They come to survey in a while. The Frenchman has built a restaurant with excellent food. The German has built a fancy hotel. But the Finn is nowhere to be found. They ask the others but they don't know where he is either. So they go look for him and while walking in the woods the Finn suddenly jumps out from behind the tree and shouts, "SUPPLIES!"

What does a janitor yell when he jumps out of the closet?

Supplies!

An American, a british, and a chinese man is stranded on a desert island.

The American takes charge.
He orders the British man to take care of shelter, he himself will take care of food, and he orders the Chinese man to take care of supplies.
They all go their own ways.

The american man and the british meet up, the American with food and the British with a place to stay. They wait several days for the Chinese man without him ever showing up.

They start looking for him. They start walking through the dense forest when suddenly the Chinese man jumps up from a bush:
SUPPLIES!
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Once when I was a teenager

...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school tramp!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why, Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

What is the king of all school supplies?

The Ruler

A Hispanic man, a European man, and an Asian man are put on a deserted island

They are told that they will be rescued in 24 hours, provided they have proved their survival skills.
The Hispanic man is in charge of building a shelter, the European man is in charge of finding food, and the Asian man is in charge of finding supplies.
The three men go their separate ways to complete their tasks.
24 hours later, the rescue team comes back to the island in the hopes of seeing that the three men can prove their survival skills.
The Hispanic man takes the rescue team to his shelter that he built, and the rescue team is pleased with his work.
The European man takes the rescue team to his stash of food that he has accumulated, and the rescue team is pleased with his work.
However, the Asian man with his supplies is nowhere to be found.
The rescue team walks around the island, searching for the Asian man and the supplies he was supposed to find, when suddenly the Asian man jumps out of the bushes and yells SUPPLIES!

A politician needs to hire a engineering company to build a bridge in his city. He's got offers from companies from three different companies:

A Chinese, an American and a Brazilian company.

The representative from the Chinese company says: "I'll do it for $3 million dollars. One million for the workforce, one for supplies and one for my profit. It's cheapest price you will ever find".

The representative from the American company says: "I'll do it for $6 million dollars. Two million for the workforce, two for supplies and two for my profit".

The Brazilian guy says: "I'll do it for $9 millon dollars".

The politician, very surprised, says: "What? Why is it so expensive?"

And the Brazilian answers: "3 million for me, 3 for you and 3 to have the Chinese guy build the bridge".

GTA

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.

"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"

"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"

"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"

A brunette, a redhead, and a Blonde get ran off the road...

Out on the middle of nowhere. The car takes a few tumbles, but they all come away ok. They all start gathering supplies they could find from the wreck.The brunette finds some water bottles, "We won't get dehydrated!". The redhead finds sunblock, "And we won't get sunburnt!". The blonde picks up the car door that fell off during the wreck and starts dragging it along when her 2 friends ask what she's doing. "If it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!".

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

I tried to join a local gang of thieves that were stealing supplies from Chinese restaurants in town.

I don't think I made the cut though. They told me to go take a walk.

An expecting couple is buying party supplies.

The cashier asks What's the occasion?

Oh, We are having our baby shower, says the wife.

That's pretty impressive, says the cashier. My wife and I still have to bathe ours.

The sharp eye-witness

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!

Dear God! Did your try to stop him?

No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!

Another blonde, brunette, and redhead...

...are stranded on a deserted island. Before long they run out of all their supplies and are left in a hopeless and desperate situation. They determine that one of them will try and swim for the next closest inhabited island 100 miles away.

The redhead volunteers to go, but 40 miles into her swim, she finds herself completely exhausted and drowns.

So the brunette makes her attempt and after making it about 50 miles, can't swim another stroke and drowns.

The blonde, left alone, finally makes her attempt. With grit and determination she swims mile after mile but sure enough, 60 miles into her trip, she determines that she will never make it.

So she turns around and swims back.

A Farmer Sends his Son to Town for Supplies

He tells him to visit the commons as there are sure to be reputable merchants selling their wares at this time of year.

But on the way the son gets waylaid by a strange man with big flashy signs advertising the latest in imported tools. All his neighbors are also there buying this man's tools, so the farmer's son goes along with what they are doing.

When the son gets home, he tries to fit his oxen with a newly acquired yoke but it doesn't fit right. When he finally gets it on the oxen and tries to plow the field, the yoke snaps in half.

The farmer tells his son "I hope you have learned a valuable lesson. The real yoke is always in the commons."

I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office...

I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers.

Their answers were half-and-half.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert

As they're walking the come upon a convenience store. They go inside to gather supplies for the long journey home.

The brunette says "I'll grab plenty of water so we can have enough to drink."

The redhead says "I'll grab food so we have enough to eat."

The blonde says "I'll grab a car door in case it gets hot, we can roll down the windows!"

Where Does Remus Lupin Store His Supplies?

In His Werehouse...

Breaking out of prison

One night a fugitive breaks out of a local prison. After his escape he decides to break into a house and rummage for supplies. A couple sleeping in their room panics and the man then breaks into the room. He ties the husband to the bed and the wife to a chair. He goes up to the wife and whispers something in her ear. Then he darts off to some other part of the house.

The husband says "Honey, we need to get out of here, he's going to rape you!"
she replys "Oh dont worry, he whispered in my ear that he's gay, finds you very attractive and hes going into the bathroom to get some vasoline."

Did you know California supplies 2/3 of the nations fruits and nuts?

And a lot of produce too.

Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

Island Joke

A white guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are stranded on an island. The white guy says, "okay, we need to get to work if we're going to survive. I'll hunt for food. Mexican guy, you go build us shelter. Chinese guy, you go get us some supplies. We'll meet back here at sunset."

The white guy is roasting a pig over the fire, while the Mexican guy is putting the finishing touches on the shelter. As the sun sinks into the horizon, the Mexican guy finally asks: "so... where's the Chinese guy?" Then, out of nowhere, the Chinese man jumps out of the bushes yelling, "SUPPLIES!!"

What do you call an unexpected gifts store?

Present Supplies

Mitch Hedberg-type joke.

I saw a bible supply store on the way over here. I did not realize bibles required supplies. I was under the impression they came fully equipped. "Hey, you coming to the revival this weekend? No, man, my bible wants to go camping. We have to stop at store. For supplies. Like a tiny can of beans. And a little tent."

Why are the top elites around the world scrambling to buy school supplies?

Because scissors beats Panama papers .

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

A fisherman is selling fishing supplies at a market

An insecure rich man comes up to him and asks, what's your net worth?

What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the cupboard?

SUPPLIES!

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

Whats the best way for someone with an arts degree to get money?

By selling his/her supplies

There are three lumber jacks.

There is an Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Chinese guy. The boss puts the Italian guy in charge of cutting down the trees, the Polish guy in charge of carrying the logs and the Chinese guy in charge of supplies. He tells the men he'll be back in a few hours to check on their progress. When he returns, the Italian guy is chopping the trees and the Polish guy is carrying the logs, but he can't find the Chinese guy. All he sees is a wall of boxes stacked up. As he walks towards the boxes, the Chinese guy jumps out from behind them and yells "SUPPLIES!"

Tom, Mike, and Joe survive a plane crash and swim to a nearby island.

Mike doesn't speak English very well. Joe Immediately starts giving orders to both of them: "Tom, go and find some branches so we can start a fire, Mike, try and find supplies. I will try to find some food." So they all split up. After a few hours, Joe and Tom went back to the place they made their plan at. "I found lots of branches" said Tom. "I found some food.. Where is Mike?" asked Joe. They started looking for him when all of a sudden he jumps out of a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"

Inexplicably, there are random craft supplies scattered all throughout my living room.

I don't know what to make of it.

It's weird that they call it a baby shower.

A more accurate name would be a supplies party.

A Chinaman come to America looking for a job.

A local hardware store owner wants to prove he isn't racist so he hires him.

After he hires him, the business owner asks the Chinaman what skills the he has.

Nah much mister, mah Engrish nah bery Gud.

The business owner tells him to go work in the supplies department.

The business man goes out to lunch and when he gets back he asks if anyone seen the Chinaman. Everyone shrugs their shoulders but no one saw him leave.

Fearing the worst the look every for him.

The look high and low and all around the warehouse.

Then someone opens the broom closet, only to hear, Supplies!

A building firm hires a new Asian employee...

So the foreman tell the Asian man to go into a room and count the supplies. Having heard nothing for several hours, the foreman goes in to check the progress and can't find the man. So the Asian man jumps out from behind a shelf and yells "SUPPLIES!!"

Did you hear about the man addicted to eating office supplies?

It was a staple of his diet.

So this guy working in a construction supplies department gets fired...

And the boss needs to hire someone else. So he posts an add online, and there is this Chinese dude that applies, and no one else..

So the foreman hires the guy...

Foreman: "Sir, are you good with a supplies store?"

Worker: "Yes, vellly good with supplies, velly good" (with his pronounced accent)

Foreman:"Ok, good, you hired, thank you"

So the days goes by, and the supplies store is locked all day, the next day too. and the rest of the week goes all the same, with no Chinese man in sight.

So the next monday, the foreman goes to the supplies store in mid-day, and see its still locked.. He uses his master key and opens the door.. There is a bunch of baloons and decorations, but no Chinese worker around...

Then the foreman turns around. and sees the Chinese man with a crew of 20 of them popping out of the closet screaming...

SUPRISE!!!!!!

xD

So man is stranded in the desert...

And it's been a cruel trip with nothing but his camel and some supplies. And just as any man would he got some urges. Figuring its the middle of no where and he had nothing to lose he positions himself behind his camel and tries to have his way with it. But each time he'd try the camel would gallop away. Angered by this continues on with his trip until he here's the voices of two women crying out for help. He finds them both stuck in a hole and they are gorgeous women dressed in very light clothing due to the heat.
" Please sir! If you help us out we will do *anything* to repay you" one says while showing off her cleavage.
So he tosses them a rope and pulls them out with his camel.
With both of them out they walk up to him and ask " So, what can we do for you?" with a sly smile.
Realizing his chance to release his urges he excitedly ask " Can you two ladies hold down my camel?"

Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others...

HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

Hardware Store

A friend of mine went to the hardware store to pick up a saw. When he found one that he needed he grabbed it from the shelf quickly, knocking a few other saws off the shelf with it. They fell on him and he unfortunately died.

I guess you could say he was taken by supplies.

What do you call a Mexican gang that steals office supplies?

Rubber Banditos

We have collected gags that can be used as Supplies pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Supplies, here are one liners and funny Supplies pick up lines.

Joko Jokes