Supermarket Shopping Jokes
29 supermarket shopping jokes and hilarious supermarket shopping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about supermarket shopping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Supermarket Shopping Short Jokes
Short supermarket shopping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The supermarket shopping humour may include short grocery shopping jokes also.
- I hate shopping. No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!
- Blind guy walks into a supermarket... Starts swinging his dog around his head.
Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"
Blind guy says "just having a look around"
Cr - Shopping for Melons My wife sent me to the supermarket with a grocery list, but when I unfolded and read it, all it said was "melons".
I guess it was the honey dew list. - Just got back from the supermarket, there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
- Shopping with dad... At the supermarket buying milk.
Cashier: "Would you like the milk in a bag?"
Old man: "Nah mate, just leave it in the carton"
Haha, classic dad joke! - I went shopping . . . I went to the supermarket to get some groceries. When I got to the dairy section, they only had one piece of cheese left.
It was provolone. - I was shopping at the supermarket today Sounds like they were performing an exorcism on aisle six.
- I went to the supermarket today and got one of those shopping carts with the spinny wheel. I was forced to shop in circles for hours.
Share These Supermarket Shopping Jokes With Friends
Supermarket Shopping One Liners
Which supermarket shopping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with supermarket shopping? I can suggest the ones about supermarket and local supermarket.
- o**... are like shopping in the supermarket. Most of the time I don't know where to look.
Supermarket Shopping Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about supermarket shopping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean supermarket aisle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make supermarket shopping pranks.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket
The husband picks up a case of Fosters and puts it in their trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $40 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $80 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts:
'So does 24 cans of Fosters, and it's half the price.'
You must be single.
A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cashier responds, "Because you you're ugly AF."
A dinosaur goes to a supermarket
A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks:
'So how are you paying today?'
The dinosaur replies:
'With tyrannosaurus checks.'
A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the local supermarket,
But she was having trouble finding one that was large enough for her family.
She decided to ask the shop assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The shop assistant replied, "No ma'am, they're dead.."
Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.
When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.
Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping? The other woman laughed.
No, the woman answered But I asked my husband if he wanted to help me shop and he said no, I asked him if I could take the car and he replied that as long as I left him the TV, I could take whatever I wanted and get out of the house.
So I turned to the fashion channel and told him he had nothing to worry about.
Prices are going up
Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, They are going to raise the price so, I'm stocking up.
The other woman replied, I'd never go to such extremes to save money. I'm not that tight.
My wife said she had a nightmare last night.
She said, "We were in the supermarket and I was looking through the cans of soup. I turned around and you were n**... behind me having s**... with a t**... p**...!"
"That' so far-fetched," I said. "We never shop together."
I was doing some shopping at the supermarket...
...and had a cart full of groceries and a lovely bouquet of flowers. Coincidentally, my wife walked in just as I was checking out.
She noticed the flowers I was buying and jokingly said "Those had better be for me!"
The teenager at the register turned and said "Even if they weren't, they definitely are now!"
Murphy's Car Is Stolen
Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off. Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked. 'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.
My grandad shared this joke the other day
A man was at the checkout of a supermarket with his shopping on the conveyer belt, the cashier took a look at the man's shopping and then asked the man "you're single aren't you?" The man, astounded replies "yes, you could tell that just from what I'm buying?" To which the cashier replies " No, you're ugly"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful", replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Cheeky
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2%milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce, a two pound can of coffee, and a one pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, " Cause you're ugly."
Single or Married ?
A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a drunk standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
You must be single...
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
Did you guys read the article in the paper about what's been happening at the local supermarket?...
Well, in order to cut costs a week or so ago they bought about ten shiny new robots to go around and collect the shopping carts and trash the customers leave behind in the parking lots, basically replacing some of the jobs human employees get paid to do. The article goes on to talk about how, after a few days, the supermarket owner noticed a lot car accidents occuring in the parking lot which he finally learned was caused by glare from the robots. To solve this issue he decided to paint all of the robots black. The next morning none of the robots showed up for work.
Conveyor Belt
A man was shopping at his local supermarket where he selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
He unloaded his items on the conveyor belt to check out, and the cashier said "You must be single."
The young man was a bit startled by this proclamation,
but he was intrigued by the check-out girl's intuition, since he was indeed single. He looked at his six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about his selections that could have tipped off the cashier.
Curiosity getting the better of him, he said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The cashier replied, "Cause you're ugly."