Silly Superman Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.
He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.
What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?
They both paralyze superman
As she lay there in screaming agony...
As she lay there in screaming agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie...
... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
What's the difference between spider man and superman?
peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)
He already has supervision.
I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.
It was a narrow "S" cape.
So I was at the club
They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)
A democratic senator from Kentucky.
You can explore superman wonderwoman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean superman spiderman dad jokes. There are also superman puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why is Batman so jealous of Superman?
Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2
What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
What do Superman and Bloods have in common?
They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.
What does Superman put in his drink?
Just ice.
What does Jewish Superman say when he takes off ?
Up Up and Oy Vey !
(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)
Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris
Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
Two men are drinking away their sorrows...
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?
He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?
Because not all heroes wear caps.
Crime And Violence
When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.
You know why Superman would be the best candidate for a management position?
Supervision.
Which city is the South African Superman from?
Cape Town
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
What's the one currency superman can't hold?
Kryptocurrency.
Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin?
Because he can't go near crypto@night
(Dark) What's the one thing Superman can't do?
Stay on a horse.
How does Superman get out of risky situations?
He always has an 'S' cape
I invited Superman to a f**... this evening...
But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.
Why is Batman jealous of Superman?
Superman got adopted.
My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.
She said I have too many issues.
Villian: I'm going to bury superman this evening, bwahahahha!
Henchman: yeah, lol, heard this one before.
Villian: No really! At sundown, I'm going to lure him into this mausoleum and lock the door, it's his weakness!
Henchman: What are you talking about, that'll never work!
Villian: Of course it will, it's his crypt tonight.
Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise
Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!
Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?
Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!
Henchman: How does that work?
Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.
Superman got a divorce...
He can only see his kids with super vision now.
BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
Why can't Superman defeat a vampire?
He's in his crypt tonight.
Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?
It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?
Batman Impression
Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."
"Go on then" the second one says.
"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"
The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"
"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."
If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?
Adopted
As she lay there in screaming agony...
her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
Why can't Superman beat Dracula?
Because he can't go to the Krypt Tonight.
Dad to his son: Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!
Son: Go on, then.
Dad growls: NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!
Son: Dad, that's Superman!
Dad: Thanks, I've been practicing a lot.
Two guys walk into a bar,
One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."
So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concrete.
Then the bartender says,"Your a real a**... when your drunk Superman."
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
Superman is so incompetent...
He can't do anything without supervision.
Superman can fly.
But Clark Kent
Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments
Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.
Do you want to hear my Batman impression?
- Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot
I once had a fight with Superman
We decided the loser has to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.
The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.
The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.
Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.
What type of currency will Superman never accept?
Krypto-currency
Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..
because Elon loves his Crypto.
Why did Superman slowly go insane?
Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way
A guy in a tall building walks into a bar and sees a drunk man.
The drunk man comes to the balcony and jumps off. A few moments later, the man comes back, perfectly fine.
Later, the man gets drunk and jumps off again. He comes back again perfectly fine.
The guy watching asks "Wow, how did you do that?"
The man responds "Anything can happen when you drink enough."
Later, the guy gets drunk, jumps off, and falls to his death.
The man comes back and says "Why didn't he survive?"
The bartender responds "Oh come on, Superman. You're an absolute d**... when you're drunk."
Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight
The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside
Knowledge is like underwear, you need to have it but you don't need to show it
but people always want to be the superman
Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest
Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:
Neil before Zod.
Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight
The loser had to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life
Which currency is Superman afraid of ?
Krypto currency
Superman once went to a party.
Some people wore bitcoin suits, other dogecoin. Superman was upset, no one told him it was a crypto night.
What's the difference between the Bloods and Superman?
One gets killed by Kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight
Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?
The Bi-frost.
My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.
Superman is flying around the city when he sees Wonder Woman lying n**... and spread eagle atop a skyscraper
He thinks to himself I can fly over there, have super sonic fast s**... with her, and fly away before she even notices…
He zips over, pumps away with a speed that induces time dilation in his nether region, and flies away before Wonder Woman can tell what happened.
Startled, Wonder Woman exclaims, What the h**... was that???
The Invisible Man replies, I have no idea but my a**... hurts like h**...!
Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman?
The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside
When people see Superman flying they always ask "Is it a bird? Is it a plane?" Why can't they recognise him?
>! Because he's in d' skies !<
Superman went to a Halloween party
Someone was dressed as a Bitcoin.
Someone dressed as a Dogecoin.
Someone else dressed asEthereum.
Superman was p**....
He didn't realize it was gonna be a Crypto night.
Chuck Norris challenged Superman to a manliness competition
Whoever lost had to wear underwear over their pants.
An airplane joke
The pilot comes on the speaker
Pilot: "Now that we are in the air I figured I'd lighten it up with a joke. Knock knock"
Passengers "Whose there?"
Pilot: "Superman"
Passengers: "Superman who?"
Pilot: "You're at forty thousand feet, it's either me, or a really unlucky baggage handler, now open up"
Why can people never tell who Superman really is?
Considering they always mistake him for a bird or a plane, it's a miracle they see him at all
