Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Superman puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
"Your parents when you move out."
Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
A democratic senator from Kentucky.
Because not all heroes wear caps.
He already has supervision.
He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.
It was a narrow "S" cape.
On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an empty bottle of whiskey, a knife and a gun. When he landed there were 20 enemy guards waiting for him. He killed fifteen men with the gun. Until it ran out of bullets. Killed 3 guys with his knife until the blade broke off, then killed the last 2 with his bare hands. Then the teacher reply's that was a very violent story and what was the morale?
Stay away from grandpa when he's drunk.
Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."
"Go on then" the second one says.
"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"
The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"
"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."
He was asking me all sorts of questions about the movie such as "Who's this character?" And "What about that character?". I explained the heroes as best I could. He finally asks me "Where's Superman?" So I try to explain that too. "Superman's owned by a different company, he's owned by DC, and these heroes in this movie are Marvel characters." He replies "What? The whole world is falling apart in this movie, but Superman can't get out of his contract to help?!"
her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
Just ice.
They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
Cape Town
Superman got adopted.
It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?
Kryptocurrency.
Supervision.
He can only see his kids with super vision now.
When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.
They both paralyze superman
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!
Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?
Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!
Henchman: How does that work?
Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
He always has an 'S' cape
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
Adopted
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
Henchman: yeah, lol, heard this one before.
Villian: No really! At sundown, I'm going to lure him into this mausoleum and lock the door, it's his weakness!
Henchman: What are you talking about, that'll never work!
Villian: Of course it will, it's his crypt tonight.
She said I have too many issues.
He's in his crypt tonight.
But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.
peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
Stay on a horse.
Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2
Sounds pretty far fetched.
Up Up and Oy Vey !
(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)
After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.
—Credit goes to cartoonist Zach Weinersmith
...just his league
As she lay there in screaming agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.
Because he can throw everyone *really* far.
Cause he doesn't wanna crip-tonight
*"tongue click"* Kent
Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"
"Go on then"
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman"
"Thanks, I've been practicing."
Because it's sized "S"
Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
(Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.)
Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
He had no supervision.
Adult supervision was required
Because he was in a wheelchair.
BDSM must really turn him on.
No hero
On the Lois Lane.
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest to find the most beautiful woman in the world.."
"I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
" First Place ," said Snow White
They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest to find the strongest man in the world.."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
"How did you make out?""
First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt it?"
They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes...
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the f--k is Chris Cairns?" asked Pinocchio.
Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building naked moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."
Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."
Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"
I'm going to be an Emcee at a superhero themed event and some jokes would be great. The sexual assault superman one just won't fly. Many people there aren't really into super heros but some (very few) are.
My favorite so far is...
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up....they would be alloys.
Umm. The cameraman?...
There was a bar on the 42nd floor of the hotel. A dude drinks some whiskey . Then he says watch this. To a dude. He jumps out a window and right before he hits the ground he softly lands and comes back up to the bar. Puzzled, the dude asks how did you do that? The man says just drink some whiskey. The dude has some whiskey and jumps out the window and lands with a SPLAT!!! The bartender says Superman, your such a bad person when you are drunk.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.