Superman Jokes
125 superman jokes and hilarious superman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about superman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of hilarious Superman jokes, featuring gags about his sexuality, his rivalry with Batman, and his iconic black and red suit. Read jokes about Superman's batcave, Daredevil, and Wonderwoman, and get ready for a good laugh.
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Funniest Superman Short Jokes
Short superman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The superman humour may include short superhero jokes also.
- What does Superman and a blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Superman once went to a party. Some people wore bitcoin suits, other dogecoin. Superman was upset, no one told him it was a crypto night.
- You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky.
- I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size. It was a narrow "S" cape.
- So I was at the club They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on eileen, and I got kicked out of the club. - Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
- Knowledge is like underwear, you need to have it but you don't need to show it but people always want to be the superman
- Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman? It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?
- As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you... The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
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Superman One Liners
Which superman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with superman? I can suggest the ones about batman and man of steel.
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- Why doesn't Superman need a boss? He already has supervision.
- What money do they use on Superman's homeworld? Kryptocurrency
- What do Superman and Bloods have in common? They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.
- Which currency is Superman afraid of ? Krypto currency
- What does Superman put in his drink? Just ice.
- Which city is the South African Superman from? Cape Town
- Why is Batman jealous of Superman? Superman got adopted.
- Superman can fly. But Clark Kent
- You know why Superman would be the best candidate for a management position? Supervision.
- What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman
- Superman got a divorce... He can only see his kids with super vision now.
- Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin? Because he can't go near crypto@night
- How does Superman get out of risky situations? He always has an 'S' cape
- Have you ever heard of Supermans powerless cousin? Norm-El
Superman Batman Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman batman jokes and even better superman batman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be? Adopted
- Why is Batman so jealous of Superman? Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2
- Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
- Batman impressionist Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"
"Go on then"
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman"
"Thanks, I've been practicing." - Batman has the Batcave. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. What is Wonder Woman's base called? The Kitchen.
- What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers? They were both Martha Fockers
- I hear there's a pre-credit stinger in Batman v. Superman But it's not worth sticking around for.
- What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race? A Marthaon
- Joe is getting ready his Batman impression... So he decides to show his friend Bob. "Hey Bob, wanna see a Batman impression?"
"Okay."
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman."
"Thanks Bob!" - Ben Affleck being Batman won't ruin Batman v. Superman. (It'll be Zack Synder's fault.)
Batman Superman Jokes
Here is a list of funny batman superman jokes and even better batman superman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After watching superman vs batman trailer, my expectation during exam time. Professor : Tell me...do you read ?
Me : No
Professor : You will - Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris - What sport can Batman best Superman in? Polo
- Why would Batman always beat Superman? because, being rich, Bruce Wayne can ride a horse properly.
- What do you call a fusion between Batman and Superman? The krypton-knight.
- "Do you bleed...?" Batman:Do you bleed?
Superman:No,but your parents did. - Who would win? Who would win in a fight superman or batman?
-Chuck Norris of Course!
Superman Black Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman black jokes and even better superman black puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call Black Superman? Man of Steal.
- What do you call Black Superman? Kunta Kent
Superman Gay Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman gay jokes and even better superman gay puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use? The Bi-frost.
My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.
Silly Superman Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about superman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spider man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make superman pranks.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Soup.
Soup who?
Superman!
Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.
He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As she lay there in screaming agony...
As she lay there in screaming agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you guys have any clean ish Super Hero jokes?
I'm going to be an Emcee at a superhero themed event and some jokes would be great. The s**... assault superman one just won't fly. Many people there aren't really into super heros but some (very few) are.
My favorite so far is...
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up....they would be alloys.
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
What's the difference between spider man and superman?
peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
You know how when you're a kid you think your dad is Superman..
Then you grow up and realize that he's just a drunk with a cape.
Why did superman join the bloods?
Cause he doesn't wanna crip-tonight
Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana?
Because he was in a wheelchair.
what would you call superman if he was deaf and mexican?
No hero
What does Jewish Superman say when he takes off ?
Up Up and Oy Vey !
(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wonder Woman
Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building n**... moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."
Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."
Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are drinking away their sorrows...
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?
He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
Crime And Violence
When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.
I was throwing a ball with my dog when Superman came around and threw it.
Sounds pretty far fetched.
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled...
Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.
How do you reveal Supermans identity?
You Kent
what is superman's favorite payment method?
kryptocurrency
(Dark) What's the one thing Superman can't do?
Stay on a horse.
Why is Superman so trusting?
Because he can throw everyone *really* far.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I invited Superman to a f**... this evening...
But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.
Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls?
He had no supervision.
My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.
She said I have too many issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
Where does Superman ride?
On the Lois Lane.
When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.
He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.
I just googled "Superman football stats," and it didn't have his FA cup stats...
...just his league
Who is faster? Superman or the flash?
Umm. The cameraman?...
Just a hotel bar...
There was a bar on the 42nd floor of the hotel. A dude drinks some whiskey . Then he says watch this. To a dude. He jumps out a window and right before he hits the ground he softly lands and comes back up to the bar. Puzzled, the dude asks how did you do that? The man says just drink some whiskey. The dude has some whiskey and jumps out the window and lands with a SPLAT!!! The bartender says Superman, your such a bad person when you are drunk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say that whenever Superman hears a woman's high-pitched cry for help, he immediately comes.
b**... must really turn him on.
A wave of crime is sweeping Metropolis. Superman is helpless to stop the instigator, a code-breaking enthusiast dressed in full plate armour.
Can no one save us from the Crypto-Knight?
Why couldn't Superman find the local playground as a kid?
Adult supervision was required
Do you know what the African Superman is called?
*"tongue click"* Kent
Why does superman wear tight shirt?
Because it's sized "S"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As she lay there in screaming agony...
her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
Why is Superman so nice?
Because he was created by a Canadian.
Why can't Superman beat Dracula?
Because he can't go to the Krypt Tonight.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys walk into a bar,
One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."
So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concrete.
Then the bartender says,"Your a real a**... when your drunk Superman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
I once had a fight with Superman
We decided the loser has to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.
The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.
The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.
Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.
Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..
because Elon loves his Crypto.
Why did Superman slowly go insane?
Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way
Where will they bury Superman?
Crypt O' night
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy in a tall building walks into a bar and sees a drunk man.
The drunk man comes to the balcony and jumps off. A few moments later, the man comes back, perfectly fine.
Later, the man gets drunk and jumps off again. He comes back again perfectly fine.
The guy watching asks "Wow, how did you do that?"
The man responds "Anything can happen when you drink enough."
Later, the guy gets drunk, jumps off, and falls to his death.
The man comes back and says "Why didn't he survive?"
The bartender responds "Oh come on, Superman. You're an absolute d**... when you're drunk."
After many years of fighting crime as batman
Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.
Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest
Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:
Neil before Zod.
Superman has to make a doctor appointment...
The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.
"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."
Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowers his gaze and sighs..
"Doc, this is a little embarrassing but it burns when I see..."
Why is Superman avoiding the hood?
>!He can be killed by a Crip tonight!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Superman is flying around the city when he sees Wonder Woman lying n**... and spread eagle atop a skyscraper
He thinks to himself I can fly over there, have super sonic fast s**... with her, and fly away before she even notices…
He zips over, pumps away with a speed that induces time dilation in his nether region, and flies away before Wonder Woman can tell what happened.
Startled, Wonder Woman exclaims, What the h**... was that???
The Invisible Man replies, I have no idea but my a**... hurts like h**...!
