superman Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious superman puns

My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.

He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.


What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...


Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."


My "go-to" joke in middle school. Mildly NSFW

Superman was flying around the city and was super horny. He spotted Wonder Woman lying on top of a building naked, with her legs spread. He figured he could fly down there, fuck her super fast, and be outta there before she even knew what happened. So Superman flew down at incredible speed, hit it hard and fast, and flew back out again.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman said.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man. "But my ass sure hurts!"


Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.


Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was that?"

And the Invisible Man says, "I don't know . . . but my ass hurts like hell."


A buddy said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! -

I said, That's Superman.

He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.


[NSFW] Wonder Woman is laying naked, face down, on a rooftop...

...when Superman flies by and sees her. Her naked body has him feeling all types of ways, so he starts to think, "You know, I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there before she even realizes what happened."

So, Superman flies in, does his business and takes off.

Wonder Woman says, "What was that?" The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my fucking ass is killing me."


You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.


Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.


Superman is flying idly around, when he spots Wonder Woman naked, spread-eagled on a beach.

He thinks to himself, "I bet I could use my superhuman speed to have intercourse with her and fly away, without her even realizing what happened."

So he does.

A few seconds later, Wonder Woman says, "What in the HELL was THAT?"

The Invisible Man replies, "I have no idea, but my ass feels really sore."


Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?
What the fuck were they so excited about?


Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)

He already has supervision.


What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.


Superman was flying above Metropolis

When he saw Wonder Woman sunbathing on the roof of the Justice League, totally naked. Superman thinks to himself, 'Hey, I'm Superman, I could fly down there really fast and fuck Wonder Woman, and she'd never know.' So Superman flies down and fucks Wonder Woman so fast she doesn't even see him. When he's done, Wonder Woman sits up and says "What the fuck was that?", To which the Invisible Man replies, "I dunno, but my asshole is killing me."


Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies "I don't know but my ass really hurts."


Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel that strong gust of wind just now?

Invisible Man: Yeah, and on top of that my ass is killing me.


What do Superman and Bloods have in common?

They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.


I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.

It was a narrow "S" cape.


Superman gets some

One fine day, Superman went to visit his good friend Wonder Woman.

As he approached her front door, he heard some moaning sounds coming from an open window.

Curious, he went to the window and peered inside.

The sight he saw was shocking.

Wonder Woman was naked on her bed. Her legs were spread wide open, her arms were at her side, her eyes were closed, and she was moaning like she was having sex.

Superman figured that she must be asleep and having an erotic dream.

Becoming super horny, Superman was unable to control himself.

He flew through the open window, landed on top of Wonder Woman, fucked her, and flew back out the window, all faster than a speeding bullet.

Wonder Woman opened her eyes wide and exclaimed "What the fuck was that!!!"

And the Invisible Man gasped "I don't know, but all of a sudden my asshole is killing me!!


Three men are at a bar drinking

The first man says I bet you two I can jump off a building and land without a scratch on me!

The second man says You're on!

The three men leave the bar and climb to the top of a tall building. The first man says watch this! And jumps off the building.

A few minutes later he comes right back to the top and says I told you so . The second man can't believe it and so asks the first man to demonstrate again. So he does with the same result.

The second man says okay my turn! and jumps off the building.

The third man turns to the first and says Superman you're an ass when you get drunk


Wonder Woman

Superman and Flash are on the roof of a tall building, and they see Wonder Woman, naked, with her legs wide open, on the roof of the building next door.

Flash says to Superman, "I bet I could run over to her, have sex with her, and run off before she notices me." Superman agrees, and Flash runs over, has rough and fast sex with her, and runs off.

Wonder Woman feels a breeze and goes, "What the hell was that?" and the Invisible Man goes, "I don't know, but damn does my ass hurt."


Superman Sex

Wonder Woman is laying in her bed naked in her apartment. Superman is flying by and he is using his x-ray vision to see if any crime is going on. He then happens to come across Wonder Woman's place and sees her there naked and she seems to be having an orgasm.

Superman then wonders to himself, "I'm really fast, maybe I could fly in there, hit that, fly out, and she'll never Know". So he does, he flies down, gets it in, and flies quickly out to continue his day.

Wonder Woman then says, "Oh my god, what happened, what was that?"

The Invisible man replies, "I don't know, but my ass sure does hurt."


Superman & Wonder Woman

One day Superman is flying through Metroplis and catches a glimpse of Wonder Woman through an open window. She's naked, writhing in bed, and he can't help but stop and stare.

Before long, he succumbs to temptation and flies through the window, has sex with her at superspeed, and disappears back out the window before anyone can even realize he was there.
The curtains fluttering in the wind, Wonder Woman bolts upright and screams, "What the hell was that?!"

The Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but my ass is killing me."


Wonder woman

Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."


Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman rather than a hand. So he speeds into Wonder Woman's room, gives a handful of pumps, and flies out before Wonder Woman is the wiser. Or so he thinks.

Wonder Woman asks loudly--"Did you feel that gust of wind?"

Invisible Man says, "Yeah, it made my ass hurt and my legs are soaked."


Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an empty bottle of whiskey, a knife and a gun. When he landed there were 20 enemy guards waiting for him. He killed fifteen men with the gun. Until it ran out of bullets. Killed 3 guys with his knife until the blade broke off, then killed the last 2 with his bare hands. Then the teacher reply's that was a very violent story and what was the morale?

Stay away from grandpa when he's drunk.


Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatever Batman, I'll find something to do", and he flies off

He heads over to Spiderman's place. "Hey Spidey, want to hang out, I have the day off". "Sorry Superman, I have to save Maryjane from a burning building.". Superman bluntly replies, "Fuck you Spiderman, I have more important shit to do anyway."

Superman then decides to fly over a nude beach to kill time. While enjoying the scenery he notices Wonder Woman is sun-bathing naked, on her back, legs open. Seizing the opportunity, Superman flies down, fucks her, and hops back up exclaiming "Thanks Wonder Woman, that's exactly what I needed on my day off!", and flies off into the distance.

A little dazed and confused Wonder Woman raises her head and says, "What the hell was that?"

The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my ass is killing me"


Superman is flying over the city...

...when he looks down and sees Wonder Woman sunbathing naked and spreadeagled on top of a building. Superman thinks to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could zoom down, do the business, fly off and she wouldn't know a thing about it.


So he zooms down, gets down to it and then flies off into the sunset all in the blink of an eye.


"What the fuck was that?" says Wonder Woman.
"I don't know" says The Invisible Man, "but it bloody hurt."


I was watching The Avengers with my grandpa.

He was asking me all sorts of questions about the movie such as "Who's this character?" And "What about that character?". I explained the heroes as best I could. He finally asks me "Where's Superman?" So I try to explain that too. "Superman's owned by a different company, he's owned by DC, and these heroes in this movie are Marvel characters." He replies "What? The whole world is falling apart in this movie, but Superman can't get out of his contract to help?!"


Wonder Woman is a hottie...

One day superman was flying around a city high in the sky. He glances down to see Wonder Woman laying on top of a building. On closer inspection he realized that she is butt naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman thinks to himself "you know, I am faster than a speeding bullet, I bet I could go down there and fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he does it. Right after, Wonder Woman says "what the fuck was that?" The Invisible man on top of her says "I don't know, but jesus my asshole hurts."


Banned from telling this joke at the christmas table.

Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell.
He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building.
Superman thinks, "This is my chance!" He swoops down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says,"What the hell was that!?"
The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, "I have no idea but my ass hurts like hell!"


Superman and Batman meet up on the rooftops,

and Batman notices Superman looks a little banged up. "What happened to you Superman?", asks Batman. Superman says, "You won't believe this shit Bats. I'm flying along right, and I see Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the roof of this building spread eagle!" "Wow," says Batman with a grin. "So," Superman goes on, "I figure I can swoop down, get in a few pumps at super speed, and be gone before she can do anything." "Damn," says Batman, "she must have gotten pissed. You look like hell." "She wasn't that angry," says Superman, "and if you think I look bad, I can only imagine what the Invisible Man's asshole looks like."


What does Superman put in his drink?

Just ice.


So I was at the club

They played crank that, and I did the Superman.

They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.

They played Come on Eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.


What are the most funny Superman jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Superman? Well, here are the best Superman dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Superman pick up lines to share with friends.

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