Superman Jokes
139 superman jokes and hilarious superman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about superman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of hilarious Superman jokes, featuring gags about his sexuality, his rivalry with Batman, and his iconic black and red suit. Read jokes about Superman's batcave, Daredevil, and Wonderwoman, and get ready for a good laugh.
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Funniest Superman Short Jokes
Short superman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The superman humour may include short superhero jokes also.
- What does Superman and a blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Superman once went to a party. Some people wore bitcoin suits, other dogecoin. Superman was upset, no one told him it was a crypto night.
- You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky.
- What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman? He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
- 'Wanna hear my Batman impression?" 'Sure.'
'Oh no! Kryptonite!'
'That's Superman.'
'Thanks man. I've been practicing.' - I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size. It was a narrow "S" cape.
- Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman? The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside
- Do you want to hear my Batman impression? - Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot - As she lay there in screaming agony... her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
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Superman One Liners
Which superman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with superman? I can suggest the ones about batman and man of steel.
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC) He already has supervision.
- What money do they use on Superman's homeworld? Kryptocurrency
- What do Superman and Bloods have in common? They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.
- Which currency is Superman afraid of ? Krypto currency
- What type of currency will Superman never accept? Krypto-currency
- What does Superman put in his drink? Just ice.
- Which city is the South African Superman from? Cape Town
- Why is Batman jealous of Superman? Superman got adopted.
- Superman can fly. But Clark Kent
- What's the one currency superman can't hold? Kryptocurrency.
- You know why Superman would be the best candidate for a management position? Supervision.
- What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman
- Superman got a divorce... He can only see his kids with super vision now.
- What was the money called on Superman's home planet? Kryptoncurrency
Superman Batman Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman batman jokes and even better superman batman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman? It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?
- If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be? Adopted
- Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.
- Why is Batman so jealous of Superman? Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2
- Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
- Batman impressionist Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"
"Go on then"
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman"
"Thanks, I've been practicing." - Batman has the Batcave. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. What is Wonder Woman's base called? The Kitchen.
- What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers? They were both Martha Fockers
- I hear there's a pre-credit stinger in Batman v. Superman But it's not worth sticking around for.
- What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race? A Marthaon
Batman And Superman Jokes
Here is a list of funny batman and superman jokes and even better batman and superman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Joe is getting ready his Batman impression... So he decides to show his friend Bob. "Hey Bob, wanna see a Batman impression?"
"Okay."
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman."
"Thanks Bob!" - Ben Affleck being Batman won't ruin Batman v. Superman. (It'll be Zack Synder's fault.)
- After watching superman vs batman trailer, my expectation during exam time. Professor : Tell me...do you read ?
Me : No
Professor : You will - Batman impersonation Me: Do you want to here my impersonation?
Friend: sure
Me: AHHH please no more kryptonite please!
Friend: That superman.
Me: Thanks I have been practicing. - Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris - What sport can Batman best Superman in? Polo
- Why would Batman always beat Superman? because, being rich, Bruce Wayne can ride a horse properly.
- What do you call a fusion between Batman and Superman? The krypton-knight.
- "Do you bleed...?" Batman:Do you bleed?
Superman:No,but your parents did. - Who would win? Who would win in a fight superman or batman?
-Chuck Norris of Course!
Batman Superman Jokes
Here is a list of funny batman superman jokes and even better batman superman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- **Infinity War spoiler** Superman kills Batman while Green Lantern looks on…
- What do Superman, Batman, and Spiderman have in common? They all have to get n**... to take a dump.
- Superman graffitis a wall: "Batman is a m**..." Batman writes under that, "Superman is Clark Kent".
Superman Underwear Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman underwear jokes and even better superman underwear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Knowledge is like underwear, you need to have it but you don't need to show it but people always want to be the superman
- Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight The loser had to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life
- Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
- Chuck Norris challenged Superman to a manliness competition Whoever lost had to wear underwear over their pants.
- I once had a fight with Superman We decided the loser has to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.
- Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled... Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.
- I challenged Superman to a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
- Chuck Norris and Superman Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
(Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.) - Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear. - [FIGHT] Chuck Norris VS Superman. Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.
Superman Gay Jokes
Here is a list of funny superman gay jokes and even better superman gay puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use? The Bi-frost.
My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.
Silly Superman Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about superman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spider man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make superman pranks.
My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.
He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.
As she lay there in screaming agony...
As she lay there in screaming agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.
As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie...
... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
What's the difference between spider man and superman?
peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.
Why did superman join the bloods?
Cause he doesn't wanna crip-tonight
So I was at the club
They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on eileen, and I got kicked out of the club.
What does Jewish Superman say when he takes off ?
Up Up and Oy Vey !
(For some reason this is just fun to say out loud)
Two men are drinking away their sorrows...
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
Crime And Violence
When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.
I was throwing a ball with my dog when Superman came around and threw it.
Sounds pretty far fetched.
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
How do you reveal Supermans identity?
You Kent
Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin?
Because he can't go near crypto@night
(Dark) What's the one thing Superman can't do?
Stay on a horse.
How does Superman get out of risky situations?
He always has an 'S' cape
Why is Superman so trusting?
Because he can throw everyone *really* far.
I invited Superman to a f**... this evening...
But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.
My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.
She said I have too many issues.
Villian: I'm going to bury superman this evening, bwahahahha!
Henchman: yeah, lol, heard this one before.
Villian: No really! At sundown, I'm going to lure him into this mausoleum and lock the door, it's his weakness!
Henchman: What are you talking about, that'll never work!
Villian: Of course it will, it's his crypt tonight.
Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise
Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!
Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?
Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!
Henchman: How does that work?
Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.
BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
Why can't Superman defeat a vampire?
He's in his crypt tonight.
I just googled "Superman football stats," and it didn't have his FA cup stats...
...just his league
Do you know what the African Superman is called?
*"tongue click"* Kent
Why does superman wear tight shirt?
Because it's sized "S"
Batman Impression
Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."
"Go on then" the second one says.
"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"
The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"
"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! and I said, That's Superman…
Thanks, man, he replied, I've been practising it a lot.
Why can't Superman beat Dracula?
Because he can't go to the Krypt Tonight.
Dad to his son: Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!
Son: Go on, then.
Dad growls: NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!
Son: Dad, that's Superman!
Dad: Thanks, I've been practicing a lot.
Two guys walk into a bar,
One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."
So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concrete.
Then the bartender says,"Your a real a**... when your drunk Superman."
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
Superman is so incompetent...
He can't do anything without supervision.
Have you ever heard of Supermans powerless cousin?
Norm-El
The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.
The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.
Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.
Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..
because Elon loves his Crypto.
Why did Superman slowly go insane?
Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way
A guy in a tall building walks into a bar and sees a drunk man.
The drunk man comes to the balcony and jumps off. A few moments later, the man comes back, perfectly fine.
Later, the man gets drunk and jumps off again. He comes back again perfectly fine.
The guy watching asks "Wow, how did you do that?"
The man responds "Anything can happen when you drink enough."
Later, the guy gets drunk, jumps off, and falls to his death.
The man comes back and says "Why didn't he survive?"
The bartender responds "Oh come on, Superman. You're an absolute d**... when you're drunk."
After many years of fighting crime as batman
Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight
The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside
The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:
Neil before Zod.
Superman has to make a doctor appointment...
The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.
"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."
Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowers his gaze and sighs..
"Doc, this is a little embarrassing but it burns when I see..."
Why is Superman avoiding the hood?
>!He can be killed by a Crip tonight!<
What's the difference between the Bloods and Superman?
One gets killed by Kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight
Superman is flying around the city when he sees Wonder Woman lying n**... and spread eagle atop a skyscraper
He thinks to himself I can fly over there, have super sonic fast s**... with her, and fly away before she even notices…
He zips over, pumps away with a speed that induces time dilation in his nether region, and flies away before Wonder Woman can tell what happened.
Startled, Wonder Woman exclaims, What the h**... was that???
The Invisible Man replies, I have no idea but my a**... hurts like h**...!
When people see Superman flying they always ask "Is it a bird? Is it a plane?" Why can't they recognise him?
>! Because he's in d' skies !<
