The Best 28 Superman Batman Jokes

My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.

He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

'Sure.'

'Oh no! Kryptonite!'

'That's Superman.'

'Thanks man. I've been practicing.'

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.

Do you want to hear my Batman impression?

- Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

Dad to his son: Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!

Son: Go on, then.

Dad growls: NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!

Son: Dad, that's Superman!

Dad: Thanks, I've been practicing a lot.

Why is Batman jealous of Superman?

Superman got adopted.

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! and I said, That's Superman…

Thanks, man, he replied, I've been practising it a lot.

Why is Batman so jealous of Superman?

Because he has 3 dead parents and Bruce only has 2

Batman impressionist

Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"

"Go on then"

"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"

"That's Superman"

"Thanks, I've been practicing."

Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive"

Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"

Wonder Woman

Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building naked moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."

Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."

Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"

**Infinity War spoiler**

Superman kills Batman while Green Lantern looks on…

Batman has the Batcave. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. What is Wonder Woman's base called?

The Kitchen.

What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers?

They were both Martha Fockers

I hear there's a pre-credit stinger in Batman v. Superman

But it's not worth sticking around for.

What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race?

A Marthaon

What do Superman, Batman, and Spiderman have in common?

They all have to get naked to take a dump.

Joe is getting ready his Batman impression...

So he decides to show his friend Bob. "Hey Bob, wanna see a Batman impression?"

"Okay."

"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"

"That's Superman."

"Thanks Bob!"

Ben Affleck being Batman won't ruin Batman v. Superman.

(It'll be Zack Synder's fault.)

After watching superman vs batman trailer, my expectation during exam time.

Professor : Tell me...do you read ?

Me : No

Professor : You will

Batman impersonation

Me: Do you want to here my impersonation?
Friend: sure
Me: AHHH please no more kryptonite please!
Friend: That superman.
Me: Thanks I have been practicing.

Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?

A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris