Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the funeral."
*Super Bowl LI
The Dallas Cowboys
If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.
The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the strip club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'
He turns off his Xbox, and goes to bed.
Man, that Ertz...
...he said bowling is not so big in Europe.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
The Eagles have won a Grammy.
I'm just here so I won't get find.
He turns off his xbox.
But he's in the last row. He decides to move down and find an empty seat. Of course there's none, but finally spots a great seat next to an older gentleman. "Hey anyone sitting there?" "No, go ahead." so he sits down. "Great seats here, strange to find one empty." "Well, that would have been my wife's. We've been to all 49 Superbowls, but she passed away." "I'm sorry to hear that. Couldn't you find any friends or family to come?" "No, they're all at the funeral."
Kylie Jenner should hand out some Pepsi to calm things down.
"No thanks, we'll pass"
She brought a spoon to the superbowl.
*Queue dark, stormy night*
"There comes a time when we must all step up for equality"
*Flash of civil rights marches, gay pride parades and protests in the middle east*
"A time when we cannot accept bigotry and hatred"
*Rain pours on multi-ethnic protesters linked arm in arm*
"A time to proclaim that an era of love and understanding is here"
*People celebrating good news outside the Supreme Court*
"Arm and Hammer Baking Soda, the choice of a new tomorrow"
Russell "Nah, I'll pass"
Hopefully it's an apology.
He shrugged and said "My parents don't care about football so neither do I."
I told him that's terrible reasoning and said "Well, what if your parents were morons?"
"Oh, then I'd be a football fan."
He can't finish a drive
(Yeah, late superbowl joke. I sowwie)
Turn of his xbox and go to bed.
More than just the commercials would be Tide.
I've seen stranger things.
He told the quarterback to do 20 hail Marys.
The Atlanta Falcons would also like to replay the 4th Quarter of the Superbowl
but we can't forget the fact that the Falcons still blew a 25 point lead during the superbowl
from the fact that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead.
"That's also what I need to do; get away from the sack."
Boom.
He dropped the ball.
But I never expected it to repeat itself so soon, let alone at the superbowl! I haven't seen a lead blown so bad since Hillary's 2016 Campaign!
There are kids that are young enough that haven't seen their last superbowl victory!
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